80s Quotes Part 2
Joel Stein: The Beastie Boys were totally real. They're just representin' for us Jews.
Stephan Jenkins: The thing about ["Patience"] is 'how long can Axl Rose get away with whistling?'
Juliette Lewis: Richard [Marx], if you're trying to think you didn't have a mullet, you did.
Donal Logue: (mocking Field of Dreams) If you touch me, I will come.
Kate Pierson: I knew people who had the clap, but not The Clapper.
Hal Sparks: When I bite into a Peppermint Pattie I get the sensation... I'm eating Charlie Brown's girlfriend.
Announcer: How about we drive Miss Daisy into oncoming traffic?
[Discussing When Harry Met Sally]
Rachael Harris: I think this is the movie that made Billy Crystal sexy.
[One of the cameramen makes a face and Rachael laughs]
Rachael Harris: Look. He's like, "Fuck, no! Noooo!"
Michael Ian Black: The Pepsi Challenge was NEVER about pressure, just getting it right.
Michael Ian Black: I'm not going to tell you that I became a performer because of the movie Fame, because that would be gay. But I'm not not going to tell you that.
Greg Fitzsimmons: The moral to Little Darlings is: whether your intention is to make a movie teenage boys will masturbate to or not, they're gonna.
Modern Humorist: Erin Gray, if you're out there, call me. And bring the outfits.
Dan Frischman: (on Froot Roll-Ups) It's harder to open up than a condom at prom night.
Jorge Garcia: (on AC/DC) Music that made you want to drive fast and punch people.
Rachael Harris: (on Post-It notes) It's the greatest invention ever. Ever
Hal Sparks: (on Fashion Plates) "Oh, look, I'm drawing." No, actually you're doing a charcoal relief. It's not the same thing.
Jennifer Irwin: (on Little Darlings) They should've gone with the original title, which was Statutory Rape.
Hal Sparks: The first time I heard "Sailing," I thought, 'When did Kermit get his own solo album?'
Rachel Quaintance: (on minority Barbies) Why should white girls just have issues about their bodies? Shouldn't black women and Hispanic women feel they're not good enough, too?
Bil Dwyer: (on Circus of the Stars) You know what I'd like to see? Dana Plato on a tightrope. Talk about foreshadowing
Dee Snider: The only thing I know about Juice Newton is she had big teeth and a big rack.
David Naughton: (on An American Werewolf in London) I was really, really naked, and it was really not a lot of fun.
Michael Ian Black: (on Penny Racers) They were boring toys, but they were excellent choking hazards, and that's fun.
Chris Jericho: (on Escape from New York) I loved that movie so much, I tried to poke my own eye out.
Bil Dwyer: (on Chariots of Fire) Maybe if there had been actual chariots or fire, that movie would've been interesting.
Elon Gold: (on EPCOT) Who needs Europe anymore? It's right there on one street.
Mo Rocca: Before the VCR, families had to go out to a theater to watch porn, but now they could watch it at home, together.
Hal Sparks: The best part of the invention of BMX was watching your dumb-ass friends go, "watch what I can jump," and then just one-wheel nailing it into a wall.
Michael Ian Black: (on Quest for Fire) I was really looking at it from an anthropological point of view instead of looking at Rae Dawn Chong's ta-tas.
Rachael Harris: (on VCRs) And that light! That fucking light was always blinking. 12:00. 12:00…
Chris Jericho: Jack Palance was the host of Ripley's Believe It or Not, and he scared you into watching it.
Willie Garson: That is why I wanted to be an actor. So I could be on The $25,000 Pyramid.
Michael Ian Black: I remember going to see Terms of Endearment with my best friend, Bradley. We were 12, going to see Terms of Endearment at the theater next to the Food Town, at, like, 3:00 in the afternoon. We were the gayest little boys ever.
Mo Rocca: (on Jaws III) Without 3D, you would not have been able to appreciate the size and the contours of Lea Thompson's breasts.
Lea Thompson: Don't put that in!
Joel Stein: (on 3D movies) If porn isn't pushing a technology, it's a bad technology.
Jason George: Jheri curl is basically a way of telling Mother Nature, "Screw off!"
French Stewart: "Star Wars" was a missile defense program that was going to cost eleventy jillion jillion billion thousand gazillion dollars.
Modern Humorist: No matter where Mr. T shows up, there are always fools who need to be pitied
Mo Rocca: Reading Rainbow taught kids that the only way to read is by watching TV, because it's just not as good in book form.
Bil Dwyer: (on Truly Tasteles Jokes) Just because a joke involves an amputee being lit on fire, doesn't mean it should be published.
Hal Sparks: Mousse and bangs. No, it was not a cop show; it was a horrible hair choice.
Mo Rocca: Dr. Ruth was the perfect height to actually interview a penis.
Chris Booker: Dr. Ruth made it okay to say the word 'penis.'
Hal Sparks: (on Snorks) They should've just called them The Bongheads and gotten it over with.
Lea Thompson: (on Red Dawn) We all had AK-47s. With blanks in them. I think. Charlie Sheen, Patrick Swayze, myself, and Jennifer Grey: we tore that town apart.
Michael Ian Black: (on Amadeus' Salieri) He had kind of an 'Edward James Olmos-thing' going on, and by that I mean cystic acne, but that's okay.
Hal Sparks: (on Amadeus) This movie was designed by scientists to win Oscars.
Gilbert Gottfried: Police Academy was so awful that I'm surprised I didn't star in it.
Michael Ian Black: (on Bob Ross) You try taking a putty knife and throwing some burnt umber on there and see what you get. He got an entire mountain vista. What I got is it looked like I had the runs on canvas.
Chris Wylde: (on My Buddy) In the 80s we started giving dolls to boys. Twenty years later-Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Put it together.
Alan Thicke: (on Joe Theissman's MNF leg break) Nothing has sounded so terrible at a football game until Ashley Simpson at the Orange Bowl.
Joe Lorge: It's too bad that Lawrence Taylor didn't break his leg, because if LT would've broken his leg, he probably wouldn't have felt it because he was so high on coke
Missi Pyle: (on The Legend of Billie Jean) When you become a vigilante, you do, in fact, have to cut your hair.
"Weird Al" Yankovic: I wrote "Eat It" because I wanted to buy a house. It worked
Michael Ian Black: It was just a lot of attractive, androgynous people whispering, "Obsession."
Bil Dwyer: People who loved old people, and murder, watched Murder, She Wrote. Cabot Cove, Maine-it's such a delightful little town, but the murder rate, per capita, had to have been high.
Michael Ian Black: (on "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off") I like the message. We can keep our clothes on. It's called dry humping.
Bil Dwyer: (on Back to School) He hires Kurt Vonnegut to write his paper on Kurt Vonnegut, and he gets a B!
Mo Rocca: Head of the Class featured a gorgeous mosaic of losers
Chuck Woolery: (on Love Connection) One guy said to a girl he'd seen better legs in a bucket of chicken. I thought that was going too far.
Modern Humorist: (on Halley's Comet) It's the only time in your life you'll get to see a fuzzy, disappointing dot on the horizon.
Wil Wheaton: (on Lucas) Like all teenage boys, the nerd wants the shallow cheerleader who can't appreciate his brains. God, that movie hits close to home.
Dee Snider: (on The Legend of Zelda) I got to level 7. I was there. I could taste it. I was gonna get the princess, man! And one of my fuckin' kids kicked out the plug.
Michael Ian Black: Say you've got a baked potato. In the old days, 9 weeks, minimum. Microwave? (snaps fingers) Done!
Larry Joe Campbell: (on "Black Monday") I remember it didn't mean a damn thing to me, 'cause we didn't have any money. So who cared?
Tom Papa: (on Throw Momma from the Train) It's like if your angry gym teacher had sex with a Shar-Pei. That was momma.
Modern Humorist: Lita Ford looked hot, but she also looked like she might smell like a Dumpster.
Michael Ian Black: (on Micro Machines) Eddie Murphy used to sing a song about putting things up your butt, and I always imagined that this was what he was talking about. If you've ever tried, they fit perfectly up your rectum.
Michael Ian Black: (on the Jimmy the Greek controversy) It basically boiled down to, I think, "black people are stupid."
Chris Coppola: You immediately side with DeNiro in Midnight Run, because you just want Charles Grodin dead.
Mo Rocca: (on tanning beds) I'd wear goggles to cover my eyes and a tiny little cap for my wiener.
Emily Procter: (on Lita Ford) She seemed scary. She made me nervous. I thought she was going to kill me.
Joel Stein: (on Cocktail) You spend 6 or 7 minutes per drink? Just give me my beer and shut up.
Hal Sparks: (on The Little Mermaid) The lovely little moral of this story is : Girls give up your voice so you have legs you can spread for your man and never talk. What?!?
Gilbert Gottfried: If you watch more than 5 minutes of Steel Magnolias, you will grow a vagina.
Rachael Harris: Paula's dance moves were part cheerleader, part, umm, whore
Michael Ian Black: You can sit there with a straight face and tell me the Bengals were in the Super Bowl?
Gilbert Gottfried: The purpose of the stealth bomber was to give guys another nickname to call their penis.
Edwin McCain: Did I see Road House? I'm a guy, aren't I?