fic: the pains of being pure at heart (alex/hank, pg-13, 4200 words)
fill for a prompt on 1stclass-kink: "pre-Beast hank is in heat. tries to lock himself up, that's what he did in the past but alex is always bugging him even when he really just wants to ride out this period by himself. and damn does alex smell good. hank finally snaps and sexy times happen. he's embarrassed after, maybe it was the first time? he usually locks himself away." contains anachronistic dialogue and 20% more crack.
The problem wasn’t that Hank was in heat, it was that Alex was around and kept on bugging him, popping in for sporadic visits to the lab, standing directly behind Hank while Hank was trying to do get some work done, complaining aloud about the smell in the room.
Hank had been able to control the urges before, sure, but with Alex’s constant hovering and general Alexness, he couldn’t decide whether he should ban Alex from the lab or throw him down and fuck him.
Hank never had this problem in high school where a week’s worth of furious masturbation often did the trick. He would fantasize about things that were inaccessible to him at the time (things that still, unfortunately, were) like pouty lips and lean legs, regular teenage stuff, but lately all Hank could think of was Alex’s shirt riding up that morning they raced each other in the courtyard.
Alex bent down to tie his shoelaces and there it was, like a slice of sunlight, a line of skin peeking just above the waistband of his pants, smooth and pale.
It didn’t hurt that Alex had a nice ass too. Peach like. Soft looking. And normally, Hank wouldn’t pay attention to that kind of thing - he wasn’t a pervert and his parents were good people who instilled him with certain values - but he was in heat, and when Hank was in heat, he noticed everything.
Everything including the exact shape of Alex’s ass.
=
But Hank noticed Alex’s smell during Phase One of his Cycle. It wasn’t a bad smell and leaned towards kind of salty, the dry kind, like the mineral smell of the ocean. Alex would come barrelling into the kitchen after an entire afternoon at the bunker, usually an hour or so before dinner with the sleeves of his sweatshirt sawed off and his hair sticky with sweat.
He would smell a bit smoky too, sometimes, depending on what he’d managed to blow up that day. Mostly he smelled sweaty. And musty. And it was good, Hank thought. It was nice.
What Hank liked best though was Alex’s smell in the morning. He’d come into the lab in the clothes he wore the night before, wrinkled and sleepy, and swaying a little on his feet because he spent the entire night and subsequent morning playing poker with Sean. Every time he’d smell like warm skin, and tooth paste, and coffee, and every time Hank’s knees buckled and his mouth filled with thirst.
“Bozo,” Alex would say. Or, “Dude,” when he was feeling kinder. “Raven wants you at the kitchen table. You comin’ or what?”
=
It wasn’t as bad as some of Hank’s past experiences while in heat, though. He didn’t have anyone to focus all his sexual energy on back then. It still made him blush to think about Alex in any way but friendly, but now he could at least channel all his crazy urges towards one person, which meant he didn’t have to rut against anything that moved.
Phase Two was actually around the time Hank became aware of Alex’s breathing. He didn’t know why it was so important to re-calibrate his breathing to match Alex’s but Hank did it anyway, succumbing to what Charles would probably call his true nature.
Hank was watering his plants in the lab when Alex came up to him, breathed down his shoulder, and poked him on the elbow. And there it was, like a clap of thunder, the hair on the back of Hank’s neck stood on end and he whipped around to face Alex whose eyebrows were raised like he thought Hank was an idiot.
It didn’t matter that Hank finished at the top of his class or happened to be the Research Division’s youngest employee. Alex would still look at him like he was ten and managed to trip on his feet will putting on his underwear.
“Whacha doin’,” Alex asked.
Hank had a water can in one hand and thought it was maybe a little too obvious. “Um,” he said.
“Watering my plants?”
“You have actual plants?”
Hank nodded. “Well, I have orchids and a weeping fig,” he said. “I trim the excess leaves.” It helped distract him from wanting sex all the time. It was calm and meditative. Zen.
Alex laughed. “You’re such a girl.”
“It’s really enjoyable,” Hank insisted. “You should try it.”
“Whatever,” Alex said and poked the beakers on Hank’s desk. He peered into Hank’s microscope and looked up when Hank neared.
“If you aren’t really doing anything here, Raven said she wanted to see you downstairs for something.” He rolled his eyes. “Raven,” Alex muttered, snorting.
“End of transmission?” Hank asked, just to be playful. He smiled hopefully.
Alex looked confused. “What?”
Hank wanted to hit himself. “Nothing,” he said, and put the watering can away.
=
Phase Three was when Hank started thinking about fucking Alex. A lot. He thought about it first thing in the morning while he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, then during breakfast while Alex chewed noisily on a piece of toast across the table, sometimes shirtlesss with his leg up on the seat.
Around lunchtime, Hank would jerk off maniacally, wondering what the skin of Alex’s stomach tasted like, and what sort of sounds he’d make if Hank kissed the inside of his thigh and spread him facedown on the bed.
Hank would always feel terrible afterwards, though, like he’d betrayed Alex as a friend and ally. It became especially difficult for Hank to look Alex in the eye during dinnertime, or pass him the bowl of mashed potatoes, their hands brushing. Racing against him in the morning became complicated when Alex had the tendency to take his shirt off, afterwards, wiping his arms and back with his crumpled-up sweatshirt, towelling off right in front of Hank. He said it made him ‘feel free or something’.
Hank just wanted to fuck him even more.
So Hank did what any sane person would do given his circumstances, he locked Alex out of the lab completely and masturbated often.
=
“Open up,” Alex said.
Hank hesitated, put the medicine dropper down, and said, loud, “I’m busy.” This, of course, was only partially true. He’d finished drafting designs for the X-Suit, a one-size-fits-all wind repellent and water resistant uniform made of cotton sateen. Charles threw ideas around for the colors - red and black, green and silver, but Alex was thinking more blue and yellow.
“Are you watering your plants again?” Hank heard Alex snort. “Open up, bozo. I want to show you something.”
“No,” Hank said, wavering a little.
“Hank,” Alex said, knocking again.
Hank sighed and walked over to the door, opening it a fraction and peering through the tiny crack. “What do you want to show me?”
Alex shrugged, making a face. He smelled like wet grass. Spring, Hank thought. Fresh dirt. He looked like he’d just finished training with Charles.
“Nothing. I was bored. Any cool science tricks you wanna impress me with?”
“They’re not tricks,” Hank told him patiently. “They’re chemical reactions.”
“Same thing,” Alex said, pushing the door open and marching inside. “Well?” he said, turning, spreading his arms out, waiting.
Hank pushed his glasses up his nose and lumbered over to the test tubes for some pyrotechnics.
=
Sometimes, when he woke earlier than usual, or when he thought he could use the fresh air, Hank went out for long walks in the courtyard, his hands pocketed in his labcoat. He’d walk around aimlessly, thinking about his life, sometimes his feet, sometimes Raven, occasionally Alex and the way his hair stuck up in strange tufts around his head first thing in the morning.
Hank didn’t have the same luxury back at home with the cement yard and iron fence, so it was pleasant change to be able to walk around without purpose and get lost in thoughts.
Of course, since he was in heat, all he could think about was Alex, whose body moved like pure liquid, whose arms were firm and covered with a fine layer of hair. Hank walked in on Alex while he was ruminating.
Alex was hosing himself down in the front yard, his head ducked under the spray. His shirt was off and he was really really wet. His back was turned to Hank.
Hank gaped.
Alex looked up at him then glanced back at his feet. Droplets of water slid down the sides of his neck. He had tan lines around his arms where the sleeves of shirt should be.
“Something you want to tell me?” Alex asked.
Hank stared some more and shook his head, flushing to his ears. “I was just leaving,” he said and left before instinct took over and he mauled Alex to the ground.
=
Hank kept to himself, not because he was shy although that was also part of the reason, but mostly because he’d rather be in the lab doing something productive. He’d never been good at making small talk, anyway. The only joke he knew how to tell effectively was the one about Potassium being a racist element, which he learned later on, wasn’t very funny.
So when Raven announced that her friends were coming over for the weekend - girls, both single - Hank didn’t exactly keel over with excitement.
Sean offered his company. “I love girls, girls love me,” he reasoned. “You should introduce me, instead.”
Raven ignored him. She smoothed the lapels of Hank’s lab coat. They were going swimming in the lake. Drinking. Having fun. Stuff Hank missed out on during college because he’d been too busy earning a degree.
“If you change your mind,” she told Hank sweetly, “We’ll be down by the lake until sundown. Okay?”
She patted Hank on the cheek, smiling.
Hank didn’t want to intrude but he found himself inexplicably curious. An hour later, he was idling by the lake. There were a bunch of them there, Raven and her girl friends, Sean and Alex, a couple of other guys Hank had never seen before. Raven was in a lovely green swimsuit doing cannonballs and somersaults.
Alex was in dark blue shorts with pictures of sailboats on them, drinking beer and laughing, snorting it out his nose.
Hank watched them for a few minutes and then left, feeling peeved.
He never had friends like that, no one to drink a cold glass of beer and make stupid jokes with, no one to slap him on the back, asking what’s up. He heard the rustle of movement behind him and turned, frowning when he saw Alex. He was barefoot and clutching a can of Budweiser.
“So you decided to grace us with your presence, huh?”
“I was just leaving,” Hank said, climbing up the steep embankment, rocks skittering underneath his loafers.
Alex followed him. “Hey, bozo, wait up!”
“I wish you’d stop calling me that.”
Alex was quiet for a second. “Hank,” he said after a pause. He touched Hank’s arm gingerly and Hank jerked away, surprised.
Alex looked offended. Good, Hank thought. That’s a first.
“You’ve been acting really weird lately,” Alex began. “I mean, of course, weirder than usual.” He didn’t touch Hank again but walked alongside him back to the courtyard. Alex finished his beer and then asked, his voice low, “So what’s up?”
Hank wanted to laugh. “What’s up?” he repeated. He pressed his face into his hands. Alex was standing close enough that Hank could smell him, taste the beer on his tongue and the sweat between his shoulderblades. He heard Alex’s breath accelerating as if the sound were right between his ears.
What’s up? “Nothing,” Hank said, and was about to run back to the mansion like a coward when Alex squeezed his arm and turned him back around.
“Seriously,” Alex said. Hank caught Alex’s wrist, glaring, and then just when Alex was about to open his mouth to say something presumably asinine and mean, pinned him against a tree.
“What the hell -” Alex spluttered, but it was too late. Hank was already kissing him, his knee jammed between Alex’s legs, his hand cupping the back of Alex’s head, keeping him in place. Hank licked Alex’s tongue and Alex kept his eyes closed even though he began kissing back almost frantically, rubbing himself against Hank’s thigh.
When Hank pulled away a minute later, Alex slid down to his knees, shaken, running a hand through his hair and touching the corners of his mouth with two fingers.
Hank stumbled back, stunned into speechlessness. What the hell did he just do, he thought furiously.
Hank’s heart was heavy as a boulder and it thudded painfully against his ribs. He could hear Alex’s breathing, too, amplified even though there was a good three feet between them.
“Wait!” Alex called out to him. “You’re just going leave me here?”
Hank wanted to fuck him, to push him down on the ground and slip Alex’s shorts down to his ankles and shove his cock between Alex’s thighs. He wanted to do a lot of things.
Hank balled his hands into fists. “I have to go,” he said.
=
Hank went to Charles for advice after that. He didn’t know what else to do. Raven and the others were still out swimming and Alex was probably off doing whatever it was he normally did. Hank wouldn’t know since they weren’t exactly friends. Hank wasn’t even sure why he liked Alex so much.
Hank said, “I’m in heat,” and lurched forward to cradle his elbows. He wanted to die.
Charles patted him on the shoulder. He had something with Erik, Hank knew, because Hank kept odd sleeping hours and once, caught Erik slipping out of Charles’ room at two in the morning, his clothes wrinkled.
“It’s not Raven I’m interested in,” Hank explained. “So you have nothing to worry about.”
“I know it’s not Raven,” Charles said. “And I’m not worried, Hank.”
“Of course you’re not.” Hank rolled his eyes. “So what do I do, then? Pretend nothing ever happened? Never leave the lab? Wait it out? Chain myself to the bed?”
Charles pressed his lips together and thought for a few seconds. “Don’t do anything.” He steepled his hands in front of his face and smiled softly. If Hank were asked to describe Charles Xavier in one word, he’d probably say Charles was serene. Charles was always at peace with himself, with the universe, not with Erik though who was the only person allowed to rest his hand on the small of Charles’ back.
“What will that accomplish?” Hank asked. “Doing nothing?”
Charles laughed. “You’re just going to have to wait and see, Hank.”
Helpful, Hank thought.
=
Hank made his own plans. He didn’t want to wait and see if that meant seeing Alex again. He didn’t leave the lab except to use the bathroom and steal food from the kitchen. Avoidance was the key.
Life was peaceful for awhile. Life was tolerable.
And then Alex showed up one day in the lab just after Hank finished making himself a sandwich downstairs.
“What are you doing here?”
Alex shrugged. “The door was open.”
“I have the only keys to the door and I can perfectly recall locking it,” Hank said.
Alex rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he sniffed. “I broke the door. Are you happy?”
Hank bit into his sandwich. “Why are you here?” he asked, slumping his shoulders.
=
“You kissed me,” Alex said. He looked constipated. “Why?”
Why? Hank wanted to know too.
If it were Raven or Sean, things would’ve gone a lot smoother and Hank wouldn’t be having this conversation. “I’m in heat,” he said, finally. “I don’t know. As if the monstrous feet weren’t freaky enough.”
“They’re not monstrous,” Alex said gently, then recanted. “Okay, maybe they are. Just a little bit.”
Hank frowned.
“What’s it like, being in heat?” Alex asked.
Hank finished his sandwich before answering. He was suddenly hungry again and wished he had the foresight to make two.
“All I can think about is sex,” he confessed.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
Hank smiled wryly. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to know.” Alex probably wouldn’t be able to stomach it, either.
“Try me,” Alex snorted.
Hank looked at him for a minute and then pocketed his hands. He decided to go for honesty. “You,” he said.
Alex said nothing for a second. “Me? Huh.”
He even had the audacity to blush.
=
“So I thought about it,” Alex said the next morning.
Hank opened one eye. He glanced at his wristwatch. 6:32 AM. “Why are you here, Alex?”
Alex ignored the question. “I thought about it, and I don’t really mind.”
“Mind what?”
Alex shrugged and sat on Hank’s bed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “You want me, right?”
Hank pulled the sheet over his head. His morning erection ached. He didn’t need this. “It’s not as simple as you think it is,” he muttered and wished, not for the first time, that Alex would just leave him alone.
Alex thumped him on the leg. It didn’t hurt but Hank made a feeble attempt to kick in his general direction.
“You kissed me, circus boy! Of course it’s simple.” There it was again, his hand on Hank’s leg, only Hank didn’t push it off this time.
“I only kissed you because you were there,” Hank lied.
“So what if it were Sean then, instead of me? Would you have kissed him?”
“Maybe.”
Hank waited for a response. When none came, he rolled onto his side and slid the sheet down to his chin. “You don’t have to do anything for me, Alex.”
“I guess not,” Alex said. “But what if I want to?”
“You don’t.”
Alex squeezed his ankle and made a thoughtful face. “What if I want to?” he asked again.
=
Alex was persistent. Hank still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to have sex with him even though he really really wanted to. He was entering Phase Four of his Cycle and was beginning to feel more aggressive and mean.
“He’s driving me crazy,” he complained to Charles who didn’t look too happy after Erik pushed Sean off the satellite dish.
“Talk to him,” Charles advised, then brightened when Sean didn’t die, lifting himself into the air, wailing.
Hank mulled this over for a minute and looked up as Sean waved at them.
Hank didn’t wave back.
=
Hank cornered Alex right after his training session later that afternoon. Alex’s hair smelled a little burnt. He put up little protest when Hank grabbed him by the arm.
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” Hank told him.
Alex shrugged his hand off and sniffed. “It’s just sex,” he said, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the ground. “I’m offering you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here, helping you out during your time of need, and you’re complaining?”
Alex had a point.
“So what now?” Hank asked, feeling both lost and confused, a bad combination to be especially when in heat.
Alex laughed in his face. He squeezed Hank’s bicep, leaned up to him, and then pressed his wet mouth to the corner of Hank’s cheek. Hank steeled himself for the worst but nothing terrible happened except that Alex laughed again and surged forward so that their chests pressed together, Alex’s body heat seeping between the layers of their clothes.
Alex kissed him again, rough, hands cupping Hank’s shoulders. Hank backed him up against the wall, growling, and he slid a hand under Alex’s shirt.
Alex spread his legs, thrusting against him. Hank started rutting against Alex’s thigh in response, realized what he was doing, and then stopped abruptly, embarrassed.
“I have a confession to make,” Alex said, pulling back, Hank’s skin still tingling from the ghost of Alex’s kiss. “Lately, I’ve been getting these weird urges too, they’re almost primal. It’s like I woke up one morning and started noticing how good looking you were.”
“You think I’m good looking?”
“Well, depending on a person’s standards...”
Hank found himself actually laughing at that. He looked up, blushing, pushing his glasses up his nose.
“What I’m saying is,” Alex continued, pausing for a second and mumbling. The back of his ears were turning red. “If you want me,” he said, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m right here.”
“Really?” Hank peered into his face, scoping for signs of lying.
“Really,” Alex confirmed, nodding. “So come get me.”
Hank swallowed.
“All right,” he croaked and stepped forward.
He didn't think it would be this easy.
=
Alex shut the door behind him and walked straight to the bed.
It was after dinner and he smelled freshly showered, minty, like toothpaste. Hank stood in front of him, feeling like a complete buffoon, not knowing where to put his hands. He settled for pocketing them, then having them dangle uselessly at his sides. He chewed the inside of his cheek, nervous but excited. Ready.
Alex gave him a gentle shove. “Sit,” he instructed.
Hank sat. His palms were sweating. A wave of urgency hit him and he started shaking his leg.
“Take off your shoes,” Alex said. At Hank’s incredulous look, he rolled his eyes. “Trust me, you don’t want to be the guy who fucks with his footwear still on.”
Hank hesitated and slipped out of his shoes. He folded his socks neatly and set them aside, and then without looking up, said,“You’re staring at my feet,”
“Sorry,” Alex laughed but there was no trace of meanness in it, just amusement.
Hank curled his toes against the rough carpeting.
“So, we just fuck this out until you’re not in heat anymore?”
Hank nodded. “Usually it lasts about two to three weeks. I’m on Phase Four and a half right now -”
“Four and a half?”
“So I estimate we’ll probably only have to do this five, six days?”
“Straight?” Alex stretched and popped the knot in his neck.
Hank, who was watching him without blinking, let out a trembling breath through his nose. “If you want,” he said, keeping his jaw clenched.
That seemed to be the right thing to say though because Alex grinned, wide, slapping him on the shoulder as he climbed into Hank’s lap. He wasn’t heavy, but he wasn’t light, either. His back, when Hank swept his hands across it, was firm with shifting muscles.
“You’re an idiot, has anyone ever told you that?” Alex’s hands framed Hank’s face. His eyes were blue, Hank thought, clear, devoid, for what seemed like the first time, of gloating or malice.
“No one else,” Hank said as their noses touched and Alex bent down to kiss him. “Only you.”
=
He was going to regret this come morning, Hank knew, but Alex kept thrusting against him and arching his back. He wrapped a firm arm around Hank’s shoulders and urged him to go faster. Hank couldn’t stop even if he tried, even if Charles attempted to pry them apart with a crowbar.
Hank thought, god almighty, and felt himself blush when Alex tipped his head back and closed his eyes, moaning in his throat. Alex’s breath whistled through his teeth, shaky. His thighs flexed underneath Hank’s hands.
“Come on,” Alex said, impatiently, his skin heating up. “Fuck me harder! I thought you were in heat?”
“I am,” Hank said. He slid in deeper and nearly collapsed against Alex because of how exquisitely tight he was. Hank felt like he was either going to die or break Alex in two.
“Just try not to think too much,” Alex said. “Give in to your instincts.” He rolled his hips.
Hank glanced down when Alex began moving again, lowering his body and pushing up against him, then down, then up again, building a steady rhythm that went straight to Hank’s cock.
“Hank.” Alex’s eyebrows were pinched together as if he were in pain.
Hank leaned down to kiss him, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this was happening. He licked the inside of Alex’s mouth until Alex hummed against him, grabbing his face and kissing him harder, shuddering and sighing as Hank lifted his hips.
“Mhm,” Alex said at one point. “I think I might get the hang of this.”
Hank laughed in spite of himself.
He sat back with his lap full, enjoying the show, Alex riding him and grinning with his eyelids lowered, his lips wet and slightly parted as he breathed out a pleased sigh.
Around midnight, Sean punched the wall and shouted over the racket they were making. “Keep it down! I’m trying to sleep!”