THINGS HAPPENED.
Thread this essay is based on. Second one down.
So Ned and Tokage got stuck int he maze of attraction. LOVEMAZE I think I was calling it. Brief background: Tokage and Ned know a lot about each other. She knows about his gift, and he knows about her status as a body-borrowing god-eater. SO with that in mind, the get stuck in the lovemaze and it starts out awkward and he is attracted to her! But of course isn't sure of what's going on and if she's getting the effect as well. But they talk a bit and she convinces him to kind of... let go a little, and enjoy the moment, and he knows he won't kill her so he just... went for it! They made out a bit. He was self-aware. They made out some more. BASICALLY he knows that it's not going to last, and he knows that once they get out of the maze it's going to be awkward. Because when Ned is happy, his first instinct is to go, "why, what's wrong, what's making me feel this way." HEALTHY BOY. So, he knew it was an effect, Tokage knew it was an effect, but Ned also just... wanted to enjoy it. Knowing that it wasn't going to last long gave him permission to enjoy himself, because it was going to get screwed up no matter what he did. And it's someone he can touch. He could kiss her and hold her hand and just... I think in canon that's what he was feeling with Olive. That kind of, "I wonder what it's like..." Only this time he had a compelling reason and it just felt right.
So after the first kiss, he kept having more physical contact. Hugs, hand-holding, kissing, because he knew he couldn't kill her. The first touch is always the scariest. After that, he's less scared, and in this case, he needed to get as much of the sensation of physical contact as possible because there was an expiration date on the interaction. It's easier for him when it's doomed. WHEN THERE'S NO HOPE he knows he can't fuck it up.
So all of that happened but they had to reach the end of the maze some time. Ned is aware that he can't be Dorothy in the poppy field. Bad things happen when people are presented with something that's too good to be true and they allow themselves to be seduced by it. They're going to leave the maze and Ned is immediately going to feel a mixture of things: guilt, regret, embarrassment, guilt, and just a touch of curiosity. What would happen if...? What would it be like...? And then immediately go back to, "But I just cheated on Chuck! I'm a terrible human being! I should go to confession! I'm not even Catholic anymore! Oh god she'll never forgive me! ...But it felt so natural. IT WAS A CAMP EFFECT but what if Tokage... TOKAGE IS A GOD-EATER WHO IS JUST BORROWING THAT BODY but but-YUTA IS GOING TO KILL YOU."
So, yes. He's going to feel conflicted for awhile. And probably do some silly things, and definitely feel horrible, but maybe have that cloud lifted off of him. Maybe, finally, because a little candle has been lit, he'll be able to function beyond basically what it takes to survive and pretend he's okay. He's not okay, but a little more than before.
WHICH IS NICE BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO DROP HIM AND NOW I'M NOT THE END.
So Ned and Tokage got stuck int he maze of attraction. LOVEMAZE I think I was calling it. Brief background: Tokage and Ned know a lot about each other. She knows about his gift, and he knows about her status as a body-borrowing god-eater. SO with that in mind, the get stuck in the lovemaze and it starts out awkward and he is attracted to her! But of course isn't sure of what's going on and if she's getting the effect as well. But they talk a bit and she convinces him to kind of... let go a little, and enjoy the moment, and he knows he won't kill her so he just... went for it! They made out a bit. He was self-aware. They made out some more. BASICALLY he knows that it's not going to last, and he knows that once they get out of the maze it's going to be awkward. Because when Ned is happy, his first instinct is to go, "why, what's wrong, what's making me feel this way." HEALTHY BOY. So, he knew it was an effect, Tokage knew it was an effect, but Ned also just... wanted to enjoy it. Knowing that it wasn't going to last long gave him permission to enjoy himself, because it was going to get screwed up no matter what he did. And it's someone he can touch. He could kiss her and hold her hand and just... I think in canon that's what he was feeling with Olive. That kind of, "I wonder what it's like..." Only this time he had a compelling reason and it just felt right.
So after the first kiss, he kept having more physical contact. Hugs, hand-holding, kissing, because he knew he couldn't kill her. The first touch is always the scariest. After that, he's less scared, and in this case, he needed to get as much of the sensation of physical contact as possible because there was an expiration date on the interaction. It's easier for him when it's doomed. WHEN THERE'S NO HOPE he knows he can't fuck it up.
So all of that happened but they had to reach the end of the maze some time. Ned is aware that he can't be Dorothy in the poppy field. Bad things happen when people are presented with something that's too good to be true and they allow themselves to be seduced by it. They're going to leave the maze and Ned is immediately going to feel a mixture of things: guilt, regret, embarrassment, guilt, and just a touch of curiosity. What would happen if...? What would it be like...? And then immediately go back to, "But I just cheated on Chuck! I'm a terrible human being! I should go to confession! I'm not even Catholic anymore! Oh god she'll never forgive me! ...But it felt so natural. IT WAS A CAMP EFFECT but what if Tokage... TOKAGE IS A GOD-EATER WHO IS JUST BORROWING THAT BODY but but-YUTA IS GOING TO KILL YOU."
So, yes. He's going to feel conflicted for awhile. And probably do some silly things, and definitely feel horrible, but maybe have that cloud lifted off of him. Maybe, finally, because a little candle has been lit, he'll be able to function beyond basically what it takes to survive and pretend he's okay. He's not okay, but a little more than before.
WHICH IS NICE BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO DROP HIM AND NOW I'M NOT THE END.