The last words of Dale Cooper. Via Tape.
Diane, it's 10:53 September 20th, 2011. Good day. Breakfast consisted of toast, turkey bacon and scrambled egg beaters and freshly squeezed orange juice. And while I still miss having real eggs, turkey bacon burnt to a crisp is suitable replacement to real bacon. I still miss my eggs but Charlotte is concerned about chloresterol and I am more than willing to concede to her wishes. Especially since it means I won't have to cook.
Coffee however is still the same consistent brew as always. Thankfully Charlotte has given up on her decaffinated campaign.
Strange occurrence happened on the way to the office. The newsstand that I normally use for my daily dose news was no longer there this morning. In fact nothing was there but... well it's hard to describe. Further investigation with the newspaper and the city licensing office offered further curiousities as they said not only has that news stand has never existed but the owner of it never has existed as well.
Clearly it begs further investigation
*****
Diane. 4:32 PM, September 22nd, 2011. Almost quitting time. Wrapped up the Enselmo case today and will hopefully have him on trial before the end of the year. Clearly tonight's the night to take the little lady out on the town and celebrate with a nice slice of pie and a cup of joe.
Scratch that. It's ladies night, so it looks like I'll be going out to celebrate solo. Some men might be bothered letting their wives go out on the town with a bunch of single ladies... okay, two single ladies but honestly I know I can trust Charlotte and can't imagine any kind of infidelity would cross her mind.
Samantha on the other hand...
*****
Diane. 2:26 PM, September, 27th, 2011. Talked with Charlotte yesterday. She seems to be concerned about her friend, Anthony, who has not been in contact with her for several days. After doing a remedial investigation, I've learned that no such person has ever existed. No birth records. No employment history. No place of residence. Charlotte claims I must be wrong and says that Anthony will turn up sooner or later.
I'm not so sure. It's like this man has never existed. Remind me to check into the records of the witness protection program later, Diane. I have a hunch on this.
Also? Good news. Remember the agent who keeps bringing in his own coffee? His office has recently been cleaned out. What that man did to coffee was a crime. Finally looking forward to a decent cup of coffee that isn't polluted with that toxic waste he used to swill.
*****
Diane. 9:32 AM, October 3rd, 2011. Anthony Marantino has been missing for three weeks now. A visit to his residence shows... no building there whatsover. Furthermore all supposed friends and acquaintences claim to have never met the man. Additionally a man known as Stanford Blatch has also disappeared. Same MO. No history. No building. No recollections.
Three additional agents have disappeared in my department. According to the FBI these men never were a part of the bureau and never existed.
As far as I can tell these agents have had no connection with Anthony or Stanford in their lives.
Finally the coffee shop around the corner? Is gone. As is most of the corner.
Strange things are afoot Diane. I hope to find the answer soon.
Right after I eat this slice of pie.
*****
Diane. 10:27 AM, November 14th, 2011. Five more agents have disappeared along with acquaintences Charlotte knew as Aidan Shaw, Richard Wright, Skipper Johnston and Jack Berger. And even though Charlotte refuses to admit it, the skyline in New York is beginning to change.
Went up to the roof of the Bureau today and tested various theories by throwing rocks at a bottle. No results. Scratch that... one rock bounced off the bottle when I mentioned the Internal revenue service. Not sure why or if it was even related.
Charlotte refuses to admit that anything is wrong, but I know she remembers and see things that I do.
*****
Diane: 3:01 AM, November 25th 2011. Strange dream. I was back in the Lodge. All of the members of the Lodge stood around me saying nothing. A black fog rolled in and one by one the disappeared until everyone disappeared. The last to go was Laura Palmer who seemed to be trying to tell me something.
I fear that Twin Peaks no longer exists.
Or that maybe I shouldn't have had that fifth helping of Turkey and an entire pie.
******
Diane, the date no longer matters. Vast sections of New York no longer exist. Judging by the weather map on the morning news, most of the country does not exist as well. Miranda's husband Steve and her son Brady have also disappeared. Miranda refuses to admit that she had a child or a husband.
While I continue to try and investigate this matter, I keep thinking back to my dream from last week. I'm convinced that our universe is disappearing as well as others.
Access to Portalocity is unavailable. Hopefully the mail service will continue to work. Somehow.
I've made a copy of this tape, Diane and will be shipping it to the only place I know it could make since. It will be addressed to a noble deputy at the sheriff's office on Fandom Island. If this is affecting multiple universes, I'm sure they'll be aware and on top of it.
If you are hearing this message, my name is Dale Cooper, former Sheriff of the Fandom Police Department. I assure you I am of sound mind and health. If you are unable to contact me, you may assume that my universe may have already vanished. Please take whatever actions you can to prevent this from happening elsewhere.
Until then... this is Dale Cooper, signing off.
*****
[For the Nothing-BDE. Left here for Audrey.]
Coffee however is still the same consistent brew as always. Thankfully Charlotte has given up on her decaffinated campaign.
Strange occurrence happened on the way to the office. The newsstand that I normally use for my daily dose news was no longer there this morning. In fact nothing was there but... well it's hard to describe. Further investigation with the newspaper and the city licensing office offered further curiousities as they said not only has that news stand has never existed but the owner of it never has existed as well.
Clearly it begs further investigation
*****
Diane. 4:32 PM, September 22nd, 2011. Almost quitting time. Wrapped up the Enselmo case today and will hopefully have him on trial before the end of the year. Clearly tonight's the night to take the little lady out on the town and celebrate with a nice slice of pie and a cup of joe.
Scratch that. It's ladies night, so it looks like I'll be going out to celebrate solo. Some men might be bothered letting their wives go out on the town with a bunch of single ladies... okay, two single ladies but honestly I know I can trust Charlotte and can't imagine any kind of infidelity would cross her mind.
Samantha on the other hand...
*****
Diane. 2:26 PM, September, 27th, 2011. Talked with Charlotte yesterday. She seems to be concerned about her friend, Anthony, who has not been in contact with her for several days. After doing a remedial investigation, I've learned that no such person has ever existed. No birth records. No employment history. No place of residence. Charlotte claims I must be wrong and says that Anthony will turn up sooner or later.
I'm not so sure. It's like this man has never existed. Remind me to check into the records of the witness protection program later, Diane. I have a hunch on this.
Also? Good news. Remember the agent who keeps bringing in his own coffee? His office has recently been cleaned out. What that man did to coffee was a crime. Finally looking forward to a decent cup of coffee that isn't polluted with that toxic waste he used to swill.
*****
Diane. 9:32 AM, October 3rd, 2011. Anthony Marantino has been missing for three weeks now. A visit to his residence shows... no building there whatsover. Furthermore all supposed friends and acquaintences claim to have never met the man. Additionally a man known as Stanford Blatch has also disappeared. Same MO. No history. No building. No recollections.
Three additional agents have disappeared in my department. According to the FBI these men never were a part of the bureau and never existed.
As far as I can tell these agents have had no connection with Anthony or Stanford in their lives.
Finally the coffee shop around the corner? Is gone. As is most of the corner.
Strange things are afoot Diane. I hope to find the answer soon.
Right after I eat this slice of pie.
*****
Diane. 10:27 AM, November 14th, 2011. Five more agents have disappeared along with acquaintences Charlotte knew as Aidan Shaw, Richard Wright, Skipper Johnston and Jack Berger. And even though Charlotte refuses to admit it, the skyline in New York is beginning to change.
Went up to the roof of the Bureau today and tested various theories by throwing rocks at a bottle. No results. Scratch that... one rock bounced off the bottle when I mentioned the Internal revenue service. Not sure why or if it was even related.
Charlotte refuses to admit that anything is wrong, but I know she remembers and see things that I do.
*****
Diane: 3:01 AM, November 25th 2011. Strange dream. I was back in the Lodge. All of the members of the Lodge stood around me saying nothing. A black fog rolled in and one by one the disappeared until everyone disappeared. The last to go was Laura Palmer who seemed to be trying to tell me something.
I fear that Twin Peaks no longer exists.
Or that maybe I shouldn't have had that fifth helping of Turkey and an entire pie.
******
Diane, the date no longer matters. Vast sections of New York no longer exist. Judging by the weather map on the morning news, most of the country does not exist as well. Miranda's husband Steve and her son Brady have also disappeared. Miranda refuses to admit that she had a child or a husband.
While I continue to try and investigate this matter, I keep thinking back to my dream from last week. I'm convinced that our universe is disappearing as well as others.
Access to Portalocity is unavailable. Hopefully the mail service will continue to work. Somehow.
I've made a copy of this tape, Diane and will be shipping it to the only place I know it could make since. It will be addressed to a noble deputy at the sheriff's office on Fandom Island. If this is affecting multiple universes, I'm sure they'll be aware and on top of it.
If you are hearing this message, my name is Dale Cooper, former Sheriff of the Fandom Police Department. I assure you I am of sound mind and health. If you are unable to contact me, you may assume that my universe may have already vanished. Please take whatever actions you can to prevent this from happening elsewhere.
Until then... this is Dale Cooper, signing off.
*****
[For the Nothing-BDE. Left here for Audrey.]