(no subject)
I haven't said this in forever because I really am trying to be more positive. So for the first time in years:
My life does, in fact, suck.
Don't give me that bullshit that I have a loving family and good friends and a roof to live under and a good education and that my mom just 'cares' for me and that's why she's always so fucking protective. First of all, my family hardly constitutes as loving. I think the number of times I failed tests in the past year beats the number of times I've seen my dad in the past year. Good friends, sure. I mean, I have a few good ones. And yet, I still can't open myself to say everything I'm feeling to them. I still lie to them so they don't have to pity or sympathize for me. Truth is, I'd rather live in a mediocre condition and have a parent who will atleast grant me a fair amount of freedom instead locking me into my own prison so tightly, I can't move a trillionth of a muscle. She says she wants to protect me so that I don't have to learn the lesson the hard way. Isn't that the only way TO learn a lesson? How else will it stay etched in my memory? Because EVERYONE learns a lesson best by never experiencing shit in their life, right? One day I'm going to crack. Beyond the point having the loudest, longest arguement heard by half the living world because that already happened three days ago.
And if you couldn't tell, I'm fucked up. I was raised spoiled. I was raised as a crybaby. I was raised to always complain. I was raised as a coward. I know I'm fucked. I wish it were different, but hey, I'm too much of a weakling to do anything about it. And for every fucking negative way I could describe myself (and that's a lot, believe me), I can fully credit my mother for that.
fucking... why the hell am I typing this pointlss piece of shit when I have a billion and one things to do. Off to go study (in vain) for two tests which I'm going to fail tomorrow.
My life does, in fact, suck.
Don't give me that bullshit that I have a loving family and good friends and a roof to live under and a good education and that my mom just 'cares' for me and that's why she's always so fucking protective. First of all, my family hardly constitutes as loving. I think the number of times I failed tests in the past year beats the number of times I've seen my dad in the past year. Good friends, sure. I mean, I have a few good ones. And yet, I still can't open myself to say everything I'm feeling to them. I still lie to them so they don't have to pity or sympathize for me. Truth is, I'd rather live in a mediocre condition and have a parent who will atleast grant me a fair amount of freedom instead locking me into my own prison so tightly, I can't move a trillionth of a muscle. She says she wants to protect me so that I don't have to learn the lesson the hard way. Isn't that the only way TO learn a lesson? How else will it stay etched in my memory? Because EVERYONE learns a lesson best by never experiencing shit in their life, right? One day I'm going to crack. Beyond the point having the loudest, longest arguement heard by half the living world because that already happened three days ago.
And if you couldn't tell, I'm fucked up. I was raised spoiled. I was raised as a crybaby. I was raised to always complain. I was raised as a coward. I know I'm fucked. I wish it were different, but hey, I'm too much of a weakling to do anything about it. And for every fucking negative way I could describe myself (and that's a lot, believe me), I can fully credit my mother for that.
fucking... why the hell am I typing this pointlss piece of shit when I have a billion and one things to do. Off to go study (in vain) for two tests which I'm going to fail tomorrow.