Multi-Chapter Fic-Because it was you.
There was a certain pain in lying that made this moment less perfect. The younger boy was propped on the messy dressing table, gasping for air as their lips wrestled. There was no doubt who was dominant and soon he felt himself being pressed up hard against the mirror. There was always the chance of someone walking in on them, disclosing them to the whole world but the end of the world was at the back of their heads. Right now, only heaven mattered.
But, the older boy could sense it. That Shige wasn’t really there with him. He smiled and traced the younger boy’s lips with his thumb before releasing his prey. Shige blinked, slightly startled at the lack of body heat between them. The younger boy let out a whimper but Yamapi just shook his head.
“When you’re ready to tell him.” He stalked out of the dressing room.
Shige, frustrated both mentally and sexually, slid off the table. The mess of makeup and various hair products stained his clothes as he sat there but he didn’t care. He watched as the stains grew larger and larger before stopping for it was just impossible to grow larger anymore. He wondered when this stain of his would stop growing. He wondered if it was now, as Koyama skipped into the room.
“What the hell are you doing? Your clothes are getting dirty.” The older boy chuckled as he offered his hand to Shige; A boost up to normality. Shige rejected it , propping himself up on his own but hitting his head with the bottom of the table in the process. This only served to induce more laughter from Koyama who began patting off bits of foundation from the other boy’s pants. Shige flinched and grabbed the older boy’s hands.
“It’s fine.”
“Shige are you angry with me or something?” Koyama frowned. Shige seemed to be avoiding him recently and he wanted to know why.
“No. It’s just fine.” Shige let go of the older boy’s hands and patted himself down a bit. He walked towards his closet and searched for a set of clean clothes. He grabbed a sweater, a pair of trousers and began to leave the dressing room, ignoring Koyama’s piercing glare.
He locked the bathroom door and stepped into the shower, letting the water flow down every curve and creak on his body as he tried to ignore the incisive stare he knew was on the other side of the door. Knock Knock Knock, Nobody’s home.
“I’m bathing, Koya. We can talk later.”
“You’ll just avoid me again.”
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“You are.”
Shige sighed. The conversation was getting nowhere. He turned up the water to full blast, allowing it to drown out the shouts from the other side of the door. Koyama frowned as he could hear the water jet painfully onto the other boy’s skin.
“You’re still avoiding me.”
The younger boy refused to answer. Koyama sighed.
“Fine.”
Shige stood under the shower for another 5 minutes, just for good measure. He then toweled off and clumsily pulled at the white sweater on the shelf above the basin. He pulled it on and then grabbed at his jeans, taking extra care not to wet the ends of the legs for that was just unbearably uncomfortable. He zippered up and sat down on the toilet bowl, lid down. How was he going to handle this? Koyama was his best friend.
He yawned and stretched, feeling comfortable in the enclosed space that was the toilet. He heard all sorts of sounds from the outside traveling in. He heard Ryo and Tegoshi discussing about their dinner plans with Massu who was vehemently insisting on having Gyoza that night. He also heard Koyama asking if he could join them. He continued to listen as they asked if Yamapi was going. He smiled as he heard the older boy refuse as he had plans tonight.
He reached into his pockets trying to warm his hands. The toilet had no heater and turning on the warm water could be deemed suspicious by anyone listening on the outside. Inside the pocket was a note.
“I’m not angry, Shige.
I’ll continue to wait for you.
Remember, I love you.
P.”
He waited until he heard the dressing room door slam once before hesitantly turning the toilet door knob and peeking out. He watched as Yamapi sat there, alone in the dressing room, scribbling lyrics on rough paper, canceling and adding words here and there with a frown on his face. Shige walked up to the older boy silently and tried to resist the urge to hug him. Somehow, he found his arms wrapped around his lover’s shoulders tightly and sighed contently as he found the older boy’s hands on his own.
“I’m sorry.”
“I understand.” Yamapi smiled as he turned to face the younger boy. He planted a soft kiss on the other boy’s fore head before swiveling his chair back to the table and resuming his attack on the tiny piece of paper before him. Shige pulled his chair next to Yamapi and rested his head on the table, looking at the older boy’s hands as it moved swiftly from line to line. The light in the dressing room had been shut off 2 hours ago and the only source of light came from the dressing table itself. The dim lights played games on the older boy’s face, making him more beautiful to Shige, if that was even possible. Yamapi exclaimed that he was done with a flourish.
“Can I read it?”
“Maybe.” Yamapi chuckled before passing the scrap of paper to the younger boy who had pulled his face into an incredible pout. Shige felt the stab in his heart as he read it.
“It’s not written to you.” Yamapi laughed as he watched the depression unfold on the younger boy’s face. He cupped it in his hands and pulled the boy into a gentle kiss to reassure him. “It’s not written to anyone.”
Shige nodded and returned the roll of paper back to the older boy, who promptly tossed it into the rubbish bin.
“Eh?”
“Well, it made you unhappy.” Yamapi laughed, taking his lover gently by the hand. “So let’s go have dinner.”
Shige nodded.
“I need to pack up. Why don’t you drive the car to the gate first?”
The older boy shrugged and nodded. Shige hesitantly pulled out piece of paper from the dustbin and kept it. It was a precious piece of work because it was his. The younger boy then grabbed all of his belongings and threw them into his black carrier bag before speeding out of the room, wanting to see him.
“That took too long, Shige.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t find the love note you wrote me.” The younger boy sniggered.
“There’ll always be more.” Yamapi laughed as he turned the car out of the gravel driveway and into the nearly empty highway.
“That’s not the point.”
“I know.”
They arrived at the beach house, hungry and thirsty. They ordered what they usually did and sat down right at the back of the small restaurant, at the table closest to the sea. Yamapi enjoyed the waves and Shige watched the stars. Where the two met, a restaurant called the ‘Horizon’.
They ate and chatted about nothing in particular. Shige leaned into the chest of the older man who sighed satisfactorily as he sipped at the dark, black coffee. They watched as the sun rose, replacing the million stars.
“Home?”
“Home.”
They drove home in silence, comfortably sure of where to go. They pulled into Yamapi’s apartment building. Took the lift up to the 23rd floor, unlocked the door, undressed and crawled into bed. Falling asleep, they dream about waking up, about how the first thing they’ll see is the smile on his face. Reality felt like the dream.
Yamapi had his filming today and Shige sent him off. He tidied up the room, made the bed and left the house, leaving for his own. The train ride home was long and lonely as he contemplated what to do once he got home. A day without work meant a day without him. He didn’t like it that way.
Koyama was sitting outside his door when he returned, fast asleep against a large potted plant his mother had once given him. He gently shook the boy awake, demanding to know what he was doing here.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Koyama grinned, lifting up a large white plastic bag from the nearby convenience shop. “I bought jelly.”
“I’ll let you in, because you have jelly.” The younger boy couldn’t help but smile. Koyama gave himself a pat on the back as he bounded into the apartment and greeted Nana-Chan who proceeded to bark accusingly at him.
“She’s accusing me for leaving her alone for these two weeks~” Koyama whined as he rubbed the dog’s pale belly affectionately.
“Sometimes I wonder whether you’re coming for me, or for my pets.”
“For Nana and Wagahai of course~” Koyama giggled as he made a gentle stroking action at the empty air next to his feet. “Ne? Wagahai?”
Shige rolled his eyes as he saw his cat hiss in agony. Koyama was stepping on the poor cat’s tail.
“You’re stepping on his tail, Koya.”
“Oh sorry.” Koyama hopped sideways much to Nana-Chan’s displeasure, earning him a loud bark from the puppy. Shige laughed. He missed his best friend’s stupidity.
“So… Pudding?”
“Milk pudding.” The older boy nodded and threw a white carton at the younger boy, who caught it easily. Shige walked into his kitchen before returning with 2 spoons, one of them having been specially reserved for Koyama.
“I’m eating MOW~” Koyama giggled, almost motherly. “Cuz Pi made it looks so good when he was eating it.”
Yamapi could make everything look better just by looking at it. That, Shige knew only too well.
He poked unenthusiastically at his milk pudding, wishing he could have the strawberry MOW
Koyama was devouring instead. He heard his cat laugh at him from the corner of his room.
“Shut up, Wagahai.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Koyama eyed the younger boy suspiciously. There have been many things Shige has been keeping from him recently and he felt slightly upset that that was the case. They had always been able to tell each other everything in the past and knowing that Shige was keeping secrets from him made him very unhappy. He watched the younger boy frown into the corner. Why were they drifting apart so quickly?
Did Shige know? How he felt, how he felt for him? Did Shige find out?
Shige’s cell phone played a familiar song that Koyama recognized as his ring tone. He watched as Shige moved into the kitchen to pick up the call. Shige never did that before. He sighed as he stroked Nana-Chan meaningfully. The dog whimpered and snuggled against the older man who grinned.
“At least you love me eh? Nana-Chan.”
Nana-Chan wondered where the other man had gone. The shorter stockier man who always came with a bag full of tidbits for her. She had missed this man but had gotten used to that man as well. However, she realized that the smile her owner had every time one of them visited was the same. Wagahai scoffed at the stupidity that was a dog. It was obvious to him that these humans were stupid. He spat at his owner and swaggered into the bedroom. Shige growled. Why had he even adopted that cat?
Koyama was speaking to air as he addressed the ever present Wagahai. Shige shook his head and laughed before grabbing Nana-Chan and sitting next to the older boy.
“Who called?”
“Yamapi.”
“You call him that? Yamapi.” Koyama blinked, slightly surprised. Shige coughed as he choked on his milk pudding.
“Uh… It was his direct order.”
“Oh.” Koyama stared at his cup. Nana Chan barked loudly.
“No treats for you today, Nana.”
“Woof.” Koyama barked and laughed at the stern look Shige was giving the both of them. He then put down his cup and gazed at the younger boy.
“You…had something to say?” Shige muttered uncomfortably. It had been a long time he had felt uncomfortable with Koyama. It surprised him that the older boy was being so serious.
“Yea.”
“What is it?”
“Is there anything wrong between us?” Koyama muttered, not looking up from the carpet floor. “I mean, you haven’t talked to me properly since 3 weeks ago. When you do talk to me, you always look at the floor. I want to know what’s wrong. You’re one of the most important people to me and I don’t like not being able to talk to you properly.”
“I... like you.” He finished, rather lamely. Shige stared at the floor. It wasn’t the first time he was hearing these words and it probably won’t be the last. If he continued like this; If he did, It would only hurt Keii Chan…
“I don’t. Keii chan.” Shige began, only to stop after looking up at the older boy. He was crying and Shige was always weak to those tears. He pulled the older boy into his chest and waited patiently as the older boy sobbed into his chest. Wagahai snarled. Shige ignored him and stroked the older boy’s back, trying to offer some form of comfort.
“Sorry…” Koyama choked on his words. Shige shook his head. This was what Yamapi would do, all the times he had complained and cried. This was what he did. Koyama tried to look at the younger boy’s face but found it facing away. Why couldn’t Shige just tell him? Ryo already did.
“It’s fine.”
“You know, Shige. I’m quitting NEWS.”
“What?”
“It’s a sudden decision.” Koyama sniffed as he wiped his tears away clumsily with his sleeve. “I don’t want you to have to keep secrets from me anymore. I don’t want you to feel bad about me. I don’t want you to feel bad about…him. About Yamapi. I already know, Shige.”
“Koyama… Don’t be stupid, there’s always room to talk about this.”
“You won’t talk to me anymore, Shige.” Koyama frowned, trying to keep his voice steady but failing. “I’m sorry, Shige. You’ll be okay without me.”
“What are you saying…” Shige wanted to cry. He wanted to cry badly. “Don’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” Koyama felt the younger boy’s lips on his, urgently seeking approval. Koyama just let him. “ I’ll break up with him. Just… don’t go, Keii Chan. Please…”