Miniseries: Pink (3 to 5-final)
Title: Pink
Pairing: RyoDa
Rating: PG 13, NC 17 in part 4
Summary: And the miniseries goes on. The song is written, but where do these two stand now there is nothing to pay back for? Or is there?
No beta
Pink 3, originally posted on 12/08/2009
His mother comes over that day, and it doesn´t really happen often at all. She inspects the apartment, noting it is almost clean, and strolls into the kitchen, declaring she will cook. She pulls out the pink apron, puts it on and makes Ueda watch her, claiming she will teach him how it is done. He can´t help but stare, but not at his mom being skilful because she really is not, not at what she is cooking because he has cooked that so many times before, but because that pink apron is suddenly very out of place. It seems weird, and he just can´t help thinking that he wants her to take it off and never use it again. He keeps watching her twirl in the kitchen, claiming that she is best in her cooking class, which she takes only because she is bored at home. The pink apron stirs as she moves, and Ueda knows he is buying his mom a new one because this one is reserved as of now.
Ryo takes his guitar and music sheets to bed. He only stops to get some water and snacks and sits cross-legged, playing through them. He is amazed and confused. He didn´t hear any music last night, no guitar, no anything, and he wasn´t sleeping so deeply, not really. In fact, he fell asleep only after Ueda did, and his sleep was light. He was aware of Ueda shifting time to time, and he could swear he knows when he left the bed, when he lost his body heat.
So how come he is holding two music sheets, each has his original version of the song rewritten on it, but each has small notes and suggestion, changes made on it. Can Ueda do this by memory only? Only hearing the music in his head? And how did he even know which version of the song was the latest one. They were all just splattered across the floor yesterday.
He plays the song once, twice; it is different now, but it takes his doubts away. He makes few more changes himself, adds an ending and adjusts the intro. He likes most of the alternations Ueda has made, and the song is done before the lunch.
He flops onto his back and studies the ceiling. After 10 minutes of a complete concentration on the crack forming in the left corner of it, he finally reaches next to him and brings the pink ribbon in front of his eyes. He cringes looking at it and contemplates if Ueda has gotten the message yesterday. And whether he ended it all because he got scared and didn´t want to play with the fire or because he wanted them to do this right.
Ryo knows very well they do not stand on equal grounds. He was the one who couldn´t stop his mind from drifting towards the copper-haired man; he was the one who brought him the gift, expecting nothing really. He was the one who´s heart jumped up and down like crazy when Ueda invited him over. Nevertheless, Ryo also knows Ueda was playing, and playing only. He wanted to have some fun, and frankly, it was a good deal. Pleasure for all the parties involved, only Ryo got selfish. He was content with having some fun at first, but yesterday he blurted out what was in him all along. Maybe he should just go, knock on Ueda´s door and finally give him what he wants, some sex with no strings attached, playful, teasing, maybe a little rough and dirty as that seems to be Ueda´s thing. Maybe he should do it while he still has a chance of not ending up too heartbroken, maybe he should just enjoy the moment and keep it at that, keep his face.
But now the game is over. The pink ribbon was called a receipt in the note, but in reality it is a clear sign telling him Ueda has decided to stop playing. Maybe he got fed up by Ryo not really cooperating; maybe he got bored. The game is over.
The last conversation with Pi plays in his head on repeat, over and over again.
Are you and Ueda dating?
We are not.
He closes his eyes, admits the defeat and falls asleep.
Two days later, Ryo storms into KAT-TUN´s dressing room. He finds Ueda and doesn´t even say hello before bursting out.
“You are trouble. Why did you touch my song? Now it is perfect, but it is not mine anymore? How do you think people will react when, in the credits, it will be written music by Nishikido Ryo and Ueda Tatsuya? Do you think the management will even allow it? Maybe the song will never get out because of that? And it´s perfect. It should get out. I even have lyrics for it now. But tell me, how can I admit you wrote it?!” He runs out of his breathe and looks at Ueda as if the man should solve all his problems.
Ueda just blinks. This definitely isn´t what he was expecting, and he has to admit Nishikido Ryo is one of a few people capable of surprising him. It is a bit astonishing that Ueda can´t read him.
“I don´t want any credits. You wrote the song; I just fixed one bridge.” He stands up so that Ryo can´t stare him down like that. He feels unsettled under that gaze.
“I can´t do that. How can I sleep at night knowing my work isn´t really mine?”
“Just live with it, Nishikido! I don´t get you anymore.” Ueda is dangerously close.
“You hit on me, but when I am offering, you are not taking. Instead you act fucking caring, letting me sleep, cooking for me and keeping me company even when you clearly want to be alone. You do not deliver, and now you are even mad at me?”
They are looking each other into the eyes, none of them moving, both of them hardly breathing. Jin gapes, Maru sighs and Kame chuckles. Ryo breaks the stare first, turns around and marches out. Ueda inhales slowly, exhales even slower again and again. He then returns to his seat, knocking his shopping bag over. Shiny new apron, light yellow with white stripes falls out of it. He eyes it and kicks it under the makeup table. The next moment his phone is vibrating, and he would throw it out of the window as well if it wasn´t so full of numbers he doesn´t want to lose.
I am not stealing your work, and I am not using it for free. I will pay for it, and I will pay in … goods.
This is a gift certificate.
Entitled Ueda Tatsuya is invited for a dinner to a restaurant of his choice.
The dinner is followed by a home-baked cake by Nishikido Ryo at his place.
Nishikido Ryo is in the powers of Ueda Tatsuya for the rest of the night. He will do as the other pleases. He was instructed to practice dirty talk until then.
Please specify time and date ASAP!
P.S.: You looked hot today. I like your hair in a ponytail like that; it makes me want to pull at it hard, take the elastic away and watch it fall down.
Ryo receives the answer almost immediately
I freaking thought you are done playing!
This Friday, 6 pm, that new place across the street. It looks posh enough to empty your wallet.
P.S.: As expected, Osaka accent is freaking hot. Especially when you are using it all excited and eager.
Ryo sighs. He doesn´t know what to think anymore.
This is not about what I want; this is about what you want, and you made pretty clear what that is. I am offering …
This is the confirmation of the time, the date and the place as you have specified. Nishikido Ryo will be waiting in the restaurant.
The identification mark: pink ribbon
Ueda and Ryo meet in the parking lot going home that day. In fact Ueda is waiting for Ryo who can finally drive, leaning against the driver´s door of his car. Ryo comes close, but Ueda doesn´t move. Only when Ryo wants to say something, he pulls him by the collar and kisses him hard. This time, it doesn´t take much for Ryo to answer, and it is completely different from the last attempt. His tongue beats Ueda´s in prying the other´s mouth open. He takes everything he is given, but Ueda is chasing after him, the tongues meeting, clashing. Ryo´s hand is traveling down Ueda´s back to his rear. The other doesn´t even bother; he keeps one hand still, clutching to Ryo´s collar, the other is relaxed just hanging at his side, but his body pushes upfront, meeting Ryo.
Ryo wants more; he needs something to hold on to, but Ueda is pulling away already.
“You shouldn´t play with the fire, Ryo,” he hisses out “… you are not ready to be burnt.”
“Don´t tell me what to do,” Ryo retorts; his hand squeezes Ueda´s ass, but then he is shoving him to the side and opening his car.
Ueda reaches for him. Running his hand through his hair, he pulls hard. Ryo´s head follows the hair, his neck suddenly exposed. The older latches his lips into the vain pulsing there, bites and sucks, but Ryo doesn´t make a sound. He is fighting not to. He can´t lose. Ueda stops and gives him one last look.
“I won´t hold back.”
He leaves Ryo behind, the other slamming into his car seat but not starting the engine. Ueda closes his hands, forming two firm fists. He curses as his heart doesn´t want to calm down and heads for the gym. He needs the relief the boxing can offer.
~
Pink 4, originally posted on 15/08/2009, !NC-17
Kame and Ueda walk out of the work together. Kame inspects his bandmate, the way he is dressed, posh and so typically for him, with the flair, how he smells a bit more defiantly than usual and how his hair is in a ponytail which doesn´t really fit with his overall look. At least Kame thinks so.
“You are meeting Ryo again,” he concludes, turning his head forward and snorting just a little.
“So ... what is the point?” Ueda keeps his cool, why shouldn´t he.
“Well normally, the game would be over by now.”
“Do you really think you know me so well?” Ueda sounds as if they were discussing politics, completely cold and disinterested.
Kame steals another glance at him. “You still haven´t slept with him.”
“And?”
“You shared your ideas with him, you worked on his song, you clearly were in his apartment, yet …”
When they get to the door, Ueda halts Kame´s track. “Again, I am asking you: what is the point of this conversation?”
“You know, Tat-chan …” Kame looks a little amused, "I am the younger one here. I should not be preaching about falling for someone to you. Of all people! You write damn love songs!”
Ueda tilts his head. “Then don´t,” he says. They walk out in silence, and right before Kame heads off in a different direction than Ueda, the other speaks again. “You know, you are such a brat.”
Kame laughs openly now. “It´s not like that is something new now, is it?”
“It isn´t but I can still make the observation.”
“Have a nice evening.” Kame waves him off and disappears.
Ueda comes into the restaurant and giggles to himself as a waiter with pink ribbon tied around his neck under the collar of his fancy shirt bows to him. He takes him to the table, and Ueda must admit it makes him relax a bit. He doesn´t know what to expect from Ryo anymore, and he has been restless ever since their last meeting. The pink helps, he realizes. It is relaxing. He sees Ryo dressed nicely but so simple, white shirt, grey trousers, sitting behind the table absent-mindedly playing with yet another pink ribbon, slightly deeper shade of it, wrapped around the flower decoration in the middle of the table. He himself doesn´t wear any pink at all; not unless you count a slight tint that graces his cheeks as Tatsuya sits opposite to him. Ueda figures it is enough though.
The dinner can be called awkward by an observer, but neither Ryo nor Ueda would agree. Despite the heavy atmosphere that is always in the back of their minds, despite the obvious tension that accumulated since their parking lot encounter, they manage to talk and talk nicely. Ueda is too curious about the song, wanting to know why Ryo thinks it is so perfect. He wants to see the lyrics to it and wants to make sure Ryo shows the song to the world. Ryo wants to tell Ueda all about it because, really, the more he looks at the final product, the more he plays it, the more he likes it, and he wants Ueda to understand. He also needs to make sure that Ueda thinks he deserves today´s treat. Although no one really talks about that; no one really mentions that they meet because one feels obliged to the other. No one voices the fact that even more than before, Ryo promised Tatsuya some pretty explicit service, and this all is just some kind of twisted foreplay.
They manage to laugh, and when they stay silent, it is almost comfortable. They eat plenty but neither of them drinks. They both want to be sober for what is to come. Whatever that is. They move to other topics to talk about, they enjoy the moment, and ignore the glances they give each other when they think the other isn´t looking. They ignore the fact they catch each other almost every time and try again and again. Ueda feels something is wrong with the world because Ryo is somehow beyond his control, and Ryo feels he will need all of his strength to see this evening through as he gets lost in small detail about Ueda´s way of speaking, moving, lingering when he looks at him. The same observer would call it a date, first date maybe, given the slightly rough atmosphere. But again, nor Ueda nor Ryo would agree. They know this is not a date, it is a game Ueda has ended once already and Ryo restarted because he saw no other way to be with the man sitting across the table from him.
The dinner is over too soon for Ryo and too late for Ueda. They drive to Ryo´s place in Ueda´s car. Somehow it is natural and doesn´t need explanations; Ryo didn´t take his to work today. It is practical this way. Ueda can leave whenever he wants if he has his own means of transport. The road is silent, just the music from the radio echoes in the background. They take the elevator, and both of them keep in their own corner. They enter the apartment and take off their shoes, and Ryo just leads the way to the kitchen. Ueda spots the guitar in the living room.
“I want to hear the song. Will you play it for me?”
“Now?” Ryo sounds a little frightened.
“You don´t want to.” Ueda can tell from how Ryo doesn´t even stop and just pulls the cake out, ties his own apron, conveniently yellow, around his waist and starts whipping the cream.
“I won´t force you,” Ueda says as a reminiscence of a pink apron back home flashes in front of him. He watches as Ryo works.
“If it really is your wish, I´ll do it. I promised, for tonight.”
“There are things I won´t force you to do no matter what.” Ueda takes Ryo´s chin and looks him straight into the eyes. It´s their first contact tonight, and it burns on Ueda´s fingerprints. Ryo blinks at him and goes back to the cake. When it is fully decorated, he looks up, spins around very quickly and projects a big spoon out of somewhere.
“I don´t eat deserts, so you eat it all, take the rest with you., I don´t want it to be sitting in my fridge. Here …” He gives Ueda the spoon, “... I hear it is kind of cool to eat a cake just like that, with a big spoon without having to worry about proper table manners.”
“You want me to barbarically eat a cake while you watch?” Ueda can´t help it. If it was the other way around, it would be … something flashes in his eyes and he takes the spoon.
Ryo appears as if a lightening had just struck him.
“I never thought of it like that. Not until now.”
Ueda forgets everything when tasting the cake. It is sweet but not too much, has a freshness to it, apparently punched with something fruity that makes it soft maybe even slightly bitter. The cold, fresh whipped cream is a perfect fit, and he looks at Ryo in amazement, digging in and putting one big spoon into his mouth after another. He is stuffing his face and looking round eyed at the Osakan.
“Taste …” He gulps, “… full. Great!”
Ryo would chuckle, but the innocent look the boxer is giving him is affecting him too much. He needs to concentrate. Luckily for him, that is the moment Ueda remembers he wanted to put a show on, and he swallows properly, sucks on his spoon a little and licks his lips. The manner in which he laps over his next spoonful is very much different. It makes Ryo angry because it reminds him that this all is just a game. The anger doesn´t stop his body from reacting. On the contrary, it sharpens his sense and magnifies the effect of Ueda suddenly groaning a little. He manages to look on a bit longer.
However, when Ueda leaves a little of whipped cream in the corner of his mouth, Ryo snaps, reaches over to the other man. He lifts his chin and runs a thumb across the other´s lips, harshly, pulling at them, and he more smears than cleans the food. He is then pulling him into standing and kissing him on the side to finally dispose of the cream, and only then the tongue travels towards Ueda´s lips. The other is already waiting for him, and they clash. It´s rough and almost painful. They kiss and they bite; the tongues exploring the depths in which they haven´t been before. Ryo pushes and pulls Ueda towards the bedroom, his hands already busy, underneath Ueda´s shirt.
When the boxer feels Ryo´s fingerprints on the bare skin of his stomach, he braces himself and pushes the other away. They look at each other for a moment, both breathing faster than they would like to.
“Do you really want this?” He asks, and he too sounds mad.
“Do I look like I am protesting?”
“That is not what I asked. Stop while you can.”
Ryo takes a step forward, and he is fast, his hand in Ueda´s hair, he is pulling his head backwards. It´s a little déjà vu from few days back. His tongue licks upwards on Ueda´s neck, towards his jaw and back down, then he bites down and sucks. Ueda moans, and in that moment Ryo stops.
“This is what you want, and tonight I do what you want. And let´s be honest. I want to pull your hair again. I want to touch you; hell I want to feel you everywhere. I want your body moving against mine; I want to make you scream and fall apart.” Ryo´s look is hard and needy, his eyes travel up and down the other man.
“Didn´t you say it´s about what I want?” Ueda hooks his hand around Ryo´s waist, bringing them together.
“Then stop babbling and tell me, show me.” Ryo pushes them closer to the bedroom again, and Ueda spins them around and throws him against the door.
They fall through them and stumble, somehow not falling, Ueda holding Ryo firmly in his grasp. He shuts the door with his foot, and spinning them yet again, he presses Ryo into them, his thigh between Ryo´s legs.
“Why are you so stubborn?”
Ryo drops his hands and stays completely still. “If you want me to be submissive, I will.” There is challenge in his voice.
Ueda´s eyes darken as he moves his leg up once, twice, and then Ryo moans.
“Bastard,” Ryo breaths out but doesn´t touch Ueda, fighting not to move at all.
“Touch me. Idiot, just touch me already.”
That´s all it takes for Ryo to meet Ueda next time he presses into him, for his hands to grip Ueda´ s shirt and tug at it, undo the buttons and take it off, for his mouth to find Ueda´s earlobe and pull at it, then flick his tongue behind it
“I´ll drive you crazy.”
“Can you really?” Ueda retorts. He is angry, but Ryo´s hands travel down his back, to his ass as he pushes them closer. He can´t stay behind, so he yanks away and stares at Ryo´s shirt.
“Take it off.”
And Ryo complies, whining a little at being stopped from what he is doing. But he disposes of it anyway and doesn´t stop there, fumbling with his belt, unzipping his trouser and letting them fall down. He quickly steps out of them, and before Ueda can approach him again, he is pushing him onto the bed behind them. He straddles him, pushes down, but then lifts himself on his knees so he can take care of Ueda´s trousers as well.
“I thought I am in charge tonight,” Ueda hisses out, pushes up, grabs Ryo´s shoulder and shovels him onto the bed. He makes him spread his legs and kneels between them. He places his hands on both sides of Ryo´s torso and flicks small teasing kisses above the waistband of his boxers. He moves up slowly, Ryo´s nails digging into his shoulders.
“Fucking tease,” the younger man hisses, and in that moment Ueda realizes Ryo´s is probably the quiet type when it comes to sex. He is clearly talking because of what Ueda has asked last time he was over here. He would chuckle, but the other´s left nipple is right in front of him, so he bites it instead and then heals it with his tongue as his fingers are rubbing the other one.
Ryo´s hands move down his back and to his front. They stroke his stomach, and travel up, attacking Ueda´s nipples as well. Ryo doesn´t moan; he holds his breath, and Ueda´s even angrier at that. He shoots up and kisses him hard. Ryo suddenly pushes him away and places one of his palms flat against Ueda´s chest.
“Just one thing, one thing, and then you do what you want with me,” he whispers, and his other hand travels up into Ueda´s hair. He caresses them, and as slowly as he can, he pulls at the elastic.
“You wore this on purpose.” It´s almost inaudible but Ueda hears it, and once again, he is reminded why he ended this game in the first place. He doesn´t move though, only shakes his head a little for the effect as his hair fall down and Ryo watches almost mesmerized. Then he is running his hand through that hair, pulling them back and reaching upwards, kissing Ueda.
It´s back to fighting now, both of them wanting to dominate. Ryo lets Ueda fall down onto him again, and his hand travels down and to his front. Ueda whimpers, and Ryo strokes him with intent, the other hand squeezing one of Ueda´s butt cheeks.
At the same moment, they are both pulling at their underwear, and they are off and on the floor. Ueda pushes his body down, and their arousals meet, flesh against the flesh, chest against chest as they are not even kissing anymore, their lips just pressed together. Ryo reaches for Ueda´s hips and pushes up.
“How do you want this?” He asks into Ueda´s lips and moans for the first time as Ueda´s hand finds his way in between them and his fingers close around him. His thumb strokes the tip, and his wrist twists a little.
“What do you think?” He retorts back, biting Ryo´s lip. The other shivers, and his hand reaches to the left. He finds the lube and pushes it into Ueda´s hand. His breathing is ragged as Ueda´s other hand strokes the inside of his thigh.
“Fuck, get on with it.” And Ryo´s nails are marking Ueda yet again.
Ueda smirks and lifts himself up, his hand leaving Ryo completely. He sits on his heels, lifts Ryo´s knees, making him more exposed and completely vulnerable.
“Do it for me,” he commands. Ryo was the one who didn´t stop him when he could. Ueda´s eyes are cold, and Ryo stops breathing for a moment, his heart aching from the ice in Ueda´s tone.
He opens the tube, coats his fingers and brings it down, hesitating a little. Ueda watches him; the moment he touches himself, he grips his wrist, pulls it away, and Ryo is forced to sit up.
“You don´t want this,” he breathes out.
“You do!” Ryo retorts madly, but Ueda is kissing him senseless, pushing himself up, so he doesn´t sit anymore, still not letting go of Ryo, who tastes desperate and needy and who is looking at him with eyes clouded and unreadable. He snatches the lube and soon is pushing down on his own finger. He inhales sharply and is shocked when Ryo suddenly pulls away, jostles him down, brings his knees up to his stomach and his finger joins Ueda´s.
“Freak, why do you fuck around with me?” He swaps Ueda´s hand away and pushes in another finger. Ueda moans and Ryo moves in and out, stroking when inside. His other hand closes around Ueda´s erection to distract him as he pushes one more finger in and watches as Ueda gasps and bites his lip when he finally finds the right place.
“There?” He asks, and when Ueda doesn´t answer, he presses that spot stronger as to emphasize.“I asked you, right there? Tell me!”
Ueda moans.
“Yes, fuck, right there.” And he tries to reach for Ryo.
The other gets the hint, leans down and let´s Ueda kiss him as his both hands are working on him. Ueda throws his head back with the next stroke, and Ryo knows he is close. He stops the motion, takes his hand away and finds Ueda´s. he squeezes some lube onto his palm and whispers into his ear.
“You know what to do.”
Ueda understands, and Ryo groans as a cold lube and Ueda´s fingers make the contact. He lets him pull twice, and then his fingers leave Ueda, and he is sinking into him, and they both moan. Ueda arches and allows Ryo to push all the way in at once.
Ryo stops moving. He caresses Ueda´s cheek, runs his thumbs across his closed eyes.
“Open your eyes,” he demands, his voice low and dangerous, and Ueda wonders if he pushes him too much. He obeys.
“Move!” he returns the venom, and Ryo does, slowly pulling out and then grinding down.
“Faster,” Ueda begs as the tempo is painstakingly slow.
He grabs Ryo´s arms that are on both sides of him and clutches to him with bruising strength. “More…”
Ryo finally speeds up, thrusts becoming more and more erratic. Ueda uses the support Ryo´s arms provide to pull himself up and nibble at his lips. It´s all he manages between his moans.
“Ryo,” he chants and fights to keep his gaze steady on the other.
Ryo´s eyes don´t see, lost in Ueda´s own; he just feels. Ueda´s fingers deep in the flesh of his arms, Ueda´s thight muscles around him, Ueda´s lips ghosting over his, Ueda´s tongue occasionally licking him; he can just keep on going, knowing he will not last much longer. His entire body is trembling, his blood is boiling and he is aching because the instinct is stronger and covers everything else. Yet the eyes, the only thing he sees, are reminding him of the more he wants. The heat is pooling down, so he reaches between them and pulls at Ueda who moans and falls back onto the bed, helpless.
“Ryo,” he whispers, throwing his head back as his orgasm takes over him. He contracts around Ryo, and it sends the other over the edge too.
“Tatsuya,” he pleads as he comes and shakes with pleasure before collapsing. But not onto the boxer´s chest as Ueda expects him to, but back to his knees. He pulls out maybe too soon and sits on his heels, his head hanging low, his chest heaving.
“Tatsuya,” he repeats, but Ueda is too busy trying to regain his breath to answer. Ryo reaches for some tissues and cleans his hand and Ueda´s stomach. He is gentle, his hand is shaking and it´s quick. Ueda wants him to linger a little longer. When he disposes of the trash, he leans down. It makes Ueda happy to feel Ryo´s body heat again, so he threads his fingers into his hair.
Ryo looks down at him, studies him, his flushed cheeks, red parted lips, still panting a little, his hair ruffled and everywhere. He sweeps them off his eyes and lowers more, kissing Ueda once more. This time it is slow, no fighting. It is gentle and liquid, tongue sliding against Ueda´s lips and pass them, slowly caressing, entwining with the other, his thumb still drawing circles on Ueda´s neck. He pulls back, and Ueda wants to drag him down into another of these kisses because they make him more content than anything else. But Ryo doesn´t cooperate; he stares at Ueda intently.
“What do you want?”
Ueda´s heart skips, but he doesn´t have the answer. He is shivering under that gaze, and he can feel the question in his bones.
“I mean, what do you want me to do next?” Ueda realizes there is chill in Ryo´s voice. “Do you want me to let you sleep? Or do you want me to sleep next to you? Do you want to take shower and leave? Or do you want me to hold you until the morning? I am still at your disposal and whichever is fine with me. You said you won´t hold back, and I too don´t want you to.”
Ueda´s eyes widen, and he shovels Ryo away.
“Idiot. You are such an idiot.” It´s not hurt in his voice not at all. “Leave me alone!” He snaps and curls up.
“Fine.” Ryo grabs the pink ribbon that is on his night stand. “I believe we use these as receipts,” he says warily. “This one is yours.” He softly puts it on the pillow next to Ueda´s head.
Ryo climbs down from the bed, collects his boxers and before leaving the bedroom, shoots Ueda one last look.
“You could have stopped me if this is not what you wanted.” He leaves, closes the door, dresses himself up and goes for a long walk. When he comes back, his bed is almost empty - Tatsuya´s scent still lingering even though the man has left.
Ryo sleeps on the couch.
~
Pink 5, originally published on 17/08/2009
Ueda comes home in the middle of the night. He takes a long shower and flops onto his couch, opens the box he found in the kitchen when he was leaving Ryo´s apartment and digs into the cake. It tastes as good as it did before, maybe even better, since Ueda is hungry now. The mighty whipped cream has fallen from its high but is still tasty, and Ueda thinks it is appropriate - the way the cake looks imperfect and tastes a little bitter-sweet. He finishes it all, crashes the box a little angrily and makes the effort by not only throwing it into the trash, but taking the trash out, into a big container outside, so there is no trace of it in his apartment. He comes in and goes to sleep; he has only few hours until he has to wake up and face Kame. One might add facing his emotions as well, but Ueda is pretty sure he has done that already. When Ryo asked him what he wanted right after he had gotten what he was after from the start.
Ryo washes his sheets next morning, airs out the apartment and hides the song. He takes another long walk and examines the damages Ueda left on his body last night. He ignores those on his heart and pushes the “Leave me alone” to the side. He doesn´t need to be told. There is no more reason to play; especially when the game has ended before the dawn. He can´t wait to slip back to work mode on Monday, already mentally preparing himself for ignoring Pi for a few days if he asks.
“Here, take it! You play guitar; you´ve been getting better. You can pull this off. If you do this right, it will be a big hit and you´ll be our next big star.” Ryo is handing a music sheet to more than less surprised Shige. The song just refused to stay in the second left drawer of his table.
Shige takes the song hesitantly and examines the paper. Ryo is already heading for the couch.
“It is written here: music by Ryo Nishikido and Ueda Tatsuya. If you don´t want it, why don´t you give it to Ueda? He plays guitar.”
“Don´t worry about that. Ueda was compensated for his input, and he doesn´t want to claim authorship. Neither do I. Take the song, and for all I care say you wrote it. I believe it will help your popularity, and god knows you need that.”
“I can´t just say the song is mine. That is against intellectual property laws,” Shige snaps at him.
“Do what you want. I gave the song to you,” Ryo huffs decidedly, puts his headphones on and lies on the couch. He has pretty evident dark circles under his eyes and seems to fall asleep almost immediately. Shige wonders what he has done all weekend, and Yamapi tries to get his attention and pry into things, but Ryo just squeezes his eyes more shut and doesn´t move.
“I want to hear a big hit,” Massu states and brings Shige his guitar. They discover lyrics on the other side of the paper.
“Subtle,” Massu mutters and lets Shige read the music. Firstly, he just tries his fingers, ghosting them over the strings, and only when he goes over the song twice, he plays it, trying to guess the rhythm.
Ueda and Kame are walking down the hall when Ueda hears someone playing the guitar in NEWS dressing room. He stops and then turns quickly and comes in without asking. Shige chooses that moment to stop.
“Ah, this is hard.”
“Well for someone who hasn´t written the song you did well. I think the middle section should be played a little faster, and didn´t you mess up the last bridge?“
“Oh I did,” Shige scoffs “…and faster? Are you sure?”
Only then Shige realizes he is talking to Ueda. He likes the song and was too into trying to make it sound good to pay attention. All eyes are on the boxer now. He is standing in the doorway, Kame peering through from behind. Ueda comes in, sits against Shige and nods.
“Try again.”
Shige does, and Ueda is right. Ryo is too. The song definitely has the potential. When he finishes, he looks over to the other in confusion.
“Why did Ryo give this to me? And since when do you two compose music together?”
“I have no idea, you should be asking him. He has reimbursed me for my part, so as far as I am concerned the song is his. As for your other question, we don´t, not really.”
Ueda gets up and looks around the room. He knows Ryo is in there somewhere, can feel it. He sees him sleeping on the sofa and comes closer, gives Shige one more look, nods again and turns to the sleeping figure.
“He did good finishing it. If I had heard it sooner, I wouldn´t have accepted anything from him. The song was his from the start.”
It is then that Ueda notices a bruise and scratches on Ryo´s arm, just barely covered by his short sleeves. He touches them slightly, runs his fingers over what he knows are finger nail marks. The other man doesn´t react in anyway. He is clearly in a deep slumber. Once again. Ueda thinks it is quite typical that Ryo would be sleeping in this moment. He pulls his hand away and leaves without another word.
“What the heck?” Pi stares after him, Kame just laughs and Yamapi turns his attention to him. “Care to explain?”
“Hmmm… not really, but what do you think?“
“Are they dating?” Pi asks, thinking that maybe Ryo has lied to him back when he questioned him. Although he didn´t sound like that at all.
“I don´t think so.” Kame tilts his head. “I should go. We have a meeting.” With that, he too departs.
Ryo wakes up and is met with confused looks from his bandmates. He ignores them and glares when Pi asks about Ueda and when Shige tries mentioning the song. The day ends, and another and another.
Ryo is smoking by the back emergency exit on his floor. It is quite a common smoking area, so he is surprised he is alone. Not that he is protesting. He fumbles in his pocket, huffs in irritation when instead of his cigarettes, he pulls a pink ribbon out of his it ,and after some struggle to untangle the pack and the lighter, he lights another one. When the door creaks, he doesn’t even look its way. e couldn´t care less about who is joining him.
“It will kill you one day,” Ueda is sitting down on the floor next to him, looking ahead.
Ryo stares down at him, and next time he puts the cigarette to his mouth, the drag is longer than usual. There is silence, and when it is broken, it is Ueda speaking again while playing nervously with his left ankle.
“Isn´t it difficult?”
“Huh?” Ryo can´t help it. If Ueda seeks him out, he has no reason to drive him away.
“Well you have no girlfriend, but I don´t believe a girl would want to dump you. So that means you are doing all the dumping. Isn´t it tiring?”
“What are you talking about?” Ryo takes another drag.
“You cook well, you bake great cakes and you look hot and cute at the same time in something as ridiculous as pink apron. There is no way a girl would ever want to break up with you.”
Ryo disposes of the cigarette and slides down the wall to sit next to Ueda.
“I am not cute! That is Massu´s job. Besides, you know, cooking skills are not the most important thing in a relationship,” he says as if explaining to a five year old.
“I know, but you are good looking, you earn nice money, you are gentle, caring and you go out of your way for the other person, doing things you are not even comfortable with, playing games you don´t want to play. And on top of all that you cook!”
“You make me sound like a great catch.” Ryo´s voice is cold, and it irks Ueda to bones. He is trying here. Why is Ryo so so obstinate?
“Ok I get it, you are too stubborn for your own good, but that can be overlooked I guess.”
Ryo isn´t sure where this is heading. He watches as Ueda loops one of his fingers around the strands around his left ankle and lets them go. He reaches down and rubs them as well.
“If you keep playing with them, they will look awful in no time.”
“Will you give me another set then?”
“Should I?”
“I miss your cooking,” Ueda says in response as Ryo keeps massaging his ankle.
“When I gave you these, it was not calculated. I wasn´t expecting anything in return.”
“When I added three notes to your song, I didn´t even think about making you feel indebted to me.”
Ueda pulls out a pink ribbon out of his pocket.
“I don´t know if the girls think the same, but I also like the occasional overconfidence of yours, and the sex was great.”
“Of course it was,” Ryo manages even as he blushes. Although he insists it´s just the color of his anger getting to his face because Ueda is toying with him again.
“I just I wish you would have told me you are not a talker when making out. There are things I would never force you to do.” Ueda allows himself a giggle, but the other doesn´t react.
Ryo stays silent and so does Ueda. It is heavy, yet Ueda knows it could be completely natural. It is loaded, yet Ryo hopes it could be so light. Ryo still strokes Ueda´s ankle, and Ueda still crumples the ribbon between his fingers. When Ryo´s thumb makes the next circle and Ueda´s palm closes around the ribbon next time, Ryo feels Ueda´s head fall to his shoulder. He inhales sharply because having Ueda this close is making him selfish again, it is driving him close to that invisible line he had drawn in between what he can and cannot around the other man.
“Ueda I can´t do this. I can´t play with you anymore.”
“And why didn´t you say so earlier?” The boxer suddenly feels light as his heart speeds up.
“Because you promised me a desert, and I got horny." Ryo knows that is not the whole truth, but it has to be enough.
“I finally see why the girls leave you. You are insatiable, aren´t you? But I am too. I want to touch you again, I want to talk to you more and I want to see you in my kitchen wearing that apron you wore last time because now I know how it looks on you, no one else can wear it. I want to eat your food again.”
Ryo pulls his own pink ribbon out of his pocket.
.
“What do you want?” Ueda asks him.
Ryo stands up abruptly, snatches Ueda´s ribbon away and throws them into the trash can, into the midst of all those cigarette butts. Ueda tries to stop him, but Ryo just shoves him into the wall, his hands painfully clutching at his waist
.
“Why did you destroy them?” Ueda tries to push him away, but Ryo lifts his chin and looks him straight into the eyes. And that look makes Ueda shiver again.
“Ryo … I am not playing anymore,” he says, and the hand on his chin runs down his neck, across his shoulder and all the way down to his palm. When Ueda feels it slipping away, he grabs it.
“Then stop rambling and tell me where I stand,” Ryo finally talks.
Ueda just squeezes his hand tighter in his, leans forward and kisses the other. Ryo wants to pull away, so Ueda´ s other hand shoots to his nape, and his tongue caresses the path from one corner of Ryo´s lips to another. Ryo lets him in, and Ueda kisses him deeper. But he is taking his time, slowly, gently. He doesn´t try to take Ryo´s breath away and pulls back just in time.
“I am a man, Japanese at that, I don´t talk about my emotions,” he states, looking back at Ryo fiercely now, “… but hell you should know by now! I stole that song of yours from Shige for heaven´s sake.”
Ryo grins and steps back. “So that´s why I couldn´t find it!”
“I´ll give it back if you cook for me tonight.” Ueda knows they will be fine as he finally lets go of Ryo´s hand.
“This time you are helping out. That is the only way you won´t fall asleep.” Ryo just can´t stop that smile as he is pretending to scold the other.
“That is not fair!”
“Who said anything about this being fair?”
“Well as long as you wear the pink apron …”
“Tatsuya?” Ryo´s eyes are serious again. “I will play along with you as long as you stop playing with others.”
Ueda laughs and opens the door for Ryo who flushes again.
“I am no girl.” He almost manages to sound angry now, almost …
“The moment I started playing with you, everything else was game over anyway,” Ueda whispers as Ryo passes him on the way inside.
A week later Shige is confusedly looking around KAT-TUN´s dressing room.
“Ryo said Ueda is looking for me,” he explains to Kame who just raises an eyebrow, not looking away from his pinky that he just painted black.
Ueda comes in then and greets him happily. “So Kato-kun, sit down here please.”
Shige sits, Kame smirks, Shige twitches and Ueda laughs.
“Ignore that woman over there. Here are some songs I have written lately, choose whatever you want and take it.”
Shige´s eyes widen as he looks over the songs. He still mourns because of the song Ryo gave him. It got lost, and it was such a good song.
“Why?” he can´t help but wonder.
Ueda pulls out one other sheet of music and shows it to Shige. “Well, let´s say I am trying to make up for finding this and not planning on returning it.”
Shige´s eyes pop out now, but when Kame bursts out laughing and starts cursing the next moment, realizing he wrecked his index and ring finger, he decides not to mess with these people. He quickly chooses two songs, and when Ueda demands he takes both, he exits quickly.
“You scared him,” Ueda notes towards Kame as he watches Shige go.
“Well I can´t help it. Your love life is too much fun,” Kame pouts at him, all fake.
“Well at least I have some.” Ueda flops next to Kame. “Do you have a pink nail polish as well?”
END
I still love this series for reasons unknown. I just have to read it to remind myself.
Pairing: RyoDa
Rating: PG 13, NC 17 in part 4
Summary: And the miniseries goes on. The song is written, but where do these two stand now there is nothing to pay back for? Or is there?
No beta
Pink 3, originally posted on 12/08/2009
His mother comes over that day, and it doesn´t really happen often at all. She inspects the apartment, noting it is almost clean, and strolls into the kitchen, declaring she will cook. She pulls out the pink apron, puts it on and makes Ueda watch her, claiming she will teach him how it is done. He can´t help but stare, but not at his mom being skilful because she really is not, not at what she is cooking because he has cooked that so many times before, but because that pink apron is suddenly very out of place. It seems weird, and he just can´t help thinking that he wants her to take it off and never use it again. He keeps watching her twirl in the kitchen, claiming that she is best in her cooking class, which she takes only because she is bored at home. The pink apron stirs as she moves, and Ueda knows he is buying his mom a new one because this one is reserved as of now.
Ryo takes his guitar and music sheets to bed. He only stops to get some water and snacks and sits cross-legged, playing through them. He is amazed and confused. He didn´t hear any music last night, no guitar, no anything, and he wasn´t sleeping so deeply, not really. In fact, he fell asleep only after Ueda did, and his sleep was light. He was aware of Ueda shifting time to time, and he could swear he knows when he left the bed, when he lost his body heat.
So how come he is holding two music sheets, each has his original version of the song rewritten on it, but each has small notes and suggestion, changes made on it. Can Ueda do this by memory only? Only hearing the music in his head? And how did he even know which version of the song was the latest one. They were all just splattered across the floor yesterday.
He plays the song once, twice; it is different now, but it takes his doubts away. He makes few more changes himself, adds an ending and adjusts the intro. He likes most of the alternations Ueda has made, and the song is done before the lunch.
He flops onto his back and studies the ceiling. After 10 minutes of a complete concentration on the crack forming in the left corner of it, he finally reaches next to him and brings the pink ribbon in front of his eyes. He cringes looking at it and contemplates if Ueda has gotten the message yesterday. And whether he ended it all because he got scared and didn´t want to play with the fire or because he wanted them to do this right.
Ryo knows very well they do not stand on equal grounds. He was the one who couldn´t stop his mind from drifting towards the copper-haired man; he was the one who brought him the gift, expecting nothing really. He was the one who´s heart jumped up and down like crazy when Ueda invited him over. Nevertheless, Ryo also knows Ueda was playing, and playing only. He wanted to have some fun, and frankly, it was a good deal. Pleasure for all the parties involved, only Ryo got selfish. He was content with having some fun at first, but yesterday he blurted out what was in him all along. Maybe he should just go, knock on Ueda´s door and finally give him what he wants, some sex with no strings attached, playful, teasing, maybe a little rough and dirty as that seems to be Ueda´s thing. Maybe he should do it while he still has a chance of not ending up too heartbroken, maybe he should just enjoy the moment and keep it at that, keep his face.
But now the game is over. The pink ribbon was called a receipt in the note, but in reality it is a clear sign telling him Ueda has decided to stop playing. Maybe he got fed up by Ryo not really cooperating; maybe he got bored. The game is over.
The last conversation with Pi plays in his head on repeat, over and over again.
Are you and Ueda dating?
We are not.
He closes his eyes, admits the defeat and falls asleep.
Two days later, Ryo storms into KAT-TUN´s dressing room. He finds Ueda and doesn´t even say hello before bursting out.
“You are trouble. Why did you touch my song? Now it is perfect, but it is not mine anymore? How do you think people will react when, in the credits, it will be written music by Nishikido Ryo and Ueda Tatsuya? Do you think the management will even allow it? Maybe the song will never get out because of that? And it´s perfect. It should get out. I even have lyrics for it now. But tell me, how can I admit you wrote it?!” He runs out of his breathe and looks at Ueda as if the man should solve all his problems.
Ueda just blinks. This definitely isn´t what he was expecting, and he has to admit Nishikido Ryo is one of a few people capable of surprising him. It is a bit astonishing that Ueda can´t read him.
“I don´t want any credits. You wrote the song; I just fixed one bridge.” He stands up so that Ryo can´t stare him down like that. He feels unsettled under that gaze.
“I can´t do that. How can I sleep at night knowing my work isn´t really mine?”
“Just live with it, Nishikido! I don´t get you anymore.” Ueda is dangerously close.
“You hit on me, but when I am offering, you are not taking. Instead you act fucking caring, letting me sleep, cooking for me and keeping me company even when you clearly want to be alone. You do not deliver, and now you are even mad at me?”
They are looking each other into the eyes, none of them moving, both of them hardly breathing. Jin gapes, Maru sighs and Kame chuckles. Ryo breaks the stare first, turns around and marches out. Ueda inhales slowly, exhales even slower again and again. He then returns to his seat, knocking his shopping bag over. Shiny new apron, light yellow with white stripes falls out of it. He eyes it and kicks it under the makeup table. The next moment his phone is vibrating, and he would throw it out of the window as well if it wasn´t so full of numbers he doesn´t want to lose.
I am not stealing your work, and I am not using it for free. I will pay for it, and I will pay in … goods.
This is a gift certificate.
Entitled Ueda Tatsuya is invited for a dinner to a restaurant of his choice.
The dinner is followed by a home-baked cake by Nishikido Ryo at his place.
Nishikido Ryo is in the powers of Ueda Tatsuya for the rest of the night. He will do as the other pleases. He was instructed to practice dirty talk until then.
Please specify time and date ASAP!
P.S.: You looked hot today. I like your hair in a ponytail like that; it makes me want to pull at it hard, take the elastic away and watch it fall down.
Ryo receives the answer almost immediately
I freaking thought you are done playing!
This Friday, 6 pm, that new place across the street. It looks posh enough to empty your wallet.
P.S.: As expected, Osaka accent is freaking hot. Especially when you are using it all excited and eager.
Ryo sighs. He doesn´t know what to think anymore.
This is not about what I want; this is about what you want, and you made pretty clear what that is. I am offering …
This is the confirmation of the time, the date and the place as you have specified. Nishikido Ryo will be waiting in the restaurant.
The identification mark: pink ribbon
Ueda and Ryo meet in the parking lot going home that day. In fact Ueda is waiting for Ryo who can finally drive, leaning against the driver´s door of his car. Ryo comes close, but Ueda doesn´t move. Only when Ryo wants to say something, he pulls him by the collar and kisses him hard. This time, it doesn´t take much for Ryo to answer, and it is completely different from the last attempt. His tongue beats Ueda´s in prying the other´s mouth open. He takes everything he is given, but Ueda is chasing after him, the tongues meeting, clashing. Ryo´s hand is traveling down Ueda´s back to his rear. The other doesn´t even bother; he keeps one hand still, clutching to Ryo´s collar, the other is relaxed just hanging at his side, but his body pushes upfront, meeting Ryo.
Ryo wants more; he needs something to hold on to, but Ueda is pulling away already.
“You shouldn´t play with the fire, Ryo,” he hisses out “… you are not ready to be burnt.”
“Don´t tell me what to do,” Ryo retorts; his hand squeezes Ueda´s ass, but then he is shoving him to the side and opening his car.
Ueda reaches for him. Running his hand through his hair, he pulls hard. Ryo´s head follows the hair, his neck suddenly exposed. The older latches his lips into the vain pulsing there, bites and sucks, but Ryo doesn´t make a sound. He is fighting not to. He can´t lose. Ueda stops and gives him one last look.
“I won´t hold back.”
He leaves Ryo behind, the other slamming into his car seat but not starting the engine. Ueda closes his hands, forming two firm fists. He curses as his heart doesn´t want to calm down and heads for the gym. He needs the relief the boxing can offer.
~
Pink 4, originally posted on 15/08/2009, !NC-17
Kame and Ueda walk out of the work together. Kame inspects his bandmate, the way he is dressed, posh and so typically for him, with the flair, how he smells a bit more defiantly than usual and how his hair is in a ponytail which doesn´t really fit with his overall look. At least Kame thinks so.
“You are meeting Ryo again,” he concludes, turning his head forward and snorting just a little.
“So ... what is the point?” Ueda keeps his cool, why shouldn´t he.
“Well normally, the game would be over by now.”
“Do you really think you know me so well?” Ueda sounds as if they were discussing politics, completely cold and disinterested.
Kame steals another glance at him. “You still haven´t slept with him.”
“And?”
“You shared your ideas with him, you worked on his song, you clearly were in his apartment, yet …”
When they get to the door, Ueda halts Kame´s track. “Again, I am asking you: what is the point of this conversation?”
“You know, Tat-chan …” Kame looks a little amused, "I am the younger one here. I should not be preaching about falling for someone to you. Of all people! You write damn love songs!”
Ueda tilts his head. “Then don´t,” he says. They walk out in silence, and right before Kame heads off in a different direction than Ueda, the other speaks again. “You know, you are such a brat.”
Kame laughs openly now. “It´s not like that is something new now, is it?”
“It isn´t but I can still make the observation.”
“Have a nice evening.” Kame waves him off and disappears.
Ueda comes into the restaurant and giggles to himself as a waiter with pink ribbon tied around his neck under the collar of his fancy shirt bows to him. He takes him to the table, and Ueda must admit it makes him relax a bit. He doesn´t know what to expect from Ryo anymore, and he has been restless ever since their last meeting. The pink helps, he realizes. It is relaxing. He sees Ryo dressed nicely but so simple, white shirt, grey trousers, sitting behind the table absent-mindedly playing with yet another pink ribbon, slightly deeper shade of it, wrapped around the flower decoration in the middle of the table. He himself doesn´t wear any pink at all; not unless you count a slight tint that graces his cheeks as Tatsuya sits opposite to him. Ueda figures it is enough though.
The dinner can be called awkward by an observer, but neither Ryo nor Ueda would agree. Despite the heavy atmosphere that is always in the back of their minds, despite the obvious tension that accumulated since their parking lot encounter, they manage to talk and talk nicely. Ueda is too curious about the song, wanting to know why Ryo thinks it is so perfect. He wants to see the lyrics to it and wants to make sure Ryo shows the song to the world. Ryo wants to tell Ueda all about it because, really, the more he looks at the final product, the more he plays it, the more he likes it, and he wants Ueda to understand. He also needs to make sure that Ueda thinks he deserves today´s treat. Although no one really talks about that; no one really mentions that they meet because one feels obliged to the other. No one voices the fact that even more than before, Ryo promised Tatsuya some pretty explicit service, and this all is just some kind of twisted foreplay.
They manage to laugh, and when they stay silent, it is almost comfortable. They eat plenty but neither of them drinks. They both want to be sober for what is to come. Whatever that is. They move to other topics to talk about, they enjoy the moment, and ignore the glances they give each other when they think the other isn´t looking. They ignore the fact they catch each other almost every time and try again and again. Ueda feels something is wrong with the world because Ryo is somehow beyond his control, and Ryo feels he will need all of his strength to see this evening through as he gets lost in small detail about Ueda´s way of speaking, moving, lingering when he looks at him. The same observer would call it a date, first date maybe, given the slightly rough atmosphere. But again, nor Ueda nor Ryo would agree. They know this is not a date, it is a game Ueda has ended once already and Ryo restarted because he saw no other way to be with the man sitting across the table from him.
The dinner is over too soon for Ryo and too late for Ueda. They drive to Ryo´s place in Ueda´s car. Somehow it is natural and doesn´t need explanations; Ryo didn´t take his to work today. It is practical this way. Ueda can leave whenever he wants if he has his own means of transport. The road is silent, just the music from the radio echoes in the background. They take the elevator, and both of them keep in their own corner. They enter the apartment and take off their shoes, and Ryo just leads the way to the kitchen. Ueda spots the guitar in the living room.
“I want to hear the song. Will you play it for me?”
“Now?” Ryo sounds a little frightened.
“You don´t want to.” Ueda can tell from how Ryo doesn´t even stop and just pulls the cake out, ties his own apron, conveniently yellow, around his waist and starts whipping the cream.
“I won´t force you,” Ueda says as a reminiscence of a pink apron back home flashes in front of him. He watches as Ryo works.
“If it really is your wish, I´ll do it. I promised, for tonight.”
“There are things I won´t force you to do no matter what.” Ueda takes Ryo´s chin and looks him straight into the eyes. It´s their first contact tonight, and it burns on Ueda´s fingerprints. Ryo blinks at him and goes back to the cake. When it is fully decorated, he looks up, spins around very quickly and projects a big spoon out of somewhere.
“I don´t eat deserts, so you eat it all, take the rest with you., I don´t want it to be sitting in my fridge. Here …” He gives Ueda the spoon, “... I hear it is kind of cool to eat a cake just like that, with a big spoon without having to worry about proper table manners.”
“You want me to barbarically eat a cake while you watch?” Ueda can´t help it. If it was the other way around, it would be … something flashes in his eyes and he takes the spoon.
Ryo appears as if a lightening had just struck him.
“I never thought of it like that. Not until now.”
Ueda forgets everything when tasting the cake. It is sweet but not too much, has a freshness to it, apparently punched with something fruity that makes it soft maybe even slightly bitter. The cold, fresh whipped cream is a perfect fit, and he looks at Ryo in amazement, digging in and putting one big spoon into his mouth after another. He is stuffing his face and looking round eyed at the Osakan.
“Taste …” He gulps, “… full. Great!”
Ryo would chuckle, but the innocent look the boxer is giving him is affecting him too much. He needs to concentrate. Luckily for him, that is the moment Ueda remembers he wanted to put a show on, and he swallows properly, sucks on his spoon a little and licks his lips. The manner in which he laps over his next spoonful is very much different. It makes Ryo angry because it reminds him that this all is just a game. The anger doesn´t stop his body from reacting. On the contrary, it sharpens his sense and magnifies the effect of Ueda suddenly groaning a little. He manages to look on a bit longer.
However, when Ueda leaves a little of whipped cream in the corner of his mouth, Ryo snaps, reaches over to the other man. He lifts his chin and runs a thumb across the other´s lips, harshly, pulling at them, and he more smears than cleans the food. He is then pulling him into standing and kissing him on the side to finally dispose of the cream, and only then the tongue travels towards Ueda´s lips. The other is already waiting for him, and they clash. It´s rough and almost painful. They kiss and they bite; the tongues exploring the depths in which they haven´t been before. Ryo pushes and pulls Ueda towards the bedroom, his hands already busy, underneath Ueda´s shirt.
When the boxer feels Ryo´s fingerprints on the bare skin of his stomach, he braces himself and pushes the other away. They look at each other for a moment, both breathing faster than they would like to.
“Do you really want this?” He asks, and he too sounds mad.
“Do I look like I am protesting?”
“That is not what I asked. Stop while you can.”
Ryo takes a step forward, and he is fast, his hand in Ueda´s hair, he is pulling his head backwards. It´s a little déjà vu from few days back. His tongue licks upwards on Ueda´s neck, towards his jaw and back down, then he bites down and sucks. Ueda moans, and in that moment Ryo stops.
“This is what you want, and tonight I do what you want. And let´s be honest. I want to pull your hair again. I want to touch you; hell I want to feel you everywhere. I want your body moving against mine; I want to make you scream and fall apart.” Ryo´s look is hard and needy, his eyes travel up and down the other man.
“Didn´t you say it´s about what I want?” Ueda hooks his hand around Ryo´s waist, bringing them together.
“Then stop babbling and tell me, show me.” Ryo pushes them closer to the bedroom again, and Ueda spins them around and throws him against the door.
They fall through them and stumble, somehow not falling, Ueda holding Ryo firmly in his grasp. He shuts the door with his foot, and spinning them yet again, he presses Ryo into them, his thigh between Ryo´s legs.
“Why are you so stubborn?”
Ryo drops his hands and stays completely still. “If you want me to be submissive, I will.” There is challenge in his voice.
Ueda´s eyes darken as he moves his leg up once, twice, and then Ryo moans.
“Bastard,” Ryo breaths out but doesn´t touch Ueda, fighting not to move at all.
“Touch me. Idiot, just touch me already.”
That´s all it takes for Ryo to meet Ueda next time he presses into him, for his hands to grip Ueda´ s shirt and tug at it, undo the buttons and take it off, for his mouth to find Ueda´s earlobe and pull at it, then flick his tongue behind it
“I´ll drive you crazy.”
“Can you really?” Ueda retorts. He is angry, but Ryo´s hands travel down his back, to his ass as he pushes them closer. He can´t stay behind, so he yanks away and stares at Ryo´s shirt.
“Take it off.”
And Ryo complies, whining a little at being stopped from what he is doing. But he disposes of it anyway and doesn´t stop there, fumbling with his belt, unzipping his trouser and letting them fall down. He quickly steps out of them, and before Ueda can approach him again, he is pushing him onto the bed behind them. He straddles him, pushes down, but then lifts himself on his knees so he can take care of Ueda´s trousers as well.
“I thought I am in charge tonight,” Ueda hisses out, pushes up, grabs Ryo´s shoulder and shovels him onto the bed. He makes him spread his legs and kneels between them. He places his hands on both sides of Ryo´s torso and flicks small teasing kisses above the waistband of his boxers. He moves up slowly, Ryo´s nails digging into his shoulders.
“Fucking tease,” the younger man hisses, and in that moment Ueda realizes Ryo´s is probably the quiet type when it comes to sex. He is clearly talking because of what Ueda has asked last time he was over here. He would chuckle, but the other´s left nipple is right in front of him, so he bites it instead and then heals it with his tongue as his fingers are rubbing the other one.
Ryo´s hands move down his back and to his front. They stroke his stomach, and travel up, attacking Ueda´s nipples as well. Ryo doesn´t moan; he holds his breath, and Ueda´s even angrier at that. He shoots up and kisses him hard. Ryo suddenly pushes him away and places one of his palms flat against Ueda´s chest.
“Just one thing, one thing, and then you do what you want with me,” he whispers, and his other hand travels up into Ueda´s hair. He caresses them, and as slowly as he can, he pulls at the elastic.
“You wore this on purpose.” It´s almost inaudible but Ueda hears it, and once again, he is reminded why he ended this game in the first place. He doesn´t move though, only shakes his head a little for the effect as his hair fall down and Ryo watches almost mesmerized. Then he is running his hand through that hair, pulling them back and reaching upwards, kissing Ueda.
It´s back to fighting now, both of them wanting to dominate. Ryo lets Ueda fall down onto him again, and his hand travels down and to his front. Ueda whimpers, and Ryo strokes him with intent, the other hand squeezing one of Ueda´s butt cheeks.
At the same moment, they are both pulling at their underwear, and they are off and on the floor. Ueda pushes his body down, and their arousals meet, flesh against the flesh, chest against chest as they are not even kissing anymore, their lips just pressed together. Ryo reaches for Ueda´s hips and pushes up.
“How do you want this?” He asks into Ueda´s lips and moans for the first time as Ueda´s hand finds his way in between them and his fingers close around him. His thumb strokes the tip, and his wrist twists a little.
“What do you think?” He retorts back, biting Ryo´s lip. The other shivers, and his hand reaches to the left. He finds the lube and pushes it into Ueda´s hand. His breathing is ragged as Ueda´s other hand strokes the inside of his thigh.
“Fuck, get on with it.” And Ryo´s nails are marking Ueda yet again.
Ueda smirks and lifts himself up, his hand leaving Ryo completely. He sits on his heels, lifts Ryo´s knees, making him more exposed and completely vulnerable.
“Do it for me,” he commands. Ryo was the one who didn´t stop him when he could. Ueda´s eyes are cold, and Ryo stops breathing for a moment, his heart aching from the ice in Ueda´s tone.
He opens the tube, coats his fingers and brings it down, hesitating a little. Ueda watches him; the moment he touches himself, he grips his wrist, pulls it away, and Ryo is forced to sit up.
“You don´t want this,” he breathes out.
“You do!” Ryo retorts madly, but Ueda is kissing him senseless, pushing himself up, so he doesn´t sit anymore, still not letting go of Ryo, who tastes desperate and needy and who is looking at him with eyes clouded and unreadable. He snatches the lube and soon is pushing down on his own finger. He inhales sharply and is shocked when Ryo suddenly pulls away, jostles him down, brings his knees up to his stomach and his finger joins Ueda´s.
“Freak, why do you fuck around with me?” He swaps Ueda´s hand away and pushes in another finger. Ueda moans and Ryo moves in and out, stroking when inside. His other hand closes around Ueda´s erection to distract him as he pushes one more finger in and watches as Ueda gasps and bites his lip when he finally finds the right place.
“There?” He asks, and when Ueda doesn´t answer, he presses that spot stronger as to emphasize.“I asked you, right there? Tell me!”
Ueda moans.
“Yes, fuck, right there.” And he tries to reach for Ryo.
The other gets the hint, leans down and let´s Ueda kiss him as his both hands are working on him. Ueda throws his head back with the next stroke, and Ryo knows he is close. He stops the motion, takes his hand away and finds Ueda´s. he squeezes some lube onto his palm and whispers into his ear.
“You know what to do.”
Ueda understands, and Ryo groans as a cold lube and Ueda´s fingers make the contact. He lets him pull twice, and then his fingers leave Ueda, and he is sinking into him, and they both moan. Ueda arches and allows Ryo to push all the way in at once.
Ryo stops moving. He caresses Ueda´s cheek, runs his thumbs across his closed eyes.
“Open your eyes,” he demands, his voice low and dangerous, and Ueda wonders if he pushes him too much. He obeys.
“Move!” he returns the venom, and Ryo does, slowly pulling out and then grinding down.
“Faster,” Ueda begs as the tempo is painstakingly slow.
He grabs Ryo´s arms that are on both sides of him and clutches to him with bruising strength. “More…”
Ryo finally speeds up, thrusts becoming more and more erratic. Ueda uses the support Ryo´s arms provide to pull himself up and nibble at his lips. It´s all he manages between his moans.
“Ryo,” he chants and fights to keep his gaze steady on the other.
Ryo´s eyes don´t see, lost in Ueda´s own; he just feels. Ueda´s fingers deep in the flesh of his arms, Ueda´s thight muscles around him, Ueda´s lips ghosting over his, Ueda´s tongue occasionally licking him; he can just keep on going, knowing he will not last much longer. His entire body is trembling, his blood is boiling and he is aching because the instinct is stronger and covers everything else. Yet the eyes, the only thing he sees, are reminding him of the more he wants. The heat is pooling down, so he reaches between them and pulls at Ueda who moans and falls back onto the bed, helpless.
“Ryo,” he whispers, throwing his head back as his orgasm takes over him. He contracts around Ryo, and it sends the other over the edge too.
“Tatsuya,” he pleads as he comes and shakes with pleasure before collapsing. But not onto the boxer´s chest as Ueda expects him to, but back to his knees. He pulls out maybe too soon and sits on his heels, his head hanging low, his chest heaving.
“Tatsuya,” he repeats, but Ueda is too busy trying to regain his breath to answer. Ryo reaches for some tissues and cleans his hand and Ueda´s stomach. He is gentle, his hand is shaking and it´s quick. Ueda wants him to linger a little longer. When he disposes of the trash, he leans down. It makes Ueda happy to feel Ryo´s body heat again, so he threads his fingers into his hair.
Ryo looks down at him, studies him, his flushed cheeks, red parted lips, still panting a little, his hair ruffled and everywhere. He sweeps them off his eyes and lowers more, kissing Ueda once more. This time it is slow, no fighting. It is gentle and liquid, tongue sliding against Ueda´s lips and pass them, slowly caressing, entwining with the other, his thumb still drawing circles on Ueda´s neck. He pulls back, and Ueda wants to drag him down into another of these kisses because they make him more content than anything else. But Ryo doesn´t cooperate; he stares at Ueda intently.
“What do you want?”
Ueda´s heart skips, but he doesn´t have the answer. He is shivering under that gaze, and he can feel the question in his bones.
“I mean, what do you want me to do next?” Ueda realizes there is chill in Ryo´s voice. “Do you want me to let you sleep? Or do you want me to sleep next to you? Do you want to take shower and leave? Or do you want me to hold you until the morning? I am still at your disposal and whichever is fine with me. You said you won´t hold back, and I too don´t want you to.”
Ueda´s eyes widen, and he shovels Ryo away.
“Idiot. You are such an idiot.” It´s not hurt in his voice not at all. “Leave me alone!” He snaps and curls up.
“Fine.” Ryo grabs the pink ribbon that is on his night stand. “I believe we use these as receipts,” he says warily. “This one is yours.” He softly puts it on the pillow next to Ueda´s head.
Ryo climbs down from the bed, collects his boxers and before leaving the bedroom, shoots Ueda one last look.
“You could have stopped me if this is not what you wanted.” He leaves, closes the door, dresses himself up and goes for a long walk. When he comes back, his bed is almost empty - Tatsuya´s scent still lingering even though the man has left.
Ryo sleeps on the couch.
~
Pink 5, originally published on 17/08/2009
Ueda comes home in the middle of the night. He takes a long shower and flops onto his couch, opens the box he found in the kitchen when he was leaving Ryo´s apartment and digs into the cake. It tastes as good as it did before, maybe even better, since Ueda is hungry now. The mighty whipped cream has fallen from its high but is still tasty, and Ueda thinks it is appropriate - the way the cake looks imperfect and tastes a little bitter-sweet. He finishes it all, crashes the box a little angrily and makes the effort by not only throwing it into the trash, but taking the trash out, into a big container outside, so there is no trace of it in his apartment. He comes in and goes to sleep; he has only few hours until he has to wake up and face Kame. One might add facing his emotions as well, but Ueda is pretty sure he has done that already. When Ryo asked him what he wanted right after he had gotten what he was after from the start.
Ryo washes his sheets next morning, airs out the apartment and hides the song. He takes another long walk and examines the damages Ueda left on his body last night. He ignores those on his heart and pushes the “Leave me alone” to the side. He doesn´t need to be told. There is no more reason to play; especially when the game has ended before the dawn. He can´t wait to slip back to work mode on Monday, already mentally preparing himself for ignoring Pi for a few days if he asks.
“Here, take it! You play guitar; you´ve been getting better. You can pull this off. If you do this right, it will be a big hit and you´ll be our next big star.” Ryo is handing a music sheet to more than less surprised Shige. The song just refused to stay in the second left drawer of his table.
Shige takes the song hesitantly and examines the paper. Ryo is already heading for the couch.
“It is written here: music by Ryo Nishikido and Ueda Tatsuya. If you don´t want it, why don´t you give it to Ueda? He plays guitar.”
“Don´t worry about that. Ueda was compensated for his input, and he doesn´t want to claim authorship. Neither do I. Take the song, and for all I care say you wrote it. I believe it will help your popularity, and god knows you need that.”
“I can´t just say the song is mine. That is against intellectual property laws,” Shige snaps at him.
“Do what you want. I gave the song to you,” Ryo huffs decidedly, puts his headphones on and lies on the couch. He has pretty evident dark circles under his eyes and seems to fall asleep almost immediately. Shige wonders what he has done all weekend, and Yamapi tries to get his attention and pry into things, but Ryo just squeezes his eyes more shut and doesn´t move.
“I want to hear a big hit,” Massu states and brings Shige his guitar. They discover lyrics on the other side of the paper.
“Subtle,” Massu mutters and lets Shige read the music. Firstly, he just tries his fingers, ghosting them over the strings, and only when he goes over the song twice, he plays it, trying to guess the rhythm.
Ueda and Kame are walking down the hall when Ueda hears someone playing the guitar in NEWS dressing room. He stops and then turns quickly and comes in without asking. Shige chooses that moment to stop.
“Ah, this is hard.”
“Well for someone who hasn´t written the song you did well. I think the middle section should be played a little faster, and didn´t you mess up the last bridge?“
“Oh I did,” Shige scoffs “…and faster? Are you sure?”
Only then Shige realizes he is talking to Ueda. He likes the song and was too into trying to make it sound good to pay attention. All eyes are on the boxer now. He is standing in the doorway, Kame peering through from behind. Ueda comes in, sits against Shige and nods.
“Try again.”
Shige does, and Ueda is right. Ryo is too. The song definitely has the potential. When he finishes, he looks over to the other in confusion.
“Why did Ryo give this to me? And since when do you two compose music together?”
“I have no idea, you should be asking him. He has reimbursed me for my part, so as far as I am concerned the song is his. As for your other question, we don´t, not really.”
Ueda gets up and looks around the room. He knows Ryo is in there somewhere, can feel it. He sees him sleeping on the sofa and comes closer, gives Shige one more look, nods again and turns to the sleeping figure.
“He did good finishing it. If I had heard it sooner, I wouldn´t have accepted anything from him. The song was his from the start.”
It is then that Ueda notices a bruise and scratches on Ryo´s arm, just barely covered by his short sleeves. He touches them slightly, runs his fingers over what he knows are finger nail marks. The other man doesn´t react in anyway. He is clearly in a deep slumber. Once again. Ueda thinks it is quite typical that Ryo would be sleeping in this moment. He pulls his hand away and leaves without another word.
“What the heck?” Pi stares after him, Kame just laughs and Yamapi turns his attention to him. “Care to explain?”
“Hmmm… not really, but what do you think?“
“Are they dating?” Pi asks, thinking that maybe Ryo has lied to him back when he questioned him. Although he didn´t sound like that at all.
“I don´t think so.” Kame tilts his head. “I should go. We have a meeting.” With that, he too departs.
Ryo wakes up and is met with confused looks from his bandmates. He ignores them and glares when Pi asks about Ueda and when Shige tries mentioning the song. The day ends, and another and another.
Ryo is smoking by the back emergency exit on his floor. It is quite a common smoking area, so he is surprised he is alone. Not that he is protesting. He fumbles in his pocket, huffs in irritation when instead of his cigarettes, he pulls a pink ribbon out of his it ,and after some struggle to untangle the pack and the lighter, he lights another one. When the door creaks, he doesn’t even look its way. e couldn´t care less about who is joining him.
“It will kill you one day,” Ueda is sitting down on the floor next to him, looking ahead.
Ryo stares down at him, and next time he puts the cigarette to his mouth, the drag is longer than usual. There is silence, and when it is broken, it is Ueda speaking again while playing nervously with his left ankle.
“Isn´t it difficult?”
“Huh?” Ryo can´t help it. If Ueda seeks him out, he has no reason to drive him away.
“Well you have no girlfriend, but I don´t believe a girl would want to dump you. So that means you are doing all the dumping. Isn´t it tiring?”
“What are you talking about?” Ryo takes another drag.
“You cook well, you bake great cakes and you look hot and cute at the same time in something as ridiculous as pink apron. There is no way a girl would ever want to break up with you.”
Ryo disposes of the cigarette and slides down the wall to sit next to Ueda.
“I am not cute! That is Massu´s job. Besides, you know, cooking skills are not the most important thing in a relationship,” he says as if explaining to a five year old.
“I know, but you are good looking, you earn nice money, you are gentle, caring and you go out of your way for the other person, doing things you are not even comfortable with, playing games you don´t want to play. And on top of all that you cook!”
“You make me sound like a great catch.” Ryo´s voice is cold, and it irks Ueda to bones. He is trying here. Why is Ryo so so obstinate?
“Ok I get it, you are too stubborn for your own good, but that can be overlooked I guess.”
Ryo isn´t sure where this is heading. He watches as Ueda loops one of his fingers around the strands around his left ankle and lets them go. He reaches down and rubs them as well.
“If you keep playing with them, they will look awful in no time.”
“Will you give me another set then?”
“Should I?”
“I miss your cooking,” Ueda says in response as Ryo keeps massaging his ankle.
“When I gave you these, it was not calculated. I wasn´t expecting anything in return.”
“When I added three notes to your song, I didn´t even think about making you feel indebted to me.”
Ueda pulls out a pink ribbon out of his pocket.
“I don´t know if the girls think the same, but I also like the occasional overconfidence of yours, and the sex was great.”
“Of course it was,” Ryo manages even as he blushes. Although he insists it´s just the color of his anger getting to his face because Ueda is toying with him again.
“I just I wish you would have told me you are not a talker when making out. There are things I would never force you to do.” Ueda allows himself a giggle, but the other doesn´t react.
Ryo stays silent and so does Ueda. It is heavy, yet Ueda knows it could be completely natural. It is loaded, yet Ryo hopes it could be so light. Ryo still strokes Ueda´s ankle, and Ueda still crumples the ribbon between his fingers. When Ryo´s thumb makes the next circle and Ueda´s palm closes around the ribbon next time, Ryo feels Ueda´s head fall to his shoulder. He inhales sharply because having Ueda this close is making him selfish again, it is driving him close to that invisible line he had drawn in between what he can and cannot around the other man.
“Ueda I can´t do this. I can´t play with you anymore.”
“And why didn´t you say so earlier?” The boxer suddenly feels light as his heart speeds up.
“Because you promised me a desert, and I got horny." Ryo knows that is not the whole truth, but it has to be enough.
“I finally see why the girls leave you. You are insatiable, aren´t you? But I am too. I want to touch you again, I want to talk to you more and I want to see you in my kitchen wearing that apron you wore last time because now I know how it looks on you, no one else can wear it. I want to eat your food again.”
Ryo pulls his own pink ribbon out of his pocket.
.
“What do you want?” Ueda asks him.
Ryo stands up abruptly, snatches Ueda´s ribbon away and throws them into the trash can, into the midst of all those cigarette butts. Ueda tries to stop him, but Ryo just shoves him into the wall, his hands painfully clutching at his waist
.
“Why did you destroy them?” Ueda tries to push him away, but Ryo lifts his chin and looks him straight into the eyes. And that look makes Ueda shiver again.
“Ryo … I am not playing anymore,” he says, and the hand on his chin runs down his neck, across his shoulder and all the way down to his palm. When Ueda feels it slipping away, he grabs it.
“Then stop rambling and tell me where I stand,” Ryo finally talks.
Ueda just squeezes his hand tighter in his, leans forward and kisses the other. Ryo wants to pull away, so Ueda´ s other hand shoots to his nape, and his tongue caresses the path from one corner of Ryo´s lips to another. Ryo lets him in, and Ueda kisses him deeper. But he is taking his time, slowly, gently. He doesn´t try to take Ryo´s breath away and pulls back just in time.
“I am a man, Japanese at that, I don´t talk about my emotions,” he states, looking back at Ryo fiercely now, “… but hell you should know by now! I stole that song of yours from Shige for heaven´s sake.”
Ryo grins and steps back. “So that´s why I couldn´t find it!”
“I´ll give it back if you cook for me tonight.” Ueda knows they will be fine as he finally lets go of Ryo´s hand.
“This time you are helping out. That is the only way you won´t fall asleep.” Ryo just can´t stop that smile as he is pretending to scold the other.
“That is not fair!”
“Who said anything about this being fair?”
“Well as long as you wear the pink apron …”
“Tatsuya?” Ryo´s eyes are serious again. “I will play along with you as long as you stop playing with others.”
Ueda laughs and opens the door for Ryo who flushes again.
“I am no girl.” He almost manages to sound angry now, almost …
“The moment I started playing with you, everything else was game over anyway,” Ueda whispers as Ryo passes him on the way inside.
A week later Shige is confusedly looking around KAT-TUN´s dressing room.
“Ryo said Ueda is looking for me,” he explains to Kame who just raises an eyebrow, not looking away from his pinky that he just painted black.
Ueda comes in then and greets him happily. “So Kato-kun, sit down here please.”
Shige sits, Kame smirks, Shige twitches and Ueda laughs.
“Ignore that woman over there. Here are some songs I have written lately, choose whatever you want and take it.”
Shige´s eyes widen as he looks over the songs. He still mourns because of the song Ryo gave him. It got lost, and it was such a good song.
“Why?” he can´t help but wonder.
Ueda pulls out one other sheet of music and shows it to Shige. “Well, let´s say I am trying to make up for finding this and not planning on returning it.”
Shige´s eyes pop out now, but when Kame bursts out laughing and starts cursing the next moment, realizing he wrecked his index and ring finger, he decides not to mess with these people. He quickly chooses two songs, and when Ueda demands he takes both, he exits quickly.
“You scared him,” Ueda notes towards Kame as he watches Shige go.
“Well I can´t help it. Your love life is too much fun,” Kame pouts at him, all fake.
“Well at least I have some.” Ueda flops next to Kame. “Do you have a pink nail polish as well?”
END
I still love this series for reasons unknown. I just have to read it to remind myself.