As Long As The Wrong Feels Right It's Like I'm In Flight for Looleebelle
Recipient: looleebelle
Author: spirited-lizard
Title: As Long As The Wrong Feels Right It's Like I'm In Flight
Pairing: Nate/Ray
Word Count: 2,877
Rating: R
Summary/Warnings: It took Ray months in the desert to realize that he was madly in love with Nate. But not as long as it took Nate. // Warnings: mild language, angst, UST
Nate had been to Ray’s apartment numerous times and by now, he knew where to find the doorknob and light switch without looking. Which was kind of difficult still, while kissing Ray passionately.
As soon as they had closed the door behind them, though, Ray switched the lights off again.
“I want to just feel you,” he murmured into Nate’s ear.
Tongues tasting each other, hands touching, they both took off their clothes without parting for long. Ray felt the couch on the back of his legs and pulled Nate down and onto him. Ray loved Nate’s weight on his body, how his hands would grab him so roughly it hurt. And then, Nate would let his fingers trail over Ray’s skin lightly, making it tingle until Ray had goosebumps.
Ray couldn’t get enough of his man. It took him a long while to admit to the feelings he was having for Nate, but when he finally did, everything felt lighter, better. He was surprised how well his environment accepted the biggest change in his life. His family and friends were loving and reliable, as always, but he also felt that Nate was still fighting with some issues.
The first time that Ray had noticed this was when they were in town one night. It was a short way from the parking lot to the cinema and casually, Ray had taken Nate’s hand as they walked. The first thirty seconds or so were okay, but as soon as they had reached the street, where other people were walking, as well, Nate pulled away. Ray didn’t ask him about it later, but it stayed on his mind.
~~~~~
Nate was much more open when they were with their friends. One weekend, they were invited for a barbecue at Brad’s house. It was a great afternoon with all the familiar faces. There was enough beer and meat to feed two football teams, and everybody had a great time.
Later, Nate helped Brad to clean up a little; the used plates and glasses were brought from the garden into the house. And when Nate took Ray’s plate from him, Ray thanked him and gave him a little peck on the cheek. He didn’t mean anything by it, but immediately he could see how Nate’s face darkened.
Nate went back into the house, pretending being busy, and loaded the dishwasher without really looking at what he was doing. It ended with him breaking a glass when Ray entered the kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” Ray asked.
“Nothing,” Nate answered stoically and cleaned up the shards.
“Come on,” Ray said. “You can tell your Ray Ray.”
He playfully started to approach Nate, with a wide smile on his face. But when he wrapped his arms around Nate from behind, Nate freed himself harshly.
“Don’t,” he just said and walked a few steps away.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Ray demanded.
Nate exploded.
“You kissed me!” He shouted.
Ray looked perplexed.
“So? I kiss you all the time and so far, you never complained. Or did I miss something?”
“But not here! In front of…”
He stopped mid sentence. Nate ran his hands up and down his face to calm himself and think.
“Look,” he continued. “I just don’t want them to know. Yet,” he added.
“Well, let me break it to you, Nate. They already know! But the main question here is, why is that a problem for you? Are you like… I don’t know. Am I embarrassing you or something?”
“No!” Nate assured Ray right away. “You know how I feel about you.”
“Do I?”
Now, Nate was the one who looked surprised.
“Ray…”
“You never said it,” Ray accused him. “Not once. So, what is this? You fuck me, but can’t say that you love me? Or don’t you, at all?”
“I do! You know that I do, but I just… It’s not the right time, maybe.”
“Yeah,” Ray resigned. “Maybe it isn’t.”
They exchanged one long look in which they didn’t say a word. And then Ray just turned around and left.
~~~~~
Nate felt horrible. The last he wanted was to lose Ray. He knew how he felt about him; he really did love him. And he knew why he couldn’t admit to it in public. But why couldn’t he just say it to Ray when they were alone? Why couldn’t he just say the words out loud? Three simple words. In the end, that had cost him his relationship with Ray.
In the first few days after their break up, he had tried calling Ray. But Ray was persistant and didn’t answer his phone. Nate had stopped counting how many messages he left. A couple of times, he was this close to drive by Ray’s apartment, but he already imagined the loud and terrible fight they would have.
And there it was again - the reason. Nate was frightened that Ray’s neighbors would overhear. It was ridiculous, he knew that damn well himself. But he also couldn’t turn that switch off in his head. The thought of being without Ray from now on, though, didn’t suit Nate, either.
A few weeks later, Nate ran into Ray in the grocery store, by coincidence. It was in the middle of July, the summer was at its hottest, and Nate stayed in the cheese and yoghurt aisle just a little longer than usual. A pleasant cold breeze from the freezer cooled his bare legs, when Ray stepped around the corner.
Flip-Flops, shorts and a thin, white wifebeater under which Ray’s tattoos were visible made Nate weak in the knees. Ray stopped dead in his tracks for a second when he saw that it was Nate standing there in shorts and a t-shirt, a little sweat on his forehead.
“Hi,” Ray said.
Nate was so happy that he was talking to him, he walked over to him and almost reached a hand out for Ray. But once again, in the last second, he remembered where he was and he looked around for people watching.
“Hi,” he then just said, a little embarrassed. “How have you been?”
“Good,” Ray replied. “I see you’re still as pale as usual.”
Nate was glad that their conversation started with something light. He chuckled.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. I didn’t really get out of the house, lately.”
“Me, neither.”
They both knew the reason why.
“Look, Nate. Don’t you think that I felt like you, too, in the beginning?”
Ray started the subject which Nate had wanted to avoid.
“Of course, I worried what people might think about me now. But guess what? I got over it!”
“It’s not that easy,” Nate said. “I’ve been at my worst since the barbecue. And I’m so sorry that I can’t be…”
Nate noticed that he was talking way too loud, and went on in a normal voice.
“I’m sorry that I can’t be the person you want me to be.”
“The person I want you to be?” Ray said angrily.
They were back at where they had started.
“I want you to be with me, Nate. I want you to forget about the bullshit other people think or say. I want you to be who you want to be. Who you are!”
Ray picked up his grocery basket again and turned to leave.
“I hurt, too, you know?” He added and left.
And it seemed that there, between Gouda and strawberry yoghurt, Nate’s relationship with Ray was over for good. And it wasn’t the freezer alone that made Nate feel very cold now.
~~~~~
It seemed that even though Nate wasn’t lucky in love, he was successful with his work. Already the week after his talk with Ray in the supermarket, which had him down for a couple of days, proved to be a good one for Nate. He received a letter from his employer that he was up for promotion, and that a final interview should settle everything.
As this was big news to Nate, he decided that it was worth celebrating. He started calling his friends and family for a little get-together at his house the day after the interview. And as Nate couldn’t imagine a party without Ray, he also called him. To his surprise, Ray picked up after the third ring.
“Hello.”
“Hi,” said Nate. “I’m calling because I’ve got great news job wise, and want to have a bit of a brunch or something at my house. And, uh, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come, as well?”
Nate hadn’t expected anything from this phone call. Hell, he hadn’t even expected for Ray to answer in the first place! But now, here he was. Talking to Ray. And every fiber of his body hoped that Ray would say ‘yes’ and come.
“I would like that,” Ray answered, and left Nate stunned for a second.
“You… Well… Yeah, great!” Nate finally managed to say. But then, Ray’s next question took the breath from his lungs.
“Can I bring someone?”
To say that Nate was shocked was the understatement of the decade. For a full minute, neither one of them said a word.
“I probably should’ve told you,” Ray then said and broke the silence. “I met someone just last week, and…”
“It’s okay,” Nate interrupted him. “Of course, you can bring a date.”
It took him some strength to say those words out loud.
“I’m looking forward to meet him.”
Nate felt that he couldn’t speak any more, so he ended the conversation rather quickly.
“Well, I’ll see you on Saturday, then.” And he hung up.
Nate couldn’t remember a time when he had felt so alone. And he also didn’t remember how he could have become this person. Always had he been the strong one; the kind of person others could rely on. But now, he felt so lonely and hollow.
He had to admit it to himself, - he missed Ray. Terribly. Never would he have thought that this was possible. What started as a fling, had turned into something real. And more surprisingly, not Ray was the one backing out, but he was.
~~~~~
The day of the party was a rollercoaster of feelings for Nate. He had got the promotion, of course. And he was happy to see that so many of his friends had come and congratulated him. But the thought of Ray gave him no rest.
He wanted to see him, yes, but Ray would bring his date, too. And just imagining that Ray had found someone new, who did all the things that Nate had never done, even if it was something as simple as holding Ray’s hand… Nate couldn’t bare the thought. And just because he had been too scared to admit to his feelings for Ray.
At around noon, the doorbell rang. Nate cringed inside, but opened the door with a smile on his face.
“Hi!”
Ray’s new boyfriend was taller than Nate. He had dark hair and blue eyes and looked like a rock star with his black leather jacket. Someone you would see on the street and follow with your eyes. He was very handsome, and maybe he even was a rock star, Nate couldn’t tell. But he was just Ray’s type.
Nate let them inside and stopped himself from saying that Ray knew where to find everything.
“Nate, this is Chase,” Ray introduced the two of them.
“Nice to meet you,” Nate said and shook Chase’s hand.
“Likewise,” Chase said, and when he smiled, too, Nate thought that he seemed nicer than the cliché of a rock star.
Ray and Chase mingled with the others, said ‘hi’ to friends and grabbed some food. Nate didn’t feel so confident, anymore, all of a sudden. He tried to stay out of their way for the rest of the day, but when he started to clean up a little, Ray followed him into the kitchen.
“Avoiding me, I see,” he said, but he didn’t sound angry.
Nate looked at him for a long time. He didn’t know what else to add. It was the truth, after all.
“No,” he lied and forced a smile. Though, it didn’t reach his eyes, and Ray knew what was up.
“You don’t need to lie to me, Nate. I totally get it. New boyfriend and old boyfriend under one roof…”
“No, no,” Nate said quickly. He didn’t want to have Ray think that he didn’t want him there. “We’re all adults, aren’t we?”
“I miss you, too, you know?”
Ray surprised Nate by saying that.
“It’s not that I don’t still think of you. I do. Every day.”
And with every sentence, Ray came a few steps closer to Nate, until he stood right in front of him. Nate could have touched him by now, but he didn’t.
“I miss you…”
But before Nate could finish the sentence properly, Ray kissed him. Hard, at first, because it was in the heat of the moment, but then softer. Ray took Nate’s face in his hands and pressed him with his back against the cupboard. Nate grabbed Ray’s t-shirt and pulled him closer. They sank into their own world where nothing but their kisses existed.
When they broke it off, Nate looked towards the kitchen door, automatically. But there was no one there. He heard his guests’ voices further down the corridor, in the living room; talking and laughing.
Just as Ray leaned into him again, Nate stopped him and pulled him out the back door. He closed it quietly and pinned Ray against the wall, right there in the back yard.
Their kisses intensified quickly and suddenly, Ray’s hands were everywhere. Nate kissed Ray’s neck, nibbled on his ears and breathed words full of affection.
“I’ve missed you so badly,” he whispered. “You have no idea.”
Nate’s hands went under Ray’s t-shirt and then, he opened Ray’s pants. Panting, Ray let his head fall back and wet his lips with his tongue.
“Fuck, Nate,” he breathed. “I’m hard, already!”
“I can feel that,” Nate said with a smile in his voice when he touched Ray.
Ray knew it was his turn now and went down on Nate, while Nate rested his hands on the wall.
“Oh, my god!” He closed his eyes to fully enjoy Ray’s touch. He thought he was going to burst, if Ray stopped now.
“Nate?”
Nate’s eyes shot open in fear. Through the little window in the back door, he could see his mother coming his way.
“Fuck! Ray! Ray, stop!” He whispered and backed away to zip up his pants again.
Rather harshly, he pushed Ray away and checked the window again. But his mother had already vanished into the living room again. Nate breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Okay, she’s gone.”
“No, nothing is okay, Nate,” Ray said bitterly.
Nate looked at him clearly for the first time since they went outside. Ray seemed hurt and sad.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“That you even have to ask, oh my god,” Ray said and brushed with the palm of his hand over his mouth. And then, Ray flipped. “Nothing has changed, Nate! Nothing! You’re still so damn afraid of someone seeing us together!”
“That was my mom!” Nate replied furiously, even though he didn’t exactly know what went wrong between making out and this fight.
“I don’t care!” Ray yelled.
“But I do! Also, what about Chase?”
“Fuck Chase!” Ray said. “I love you, idiot!”
Nate knew that, but still it was rather bittersweet to hear it now. They clearly weren’t going anywhere in this relationship, or whatever it was he was having with Ray.
Ray sighed and gave up. “Whatever.”
He didn’t even bother to straighten his t-shirt and went back into the house. Nate was left behind, alone with the thoughts that were racing through his head.
Nate must have stood there for only a minute, but it seemed much longer to him. He ran his hand through his hair and went after Ray. He found him in the living room, talking to Chase and Brad. Apparently, he was on his way out and saying goodbye all around quickly.
Nate went over to them. Chase started saying something to him, but Nate shut him out completely. As well as all the other people in the room. He concentrated on Ray alone. When Chase mentioned Nate’s name, Ray turned around, too.
When he had reached him, Nate didn’t say anything, but took Ray’s face and kissed him on the mouth. Silence fell around them; everyone was looking at them. And for the first time, Nate didn’t care so much.
They parted and Nate still held onto Ray and looked him deep in the eyes. A smile spread across Ray’s face.
“Finally!” Brad said and took another sip from his beer. “I think you can go now,” he said to Chase. “Nice meeting you.”
Chase just stood there, puzzled. But he was out of the picture now; Ray only had eyes for Nate.
“What made you do that now?” He asked Nate.
Nate shrugged, taking both of Ray’s hands. “I don’t know. Taking chances?”
Ray laughed. “Oh, my god! A friggin’ Celine Dion song!”
Everyone around them laughed out loud. Except Chase.
Author: spirited-lizard
Title: As Long As The Wrong Feels Right It's Like I'm In Flight
Pairing: Nate/Ray
Word Count: 2,877
Rating: R
Summary/Warnings: It took Ray months in the desert to realize that he was madly in love with Nate. But not as long as it took Nate. // Warnings: mild language, angst, UST
Nate had been to Ray’s apartment numerous times and by now, he knew where to find the doorknob and light switch without looking. Which was kind of difficult still, while kissing Ray passionately.
As soon as they had closed the door behind them, though, Ray switched the lights off again.
“I want to just feel you,” he murmured into Nate’s ear.
Tongues tasting each other, hands touching, they both took off their clothes without parting for long. Ray felt the couch on the back of his legs and pulled Nate down and onto him. Ray loved Nate’s weight on his body, how his hands would grab him so roughly it hurt. And then, Nate would let his fingers trail over Ray’s skin lightly, making it tingle until Ray had goosebumps.
Ray couldn’t get enough of his man. It took him a long while to admit to the feelings he was having for Nate, but when he finally did, everything felt lighter, better. He was surprised how well his environment accepted the biggest change in his life. His family and friends were loving and reliable, as always, but he also felt that Nate was still fighting with some issues.
The first time that Ray had noticed this was when they were in town one night. It was a short way from the parking lot to the cinema and casually, Ray had taken Nate’s hand as they walked. The first thirty seconds or so were okay, but as soon as they had reached the street, where other people were walking, as well, Nate pulled away. Ray didn’t ask him about it later, but it stayed on his mind.
~~~~~
Nate was much more open when they were with their friends. One weekend, they were invited for a barbecue at Brad’s house. It was a great afternoon with all the familiar faces. There was enough beer and meat to feed two football teams, and everybody had a great time.
Later, Nate helped Brad to clean up a little; the used plates and glasses were brought from the garden into the house. And when Nate took Ray’s plate from him, Ray thanked him and gave him a little peck on the cheek. He didn’t mean anything by it, but immediately he could see how Nate’s face darkened.
Nate went back into the house, pretending being busy, and loaded the dishwasher without really looking at what he was doing. It ended with him breaking a glass when Ray entered the kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” Ray asked.
“Nothing,” Nate answered stoically and cleaned up the shards.
“Come on,” Ray said. “You can tell your Ray Ray.”
He playfully started to approach Nate, with a wide smile on his face. But when he wrapped his arms around Nate from behind, Nate freed himself harshly.
“Don’t,” he just said and walked a few steps away.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Ray demanded.
Nate exploded.
“You kissed me!” He shouted.
Ray looked perplexed.
“So? I kiss you all the time and so far, you never complained. Or did I miss something?”
“But not here! In front of…”
He stopped mid sentence. Nate ran his hands up and down his face to calm himself and think.
“Look,” he continued. “I just don’t want them to know. Yet,” he added.
“Well, let me break it to you, Nate. They already know! But the main question here is, why is that a problem for you? Are you like… I don’t know. Am I embarrassing you or something?”
“No!” Nate assured Ray right away. “You know how I feel about you.”
“Do I?”
Now, Nate was the one who looked surprised.
“Ray…”
“You never said it,” Ray accused him. “Not once. So, what is this? You fuck me, but can’t say that you love me? Or don’t you, at all?”
“I do! You know that I do, but I just… It’s not the right time, maybe.”
“Yeah,” Ray resigned. “Maybe it isn’t.”
They exchanged one long look in which they didn’t say a word. And then Ray just turned around and left.
~~~~~
Nate felt horrible. The last he wanted was to lose Ray. He knew how he felt about him; he really did love him. And he knew why he couldn’t admit to it in public. But why couldn’t he just say it to Ray when they were alone? Why couldn’t he just say the words out loud? Three simple words. In the end, that had cost him his relationship with Ray.
In the first few days after their break up, he had tried calling Ray. But Ray was persistant and didn’t answer his phone. Nate had stopped counting how many messages he left. A couple of times, he was this close to drive by Ray’s apartment, but he already imagined the loud and terrible fight they would have.
And there it was again - the reason. Nate was frightened that Ray’s neighbors would overhear. It was ridiculous, he knew that damn well himself. But he also couldn’t turn that switch off in his head. The thought of being without Ray from now on, though, didn’t suit Nate, either.
A few weeks later, Nate ran into Ray in the grocery store, by coincidence. It was in the middle of July, the summer was at its hottest, and Nate stayed in the cheese and yoghurt aisle just a little longer than usual. A pleasant cold breeze from the freezer cooled his bare legs, when Ray stepped around the corner.
Flip-Flops, shorts and a thin, white wifebeater under which Ray’s tattoos were visible made Nate weak in the knees. Ray stopped dead in his tracks for a second when he saw that it was Nate standing there in shorts and a t-shirt, a little sweat on his forehead.
“Hi,” Ray said.
Nate was so happy that he was talking to him, he walked over to him and almost reached a hand out for Ray. But once again, in the last second, he remembered where he was and he looked around for people watching.
“Hi,” he then just said, a little embarrassed. “How have you been?”
“Good,” Ray replied. “I see you’re still as pale as usual.”
Nate was glad that their conversation started with something light. He chuckled.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. I didn’t really get out of the house, lately.”
“Me, neither.”
They both knew the reason why.
“Look, Nate. Don’t you think that I felt like you, too, in the beginning?”
Ray started the subject which Nate had wanted to avoid.
“Of course, I worried what people might think about me now. But guess what? I got over it!”
“It’s not that easy,” Nate said. “I’ve been at my worst since the barbecue. And I’m so sorry that I can’t be…”
Nate noticed that he was talking way too loud, and went on in a normal voice.
“I’m sorry that I can’t be the person you want me to be.”
“The person I want you to be?” Ray said angrily.
They were back at where they had started.
“I want you to be with me, Nate. I want you to forget about the bullshit other people think or say. I want you to be who you want to be. Who you are!”
Ray picked up his grocery basket again and turned to leave.
“I hurt, too, you know?” He added and left.
And it seemed that there, between Gouda and strawberry yoghurt, Nate’s relationship with Ray was over for good. And it wasn’t the freezer alone that made Nate feel very cold now.
~~~~~
It seemed that even though Nate wasn’t lucky in love, he was successful with his work. Already the week after his talk with Ray in the supermarket, which had him down for a couple of days, proved to be a good one for Nate. He received a letter from his employer that he was up for promotion, and that a final interview should settle everything.
As this was big news to Nate, he decided that it was worth celebrating. He started calling his friends and family for a little get-together at his house the day after the interview. And as Nate couldn’t imagine a party without Ray, he also called him. To his surprise, Ray picked up after the third ring.
“Hello.”
“Hi,” said Nate. “I’m calling because I’ve got great news job wise, and want to have a bit of a brunch or something at my house. And, uh, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come, as well?”
Nate hadn’t expected anything from this phone call. Hell, he hadn’t even expected for Ray to answer in the first place! But now, here he was. Talking to Ray. And every fiber of his body hoped that Ray would say ‘yes’ and come.
“I would like that,” Ray answered, and left Nate stunned for a second.
“You… Well… Yeah, great!” Nate finally managed to say. But then, Ray’s next question took the breath from his lungs.
“Can I bring someone?”
To say that Nate was shocked was the understatement of the decade. For a full minute, neither one of them said a word.
“I probably should’ve told you,” Ray then said and broke the silence. “I met someone just last week, and…”
“It’s okay,” Nate interrupted him. “Of course, you can bring a date.”
It took him some strength to say those words out loud.
“I’m looking forward to meet him.”
Nate felt that he couldn’t speak any more, so he ended the conversation rather quickly.
“Well, I’ll see you on Saturday, then.” And he hung up.
Nate couldn’t remember a time when he had felt so alone. And he also didn’t remember how he could have become this person. Always had he been the strong one; the kind of person others could rely on. But now, he felt so lonely and hollow.
He had to admit it to himself, - he missed Ray. Terribly. Never would he have thought that this was possible. What started as a fling, had turned into something real. And more surprisingly, not Ray was the one backing out, but he was.
~~~~~
The day of the party was a rollercoaster of feelings for Nate. He had got the promotion, of course. And he was happy to see that so many of his friends had come and congratulated him. But the thought of Ray gave him no rest.
He wanted to see him, yes, but Ray would bring his date, too. And just imagining that Ray had found someone new, who did all the things that Nate had never done, even if it was something as simple as holding Ray’s hand… Nate couldn’t bare the thought. And just because he had been too scared to admit to his feelings for Ray.
At around noon, the doorbell rang. Nate cringed inside, but opened the door with a smile on his face.
“Hi!”
Ray’s new boyfriend was taller than Nate. He had dark hair and blue eyes and looked like a rock star with his black leather jacket. Someone you would see on the street and follow with your eyes. He was very handsome, and maybe he even was a rock star, Nate couldn’t tell. But he was just Ray’s type.
Nate let them inside and stopped himself from saying that Ray knew where to find everything.
“Nate, this is Chase,” Ray introduced the two of them.
“Nice to meet you,” Nate said and shook Chase’s hand.
“Likewise,” Chase said, and when he smiled, too, Nate thought that he seemed nicer than the cliché of a rock star.
Ray and Chase mingled with the others, said ‘hi’ to friends and grabbed some food. Nate didn’t feel so confident, anymore, all of a sudden. He tried to stay out of their way for the rest of the day, but when he started to clean up a little, Ray followed him into the kitchen.
“Avoiding me, I see,” he said, but he didn’t sound angry.
Nate looked at him for a long time. He didn’t know what else to add. It was the truth, after all.
“No,” he lied and forced a smile. Though, it didn’t reach his eyes, and Ray knew what was up.
“You don’t need to lie to me, Nate. I totally get it. New boyfriend and old boyfriend under one roof…”
“No, no,” Nate said quickly. He didn’t want to have Ray think that he didn’t want him there. “We’re all adults, aren’t we?”
“I miss you, too, you know?”
Ray surprised Nate by saying that.
“It’s not that I don’t still think of you. I do. Every day.”
And with every sentence, Ray came a few steps closer to Nate, until he stood right in front of him. Nate could have touched him by now, but he didn’t.
“I miss you…”
But before Nate could finish the sentence properly, Ray kissed him. Hard, at first, because it was in the heat of the moment, but then softer. Ray took Nate’s face in his hands and pressed him with his back against the cupboard. Nate grabbed Ray’s t-shirt and pulled him closer. They sank into their own world where nothing but their kisses existed.
When they broke it off, Nate looked towards the kitchen door, automatically. But there was no one there. He heard his guests’ voices further down the corridor, in the living room; talking and laughing.
Just as Ray leaned into him again, Nate stopped him and pulled him out the back door. He closed it quietly and pinned Ray against the wall, right there in the back yard.
Their kisses intensified quickly and suddenly, Ray’s hands were everywhere. Nate kissed Ray’s neck, nibbled on his ears and breathed words full of affection.
“I’ve missed you so badly,” he whispered. “You have no idea.”
Nate’s hands went under Ray’s t-shirt and then, he opened Ray’s pants. Panting, Ray let his head fall back and wet his lips with his tongue.
“Fuck, Nate,” he breathed. “I’m hard, already!”
“I can feel that,” Nate said with a smile in his voice when he touched Ray.
Ray knew it was his turn now and went down on Nate, while Nate rested his hands on the wall.
“Oh, my god!” He closed his eyes to fully enjoy Ray’s touch. He thought he was going to burst, if Ray stopped now.
“Nate?”
Nate’s eyes shot open in fear. Through the little window in the back door, he could see his mother coming his way.
“Fuck! Ray! Ray, stop!” He whispered and backed away to zip up his pants again.
Rather harshly, he pushed Ray away and checked the window again. But his mother had already vanished into the living room again. Nate breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Okay, she’s gone.”
“No, nothing is okay, Nate,” Ray said bitterly.
Nate looked at him clearly for the first time since they went outside. Ray seemed hurt and sad.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“That you even have to ask, oh my god,” Ray said and brushed with the palm of his hand over his mouth. And then, Ray flipped. “Nothing has changed, Nate! Nothing! You’re still so damn afraid of someone seeing us together!”
“That was my mom!” Nate replied furiously, even though he didn’t exactly know what went wrong between making out and this fight.
“I don’t care!” Ray yelled.
“But I do! Also, what about Chase?”
“Fuck Chase!” Ray said. “I love you, idiot!”
Nate knew that, but still it was rather bittersweet to hear it now. They clearly weren’t going anywhere in this relationship, or whatever it was he was having with Ray.
Ray sighed and gave up. “Whatever.”
He didn’t even bother to straighten his t-shirt and went back into the house. Nate was left behind, alone with the thoughts that were racing through his head.
Nate must have stood there for only a minute, but it seemed much longer to him. He ran his hand through his hair and went after Ray. He found him in the living room, talking to Chase and Brad. Apparently, he was on his way out and saying goodbye all around quickly.
Nate went over to them. Chase started saying something to him, but Nate shut him out completely. As well as all the other people in the room. He concentrated on Ray alone. When Chase mentioned Nate’s name, Ray turned around, too.
When he had reached him, Nate didn’t say anything, but took Ray’s face and kissed him on the mouth. Silence fell around them; everyone was looking at them. And for the first time, Nate didn’t care so much.
They parted and Nate still held onto Ray and looked him deep in the eyes. A smile spread across Ray’s face.
“Finally!” Brad said and took another sip from his beer. “I think you can go now,” he said to Chase. “Nice meeting you.”
Chase just stood there, puzzled. But he was out of the picture now; Ray only had eyes for Nate.
“What made you do that now?” He asked Nate.
Nate shrugged, taking both of Ray’s hands. “I don’t know. Taking chances?”
Ray laughed. “Oh, my god! A friggin’ Celine Dion song!”
Everyone around them laughed out loud. Except Chase.