(no subject)
so i've been having a lot of ups and downs lately..
why did i start off my entry like this?
i dont know..
hopefully no one reads when i actually write in this thing because i wouldnt have the patience or time..
alot of stuff has been bugging me lately and i just feel liek i need to vent..
i dont really have any friends to vent to anymore because i have this really bad problem in not calling people.
i dont understand why i think this way..i seriously despise calling people and i honestly feel like im bugging them into doing way better things...
because of this..i guess alot of my friends sometime feel like i dont like them or i dont like talking to them or dont like hanging out with them..
but in actuality..just never have the balls to call anyone and think not once..not twice..not even thrice?!? but liek at least 5 or 6 times..
this whole not calling business also intervenes with the girls..
ive messed up alot of potential girls that i would like to get to know better...
but i always end up effin things up by not calling them..
or im just too damn picky..
lately, ive been ridiculously picky with girls..
i have no reason to be picky because im nit any close to being perfect myself..
im short as hell
i look like a girl with my hair.
im not buff or have muscles..
i have to stop being so sensitve as well..
because i hate the stupid ass fights that i cause between me and whoever im hanging out with..
this recently has effected me majorly..who the heck gets mad if a flippin girl cusses?
only my stupid ass..
i ruined something that coulda been something...
theres a certain point in which a person can be sensitive...
but i think i am a bit over sensitive..
i have to stop this crap before it gets the worst of me..
im working a bit too much..
i think i worked 38 hours or so last week and im tired as hell..
being a waiter is tough and my pay isnt even worth the hard work..
i really dont know why im working so much..
maybe to keep busy. who knows..
i do have a ridiculous amount saved up plus tips..
so i guess i can buy things that will make me happy..
not really...i dont care too much for money and materials..
it buys me my food so im good with that...
im getting fat too...maybe not fat..but my tummy is looking liek theres a bit more skin than usual..
even if thats not the case..i need to start running or something..
i tried the whole work out thing a couple summers ago and i wasnt too happy with looking all cut n stuff..
i gues si need to just loose all this excess fat that i have around my body..
i tried to eat healthy at one point..
but my ideal of healthy was like fruits..
so i guess thta blew up..
i like my job...
im surrounded with a good and clean enviroment..
not to mention some very spiffy looking girls..
i still have my crush that comes in all the time..
her name is angela and my goodness is she amazingly gorgeous..
she freakin talks to my ass and i have no clue why>>!
shes 22 and is a bartender on 2nd street...
no way in hell am i going to ever have a chance with this chick..
but i can always have our flirtatious conversations about human sexuality : )
she has this crazy kind of style..
its not oc..not even la...
its a more like..east coast ny thing i guess...
i dont know..but its waaaay killer...
school..seriously..fuck school..
and i hate to cuss..but golly
i was never really a book smart kinda guy..
but i would feel soo bad if i stopped going..
everyone has this whole mind set on go to school and then youll have a plan for the rest of ur life..
in my opinion..for me that is..school is just a backup plan..
for what i really want to do..
if whatever i want to do fails..
then bang..concentrate on school only and nothing else..
i have an ideal of what i really wnat to do..but its going to take me a couple of years..
i love people and im totally a people person...
i like making people happy as well and me being happy at the same time..
i want to be famous and have everyone know me..
i know it seems soo cliche..but i am going to make this happen...
i would liek to believe that i have a lot more pull in this world more than others and soon i will take this to my advantage...
i know many people that would start me off or help me n what i need to do to be successful..
i guess all my life ive been getting everything soo good..i think ill be getting something good soon..
but i cant depedn on that and i need to do the damn thang already..
i need some motivation..i really do..
i dont know what it is..maybe a girlfriend? or some special girl to encourage me..
either way..i know ill get mine soon..
ive noticed this before..
but i just now made it certain..
girls with problems or anykind are attracted to me..
im sorry to be so blunt..
but it really is true..
wheher they have drug problems, alcohol, theyre family, mom gone, dad gone, abused, raped, add u name it??!
im not going to be mean or harsh about it and maybe thats what those girls see in me..
i guess they see that i really want to help them and take care of them..
why cant i meet a nice girl.
a nice girl that will take care of me as i would to them.
oh and im going to win the lotto soon
HEY OHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
why did i start off my entry like this?
i dont know..
hopefully no one reads when i actually write in this thing because i wouldnt have the patience or time..
alot of stuff has been bugging me lately and i just feel liek i need to vent..
i dont really have any friends to vent to anymore because i have this really bad problem in not calling people.
i dont understand why i think this way..i seriously despise calling people and i honestly feel like im bugging them into doing way better things...
because of this..i guess alot of my friends sometime feel like i dont like them or i dont like talking to them or dont like hanging out with them..
but in actuality..just never have the balls to call anyone and think not once..not twice..not even thrice?!? but liek at least 5 or 6 times..
this whole not calling business also intervenes with the girls..
ive messed up alot of potential girls that i would like to get to know better...
but i always end up effin things up by not calling them..
or im just too damn picky..
lately, ive been ridiculously picky with girls..
i have no reason to be picky because im nit any close to being perfect myself..
im short as hell
i look like a girl with my hair.
im not buff or have muscles..
i have to stop being so sensitve as well..
because i hate the stupid ass fights that i cause between me and whoever im hanging out with..
this recently has effected me majorly..who the heck gets mad if a flippin girl cusses?
only my stupid ass..
i ruined something that coulda been something...
theres a certain point in which a person can be sensitive...
but i think i am a bit over sensitive..
i have to stop this crap before it gets the worst of me..
im working a bit too much..
i think i worked 38 hours or so last week and im tired as hell..
being a waiter is tough and my pay isnt even worth the hard work..
i really dont know why im working so much..
maybe to keep busy. who knows..
i do have a ridiculous amount saved up plus tips..
so i guess i can buy things that will make me happy..
not really...i dont care too much for money and materials..
it buys me my food so im good with that...
im getting fat too...maybe not fat..but my tummy is looking liek theres a bit more skin than usual..
even if thats not the case..i need to start running or something..
i tried the whole work out thing a couple summers ago and i wasnt too happy with looking all cut n stuff..
i gues si need to just loose all this excess fat that i have around my body..
i tried to eat healthy at one point..
but my ideal of healthy was like fruits..
so i guess thta blew up..
i like my job...
im surrounded with a good and clean enviroment..
not to mention some very spiffy looking girls..
i still have my crush that comes in all the time..
her name is angela and my goodness is she amazingly gorgeous..
she freakin talks to my ass and i have no clue why>>!
shes 22 and is a bartender on 2nd street...
no way in hell am i going to ever have a chance with this chick..
but i can always have our flirtatious conversations about human sexuality : )
she has this crazy kind of style..
its not oc..not even la...
its a more like..east coast ny thing i guess...
i dont know..but its waaaay killer...
school..seriously..fuck school..
and i hate to cuss..but golly
i was never really a book smart kinda guy..
but i would feel soo bad if i stopped going..
everyone has this whole mind set on go to school and then youll have a plan for the rest of ur life..
in my opinion..for me that is..school is just a backup plan..
for what i really want to do..
if whatever i want to do fails..
then bang..concentrate on school only and nothing else..
i have an ideal of what i really wnat to do..but its going to take me a couple of years..
i love people and im totally a people person...
i like making people happy as well and me being happy at the same time..
i want to be famous and have everyone know me..
i know it seems soo cliche..but i am going to make this happen...
i would liek to believe that i have a lot more pull in this world more than others and soon i will take this to my advantage...
i know many people that would start me off or help me n what i need to do to be successful..
i guess all my life ive been getting everything soo good..i think ill be getting something good soon..
but i cant depedn on that and i need to do the damn thang already..
i need some motivation..i really do..
i dont know what it is..maybe a girlfriend? or some special girl to encourage me..
either way..i know ill get mine soon..
ive noticed this before..
but i just now made it certain..
girls with problems or anykind are attracted to me..
im sorry to be so blunt..
but it really is true..
wheher they have drug problems, alcohol, theyre family, mom gone, dad gone, abused, raped, add u name it??!
im not going to be mean or harsh about it and maybe thats what those girls see in me..
i guess they see that i really want to help them and take care of them..
why cant i meet a nice girl.
a nice girl that will take care of me as i would to them.
oh and im going to win the lotto soon
HEY OHHHHHHHHHHHHhh