Oneshot : Loneliness
Title: Loneliness
Author:pink_stitchy
Pairing: YamaJima
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst Word Count:1,300
Summary: A story about lonesome boy, Yamada Ryosuke who's fall in love with a perfect student, Nakajima Yuto.
He was always looking at him. Gazing silently from his seat, at the back of him with his chin rested on his hand. Every once in a while, when everyone in the class were engross with their lesson, he would stretch his hand out toward him and brush his fingertips at the edge of his dark ink hair, carefully. So careful that sometimes he wonders if the touched was only his pathetic illusion. Something that his mind creates, desperately.
They barely talked to each other, even though he only seated behind him. He had been in the same seat since the beginning of third year of his senior high school. It was the first time they being assign in the same class. Maybe that the reason why they never had a decent long conversation.
But the most obvious reason is because of their personality. They have a very different personality, like a starfish and pepper tree.
He’s small guy who’s barely talk to others except his friend whose in the different class. He was always in his own world, isolated from others, drifting away in his thought. Sometimes people won’t even noticed his presence because he really good in being invisible and he don’t mind about it. Since he already used to the idea of being alone and lonely.
While him, him is perfect. His heights that stand out from others make it impossible to not notice him. He has perfect shape nose, pinkish lips that curve the chanted smile and the mole below his left eye is something that you couldn’t miss while looking at his face. He always being the center of attraction, he talked a lots, joked around with others and he’s extremely good at everything. Academic, sport, music, club activities, everything.
He’s like a diagram for perfect human being.
Wasn’t him too perfect?
That what he always asked himself.
At first he sees him as an eyesore. He gets extremely irritable by every single thing that related to him. He always hates that kind of people, the perfect kind of people. Because he think they all fake. He despises him, down to the core of his heart. So deep that his heart started to ache. So he asked himself,
Why it has to be this painful?
Then he realizes, the pain wasn’t because of the hatred.
His heart writhes in pain because he was logging for him.
For the first time in his life, he feels lonely. Suddenly his solitude became a crushing weight, a source of agony, a prison.
The feeling that he has for him is something that he couldn’t describe with word. When ever he saw him, his chest tightened and he couldn’t breathe. It was like he is being smothering by his own feeling. And without he even realizes it, he already follows him with the corner of his eyes.
But no matter how strong his desire was or how overwhelmed he was, he only kept that feeling to himself. Because the feeling, it was something against the nature law of the love. The law where love must occur between a man and a women.
He couldn’t stand the idea of him looking down at he with disgusting looked on his perfect face if he knew about his feeling. Even thinking of it gave a shiver down to his spine. He prefers to be an anonymous to him, so that his fragile heart won’t break. So he had built a concrete thin wall around his heart, to contain his love.
During the graduation day, something happened; something has shaking his wall and it almost tumble down, almost.
He was walking toward a school gate when he hear someone called his name,
“Yamada-kun” His step come to halt, the voice, he know exactly who’s voice is that.
His legs become limp when he saw him running with a wide smile on his face.
Panting as he tried to catch his breath, “Wait..”
“Huh?”
“Here, I’ve being wanting to return this to you”
With puzzle looks, he stared at the latter palm.
“Pencil?”
Nodding his head, “Yeah, you dropped this before summer break and I’ve being holding to it since then”
He knew that it is his pencil, but what he couldn’t comprehend why him being bother to do such a trivial thing for him. Why does he kept it and return to him after a long time, why he need to do that. The taller boy just could just throw it away and forget about it, because he doesn’t need this.
He doesn’t need this little kindness from him because he will start to think about a strange thing.
Realized that him being waiting for his move, he slowly took the pencil from the latter palm. And as they skin touched, his heart tingle.
“Thank you” He said while avoiding his eyes. Then an awkward silent fill the air, both of them couldn’t find a word to utter. Like all the words has vanished like a smoke carry away by the wind.
“I’m sorry”
He shifts his eyes from the ground and looked at him. There was a change in his voiced, it wasn’t the cheerful voice that he always fond of.
“For what?” He asked for explanation.
“I know you hated me.” The words strike him hard.
He could feel pain in the latter voice.
“You see, sometimes I didn’t realized that I may had hurt someone. And I know somehow I had hurt you, I can tell by the way you being avoiding and ignoring me”
Seeing the lonely and painful look on him cause he at loss. His whole body was trembling in agony, he want nothing but to take the latter into his arm. Wrapped both his arm around him, pressing his pounding heart against him so that his feeling would reach him. And they don’t have to feel lonely anymore.
“It’s okay if you can’t forgive me, I understand. You don’t have to force yourself” The latter said with a bitter smile, as if he’s given up on him.
For hurting the person that he loves the most, he knows he the worst.
“I-I don’t hate you” He finally voiced out.
“You don’t?”
Shaking his head he then looks at him with a smile, “No, I don’t hate you”
Slowly he could see him smiling, the smile that cause a chaos in his heart, the smile the he always dream that someday it would be his.
“I’m so happy to hear that, Yamada-kun”
And suddenly he thought maybe he should tell him the truth. Maybe he should open the lid that tightly sealed his fragile heart and let him.
And finally he won’t have to be alone, anymore.
“I-I..” But his word was cut out when he heard a girl calling out for him.
“Yuto-Kun” Both of them turned toward the girl who’s wearing her hair in ponytail.
As the girl reached them, she wrapped both of hear arm around the latter left arm, like it was the natural thing for her to do,
“ You said, you’re going to wait for me” Her whine irritated him.
“Sorry, I got something that I need to do”
Pouting her lips, “Shall we go now?”
The girl presence was like a wake up alarm to him. He realizes he was about to make his biggest mistake, the mistake that he definitely going to regret for his whole life. This feeling, it wasn’t supposed to reach him, it shouldn’t.
“I have to go” He said as he turning away from them. He must get away from here, the pain was unbearable. Seeing him, the only person
that he ever loved with another girl ripped his heart into pieces.
“Wait, you’re trying to tell me something, aren’t you?”
Without looking at him, he shakes his head and walked away. As the gap between he and him widen, he began to feel the familiar loneliness.
So lonely that he could vanish into thin air.
-- End --
Note:
1) This is something that I had write a long time ago. I almost forget about it, until recently. I think I finally figured it out why I couldn't write anymore, it because I couldn't come out with a happy ending for my story. And it kind of depressing since I love YamaJima.
2) I know people don't like this kind of ending, so I get it if you don't like it >.<
3) But still it would be nice if you drop a comment for me, since I really love one :)
Thank You for dropping by a read this.
Author:pink_stitchy
Pairing: YamaJima
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst Word Count:1,300
Summary: A story about lonesome boy, Yamada Ryosuke who's fall in love with a perfect student, Nakajima Yuto.
He was always looking at him. Gazing silently from his seat, at the back of him with his chin rested on his hand. Every once in a while, when everyone in the class were engross with their lesson, he would stretch his hand out toward him and brush his fingertips at the edge of his dark ink hair, carefully. So careful that sometimes he wonders if the touched was only his pathetic illusion. Something that his mind creates, desperately.
They barely talked to each other, even though he only seated behind him. He had been in the same seat since the beginning of third year of his senior high school. It was the first time they being assign in the same class. Maybe that the reason why they never had a decent long conversation.
But the most obvious reason is because of their personality. They have a very different personality, like a starfish and pepper tree.
He’s small guy who’s barely talk to others except his friend whose in the different class. He was always in his own world, isolated from others, drifting away in his thought. Sometimes people won’t even noticed his presence because he really good in being invisible and he don’t mind about it. Since he already used to the idea of being alone and lonely.
While him, him is perfect. His heights that stand out from others make it impossible to not notice him. He has perfect shape nose, pinkish lips that curve the chanted smile and the mole below his left eye is something that you couldn’t miss while looking at his face. He always being the center of attraction, he talked a lots, joked around with others and he’s extremely good at everything. Academic, sport, music, club activities, everything.
He’s like a diagram for perfect human being.
Wasn’t him too perfect?
That what he always asked himself.
At first he sees him as an eyesore. He gets extremely irritable by every single thing that related to him. He always hates that kind of people, the perfect kind of people. Because he think they all fake. He despises him, down to the core of his heart. So deep that his heart started to ache. So he asked himself,
Why it has to be this painful?
Then he realizes, the pain wasn’t because of the hatred.
His heart writhes in pain because he was logging for him.
For the first time in his life, he feels lonely. Suddenly his solitude became a crushing weight, a source of agony, a prison.
The feeling that he has for him is something that he couldn’t describe with word. When ever he saw him, his chest tightened and he couldn’t breathe. It was like he is being smothering by his own feeling. And without he even realizes it, he already follows him with the corner of his eyes.
But no matter how strong his desire was or how overwhelmed he was, he only kept that feeling to himself. Because the feeling, it was something against the nature law of the love. The law where love must occur between a man and a women.
He couldn’t stand the idea of him looking down at he with disgusting looked on his perfect face if he knew about his feeling. Even thinking of it gave a shiver down to his spine. He prefers to be an anonymous to him, so that his fragile heart won’t break. So he had built a concrete thin wall around his heart, to contain his love.
During the graduation day, something happened; something has shaking his wall and it almost tumble down, almost.
He was walking toward a school gate when he hear someone called his name,
“Yamada-kun” His step come to halt, the voice, he know exactly who’s voice is that.
His legs become limp when he saw him running with a wide smile on his face.
Panting as he tried to catch his breath, “Wait..”
“Huh?”
“Here, I’ve being wanting to return this to you”
With puzzle looks, he stared at the latter palm.
“Pencil?”
Nodding his head, “Yeah, you dropped this before summer break and I’ve being holding to it since then”
He knew that it is his pencil, but what he couldn’t comprehend why him being bother to do such a trivial thing for him. Why does he kept it and return to him after a long time, why he need to do that. The taller boy just could just throw it away and forget about it, because he doesn’t need this.
He doesn’t need this little kindness from him because he will start to think about a strange thing.
Realized that him being waiting for his move, he slowly took the pencil from the latter palm. And as they skin touched, his heart tingle.
“Thank you” He said while avoiding his eyes. Then an awkward silent fill the air, both of them couldn’t find a word to utter. Like all the words has vanished like a smoke carry away by the wind.
“I’m sorry”
He shifts his eyes from the ground and looked at him. There was a change in his voiced, it wasn’t the cheerful voice that he always fond of.
“For what?” He asked for explanation.
“I know you hated me.” The words strike him hard.
He could feel pain in the latter voice.
“You see, sometimes I didn’t realized that I may had hurt someone. And I know somehow I had hurt you, I can tell by the way you being avoiding and ignoring me”
Seeing the lonely and painful look on him cause he at loss. His whole body was trembling in agony, he want nothing but to take the latter into his arm. Wrapped both his arm around him, pressing his pounding heart against him so that his feeling would reach him. And they don’t have to feel lonely anymore.
“It’s okay if you can’t forgive me, I understand. You don’t have to force yourself” The latter said with a bitter smile, as if he’s given up on him.
For hurting the person that he loves the most, he knows he the worst.
“I-I don’t hate you” He finally voiced out.
“You don’t?”
Shaking his head he then looks at him with a smile, “No, I don’t hate you”
Slowly he could see him smiling, the smile that cause a chaos in his heart, the smile the he always dream that someday it would be his.
“I’m so happy to hear that, Yamada-kun”
And suddenly he thought maybe he should tell him the truth. Maybe he should open the lid that tightly sealed his fragile heart and let him.
And finally he won’t have to be alone, anymore.
“I-I..” But his word was cut out when he heard a girl calling out for him.
“Yuto-Kun” Both of them turned toward the girl who’s wearing her hair in ponytail.
As the girl reached them, she wrapped both of hear arm around the latter left arm, like it was the natural thing for her to do,
“ You said, you’re going to wait for me” Her whine irritated him.
“Sorry, I got something that I need to do”
Pouting her lips, “Shall we go now?”
The girl presence was like a wake up alarm to him. He realizes he was about to make his biggest mistake, the mistake that he definitely going to regret for his whole life. This feeling, it wasn’t supposed to reach him, it shouldn’t.
“I have to go” He said as he turning away from them. He must get away from here, the pain was unbearable. Seeing him, the only person
that he ever loved with another girl ripped his heart into pieces.
“Wait, you’re trying to tell me something, aren’t you?”
Without looking at him, he shakes his head and walked away. As the gap between he and him widen, he began to feel the familiar loneliness.
So lonely that he could vanish into thin air.
-- End --
Note:
1) This is something that I had write a long time ago. I almost forget about it, until recently. I think I finally figured it out why I couldn't write anymore, it because I couldn't come out with a happy ending for my story. And it kind of depressing since I love YamaJima.
2) I know people don't like this kind of ending, so I get it if you don't like it >.<
3) But still it would be nice if you drop a comment for me, since I really love one :)
Thank You for dropping by a read this.