Comments | pinkbbyanglgrl7: college essays: a dilemma

pinkbbyanglgrl7

college essays: a dilemma

Oct 13, 2006 22:50

i have two college essays that i have revised the pants off of. they are kind of similar in format and theme, but i need to choose one soon. please, please read them if you have time and let me know which one you like better. thank you.

ESSAY #1

As I stood at the edge of the world and scanned the sea of yellow poppies beneath me, I ( Read more... )

Comments 5

lapinguina October 14 2006, 22:36:11 UTC

The first one. I think it says more about who you are as a person and what you've experienced, while the other one is more about things that happened with you nearby. You know?

blueyedpixi6889 October 14 2006, 22:40:12 UTC

I really like both of these. The first literally almost brought me to tears for some reason, though, and I think that is something huge to achieve in a COLLEGE ESSAY haha. But for some reason, I think I like #2 better. I think it is more solid and flows more easily. If you go with #!, I think you should try to smooth out the ending a little, the transition to the last paragraph seems a little rough. Hope I helped.

<3 Abby

all_fall_down October 14 2006, 23:32:14 UTC

While both are really well written and extremely intriguing, I definately like the first one for your college essay. I think it speaks more to who you really are, at least the Becca I've seen. It is serious and intelligent, but it has those quirks that kinda define who you are.

Whichever you choose is going to work really well, but I'd choose #1! =)

stage_thoughts October 15 2006, 14:31:14 UTC

Becca, I have always, always, always and always will admire this quality in you. You are wonderful.

I really love both of them but I have to say number one for the same reasons other people have put; It says more about who you are as a whole and has those little quirks.
I loved the part "Blessed are the children who complete their religion lessons: for they shall be free to watch television."
I do agree with Abby though, you might want to smooth it out a little more between those paragraphs.
When I first started reading it, I read it as "puppies" instead of "poppies" and was like "wth?" haha, but then I got it.
Good luck with college, even though I'll be here forever for you through the process :) We're movin on.

strikernpb50 October 24 2006, 01:09:58 UTC

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