(no subject)
this is lame like always
i was talking to someone the other day, and we realized that the only time people use livejournals are when they are really sad or fucked up or really freaking happy. so please let it be noted this is mostly true for me, although extreme boredom also is an excellent breeding ground for worthess entries.
i just got out of class, out of this huge day
and now its all gone. all emotion. everything seems very factual and bland. listening to loud music didn't do a damn thing for me. i turned it down. and talking with people who often make me feel mabye even too much was the same. just nothing. i have no will to do anything. i don't even feel like chewing the gum thats in my mouth. i need to do homework or i will drown later in some awful mess i've created. but i don't give a fuck right now. i feel like going outside and hitching a ride with the first person i meet. then going as far as i can and never looking back again. i hope i'd end up somewhere exotic, like mexico, and have fabulous adventures and find something thats missing. i dont know what that is, what part of this perfect existance isn't cutting it for me. i don't know why i'm not happy there is a cool breeze. that should do it for me. i'm simple. but no. there is a bottle of rum on my desk. i don't think drinking it would do anything of consequence.
i have fabulous intense dreams. everything that is draining color from this world ends up there, and i go to sleep for longer and longer just to stay there. its wickedly bad for me to get out of bed. most times i can't do it before ten. eleven. noon. and i feel a little dizzy. like i'm not getting enough air. like not everything is coming together like it should.
but i'm not sad. i'm no where near close to angry or fucked up.
i feel sterilized.
maybe its better like this. it makes sense, for it to be better like this. lobotomy, here we come.
things make sense to me
but i'm not motivated to do anything about them.
so i guess thats where i am.
i think i need to get stoned
and do some homework.
but willll i...?
i was talking to someone the other day, and we realized that the only time people use livejournals are when they are really sad or fucked up or really freaking happy. so please let it be noted this is mostly true for me, although extreme boredom also is an excellent breeding ground for worthess entries.
i just got out of class, out of this huge day
and now its all gone. all emotion. everything seems very factual and bland. listening to loud music didn't do a damn thing for me. i turned it down. and talking with people who often make me feel mabye even too much was the same. just nothing. i have no will to do anything. i don't even feel like chewing the gum thats in my mouth. i need to do homework or i will drown later in some awful mess i've created. but i don't give a fuck right now. i feel like going outside and hitching a ride with the first person i meet. then going as far as i can and never looking back again. i hope i'd end up somewhere exotic, like mexico, and have fabulous adventures and find something thats missing. i dont know what that is, what part of this perfect existance isn't cutting it for me. i don't know why i'm not happy there is a cool breeze. that should do it for me. i'm simple. but no. there is a bottle of rum on my desk. i don't think drinking it would do anything of consequence.
i have fabulous intense dreams. everything that is draining color from this world ends up there, and i go to sleep for longer and longer just to stay there. its wickedly bad for me to get out of bed. most times i can't do it before ten. eleven. noon. and i feel a little dizzy. like i'm not getting enough air. like not everything is coming together like it should.
but i'm not sad. i'm no where near close to angry or fucked up.
i feel sterilized.
maybe its better like this. it makes sense, for it to be better like this. lobotomy, here we come.
things make sense to me
but i'm not motivated to do anything about them.
so i guess thats where i am.
i think i need to get stoned
and do some homework.
but willll i...?