It's funny to me how fondly my gut-memory responds to the thought of winter break, despite the traumas. It's funny to me what simple joy wells at the thought of spring break, though Dover has never been simple for me. And it's so, so funny to me how at peace I am with this moment, everything being plain and vast.

I never want to write here anymore. I wonder if I've expended its usefulness to me ( Read more... )

I am now conditioned in a way I never imagined I could be. From the depths of deep deaming my eyelids shot open and I reached directly for my clock (also, sometimes, a phone). It took me a couple directionless seconds to realize that clock read 8:25 and my alarm was not set to go off until 8:30. It has taken me weeks of this type of behavior to ( Read more... )

Holding the milk carton nearly to my mouth I think to bring the expiration date into focus. Feb 07.
Maybe 2007?
says my brain.
It just doesn't work as fast as I want it to. My legs won't go superspeed. My conversation skills lapse.
Sleep and nutrition would aide this. Focus! But I'm just not that serious about living a =good= life right now.

( Read more... )

One of the most overwhelming of my most worthless fears is that I am going to think myself into a black hole before I'm thirty. By the time I die I will have come to a place where I can no longer open my mouth and speak anything true. I will have unproven everything that ever proved to me that life has any sort of rational answers ( Read more... )

Seven people at Christmas Eve dinner quaffed five bottles of wine...it was loud and fun. Now that the old(er) folks we used to eat with flew south, our family has shown its true colors. And they're the neon pink and yellow. After dinner instead of going to church we threw sticky toys at the glass doors and raced them. Then we watched an absurdist ( Read more... )

The white Christmas party tonight would have been fun despite the overabundance of red sweaters if I hadn't gotten to talking with a Mr. Creepy-Husband, who was too tall to be standing that close and too gray-haired to be confusing anthropology with archaeology and using the word "fascinating" while talking about Native Americans for twenty minutes ( Read more... )

In the space of a half an hour lie-in I just had an intricate and escalating and utterly realistic and ultimately TERRIFYING dream about zombies and scary government men having laser targets trained on me and family reunions and abandomnet and losing my purse and it involved so much running that now I feel exhausted. This is not the desired result ( Read more... )

I was just slightly chemically altered on the ride from Bard to Poughkeepsie. Just enough to make it among the most pleasant bus rides of my life, and just enough that--though I was gazing out the window the entire time, watching the mountains and the mountain towns streak by--I didn't notice that I was in fact being taken to Poughkeepsie, not ( Read more... )

I don't understand.