Epiphany
Venting to Holly wasn't enough, and since I don't have a journal, here it is. What I realized today.
At dance, there's a lot of emphasis placed on performance. Each different dance requires a different feeling behind it. Some are depressed, some are upset, some are upbeat and cheesy, some are angry. The ones that are the most fun to do, however, are usually the ones that are SEXY. My Philosophy, Dennis's piece, is one of those numbers. We get to play a role when we're doing that dance that we couldn't play in real life: We get to be arrogant and conceited. We get to dance like we're the best and we know it. We get to flirt shamelessly with the audience. In essence, we get to be total sexpots. We can make faces that we could never get away with in real life. We get to do our make-up, hair, and costumes like we're in Playboy. That's the part I love about My Philosophy. There's nothing better than batting your long, fake eyelashes, flipping your hair, and giving an entire auditorium a view of your cleavage, abs, and legs.
And today in class, we were rehearsing. Which meant we didn't look the part unless we performed. And performing is the BEST feeling in the whole wide world. The music is just so cool that you can't help but seduce the imaginary Orlando Bloom staring back at you from the mirror. So that's what I do every single time that music goes on. And today it paid off. Of 18 girls, Lisa picked 7 that were absolutly working it. And it was here that I had my epiphany. I DON'T NEED BOYS. How does that connect, you wonder? Well, I realized that I am it. I am sexy. Yah, I said it. I'm hot. And all anyone has to do to clarify this if they don't believe me is watch me dance My Philosophy. There are some people, especially one in particular right now, that for some reason have dismissed me. If they ever saw me do this dance, they would finally see what they are missing out on. And the part that would be saddest for them would be knowing that they could have had me, but instead decided to take someone else. (Has anyone ever heard the song Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off? Sweetie, you had me, etc.)
Now I realize that this sounds extremely conceited. But please understand that this is the way I need to be thinking if I want to not spend the rest of my life in a confused, depressed heap on the floor. Knowing that it's their loss and someone else's gain makes me feel better about things. So, I fully intend to continue my life without obsessing over boys. It's not worth it for me to waste my time on that when the feelings aren't mutal. Maybe I'll do what Lisa told us all to do, and I'll walk around and flirt with everyone that crosses my path. And finally, I plan to hang out with my girlfriends WAY WAY WAY WAY MORE. I had forgotten how special they are to me, and how much less confusing they are than boys.