The 30 Day Asexuality Challenge
Finally got around to filling this out, the 30 Day Asexuality Challenge!
1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation?
Aromantic asexual
2. Are you out? To whom?
Right now I’m only out to people on the Internet, and friends I also know in real life but met on the Internet. I’ve been thinking about coming out to some real life friends. Coming out to my parents and relatives I’m not too sure yet. I want to, but probably only if a situation comes up that warrants it, like them mentioning the fact that I’m 26 and have never been in a relationship.
I’ve also mentioned my asexuality to some staff members of the anime convention I volunteer for, and they didn’t really react or say anything about it.
3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?
I stumbled upon the term "asexual" last year and a lightbulb went off in my head. I had for a while been wondering what my sexual orientation could be. The existing terms I’ve heard didn’t seem to fit me, so it was like “That’s it!” when I read about asexuality on the Tumblrs and later AVEN.
4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
Right now, just the asexual community. There’s a lot of debate going about whether asexuals should be "allowed" to identity as queer if they want to, and a lot of the reasons against this are stupid and show massive amounts of misunderstanding and douchebaggery on the part of people who claim to be defending the queer community. So my thinking on it is, I don’t want to be part of a community that has that many asshats in it. I’d rather be part of the ace community and its championing of tea, cats and Doctor Who. I did attend Boston’s LGBT festival this year while wearing an ace shirt, and that went very well, but... I don’t know. It’s weird and complicated.
5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
I first came out to a friend over chat. It went well, though it did seem to spark a bit of a panic in them as they were then under the impression that my asexuality was somehow a moral judgement on them being sexual SIGH I’M SO TIRED OF THAT HAPPENING, SEXUAL PEOPLE IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU But then that got cleared up and it was fine.
6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
I’m not out to anyone would could potentially have that kind of power over me, so I have not personally faced oppression for being asexual, though I know it happens a lot.
7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
Eleven! I started really getting into Doctor Who during Matt Smith’s run, and have been going back to watch the rest of the New Who era (still need to watch more Classic Who), but I think Matt Smith’s Doctor is my favorite. He’s adorable and awkward and brilliant and frustrating and wise and and idiot and very, very fun to watch. And he’s recently confirmed the Doctor’s asexuality, so mwahahahah, another score for our side.
8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
There should be, and of course there is! Pride is for those who have been shunned or told to hide by “normal” society, and asexuality fits into there as much as LGBT does.
9. What does being asexual mean to you?
I love that I finally have something to call this. I was never interested in dating or relationships growing up and often felt strange that there wasn’t a word for it that wasn’t immediately connected to some kind of disorder. I felt completely fine not being interested in sex or dating, and I didn’t feel straight or gay or anything else, but there wasn’t a word for it. So, I like having a word for that this is, and being able to build a concept about it and talk about it with other people and all of us being able to understand it.
10. What have other people said about your asexuality?
The people who I have told are pretty cool about it. Some internet anons have been stupid, but that’s to be expected.
11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
Probably Meg, because she’s also ace so she gets it. (The fact that we share a brain helps, too.)
12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
fuckyeahasexualporn.tumblr.com
13. Your favorite asexual website.
writingfromfactorx.wordpress.com
14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.
MEGGGGGGGGGGGG (megkips) We met through the comments on a Sherlock fanfic mithrigil wrote, when Meg brought up some Sherlock fan communities, one of which was asexy_sherlock. I went "THIS IS VERY RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS" and then there were Rome icons and we quickly discovered we were basically parallel universe versions of each other.
15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person.
The Doctor! I also like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory (especially paired with Amy Farrah Fowler) and Sherlock Holmes from the BBC’s Sherlock.
16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).
Uh... Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson, which is about taking lots of drugs and getting into trouble in Las Vegas and talking about why hippies suck. No sex or romance to speak of.
17. Your favorite "asexual" movie.
In the Mood for Love. Platonic romances FTW. I also love the platonic relationship between the two main characters in Oscar and Lucinda.
18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.
"What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?" -Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
[Skipping the next two questions, I might answer them in another post later.]
19. What do relationships mean to you?
20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).
21. Your favorite asexual quote.
I wish I could quote everything outlawroad on Tumblr has written about the idea of “single” and relationship hierarchies, but that would be way too long, so just go there and read it.
22. What do you believe causes asexuality?
Whatever causes other people to be heterosexual, homosexual, etc.
23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?
This might come across as vain, but I’m still very fond of the asexual fictional characters chibi drawing I did a while ago:
24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.
(Okay, I will quote one thing by outlawroad:)
In the grand scheme of things, an asexual or an aromantic person is the most disempowered individual in a relationship or network of relationships where everyone else is romantic-sexual. In our friendships and platonic relationships with romantic-sexual people, we are always in the weaker position; the romantic-sexual person has the upper hand just by the fact they’re romantic-sexual. Because of the way the Romantic-Sex Based Relationship Hierarchy works, we who occupy positions as friends or family members or even platonic partners are innately subordinated to and dominated by the romantic-sexual partners of our loved ones. It’s automatic. Default. We don’t get a say. [link]
25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?
The whole idea that asexuality is just being afraid to/not wanting to have sex. It makes the infuriatingly common mistake of equating sexual orientation with behavior, which I then have to explain every time I discuss asexuality with anyone outside of the ace community. This argument is also usually connected to the misconception that asexuality is some kind of moral judgment on sexually active people, which as I mentioned above, is fucking annoying.
26. Who is your biggest ally?
megkips
27. What is your favorite types of cake?
Lemon cake, or Victorian sponge cake
28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)
Pie is always an acceptable replacement for cake. It’s also easier to make savory pies, in which case my favorite kind of pie of tofu pot pie.
29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?
On the Tumblrs, which has an awesome ace community.
30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.
Bowties are cool.
1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation?
Aromantic asexual
2. Are you out? To whom?
Right now I’m only out to people on the Internet, and friends I also know in real life but met on the Internet. I’ve been thinking about coming out to some real life friends. Coming out to my parents and relatives I’m not too sure yet. I want to, but probably only if a situation comes up that warrants it, like them mentioning the fact that I’m 26 and have never been in a relationship.
I’ve also mentioned my asexuality to some staff members of the anime convention I volunteer for, and they didn’t really react or say anything about it.
3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?
I stumbled upon the term "asexual" last year and a lightbulb went off in my head. I had for a while been wondering what my sexual orientation could be. The existing terms I’ve heard didn’t seem to fit me, so it was like “That’s it!” when I read about asexuality on the Tumblrs and later AVEN.
4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
Right now, just the asexual community. There’s a lot of debate going about whether asexuals should be "allowed" to identity as queer if they want to, and a lot of the reasons against this are stupid and show massive amounts of misunderstanding and douchebaggery on the part of people who claim to be defending the queer community. So my thinking on it is, I don’t want to be part of a community that has that many asshats in it. I’d rather be part of the ace community and its championing of tea, cats and Doctor Who. I did attend Boston’s LGBT festival this year while wearing an ace shirt, and that went very well, but... I don’t know. It’s weird and complicated.
5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
I first came out to a friend over chat. It went well, though it did seem to spark a bit of a panic in them as they were then under the impression that my asexuality was somehow a moral judgement on them being sexual SIGH I’M SO TIRED OF THAT HAPPENING, SEXUAL PEOPLE IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU But then that got cleared up and it was fine.
6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
I’m not out to anyone would could potentially have that kind of power over me, so I have not personally faced oppression for being asexual, though I know it happens a lot.
7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
Eleven! I started really getting into Doctor Who during Matt Smith’s run, and have been going back to watch the rest of the New Who era (still need to watch more Classic Who), but I think Matt Smith’s Doctor is my favorite. He’s adorable and awkward and brilliant and frustrating and wise and and idiot and very, very fun to watch. And he’s recently confirmed the Doctor’s asexuality, so mwahahahah, another score for our side.
8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
There should be, and of course there is! Pride is for those who have been shunned or told to hide by “normal” society, and asexuality fits into there as much as LGBT does.
9. What does being asexual mean to you?
I love that I finally have something to call this. I was never interested in dating or relationships growing up and often felt strange that there wasn’t a word for it that wasn’t immediately connected to some kind of disorder. I felt completely fine not being interested in sex or dating, and I didn’t feel straight or gay or anything else, but there wasn’t a word for it. So, I like having a word for that this is, and being able to build a concept about it and talk about it with other people and all of us being able to understand it.
10. What have other people said about your asexuality?
The people who I have told are pretty cool about it. Some internet anons have been stupid, but that’s to be expected.
11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
Probably Meg, because she’s also ace so she gets it. (The fact that we share a brain helps, too.)
12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
fuckyeahasexualporn.tumblr.com
13. Your favorite asexual website.
writingfromfactorx.wordpress.com
14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.
MEGGGGGGGGGGGG (megkips) We met through the comments on a Sherlock fanfic mithrigil wrote, when Meg brought up some Sherlock fan communities, one of which was asexy_sherlock. I went "THIS IS VERY RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS" and then there were Rome icons and we quickly discovered we were basically parallel universe versions of each other.
15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person.
The Doctor! I also like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory (especially paired with Amy Farrah Fowler) and Sherlock Holmes from the BBC’s Sherlock.
16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).
Uh... Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson, which is about taking lots of drugs and getting into trouble in Las Vegas and talking about why hippies suck. No sex or romance to speak of.
17. Your favorite "asexual" movie.
In the Mood for Love. Platonic romances FTW. I also love the platonic relationship between the two main characters in Oscar and Lucinda.
18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.
"What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?" -Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
[Skipping the next two questions, I might answer them in another post later.]
19. What do relationships mean to you?
20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).
21. Your favorite asexual quote.
I wish I could quote everything outlawroad on Tumblr has written about the idea of “single” and relationship hierarchies, but that would be way too long, so just go there and read it.
22. What do you believe causes asexuality?
Whatever causes other people to be heterosexual, homosexual, etc.
23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?
This might come across as vain, but I’m still very fond of the asexual fictional characters chibi drawing I did a while ago:
24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.
(Okay, I will quote one thing by outlawroad:)
In the grand scheme of things, an asexual or an aromantic person is the most disempowered individual in a relationship or network of relationships where everyone else is romantic-sexual. In our friendships and platonic relationships with romantic-sexual people, we are always in the weaker position; the romantic-sexual person has the upper hand just by the fact they’re romantic-sexual. Because of the way the Romantic-Sex Based Relationship Hierarchy works, we who occupy positions as friends or family members or even platonic partners are innately subordinated to and dominated by the romantic-sexual partners of our loved ones. It’s automatic. Default. We don’t get a say. [link]
25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?
The whole idea that asexuality is just being afraid to/not wanting to have sex. It makes the infuriatingly common mistake of equating sexual orientation with behavior, which I then have to explain every time I discuss asexuality with anyone outside of the ace community. This argument is also usually connected to the misconception that asexuality is some kind of moral judgment on sexually active people, which as I mentioned above, is fucking annoying.
26. Who is your biggest ally?
megkips
27. What is your favorite types of cake?
Lemon cake, or Victorian sponge cake
28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)
Pie is always an acceptable replacement for cake. It’s also easier to make savory pies, in which case my favorite kind of pie of tofu pot pie.
29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?
On the Tumblrs, which has an awesome ace community.
30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.
Bowties are cool.