(Untitled)

[pirate_secrets]

I had to write a story for English, read it!!! And tell me what you think. I feel as if the ending is a bit awkward.. I suck at endings.

Unexpectedly, the elevator stops. The lit sign above the door reads ‘Bathos’. The elevator doors open and a girl with dark blue hair wearing a long, flowing blue gown appears before it. Mercure looks quickly at

Comments

[sassy_pumpkin]

wow, thats pretty good. i like it. the ending does seem a teensy bit rushed, but i have no clue on how to fix it. otherwise its awesome.

[star_trackie]

Aww. Nooooo. The second to the last sentence is kinda the sinker, you know? It hits the reader suddenly and then that's he end of the story. Hmmm. Maybe so it doesn't seemed rushed you can divide it up into two more sentences. Do you think that could work?

"But sadly, when the three friends entered the elevator, it malfunctioned and took them all to a Hell dimension. THEY couldn’t
escape."

I don't know if I'm making any sense. My speech went down the drain today so the English language and I aren't buddies anymore.

[mad_cap_laughs_]

beautiful.