[EXO] Farthest From Your Dreams
Farthest From Your Dreams
Kai/Lu Han/Sehun. G. ~700 wc
I know what you dream of. I dream of it, too.
On the way home in the van, Sehun scoots over to Lu Han, his right side warm against the sleeves of Lu Han’s jacket. Lu Han looks up, one ear phone plugged in and the faint sounds of a Chinese song streaming out of the other. “Yes?”
“What are you listening to?” Sehun asks, rubbing his right eye. His eyeliner has begun to smudge, so he wipes absently at it with his index finger, watching Lu Han watch him. Lu Han hands him the other ear phone, and Sehun is adjusting it into his right ear when Kai moves closer to Lu Han’s other side.
“Good job today,” Kai says, setting the rubik’s cube in Lu Han’s lap. He grins sheepishly when Lu Han asks if they want him to solve it again. “No, no. Where did you learn this, anyway?”
“Practice,” Lu Han says slowly, and Sehun can tell he is thinking cautiously over his pronunciation. Lu Han once told him that he always formulates his thoughts in Chinese and translates them into Korean in his head. Sehun feels it must be taxing to think so carefully over every inside joke, the formation of a smile slow but genuine on Lu Han’s face.
Sehun and Kai talk about this frequently, and with the onset of promotions, it becomes even more evident that Lu Han is just another version of themselves, meant to exist in a dimension separate to their own, their paths parallel. Lu Han is Sehun in another reality, yet Sehun wants nothing more than to coexist in the same plane as Lu Han.
♠
Lu Han has a terrible desire to be someone special, even if it’s within a small realm. He has always been too thin, too quiet, too feminine. The problem is that once something is seen in a certain light, he can never rid himself of the mindset again. Nowadays, so much attention is fixated on his face that he can no longer distinguish himself from the next boy, and the boy after that.
Lu Han thinks about Kai and the expression he adopts while dancing, as if all of Kai’s energy is compounded and contained in his explosive movements. Lu Han knows that Kai, too, has something to prove. Kai fluctuates on the fence of never being good enough and what’s so special about you? There is a lingering after taste to Kai’s movements, the image of his footwork resounding in Lu Han’s memory.
When everything is on the precipice of falling apart, Lu Han remembers the look on Kai’s face, torn between an eternal state of determination and complacency. On most days, Kai is unreadable, but the calmness on his face is oddly comforting, like the expression one makes right before breaking into a smile.
♣
Kai is 17 but feels as if he has traveled years beyond his dreams, his personal odometer no longer an accurate determinant of his feelings. Kai knows that years down the line, he will still just be the boy with powerful dance moves, Lee Sooman’s inexplicably favorite child, and Kim Jongin, best friend to SHINee’s Taemin. These are the titles he will never shake off, the weight of everyone’s love unexpectedly heavy. The feeling of these burdens taste ungrateful in Kai’s mouth, and some days he can no longer remember that he is still Kim Jongin, that he is still 17.
Some days he is envious of Sehun, who traces Kai’s movements seamlessly like footsteps in the sand. Sehun, who is by his side more often than people expect. Sehun, who has the same classes, practices the same dance routines, and smiles with the same sensibilities. Sehun, who is the same age but laughs without the pressing need to maintain some unspoken balance of professionalism and sincerity.
Sometimes Kai thinks Sehun knows. Sehun must know, the way he regards Kai so earnestly and the way he shoves Kai out of the rehearsal rooms after everyone has left, Sehun’s eyes tired but sympathetic, like he understands Kai’s need to over perform and overachieve.
In Kai’s mind, Sehun will always be 17, and Kai will always be in the place farthest from his own dreams.
♦
I know what you dream of. I dream of it, too.
The last line was totally ripped from Norwegian Wood. Yep. Yep. Not even going to lie. I'm having a brainfart in terms of Secret Agent verse, so here, have some Kai/Lu Han/Sehun ot3.
Kai/Lu Han/Sehun. G. ~700 wc
I know what you dream of. I dream of it, too.
On the way home in the van, Sehun scoots over to Lu Han, his right side warm against the sleeves of Lu Han’s jacket. Lu Han looks up, one ear phone plugged in and the faint sounds of a Chinese song streaming out of the other. “Yes?”
“What are you listening to?” Sehun asks, rubbing his right eye. His eyeliner has begun to smudge, so he wipes absently at it with his index finger, watching Lu Han watch him. Lu Han hands him the other ear phone, and Sehun is adjusting it into his right ear when Kai moves closer to Lu Han’s other side.
“Good job today,” Kai says, setting the rubik’s cube in Lu Han’s lap. He grins sheepishly when Lu Han asks if they want him to solve it again. “No, no. Where did you learn this, anyway?”
“Practice,” Lu Han says slowly, and Sehun can tell he is thinking cautiously over his pronunciation. Lu Han once told him that he always formulates his thoughts in Chinese and translates them into Korean in his head. Sehun feels it must be taxing to think so carefully over every inside joke, the formation of a smile slow but genuine on Lu Han’s face.
Sehun and Kai talk about this frequently, and with the onset of promotions, it becomes even more evident that Lu Han is just another version of themselves, meant to exist in a dimension separate to their own, their paths parallel. Lu Han is Sehun in another reality, yet Sehun wants nothing more than to coexist in the same plane as Lu Han.
♠
Lu Han has a terrible desire to be someone special, even if it’s within a small realm. He has always been too thin, too quiet, too feminine. The problem is that once something is seen in a certain light, he can never rid himself of the mindset again. Nowadays, so much attention is fixated on his face that he can no longer distinguish himself from the next boy, and the boy after that.
Lu Han thinks about Kai and the expression he adopts while dancing, as if all of Kai’s energy is compounded and contained in his explosive movements. Lu Han knows that Kai, too, has something to prove. Kai fluctuates on the fence of never being good enough and what’s so special about you? There is a lingering after taste to Kai’s movements, the image of his footwork resounding in Lu Han’s memory.
When everything is on the precipice of falling apart, Lu Han remembers the look on Kai’s face, torn between an eternal state of determination and complacency. On most days, Kai is unreadable, but the calmness on his face is oddly comforting, like the expression one makes right before breaking into a smile.
♣
Kai is 17 but feels as if he has traveled years beyond his dreams, his personal odometer no longer an accurate determinant of his feelings. Kai knows that years down the line, he will still just be the boy with powerful dance moves, Lee Sooman’s inexplicably favorite child, and Kim Jongin, best friend to SHINee’s Taemin. These are the titles he will never shake off, the weight of everyone’s love unexpectedly heavy. The feeling of these burdens taste ungrateful in Kai’s mouth, and some days he can no longer remember that he is still Kim Jongin, that he is still 17.
Some days he is envious of Sehun, who traces Kai’s movements seamlessly like footsteps in the sand. Sehun, who is by his side more often than people expect. Sehun, who has the same classes, practices the same dance routines, and smiles with the same sensibilities. Sehun, who is the same age but laughs without the pressing need to maintain some unspoken balance of professionalism and sincerity.
Sometimes Kai thinks Sehun knows. Sehun must know, the way he regards Kai so earnestly and the way he shoves Kai out of the rehearsal rooms after everyone has left, Sehun’s eyes tired but sympathetic, like he understands Kai’s need to over perform and overachieve.
In Kai’s mind, Sehun will always be 17, and Kai will always be in the place farthest from his own dreams.
♦
I know what you dream of. I dream of it, too.
The last line was totally ripped from Norwegian Wood. Yep. Yep. Not even going to lie. I'm having a brainfart in terms of Secret Agent verse, so here, have some Kai/Lu Han/Sehun ot3.