[B.A.P] October Skies (1/1)
Title: October Skies
Fandom: B.A.P
Author: chiharu
Characters/pairing: Daehyun/Youngjae
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~4,300
Summary: TS Entertainment's Jung Daehyun is Yoo Youngjae's biggest rival for this year's Rookie of the Year Award, but that's just half the story. AU! For roebling
Written for roebling for thebrowniebunch's second exchange round! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MADE IT TO ROUND 2!!
Youngjae really shouldn’t have listened to Jinyoung-hyung when he promised to “feature” Youngjae in 15&’s live performances. One back up dancing gig quickly turned into many until Youngjae can map out the halls of the Mnet building in his sleep as he dreams about moving robots and checkered patterned stage outfits. Youngjae knows it’s the price he has to pay for being young, being inexperienced, and being the next solo artist in line for JYPE to debut.
The dressing room is chaotic when Youngjae leaves the stage with the other dancers. Jimin bounces over, adrenaline still bubbling in her eyes as she throws an arm around Youngjae. “First place, Oppa. We won first place.”
“You won first place,” Youngjae reminds her, a smile tugging at his lips as Yerin joins them. When the girls pout at him, Youngjae laughs. It’s 15&’s goodbye stage, and he’s surprised that the fans have pulled through in the last stretch to snatch one last music award, effectively ending Jung Daehyun’s winning streak.
TS Entertainment’s Golden Boy had smiled openly at them from across the ending stage as his own fans waved pale pink balloons in the distance. It reminds Youngjae of Jaebum’s pillowcase, the flowers outside of JYPE’s dorms, and the fact that Youngjae has to be up for vocal practice the next morning. For now, the girls are chatting over him and demanding their reward of one free bbq trip, courtesy of their manager. Youngjae is surprised when the trainees and dancers get invited along.
There are seven days in a week. Youngjae spends six of them dreaming about debut and the last one regretting his decision to leave school, an overwhelming sense of mediocrity flooding into every crevice of his life. Those are the days when he goes to the studio and listens to the other trainees practice, knowing that he still has a long way to go. All Youngjae has is an elusive promise, a regimented schedule, and semi-tangible friendships on the precipice of turning ill. Youngjae needs to prove himself to everyone before he can cross that insurmountable distance to his solo stage.
He’s called back into reality when they run into TS Entertainment’s entourage near the back entrance. Jung Daehyun bows dutifully at everyone until he catches Youngjae’s eye. In an ideal world, Youngjae would say “we beat you” and Daehyun would respond laughing, “I know, you jerk.” However, the Challenge is still on, so Youngjae says nothing and Daehyun does the same.
It starts when Youngjae gets sent to procure peperro for a fellow trainee’s surprise birthday party. He’s strolling across aisle three of the local supermarket when he loses track of the chocolates and finds Jung Daehyun. Youngjae has followed enough music programs to recognize the boy holding a basket of snacks uncertainly.
It occurs to Youngjae that the number of teenage girls huddled by the entrance might be larger than normal at 11pm. He tries to ignore it until he notices Daehyun wandering aimlessly up and down the aisle like he has done something wrong. Like he’s afraid to leave. The amount of girls at the entrance is growing rapidly, and Youngjae is reminded of the fans who intimidated Yerin at debut. The people who camped outside of the JYPE building. The ones who followed Minjun-hyung to his father’s funeral.
Youngjae’s mother always said that his heart was bigger and kinder than he let on. The other boy is staring sadly at a can of wasabi peas when Youngjae asks, “do you need help?”
Daehyun looks surprised, eyes growing larger. “It’s okay,” he says at last. “I’ve already tried everything on this shelf.”
Youngjae feels of a surge of disbelief as he takes off his sweaty baseball cap and sets it atop of Daehyun’s head. He also unzips his jacket and hands it over, shrugging when the realization dawns on Daehyun. Youngjae’s never been quite comfortable crossing boundaries. “If you want to… There’s a pet store three blocks south. We can meet there.”
Youngjae waits for Daehyun to don his clothes and leave, a sense of foolishness growing in his stomach. He counts to five minutes before exiting the store, shuffling quickly past a group of oblivious girls. Youngjae finds him at the promised location, Daehyun crouching on the sidewalk as he insists on thanking Youngjae with food. They eat through a bag of shrimp chips outside of the closed pet shop until Daehyun asks for his name and occupation. Youngjae, well, has always been bad of lying.
Youngjae walks back to the dorm that night with Daehyun’s number in his phone, grinning when Hansuk asks why it took him so long. He forgets the peppero and his hat, but gains something potentially dangerous and exciting.
Daehyun likes to alternate Noraebangs and reserve rooms under his cousin’s name. Youngjae finally gives in the third time he spontaneously gets an invitation from Daehyun. It takes some coaxing on Daehyun’s part to get Youngjae singing. They stack their powered-off phones on top of the monitor, Youngjae feeling incredibly misplaced as Daehyun eats through essentially all the food. When Daehyun nearly chokes after inhaling three kimbaps at once, Youngjae laughs so hard that Daehyun laughs back.
It gets easier to meet with Daehyun after that, but mostly because Daehyun continues to send Youngjae random photos of graffiti and puppies. Daehyun never talks about work, blabbing on about everything from tv shows he’d like to watch to shoes he’s been eyeing.
Youngjae is not sure how this friendship developed so rapidly. He thinks it has something to do with the underlying competition rooted in his relationship with the other JYPE trainees. It’s a reciprocating relationship because Youngjae poses minimal threat to Daehyun. Youngjae is searching for friendship in its purest form, but he’s willing to take what he can get even if that means having weird conversations about the spiritual meaning of food at 1 am.
They meet at random times: near the Han River at 2 in the morning, in random bookstores on Wednesday afternoons, and in Youngjae’s dreams when he’s unsure if this constitutes as sleep. Daehyun’s idol life is an enigma - something he separates from their play dates. Youngjae makes his own schedule and, despite his sarcastic reputation among friend and family, can’t say no to Daehyun.
Youngjae tries to cut back on his level of emotional investment in everyday life. He’s learned to fall back on more reliable things like the evaluation from his vocal coach and the increasing duration of his dance rehearsals. Daehyun is Youngjae’s only chance to break all the rules.
Daehyun treats him to golgi on a Monday night. Youngjae is sweaty from late night dance practice and Daehyun has finished another scheduled appointment, if his windswept hair and eyeliner are any indication. The two of them sit in a private room for ten, Youngjae grilling the meat while Daehyun folds half-assed origami out of the lettuce. Daehyun claims he got this room pre-booked as a present, but Youngjae thinks he must have someone else to spend such a generous coupon on.
“Isn’t someone keeping an eye on you?” Daehyun asks, downing water like it’s soju.
Youngjae flips over a piece of rib eye and thinks about his measly wallet. “That’s what I should be asking you.” He ignores Daehyun’s sheepish grin and snatches a piece of lettuce from Daehyun’s grasp.
The lone television mounted on the opposite wall is playing a rerun from the last world cup. Daehyun’s eyes fall back on the game every few minutes until he sits up, waving a pair of unused meat shears at Youngjae. “Let’s play a game-My dream occupation is-”
“Don’t say soccer,” Youngjae says, handing Daehyun a piece of wrapped meat and grimacing when Daehyun eats it out of his hand. It’s eleven pm and this is a clearly breaking Youngjae’s diet.
“I want to be an airplane captain,” Daehyun says thoughtfully around a mouthful of meat. “Those uniforms are pretty dandy.” He points at Youngjae when offered more food.
Youngjae takes a bite of his own food and digest this information. “That could be your new concept.” He pauses. “My dream occupation is being a psychic.”
“You’re lying,” Daehyun says without looking away from the game, causing Youngjae to laugh.
They eat through another order of sirloin before leaving, the sky already drizzling outside. Daehyun dashes away from the awning of the restaurant, stops half a block away, and turns around to wave energetically. Youngjae laughs and waves slowly in return, watching Daehyun jump into a taxi.
Sometimes, Daehyun feels like an automated reply system that moonlights as a public figure. He keeps Youngjae company as Youngjae goes from spending hours in the rehearsal room to staring at the uneven pattern on his ceiling. This changes when Youngjae begins performing with 15& and sees Daehyun in the dressing rooms and onstage, smiling unguardedly into a sea of pink as he belts out incredibly moving ballades. Their eyes meet for a split second when Daehyun exits the stage, walking past him without a word. It’s exciting, Youngjae thinks, to be someone’s secret.
“I want to eat something so spicy that I cry,” Daehyun declares the next time they meet, when Daehyun has a rare day off and Youngjae is supposed to be visiting his family. They roam through Hongdae on a Tuesday afternoon, Daehyun wearing a mask to cover his makeup-less face as they bounce from one street vendor to another.
Daehyun satisfies his craving for spicy food while Youngjae marvels at Daehyun’s food intake. They stop by the empty arcade and make fools of themselves on the dance machine. Daehyun claims it’s Youngjae’s fault for forfeiting the game in embarrassment, but Youngjae just tsks at him and moves to the next game. They shoot giant spiders and take dumb sticker photos before Youngjae calls it quit, demanding to know why this outing has turned into a pseudo-date.
“Don’t be so shy,” Daehyun singsongs when he catches up, tugging at Youngjae’s backpack. He grins after clipping the alpaca keychain he won from the claw machine onto Youngjae’s bag. “It’s a gift~ He’ll keep you company while I’m gone.”
Youngjae turns around, pausing. “Where are you going?”
“I’m done promoting after next week,” Daehyun tells him. “I’m going to take a break. Go back to Busan. I don’t know. Write some new songs? Management wants new material for my next release, but I’m out of lyrics. Plus, they’re going to focus on that rap duo next, so I’m free for another six months.”
“Oh,” Youngjae says after a beat. “I’m going to debut soon.”
Daehyun stares, incredulous, before shoving Youngjae. When he does smile, it’s infectious. “Why didn’t you say so? When?!”
Youngjae shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I don’t know. In a few months? Two tops. We’re almost done recording my mini-album now.” It hadn’t felt real until Youngjae got called in for one last concept check yesterday. He hasn’t even told his mother that the company is drafting a new contract for him.
“Congra-”
“Congratulate me when I’m actually standing on stage,” Youngjae cuts him off. He’s been a trainee long enough to know what could happen in this industry. There are too many variables, and Youngjae has too many weaknesses. He does smile a little when Daehyun loops one arm around his shoulder, beaming at Youngjae.
“Don’t be a partypooper to your own life.” Daehyun squeezes him. “I’ll treat you to dinner.”
Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “No thanks, I’m full enough.”
“Are you going to be okay without me here?” Daehyun wants to know, laughing when Youngjae swats at him. The lady behind a sausage stand is eyeing them with interest, but Youngjae ignores this. Daehyun’s reaction was better than he expected.
“I’ll be fine,” Youngjae says, smiling. He’s relieved when Daehyun returns it.
“You look handsome,” Jaebum says when he crashes Youngjae’s album shoot. He casually drinks the water the production assistant gave Youngjae, flicking at Youngjae’s hair until a coordi-noona glares at him. “Really,” Jaebum adds. “Good job.”
Jimin and Yerin are there too, partly for support and partly for the camera that’s documenting things behind the scenes. Even Taecyeon-hyung makes an appearance, hugging Youngjae and laughing when the girls demand selcas with him. Youngjae has a classic concept, complete with a fitted suit and an old American car that makes him look like a knock-off fusion between HISTORY and one of those early EXO teasers.
Youngjae feels a little relieved when he change into the next outfit, but the photographer still seems unimpressed. It’s a recurring theme, Youngjae thinks, for him to under-deliver. He’s never quite what they expect, and even his last studio track needs more tweaking. Youngjae doesn’t know how he’s supposed to act natural when he’s terrified that someone will realize he’s not ready to sing for himself, much less debut. He wants to ask for instructions and help, but the others are talking amongst themselves off-set. Youngjae doesn’t know where he fits.
“Mmmhello?” Daehyun sounds sleepy when Youngjae answers the call at the dorm, his accent thick through Youngjae’s phone. “Youngjae? Pabo. Don’t call me so late just to breath creepily into the-”
“I don’t know what to do,” Youngjae says, leaning into the wall of his dorm.
“What do you mean?” Daehyun asks, pausing to yawn loudly.
Youngjae picks at his elbow. “I’m not ready.”
Daehyun is silent for a moment, and Youngjae almost thinks he fell asleep again before Daehyun responds. “You are debuting because someone thinks you’re ready. It’s a fact, even if you can’t believe it.” He listens as Youngjae describes his feeling of misplacement at the shoot. “You can’t let your insecurities win, Youngjae-ah. No one wants to ridicule you. Don’t isolate yourself from your friends. They’re the only ones you have right now. This isn’t a dream, Youngjae, it’s your life. Don’t check out at the most crucial moment.”
Youngjae’s brain, as always, zones in on the most insignificant detail. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes, of course.” Daehyun insists.
Youngjae takes a deep breath. “Are they really my only friends? Then what are you supposed to be?”
Daehyun seems taken back. Youngjae really wishes they were having this conversation in person, but Daehyun is probably home by the sea, breathing in the sun. Youngjae wishes he was there too, watching the sunlight bounce off the sand and light up Daehyun’s face. Youngjae gave up on looking away from Daehyun months ago.
“You’re dumb,” Daehyun says at last, laughing, and Youngjae feels like his chest has opened again. “Of course we’re friends, even though you’re about to get more popular than me. You’ll get invited to all the shows and sing the same three lines to the MCs and Shindong will flirt awkwardly with you, just like I already do. Your fans will be dedicated and cuter than mine- well, actually, no they won’t. You’ll get invited onto Immortal Song and-”
“Stop,” Youngjae demands, his brain finally catching up with Daehyun’s big mouth. The traffic is incredibly loud through his open window. “What did you say?”
“Well, my fans will obviously be cuter because I’m cuter,” Daehyun has the audacity to suggest.
Youngjae is almost afraid of pressing. “You said that you flirt with me. Is that what we’ve been doing? Is that… What this is?”
The silence that follows is unbearable until Daehyun says. “I think. This is. Um Whatever you want it to be.” Youngjae can imagine Daehyun looking torn on the other end of the line. The way Daehyun’s emotions are so clearly painted on his face is one of Youngjae’s favorite things about him. “Do you know what I mean?”
Youngjae thinks about empty grocery stores and what it means to emotionally invest in something he accidentally picked up on aisle three. He’s been doing this solo gig for so long that the solitude has left him with no more room to breathe. Youngjae is stuck in a pattern: losing himself in the silence when all he wants is a shared smile, a person who dials in on the same wavelength, and something to consider his own.
“I know,” Youngjae says at last, smiling into his phone. Somewhere, on the third ring, Daehyun has picked up his call.
Youngjae gets his official haircut the next day. The boy in the mirror looks older, more confident. His debut is exactly three weeks away, but Youngjae is already thinking about Daehyun’s return. Seoul is starting to feel less impersonal these days, a sense of belonging overflowing until Youngjae catches himself smiling at strangers on the street.
Jinyoung-hyung takes him out for dinner with some company investors who take a liking to Youngjae’s smart mouth. One of them even demands that Youngjae sings at his daughter’s upcoming wedding. He spends two hours on the phone with his mother after getting home, listening to her stories of his childhood days. The agency is releasing an official statement about his debut tomorrow, and Youngjae isn’t sure what to expect.
What he isn’t ready for, however, is JYPE’s article getting pushed to the back to make room for an expose on Jung Daehyun’s secret relationship with Jeon Hyosung. Youngjae vaguely remembers Daehyun mentioning SECRET once, over dinner and after checking his phone. The tabloid photos of Daehyun holding Hyosung are painfully clear and indisputable.
Youngjae gets two paragraphs into the article before trashing the paper. “Don’t be mad,” Junior says, leaning with both arms onto Youngjae’s back as he peers over Youngjae’s shoulder. “Your time to shine will come.”
The café is the hardly the place for Youngjae to lament over his life, so he eats the rest of his French toast and resists the urge to throw up. Junior mistakes his reaction and gives him a talk on the ever-changing nature of the industry. When Youngjae rejects his offer of ice cream, Junior shrugs and adds, “Don’t be so surprised. Things are never what they seem.”
Youngjae already knows this. He goes straight for the studio after they part ways, easily spotting his manager and project director talking in the hallway. His manager is raising one arm in greeting when Youngjae cuts in. “The last ballad track-I want to record it again.” He ignores the comments of but we decided to nix that song, looking carefully at the director. “I can do it right this time. I know it.”
He’s in the recording room an hour later, the backtrack reverberating through his headphones. Youngjae is not even sure how to quantify his feelings. He had gotten used to not being adequate enough, but Youngjae had thought Daehyun was different. Daehyun made it seem like Youngjae was good enough, and Youngjae tries to convey this through the only thing he knows-singing. There are seven days in a week, but nowadays Youngjae spends six of them thinking of Daehyun.
When they finish, his manager opens the door and gives Youngjae a thumbs up. “Keep singing like that, and we’ll have a full album out in no time.”
Youngjae thinks he should take Daehyun’s advice. He’s been drifting from one appointment to another, living in a haze of disbelief. Youngjae knows this is simply a defense mechanism. He needs to be present in his life, even if it means facing the inevitable disappointment. Daehyun just happens to be the last person he wants to hear No from.
Youngjae doesn’t have time to reflect on this, because he gets booked for last minute vocal lessons and dance rehearsals, going from one etiquette class to another. His phone falls into the toilet the next morning, and even three bags of rice cannot save it from an untimely death. Jinyoung-hyung buys him the newest Samsung galaxy as a debut present, and Youngjae manages to salvage some numbers from friends and family. He doesn’t attempt to contact Daehyun for fear of having nothing substantial to say. I really like you is not good enough as an accusation, but it’s all he has.
His first fan gift comes a week later. He accepts it curiously from his manager, marveling at the familiar-looking stuffed alpaca. It takes a few hours for Youngjae to notice that the ribbon around the alpaca’s neck has a message written on the inside.
Daehyun is waiting in the noraebang room when Youngjae opens the door. He looks up at Youngjae’s entrance and pauses, uncertain. “Have you eaten?” Daehyun asks, always defaulting to food in times of need.
“I’m going to leave soon,” Youngjae says, hands stuck in the pockets of his jacket. “I just came to tell you that I changed phones, so you should stop contacting that number. “
Daehyun looks at him, eyes unsure. “Don’t you want to ask?”
Youngjae doesn’t want to play this game, but he ventures on for his own sake. The floodgates are hard to close once they’ve been opened. “Why did you act like you were interested in me?” It comes out more pitiful than Youngjae intends. He stares at his shoes until Daehyun stands, and Youngjae looks up in alarm when Daehyun walks over.
“First of all,” Daehyun says. “Those photos were taken months ago, when Hyosung-noona’s father died.” He grabs Youngjae’s hand, and Youngjae doesn’t pull away, vaguely remembering the news. “If you read the official statement from my company, you would know. I’m not in a secret relationship with her. I don’t like girls. I like you.”
“Oh,” Youngjae says, for lack of a better response. He stares blankly until Daehyun’s face contorts in disbelief.
“Aurg,” Daehyun says, dropping down into a squat and burying his face in his hands. “This is so embarrassing. Can you please just say something too? Do you like me too? Check yes or no.” A tuft of brown hair peeks out over his arms, and Youngjae can’t help but laugh.
He scoots down, pulling at Daehyun’s arm until he looks up. The feeling of rejection has already settled into Youngjae’s bones and rooted itself there, so it takes a moment for the confession to sink in. “I like you. A lot, actually,” Youngjae says, perhaps being honest for the first time. He smiles at the way Daehyun’s eyes shines in happiness. “But I’m debuting soon, and I just don’t know-”
Daehyun puffs his face up like a goldfish “Yeah, well I debuted already, and I still had time to go on dates with you.” It’s funny, Youngjae thinks, how this boy has the ability to make everything so simple.
“Dates, huh?” Youngjae considers this. “Were they really?”
Daehyun deflates a little. “They were to me.”
“Okay.” Youngjae laughs behind one hand. Liking Daehyun is effortless for Youngjae, who used to squint at street signs and have difficulty accepting compliments. Youngjae doesn’t know when he opened his heart for Daehyun, but he thinks it’s too late to stop now. “Okay, I see. Can you stop pouting now?”
Daehyun doesn’t bother answering before leaning over, hands cradling Youngjae’s chin as he kisses him, sending them both tumbling backwards until Youngjae lands flat on his butt. Daehyun smiles into Youngjae’s cheeks, one free hand finding Youngjae’s. “Are you okay with this? Our dates are going to be super unromantic from now on. We’ll have to share a lunch box at 11pm in the back of an unmarked car.”
Youngjae pushes Daehyun, laughing when the other boy yelps. “Don’t be so overdramatic. We’ll make it work.” With Daehyun, that doesn’t sound so hard.
They don’t have dates in the back of black cars because they don’t go on dates at all. Youngjae’s schedule is impossibly packed leading to the day of his debut. During the Inkigayo recording, he almost walks back off the stage, stopping only when his manager pushes him back. Youngjae loses track of all his lyrics but remembers them the instant he’s faced with the founding members of his fanclub waving banners of his name in the crowd.
Jaebum and Junior are in the front of the audience, wearing matching shirts of Youngjae’s face along with Yerin and Jimin. They chant Youngjae’s name during his first track, waving strange balloons in excitement.
Youngjae’s debut stage finishes smoothly. He exits the stage and bows to TS’s rap duo, BANG N ZELO, in line for the next recording. It’s just Youngjae luck, debuting on the same day as one of the most popular underground rappers. He’s incredibly grateful for this arrangement when, upon walking into the halls, he’s met with an armful of Daehyun.
“Congratulations,” Daehyun says, shoving a bouquet of flowers into Youngjae’s arms and ignoring the backstage photographer snapping their photo. He pulls Youngjae into a hug, rocking them back and forth. “You’re a star, Yoo Youngjae!”
Youngjae laughs when Daehyun finally lets go, mouthing five minutes to his manager, who gives him a knowing look before walking away. He turns to Daehyun, completely unable to stop smiling. “You came.”
Daehyun gives him a peace sign. “You were good. Really good. I might have to look out for my Rookie of the Year nomination.”
If possible, Youngjae’s smile grows even wider. “Oh you’re on. You are so on.”
“I’ll look forward to sharing the stage with you,” Daehyun replies, sincere. “But sadly, I may have to confiscate those flowers. I’m actually supposed to give them to Yongguk-hyung and Junhong-ah later.”
Youngjae chuckles, pushing the bouquet back in time for Yerin and Jimin to round the corner. They bounce over and talk to Daehyun about the “cute tall kid from Oppa’s company,” Jimin furiously denying her previous compliment when Daehyun offers to introduce her to Zelo. They spend a few more minutes chatting with Daehyun before Youngjae is ushered back into his dressing room, where his parents are waiting.
Daehyun is smarter than he thought, because photos of them hugging backstage are viral within a few hours. Netizens coo about their cute cross-company friendship while Daehyun floods Youngjae’s phone with food emoticons. They’re probably just a few steps away from Daehyun’s backseat date theory, but Youngjae is still excited about the possibility of what they can become. Even if Daehyun is always one step, two singles, and seven months ahead of him, Youngjae can’t wait to catch up.
YAYY I hope you liked it, Saire!! And a million thanks to loudestoflove for beta-ing ;~;
Fandom: B.A.P
Author: chiharu
Characters/pairing: Daehyun/Youngjae
Rating: PG
Wordcount: ~4,300
Summary: TS Entertainment's Jung Daehyun is Yoo Youngjae's biggest rival for this year's Rookie of the Year Award, but that's just half the story. AU! For roebling
Written for roebling for thebrowniebunch's second exchange round! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE MADE IT TO ROUND 2!!
Youngjae really shouldn’t have listened to Jinyoung-hyung when he promised to “feature” Youngjae in 15&’s live performances. One back up dancing gig quickly turned into many until Youngjae can map out the halls of the Mnet building in his sleep as he dreams about moving robots and checkered patterned stage outfits. Youngjae knows it’s the price he has to pay for being young, being inexperienced, and being the next solo artist in line for JYPE to debut.
The dressing room is chaotic when Youngjae leaves the stage with the other dancers. Jimin bounces over, adrenaline still bubbling in her eyes as she throws an arm around Youngjae. “First place, Oppa. We won first place.”
“You won first place,” Youngjae reminds her, a smile tugging at his lips as Yerin joins them. When the girls pout at him, Youngjae laughs. It’s 15&’s goodbye stage, and he’s surprised that the fans have pulled through in the last stretch to snatch one last music award, effectively ending Jung Daehyun’s winning streak.
TS Entertainment’s Golden Boy had smiled openly at them from across the ending stage as his own fans waved pale pink balloons in the distance. It reminds Youngjae of Jaebum’s pillowcase, the flowers outside of JYPE’s dorms, and the fact that Youngjae has to be up for vocal practice the next morning. For now, the girls are chatting over him and demanding their reward of one free bbq trip, courtesy of their manager. Youngjae is surprised when the trainees and dancers get invited along.
There are seven days in a week. Youngjae spends six of them dreaming about debut and the last one regretting his decision to leave school, an overwhelming sense of mediocrity flooding into every crevice of his life. Those are the days when he goes to the studio and listens to the other trainees practice, knowing that he still has a long way to go. All Youngjae has is an elusive promise, a regimented schedule, and semi-tangible friendships on the precipice of turning ill. Youngjae needs to prove himself to everyone before he can cross that insurmountable distance to his solo stage.
He’s called back into reality when they run into TS Entertainment’s entourage near the back entrance. Jung Daehyun bows dutifully at everyone until he catches Youngjae’s eye. In an ideal world, Youngjae would say “we beat you” and Daehyun would respond laughing, “I know, you jerk.” However, the Challenge is still on, so Youngjae says nothing and Daehyun does the same.
It starts when Youngjae gets sent to procure peperro for a fellow trainee’s surprise birthday party. He’s strolling across aisle three of the local supermarket when he loses track of the chocolates and finds Jung Daehyun. Youngjae has followed enough music programs to recognize the boy holding a basket of snacks uncertainly.
It occurs to Youngjae that the number of teenage girls huddled by the entrance might be larger than normal at 11pm. He tries to ignore it until he notices Daehyun wandering aimlessly up and down the aisle like he has done something wrong. Like he’s afraid to leave. The amount of girls at the entrance is growing rapidly, and Youngjae is reminded of the fans who intimidated Yerin at debut. The people who camped outside of the JYPE building. The ones who followed Minjun-hyung to his father’s funeral.
Youngjae’s mother always said that his heart was bigger and kinder than he let on. The other boy is staring sadly at a can of wasabi peas when Youngjae asks, “do you need help?”
Daehyun looks surprised, eyes growing larger. “It’s okay,” he says at last. “I’ve already tried everything on this shelf.”
Youngjae feels of a surge of disbelief as he takes off his sweaty baseball cap and sets it atop of Daehyun’s head. He also unzips his jacket and hands it over, shrugging when the realization dawns on Daehyun. Youngjae’s never been quite comfortable crossing boundaries. “If you want to… There’s a pet store three blocks south. We can meet there.”
Youngjae waits for Daehyun to don his clothes and leave, a sense of foolishness growing in his stomach. He counts to five minutes before exiting the store, shuffling quickly past a group of oblivious girls. Youngjae finds him at the promised location, Daehyun crouching on the sidewalk as he insists on thanking Youngjae with food. They eat through a bag of shrimp chips outside of the closed pet shop until Daehyun asks for his name and occupation. Youngjae, well, has always been bad of lying.
Youngjae walks back to the dorm that night with Daehyun’s number in his phone, grinning when Hansuk asks why it took him so long. He forgets the peppero and his hat, but gains something potentially dangerous and exciting.
Daehyun likes to alternate Noraebangs and reserve rooms under his cousin’s name. Youngjae finally gives in the third time he spontaneously gets an invitation from Daehyun. It takes some coaxing on Daehyun’s part to get Youngjae singing. They stack their powered-off phones on top of the monitor, Youngjae feeling incredibly misplaced as Daehyun eats through essentially all the food. When Daehyun nearly chokes after inhaling three kimbaps at once, Youngjae laughs so hard that Daehyun laughs back.
It gets easier to meet with Daehyun after that, but mostly because Daehyun continues to send Youngjae random photos of graffiti and puppies. Daehyun never talks about work, blabbing on about everything from tv shows he’d like to watch to shoes he’s been eyeing.
Youngjae is not sure how this friendship developed so rapidly. He thinks it has something to do with the underlying competition rooted in his relationship with the other JYPE trainees. It’s a reciprocating relationship because Youngjae poses minimal threat to Daehyun. Youngjae is searching for friendship in its purest form, but he’s willing to take what he can get even if that means having weird conversations about the spiritual meaning of food at 1 am.
They meet at random times: near the Han River at 2 in the morning, in random bookstores on Wednesday afternoons, and in Youngjae’s dreams when he’s unsure if this constitutes as sleep. Daehyun’s idol life is an enigma - something he separates from their play dates. Youngjae makes his own schedule and, despite his sarcastic reputation among friend and family, can’t say no to Daehyun.
Youngjae tries to cut back on his level of emotional investment in everyday life. He’s learned to fall back on more reliable things like the evaluation from his vocal coach and the increasing duration of his dance rehearsals. Daehyun is Youngjae’s only chance to break all the rules.
Daehyun treats him to golgi on a Monday night. Youngjae is sweaty from late night dance practice and Daehyun has finished another scheduled appointment, if his windswept hair and eyeliner are any indication. The two of them sit in a private room for ten, Youngjae grilling the meat while Daehyun folds half-assed origami out of the lettuce. Daehyun claims he got this room pre-booked as a present, but Youngjae thinks he must have someone else to spend such a generous coupon on.
“Isn’t someone keeping an eye on you?” Daehyun asks, downing water like it’s soju.
Youngjae flips over a piece of rib eye and thinks about his measly wallet. “That’s what I should be asking you.” He ignores Daehyun’s sheepish grin and snatches a piece of lettuce from Daehyun’s grasp.
The lone television mounted on the opposite wall is playing a rerun from the last world cup. Daehyun’s eyes fall back on the game every few minutes until he sits up, waving a pair of unused meat shears at Youngjae. “Let’s play a game-My dream occupation is-”
“Don’t say soccer,” Youngjae says, handing Daehyun a piece of wrapped meat and grimacing when Daehyun eats it out of his hand. It’s eleven pm and this is a clearly breaking Youngjae’s diet.
“I want to be an airplane captain,” Daehyun says thoughtfully around a mouthful of meat. “Those uniforms are pretty dandy.” He points at Youngjae when offered more food.
Youngjae takes a bite of his own food and digest this information. “That could be your new concept.” He pauses. “My dream occupation is being a psychic.”
“You’re lying,” Daehyun says without looking away from the game, causing Youngjae to laugh.
They eat through another order of sirloin before leaving, the sky already drizzling outside. Daehyun dashes away from the awning of the restaurant, stops half a block away, and turns around to wave energetically. Youngjae laughs and waves slowly in return, watching Daehyun jump into a taxi.
Sometimes, Daehyun feels like an automated reply system that moonlights as a public figure. He keeps Youngjae company as Youngjae goes from spending hours in the rehearsal room to staring at the uneven pattern on his ceiling. This changes when Youngjae begins performing with 15& and sees Daehyun in the dressing rooms and onstage, smiling unguardedly into a sea of pink as he belts out incredibly moving ballades. Their eyes meet for a split second when Daehyun exits the stage, walking past him without a word. It’s exciting, Youngjae thinks, to be someone’s secret.
“I want to eat something so spicy that I cry,” Daehyun declares the next time they meet, when Daehyun has a rare day off and Youngjae is supposed to be visiting his family. They roam through Hongdae on a Tuesday afternoon, Daehyun wearing a mask to cover his makeup-less face as they bounce from one street vendor to another.
Daehyun satisfies his craving for spicy food while Youngjae marvels at Daehyun’s food intake. They stop by the empty arcade and make fools of themselves on the dance machine. Daehyun claims it’s Youngjae’s fault for forfeiting the game in embarrassment, but Youngjae just tsks at him and moves to the next game. They shoot giant spiders and take dumb sticker photos before Youngjae calls it quit, demanding to know why this outing has turned into a pseudo-date.
“Don’t be so shy,” Daehyun singsongs when he catches up, tugging at Youngjae’s backpack. He grins after clipping the alpaca keychain he won from the claw machine onto Youngjae’s bag. “It’s a gift~ He’ll keep you company while I’m gone.”
Youngjae turns around, pausing. “Where are you going?”
“I’m done promoting after next week,” Daehyun tells him. “I’m going to take a break. Go back to Busan. I don’t know. Write some new songs? Management wants new material for my next release, but I’m out of lyrics. Plus, they’re going to focus on that rap duo next, so I’m free for another six months.”
“Oh,” Youngjae says after a beat. “I’m going to debut soon.”
Daehyun stares, incredulous, before shoving Youngjae. When he does smile, it’s infectious. “Why didn’t you say so? When?!”
Youngjae shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I don’t know. In a few months? Two tops. We’re almost done recording my mini-album now.” It hadn’t felt real until Youngjae got called in for one last concept check yesterday. He hasn’t even told his mother that the company is drafting a new contract for him.
“Congra-”
“Congratulate me when I’m actually standing on stage,” Youngjae cuts him off. He’s been a trainee long enough to know what could happen in this industry. There are too many variables, and Youngjae has too many weaknesses. He does smile a little when Daehyun loops one arm around his shoulder, beaming at Youngjae.
“Don’t be a partypooper to your own life.” Daehyun squeezes him. “I’ll treat you to dinner.”
Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “No thanks, I’m full enough.”
“Are you going to be okay without me here?” Daehyun wants to know, laughing when Youngjae swats at him. The lady behind a sausage stand is eyeing them with interest, but Youngjae ignores this. Daehyun’s reaction was better than he expected.
“I’ll be fine,” Youngjae says, smiling. He’s relieved when Daehyun returns it.
“You look handsome,” Jaebum says when he crashes Youngjae’s album shoot. He casually drinks the water the production assistant gave Youngjae, flicking at Youngjae’s hair until a coordi-noona glares at him. “Really,” Jaebum adds. “Good job.”
Jimin and Yerin are there too, partly for support and partly for the camera that’s documenting things behind the scenes. Even Taecyeon-hyung makes an appearance, hugging Youngjae and laughing when the girls demand selcas with him. Youngjae has a classic concept, complete with a fitted suit and an old American car that makes him look like a knock-off fusion between HISTORY and one of those early EXO teasers.
Youngjae feels a little relieved when he change into the next outfit, but the photographer still seems unimpressed. It’s a recurring theme, Youngjae thinks, for him to under-deliver. He’s never quite what they expect, and even his last studio track needs more tweaking. Youngjae doesn’t know how he’s supposed to act natural when he’s terrified that someone will realize he’s not ready to sing for himself, much less debut. He wants to ask for instructions and help, but the others are talking amongst themselves off-set. Youngjae doesn’t know where he fits.
“Mmmhello?” Daehyun sounds sleepy when Youngjae answers the call at the dorm, his accent thick through Youngjae’s phone. “Youngjae? Pabo. Don’t call me so late just to breath creepily into the-”
“I don’t know what to do,” Youngjae says, leaning into the wall of his dorm.
“What do you mean?” Daehyun asks, pausing to yawn loudly.
Youngjae picks at his elbow. “I’m not ready.”
Daehyun is silent for a moment, and Youngjae almost thinks he fell asleep again before Daehyun responds. “You are debuting because someone thinks you’re ready. It’s a fact, even if you can’t believe it.” He listens as Youngjae describes his feeling of misplacement at the shoot. “You can’t let your insecurities win, Youngjae-ah. No one wants to ridicule you. Don’t isolate yourself from your friends. They’re the only ones you have right now. This isn’t a dream, Youngjae, it’s your life. Don’t check out at the most crucial moment.”
Youngjae’s brain, as always, zones in on the most insignificant detail. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes, of course.” Daehyun insists.
Youngjae takes a deep breath. “Are they really my only friends? Then what are you supposed to be?”
Daehyun seems taken back. Youngjae really wishes they were having this conversation in person, but Daehyun is probably home by the sea, breathing in the sun. Youngjae wishes he was there too, watching the sunlight bounce off the sand and light up Daehyun’s face. Youngjae gave up on looking away from Daehyun months ago.
“You’re dumb,” Daehyun says at last, laughing, and Youngjae feels like his chest has opened again. “Of course we’re friends, even though you’re about to get more popular than me. You’ll get invited to all the shows and sing the same three lines to the MCs and Shindong will flirt awkwardly with you, just like I already do. Your fans will be dedicated and cuter than mine- well, actually, no they won’t. You’ll get invited onto Immortal Song and-”
“Stop,” Youngjae demands, his brain finally catching up with Daehyun’s big mouth. The traffic is incredibly loud through his open window. “What did you say?”
“Well, my fans will obviously be cuter because I’m cuter,” Daehyun has the audacity to suggest.
Youngjae is almost afraid of pressing. “You said that you flirt with me. Is that what we’ve been doing? Is that… What this is?”
The silence that follows is unbearable until Daehyun says. “I think. This is. Um Whatever you want it to be.” Youngjae can imagine Daehyun looking torn on the other end of the line. The way Daehyun’s emotions are so clearly painted on his face is one of Youngjae’s favorite things about him. “Do you know what I mean?”
Youngjae thinks about empty grocery stores and what it means to emotionally invest in something he accidentally picked up on aisle three. He’s been doing this solo gig for so long that the solitude has left him with no more room to breathe. Youngjae is stuck in a pattern: losing himself in the silence when all he wants is a shared smile, a person who dials in on the same wavelength, and something to consider his own.
“I know,” Youngjae says at last, smiling into his phone. Somewhere, on the third ring, Daehyun has picked up his call.
Youngjae gets his official haircut the next day. The boy in the mirror looks older, more confident. His debut is exactly three weeks away, but Youngjae is already thinking about Daehyun’s return. Seoul is starting to feel less impersonal these days, a sense of belonging overflowing until Youngjae catches himself smiling at strangers on the street.
Jinyoung-hyung takes him out for dinner with some company investors who take a liking to Youngjae’s smart mouth. One of them even demands that Youngjae sings at his daughter’s upcoming wedding. He spends two hours on the phone with his mother after getting home, listening to her stories of his childhood days. The agency is releasing an official statement about his debut tomorrow, and Youngjae isn’t sure what to expect.
What he isn’t ready for, however, is JYPE’s article getting pushed to the back to make room for an expose on Jung Daehyun’s secret relationship with Jeon Hyosung. Youngjae vaguely remembers Daehyun mentioning SECRET once, over dinner and after checking his phone. The tabloid photos of Daehyun holding Hyosung are painfully clear and indisputable.
Youngjae gets two paragraphs into the article before trashing the paper. “Don’t be mad,” Junior says, leaning with both arms onto Youngjae’s back as he peers over Youngjae’s shoulder. “Your time to shine will come.”
The café is the hardly the place for Youngjae to lament over his life, so he eats the rest of his French toast and resists the urge to throw up. Junior mistakes his reaction and gives him a talk on the ever-changing nature of the industry. When Youngjae rejects his offer of ice cream, Junior shrugs and adds, “Don’t be so surprised. Things are never what they seem.”
Youngjae already knows this. He goes straight for the studio after they part ways, easily spotting his manager and project director talking in the hallway. His manager is raising one arm in greeting when Youngjae cuts in. “The last ballad track-I want to record it again.” He ignores the comments of but we decided to nix that song, looking carefully at the director. “I can do it right this time. I know it.”
He’s in the recording room an hour later, the backtrack reverberating through his headphones. Youngjae is not even sure how to quantify his feelings. He had gotten used to not being adequate enough, but Youngjae had thought Daehyun was different. Daehyun made it seem like Youngjae was good enough, and Youngjae tries to convey this through the only thing he knows-singing. There are seven days in a week, but nowadays Youngjae spends six of them thinking of Daehyun.
When they finish, his manager opens the door and gives Youngjae a thumbs up. “Keep singing like that, and we’ll have a full album out in no time.”
Youngjae thinks he should take Daehyun’s advice. He’s been drifting from one appointment to another, living in a haze of disbelief. Youngjae knows this is simply a defense mechanism. He needs to be present in his life, even if it means facing the inevitable disappointment. Daehyun just happens to be the last person he wants to hear No from.
Youngjae doesn’t have time to reflect on this, because he gets booked for last minute vocal lessons and dance rehearsals, going from one etiquette class to another. His phone falls into the toilet the next morning, and even three bags of rice cannot save it from an untimely death. Jinyoung-hyung buys him the newest Samsung galaxy as a debut present, and Youngjae manages to salvage some numbers from friends and family. He doesn’t attempt to contact Daehyun for fear of having nothing substantial to say. I really like you is not good enough as an accusation, but it’s all he has.
His first fan gift comes a week later. He accepts it curiously from his manager, marveling at the familiar-looking stuffed alpaca. It takes a few hours for Youngjae to notice that the ribbon around the alpaca’s neck has a message written on the inside.
Daehyun is waiting in the noraebang room when Youngjae opens the door. He looks up at Youngjae’s entrance and pauses, uncertain. “Have you eaten?” Daehyun asks, always defaulting to food in times of need.
“I’m going to leave soon,” Youngjae says, hands stuck in the pockets of his jacket. “I just came to tell you that I changed phones, so you should stop contacting that number. “
Daehyun looks at him, eyes unsure. “Don’t you want to ask?”
Youngjae doesn’t want to play this game, but he ventures on for his own sake. The floodgates are hard to close once they’ve been opened. “Why did you act like you were interested in me?” It comes out more pitiful than Youngjae intends. He stares at his shoes until Daehyun stands, and Youngjae looks up in alarm when Daehyun walks over.
“First of all,” Daehyun says. “Those photos were taken months ago, when Hyosung-noona’s father died.” He grabs Youngjae’s hand, and Youngjae doesn’t pull away, vaguely remembering the news. “If you read the official statement from my company, you would know. I’m not in a secret relationship with her. I don’t like girls. I like you.”
“Oh,” Youngjae says, for lack of a better response. He stares blankly until Daehyun’s face contorts in disbelief.
“Aurg,” Daehyun says, dropping down into a squat and burying his face in his hands. “This is so embarrassing. Can you please just say something too? Do you like me too? Check yes or no.” A tuft of brown hair peeks out over his arms, and Youngjae can’t help but laugh.
He scoots down, pulling at Daehyun’s arm until he looks up. The feeling of rejection has already settled into Youngjae’s bones and rooted itself there, so it takes a moment for the confession to sink in. “I like you. A lot, actually,” Youngjae says, perhaps being honest for the first time. He smiles at the way Daehyun’s eyes shines in happiness. “But I’m debuting soon, and I just don’t know-”
Daehyun puffs his face up like a goldfish “Yeah, well I debuted already, and I still had time to go on dates with you.” It’s funny, Youngjae thinks, how this boy has the ability to make everything so simple.
“Dates, huh?” Youngjae considers this. “Were they really?”
Daehyun deflates a little. “They were to me.”
“Okay.” Youngjae laughs behind one hand. Liking Daehyun is effortless for Youngjae, who used to squint at street signs and have difficulty accepting compliments. Youngjae doesn’t know when he opened his heart for Daehyun, but he thinks it’s too late to stop now. “Okay, I see. Can you stop pouting now?”
Daehyun doesn’t bother answering before leaning over, hands cradling Youngjae’s chin as he kisses him, sending them both tumbling backwards until Youngjae lands flat on his butt. Daehyun smiles into Youngjae’s cheeks, one free hand finding Youngjae’s. “Are you okay with this? Our dates are going to be super unromantic from now on. We’ll have to share a lunch box at 11pm in the back of an unmarked car.”
Youngjae pushes Daehyun, laughing when the other boy yelps. “Don’t be so overdramatic. We’ll make it work.” With Daehyun, that doesn’t sound so hard.
They don’t have dates in the back of black cars because they don’t go on dates at all. Youngjae’s schedule is impossibly packed leading to the day of his debut. During the Inkigayo recording, he almost walks back off the stage, stopping only when his manager pushes him back. Youngjae loses track of all his lyrics but remembers them the instant he’s faced with the founding members of his fanclub waving banners of his name in the crowd.
Jaebum and Junior are in the front of the audience, wearing matching shirts of Youngjae’s face along with Yerin and Jimin. They chant Youngjae’s name during his first track, waving strange balloons in excitement.
Youngjae’s debut stage finishes smoothly. He exits the stage and bows to TS’s rap duo, BANG N ZELO, in line for the next recording. It’s just Youngjae luck, debuting on the same day as one of the most popular underground rappers. He’s incredibly grateful for this arrangement when, upon walking into the halls, he’s met with an armful of Daehyun.
“Congratulations,” Daehyun says, shoving a bouquet of flowers into Youngjae’s arms and ignoring the backstage photographer snapping their photo. He pulls Youngjae into a hug, rocking them back and forth. “You’re a star, Yoo Youngjae!”
Youngjae laughs when Daehyun finally lets go, mouthing five minutes to his manager, who gives him a knowing look before walking away. He turns to Daehyun, completely unable to stop smiling. “You came.”
Daehyun gives him a peace sign. “You were good. Really good. I might have to look out for my Rookie of the Year nomination.”
If possible, Youngjae’s smile grows even wider. “Oh you’re on. You are so on.”
“I’ll look forward to sharing the stage with you,” Daehyun replies, sincere. “But sadly, I may have to confiscate those flowers. I’m actually supposed to give them to Yongguk-hyung and Junhong-ah later.”
Youngjae chuckles, pushing the bouquet back in time for Yerin and Jimin to round the corner. They bounce over and talk to Daehyun about the “cute tall kid from Oppa’s company,” Jimin furiously denying her previous compliment when Daehyun offers to introduce her to Zelo. They spend a few more minutes chatting with Daehyun before Youngjae is ushered back into his dressing room, where his parents are waiting.
Daehyun is smarter than he thought, because photos of them hugging backstage are viral within a few hours. Netizens coo about their cute cross-company friendship while Daehyun floods Youngjae’s phone with food emoticons. They’re probably just a few steps away from Daehyun’s backseat date theory, but Youngjae is still excited about the possibility of what they can become. Even if Daehyun is always one step, two singles, and seven months ahead of him, Youngjae can’t wait to catch up.
YAYY I hope you liked it, Saire!! And a million thanks to loudestoflove for beta-ing ;~;