Fic: Hangover Hallucinations (1/2)
Title: Hangover Hallucinations (1/2)
Author's Name: pixelmayhem
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy, Chekov/Sulu
Rating: pt 1 is PG-13, pt 2 will be NC-17
Warnings: AU, cussing, un-beta'd,
Word count: 1,951
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I just like to see them all bendy. I promise to return them.
Written for space_married
Prompt: For AU prompt #(16) Mail-order bride...and you get Jim Kirk..
Ack. This is my first time writing from McCoy's POV so if it's sub par I apologize. Part 2 is in the tweaking stages. Un-beta'd lemme know of any problems please?
He had been drunk when he’d done it. Spectacularly drunk, which was the only plausible excuse he could find afterwards. The second he found out what he had done he immediately canceled it as quick as he could.
He was therefore completely taken aback when he heard a knock this morning, a morning on which he had been similarly drunk the night before and was now suffering from the hangover from hell.
Shuffling over to the door of his apartment he opened the door with a look that he hoped said ‘Someone better be dying’ When the door was open all the way he heard a cheery voice say "Hello husband."
A blonde adonis stood on his doorstep beaming at him.
“What the hell? My hearing must be off. What did you just say?”
The adonis brushed into his house. “I said hello husband. You look hung over. That's great! Well not great, cause being hungover sucks, but it's the perfect opportunity to show case my awesome spousal skills.”
Oh god. He'd drank so much he was dying of alcohol poisoning and these were his death bed hallucinations. Fuck.
“Did you know you're talking to yourself? Damn, you must have hit the juice hard last night. Don't worry you'll love my hangover recipe.”
The gorgeous, blond hallucination stalked towards the kitchen while Leonard stood gaping with the door open.
What just happened?
The blond poked his head out of the kitchen. “Are you gonna close the door?"
Blinking he let the door slide shut and sank down onto the couch. Cradling his pounding head in his hands he wondered if he should call someone for help. But considering the degree to which he was hallucinating, it was unlikely that calling for help would actually bring real help.
He was startled by the voice that came from directly in front of him. “Alright here it is, now don’t smell it just swallow and you’ll be feeling better in no time!”
Looking up he caught a glimpse of a glass with a thick yellow substance and then it was being pressed against his lips and his nose was being pinched closed by fingers as he instinctively swallowed in the hopes of breathing soon.
Once the glass was empty and taken away he leaped to his feet. “Good God man! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to kill me?”
The hallucination smiled at him. “You might wanna sit down, it packs quite a punch.”
The room began to spin and he felt himself tilt before a set of large warm hands clasped his shoulders and gently shoved him back down onto the couch. His eyes were watering and he could feel his body flushing and tingling.
“What the hell was in that?”
“It’s better that you don’t know. Trust me.”
“I don’t even know you! Oh hell I’m arguing with a hallucination.”
There was a bark of laughter. “You’ll feel better in a few minutes and then we can talk.”
He opened his mouth to protest but didn’t manage to get anything out before his vision was overtaken with black.
------------
He awoke in his bed. Passed out in his boxers just like he remembered from staggering home drunk the night before. Sighing he relaxed.
“Holy God that was a strange dream. That’s the last time I let Nyota and Hikaru talk me into joining one of their competitive benders.”
He turned over and flopped onto his back, running his fingers through his hair. His mouth tasted like ass, but surprisingly he didn’t feel so bad. Nothing a few glasses of water and a hearty meal wouldn’t fix.
“Feeling better?”
He must have jumped a foot in shock.
“Goddamnit!”
“Well if you’re shouting I assume that the headache, at least, is gone. Come on, you’re gonna need some food. You didn’t have much in your fridge so it’ll just be eggs and toast.”
McCoy was still staring at the man in front of him in wide-eyed shock. “Holy shit you’re real!”
The man rolled his eyes. “Look we’ll discuss everything, but first you need to wake the fuck up and realize that I’m here and not a hallucination. Otherwise this is going to be a really long day.”
Leonard narrowed his eyes. “I seem to remember you tried to kill me.”
“Well apparently I suck at it cause you sure don’t appear dead to me. Now get your ass up and into the kitchen before everything gets cold.” And with that the guy leaned forward and brushed his lips across Leonard’s. “I’m Jim Kirk. You’re new husband.” Stepping back he smiled and then walked away towards the kitchen.
Leonard felt his lips tingle from the contact. Licking his lips he could taste the little bit of moisture that Kirk had left there. Crap. What the hell was he supposed to do now?
He stood from the bed. The smell of eggs and toast was now permeating his senses and his stomach signaled what it thought his next plan of action should be. He threw on some clothes quickly, there was no way he was going out there in only his boxers. He felt awkward enough already.
When he entered the kitchen he saw Kirk sitting down at the small table across from a plate made up with eggs and toast.
“Sit down and eat, we’ll talk.”
McCoy sat and glancing at Kirk and shrugging, he dug in. They didn’t actually talk as he shoved his face. Once he’d had that first bite everything left his head but food. Kirk just smiled expectantly and watched him eat. When he had all but licked his plate clean he pushed it away from him to lean back and study Kirk. He was feeling more himself now and felt his usual mood spread through him. Kirk stood and took his plate and cleaned it in the sink, then rejoined him at the table.
“Alright, what the hell is this all about you being my husband? I may have been drunk out of my skull last night but I still know that there is no way in hell that I forgot about getting married.”
Kirk snorted. “No, no. I’m here from Enterprising Spouses. You filled out an application for a spouse and so they sent me!”
McCoy felt himself pale in shock. That damn application! He knew this would come back and bite him in the ass. And then he flushed with anger. “I canceled that application! I called the company the very next day to let them know it was a mistake!”
Kirk shrugged. “Well obviously it never officially got canceled.”
“Damnit I can’t be married. I don’t need a mail-order bride.”
“Spouse.”
“Shut up! Christ. Can’t I just send you back or something? And hell, what the hell are you doing in that kind of business? You’re attractive enough to get anyone you’d like.”
That got him a beaming smile. “Thanks!”
But McCoy wasn’t paying attention. His head was spinning as he thought about all the problems this would cause. Then he had an idea.
“Hey how the hell can we be married? There was no ceremony, I didn’t say yes. Nothing’s official right? They just sent you out here but we still have to see an officiate to finalize it.”
Kirk gave him a sheepish smile. “Nope sorry. That form you filled out is an official document. When you signed your name at the bottom you fulfilled your half of the ‘ceremony’ and once they assigned me to you it became official.”
“You’re shitting me? How can they do that?”
“Hey it’s a foreign company, they got special licenses or something.”
“Fuck. What the hell will everybody think of me ordering a bride?”
“Spouse. And anyway, you don’t strike me as the kind of guy who cares what other people think of him.”
“I don’t. It’s just. Damn this is pathetic.”
Then Leonard remembered that when he had filled out that damn application Sulu had been there too. They’d both been lamenting their shitty lives and Sulu had been the one to suggest that they apply for the mail order brides. Hell Sulu had filled out his very own application. Leonard snatched up the phone and dialed Sulu’s number intent on giving him a piece of his mind for having put him in this situation. Sulu picked up on the 2nd ring.
Leonard didn’t even give him the chance to say hello. “Sulu you bastard! This is all your fault. What the hell am I supposed to do with a husband?!”
“McCoy! Oh thank god! You too?! I’ll be right over.” And with that he hung up.
What? Now he was pissed, he’d wanted to yell at the bastard some more.
Looking steadily at Kirk he jerked his head sideways. “Let’s take this into the living room. We’re gonna have company soon.”
“Oh? Should I make drinks?”
“Huh? No. Fuck. Just come sit down on the couch.”
They both walked into the living room and sat on opposite ends of the couch.
“What am I supposed to do with you? Come on you must know something. At some point someone must have gotten sent back to the agency.”
“Why must you do anything? And as far as I know, no one has ever gotten sent back. Sorry can’t help you there. Not that I want to anyway. I’m not the one with problems with this arrangement.”
Kirk smiled at him and scooted closer. “If you’re this upset then I definitely got the better end of the deal. Though I’m not so sure what’s so bad in the first place. You’re a hot guy, I’m a hot guy. Seems perfect.” And with that he pressed himself against Leonard and sealed their lips together.
Shocked McCoy opened his mouth to protest, not realizing his mistake. Pressing his advantage Kirk swept his tongue in and skillfully attacked Leonard’s lips and tongue. McCoy could feel his instinctual reaction to the kiss. Before he could embarrass himself there was a knock on the door. Kirk groaned in disappointment and pulled back.
The flush that Leonard felt now had nothing to do with rage. Standing he gaped at Kirk’s smirking face still seated on the couch. Snapping his jaw closed he felt a tirade bubbling up “What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just go around kissing people!”
“I’m not kissing ‘people’ I’m kissing my husband. What’s wrong? Didn’t you enjoy it?”
“No! Yes! That’s not the point! The point is…”
The knock on the door, that McCoy had forgotten about in his shock, turned into a pounding with Sulu’s desperate voice yelling through the door.
“McCoy?! McCoy let me in for god’s sakes!”
Scowling at Kirk, Leonard straightened his clothes and cleared his throat as he answered the door. The second the door was open a crack Sulu burst in ranting.
“McCoy thank god! Is this your spouse too? Shit I can’t believe we actually sent those applications. What are we gonna do?”
Sulu was followed in by a young man with curly hair and a very youthful face.
Kirk’s face lit up. “Pavel! Holy shit!”
“Jim!”
The other man beamed at the sight of Kirk and rushed into the room to sit next to him on the couch. Then they started speaking in a language that McCoy didn’t understand interspersed with lines of English.
“I can’t believe you’re here! I knew you’d gotten chosen but wow! It’s good to see you!”
“You too my friend! I was wery sad to know we would be separated. But now here you are! And it appears our husbands know each other!”
McCoy’s day just kept getting weirder and weirder.
Part 2: “That…was…a good one.” She huffed.
“I’m not joking Nyota.” He growled