Please go away
Clouds of vapour came streaming out of my mouth as I walked in the bitter cold, the freshly fallen snow crunching underneath my feet as the bitter wind hit my face. It lashed my hair and my scarf around, making it hard for me to see. But still, even as I stumbled along the way, I found myself towards that person I wanted to see, and I felt my heart flutter madly around my chest as I got closer. He stood there, staring out into the horizon; I had never seen a more perfect view.
I was already stood breathless when I was behind him, but he took my breath away even more when he turned around to face me. Those gentle chocolate brown eyes of his locked onto mine, and I was greeted by his goofy smile. My heart couldn’t help but skip a bit; I bit my lip as I stared back at him, but he pulled his gaze away too soon for my liking. “Key, I know what I want to do for Christmas now.” He said, and my mind was too jumbled with other thoughts that it took me a while to register what he just said.
“And what would that be?”
He pointed out to what he was looking at and I turned my gaze towards it, seeing for the first time, that it was actually a slope where people were skiing down. His grin widened and there was a twinkle of excitement in his eyes, but I knew I had to say no. I loved him, oh, I wasn’t even going to deny myself that (although it’s still not to his knowing), but I couldn’t let him go skiing. I just couldn’t. He was good at dancing, and singing, and cooking, and he was smart, but he wasn’t the greatest at sports. Actually, that would be the biggest understatement ever. He was an epic fail when it came to anything that was related to athletics. It was a miracle that he survives dancing.
I plastered a small frown on my face as my reply, and like a wildfire, it seemed to spread onto his too. “I’m guessing that’s a no?”
I shook my head and sighed. “You’ll only hurt yourself. And I don’t want that.” I told him, and he nodded. Right then, I could swear, I heard his heart shatter. “But we can celebrate it at my house again, if you want. Also, I kind of value our traditions.” I added after, smiling slightly in hopes to try and make him feel better. To my delight, his signature smile appeared on his face once more as he wrapped his arm around me.
“I’d like that very much. Now let’s get going. You look really cold.”
I nodded and snuggled into his warmth; I had never felt more secure, and reassured, and at ease before.
--
Christmas eve came, and I smiled to myself as I set the plate of chocolate chip cookies by the fireplace. There were two steaming mugs of Onew’s favourite hot chocolate; the only thing missing now was Onew. I gingerly held the teddy bear I was going to give him in my arms, as I sat there and waited. And waited. And waited. But he never came. I grew concerned; did he get lost? Or did he merely forget again, like last year? I chuckled to myself as I recalled, but reality struck me again.
I was on the fringe of insanity; my mind was rushing with questions as I paced around the room, glancing out the window every ten seconds to see if he had arrived. I shouted a string of profanities when I felt vibrating in my pocket. I decided to ignore it for a bit, but when it didn’t stop, I flipped it open in frustration. “What?!”
“Onew’s in the hospital!” A distressed voice yelled, and before they could even say another word, I dropped everything and left. My heart dropped down to my stomach, and I felt this unpleasant feeling of queasiness. But I held it all in until I reached the hospital. I breathlessly opened his door, slowly and quietly as to not disturb him. The room was filled with silence, and only the steady beeping of the IV monitors was heard. He laid there motionlessly, but when he sensed that I was in the room, he turned his head and his eyes grew wide.
“W-what are you doing here? Please go away…” he pleaded, but I closed the door behind me and continued to walk slowly towards him.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why?”
He avoided all eye contact with me, and eventually, he turned his head the other way, as if he refused to look at me. “Please go away.” He repeated, his voice quivering.
“Why? Why can’t you look at me? Am I that repulsive?”
“No! N-no, it’s not that. I…I don’t want you to see me in this state.” His voice cracked at that last sentence, and his shoulders shook with his quiet sobbing.
I bit my lip and cautiously put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. I sat down beside his bed and turned his face towards mine. Still, he avoided to look at me. “Onew, I don’t care whatever state you’re in, I’ll still love you for you.” I said, genuinely pouring out my feelings for him.
He looked up at me for a fraction of a second before looking back down, and took my hand in his. He laced our fingers together and squeezed it tightly. “Key, I’m scared. What will happen to me? What if I never wake up one day?” he continued rambling on about his insecurities, and I sat there, listening to every word. I knew I couldn’t provide much more comfort than being there, but I squeezed his hand tighter into mine as reassurance. When he was finished, his face was streaked with tears, and I almost felt like crying too. But I held it in.
“Then I suppose there’s really nothing more we can do but enjoy the time together we have left.” I mustered all the strength I had to flash him a smile.
He didn’t smile back, but he looked up at me with such hopeful eyes, that I thought I was going to break anytime soon. He swung his arm over my neck and pulled me close to him, catching me off guard. My ear was pressed against his chest as I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. It seemed to beat in synch with mine. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of it; it was definitely better than any love song or Christmas carol I have ever heard. Minutes passed, and I wished that the world would remain like that forever.
“I love you.”
I was surprised at how it just seemed to slip from my lips, but I was even more surprised at how we both said it at the same time. I lifted my head up and looked into his eyes, and I was glad he didn’t look away. Slowly, I inched forward and our lips met. It was short, but it was enough to give my heart enough spasms that I thought it would break away from my ribcage at any given moment.
“Key, I’m sorry I ruined Christmas this year. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your house, I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything, I’m sorry-“ I placed my finger on his lips and shushed him.
“You’ve made this one of my best Christmases ever. Right next to that first one we spent together.” I smiled, and he laughed, the sweet sound echoing throughout the room.
"Merry Christmas." he said with that signature Onew smile, and for a moment, I forgot about everything else but him.