(no subject)
title: my eyes are on you
author: me
summary: gerard is new at school. thats all im giving!
disclaimer: read it, like it!
Walking through the grave yard at night can be one of the calmest things; it can also be one of the most horrifying things as well. This night is different then all the others, there are no clouds in the sky and the moon is full. I feel a slight heaviness in the air. I don’t know what it is but I’m beginning to get a little scared. I have spent many nights in the cemetery, ever since my parents died in a car accident when I was about to turn six. They died the night before my birthday. I always thought God punished me. He took away my family so that I would know that I was bad boy. After the funeral service I was put in a foster home until someone in my family took my home. I spent a year in that foster home before my ‘uncle’ came to get me.
It wasn’t bad at first he seemed really nice but then he came home drunk. After two days living with that man he told me everything. I had no family because my grandparents had disowned my father for marrying my mother. My mother had no family so I was to live with some man that knew my mother from college. She apparently didn’t know him that well because if she did she would have never wanted me to live with him, or at least that I what I tell myself to get through the days of my sad existence.
Each time Uncle Calvin came home she showed or told me something knew. It was the third week living with him that I found the grave yard. The one where my parents where buried in but also the one that held the oldest secrets.
Time pasted slowly the next ten years. We moved from house to house, Calvin was afraid that neighbors could hear my screams, and my cries for help. If they heard then they never answered just another sign that God is punishing me. Teachers could see my bruised face, my broken arms and the limping do to hard thrusts committed in the early morning. Other kids could see the scabbed knees from trying to escape being raped, the rug burns from being dragged into my bedroom.
Younger when I didn’t know much I asked a question that I thought might settle my mind, “When will we stop moving, Uncle Calvin?”
Grinning at me he looked me in the eyes, “When you learn not to scream.” Those few words changed me form an abused child to an abused man. I was eleven and I had immediately lost a childhood. My crayon pictures became nightmares in my bedroom, my comfort zone became the cemetery. I learned to never open my mouth unless instructed too, I learned to be quiet but I apparently wasn’t quiet enough.
It was my first year in high school that I got to stay in one place for the longest. We moved close to the high school in which I would be attending the next year. It was a nice neighborhood. There were a lot of picked fences, there were happy families, dogs and cats and kids that actually play football in the street. Calvin seemed to enjoy this place more then the others, that’s probably why we have stayed here the longest.
I’m holding my jacket close to my body. It’s the beginning of September but the cold air has come early. This is the last day of summer vacation, and the last night that I have of freedom. I’ll have to go to school tomorrow. I get to see all the faces that will torture me, laugh when I trip, pick on me because my clothes are old and worn. By the end of the day I’m estimating that I will have made no friends and my classes will be shitty. I feel myself fall asleep but that’s not good because every time I fall asleep I get the shit beaten for not being home to get fucked my Calvin.
I wake as the sun is rising trying to get home as quick as possible. Praying to God that Calvin didn’t come into my room last night, hoping that I won’t find him on my bed out cold because he had to sleep with out me.
I climb the trellis that leads to my window and find that know one is there. I climb in my window and get dresses as soon as possible. I rush down to the kitchen to find that know one was there. I feel a wave of relief and I grab some breakfast and head for school. I was eating my apple and entering school at the same time. I was new the only information I had was that I needed to be in room 205 but 8:45. It was already 8:41 and I had no idea where the hell I was supposed to be.
Looking at my sheet that held my schedule and trying to look at the numbers above the class room doors I bumped into someone, “Shit! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you, I’m sorry.”
“No, no it’s ok. I should have been watching out.” He collected himself, standing up he brushed on the dirt that might have touched him. He then looked down at me and held out his hand. “You’re a freshmen aren’t you?”
Blushing I nod my head, “Yeah is it that obvious?” I took his hand and he helped me to stand up. Copying his earlier actions I brushed myself off.
“Well yeah, you looked kinda of lost. Plus I know everyone and I have never seen you before. One could never forget a face like yours, especially with those eyes.” He was bringing his had close to my face. I thought he was going to brush his had on my check but he ended up picking lint out or my hair, “You have soft hair…” He was about to say something else but the bell rang indicating that he and I were both late for our first class. “Do you need to know where your first class is?”
“Hell yeah, could you tell me where 205 is?”
He grinned and laughed, “I’m a sophomore, I technically don’t have to tell you anything but since you have a…” He looked me up and down, I felt really awkward. No one really gives me the time of day; they just pass me by like a ghost. “Beautiful character I guess I could share the knowledge. Follow me I’m just across the hall.” We turned the corner and two doors down on the right we entered a small corridor and we were there.
The first part of the day went pretty smoothly. I managed to find my first three classes easily thanks to the stranger from this morning. I was right so far with my classes were shitty. The teachers were all the same very where I go, so I’m not expecting much from the ones that I have now. I was happy when the lunch bell rang. Even though I have no lunch and no lunch money, Calvin says that I should only eat when he is present. He makes sure that I don’t eat too much. I weight 145lbs. and I’m 5’6”. I never get to eat chips or anything like that. In fact I haven’t tasted any type of junk food for the whole time I have been living with him. I eat one meal a day. And I have a piece of fruit for breakfast. Some would say that I don’t eat enough.
Most of my lunch periods are spent by shaded trees, someplace that I can hide and not be seen. I like to spend my time alone, thinking about life, pondering death, trying to work out why I still exist. Being new to school I don’t know where everything is yet so I just head out side and find any shaded place. This place will become my lunch spot. It will be where I sit alone for the next four years, it’s truly depressing.
The area isn’t that bad, sure it’s not totally secluded but its better then nothing. I can hear people go by, friends talking about classes, teachers talking about students, jocks talking about the knew girls that they think they have a chance with and then I hear it. The guy that helped me out this morning was talking to one of his friends. “He… you should have seen him. His eyes were so sad, and yet he had a fire that was burning. He was gorgeous. I didn’t ask him his name but I will. There was something about him that told me he was different.”
“Come on Frankie don’t you think you’re over reacting? First of all he is a freshman and second of all, I thought you were over the guy thing?”
Frankie was his name, wow. With the way he dresses and the type of person he was Frankie as a great name for him. “Come on David, you haven’t seen him…” Frankie’s voice trailed off. Even though I couldn’t see him I knew he was looking to the sky.
“Come on Frank; let’s get going before the whole school knows that you’re in love with a freshmen.” The sound of the foot steps became softer as Frankie and his friend walked away.
Dinner was a really awkward time. It was the only time that Calvin and I sat down together and discussed normal things. Well almost. Dinner was the first time he told me about my parents, dinner was just the time to discuss.
“How was school today? Did you find all your classes?” He asked while filling my plate with one slice of bread, some peas and some corn.
“School was okay. My first class was hard to find but it all got easier later on.” I didn’t tell him about Frankie because I want sure how he would take it. “The rest of the day went smoothly as well.”
“You didn’t eat anything for lunch did you? You need to lose weight; in fact you really should finish what you are eating.” I looked down at my plate; I have about two spoonfuls of peas and two spoonfuls of corn. Keep in mind there small spoons. I took one spoon from each and left the rest. I then ate half of my bread and called it dinner. “That a good boy. I have to go out tonight so don’t expect me tonight.”
He left right after dinner, leaving me to clean as usual. I washed his plate and then I washed mine. I left soon after to say hello to my parents.
author: me
summary: gerard is new at school. thats all im giving!
disclaimer: read it, like it!
Walking through the grave yard at night can be one of the calmest things; it can also be one of the most horrifying things as well. This night is different then all the others, there are no clouds in the sky and the moon is full. I feel a slight heaviness in the air. I don’t know what it is but I’m beginning to get a little scared. I have spent many nights in the cemetery, ever since my parents died in a car accident when I was about to turn six. They died the night before my birthday. I always thought God punished me. He took away my family so that I would know that I was bad boy. After the funeral service I was put in a foster home until someone in my family took my home. I spent a year in that foster home before my ‘uncle’ came to get me.
It wasn’t bad at first he seemed really nice but then he came home drunk. After two days living with that man he told me everything. I had no family because my grandparents had disowned my father for marrying my mother. My mother had no family so I was to live with some man that knew my mother from college. She apparently didn’t know him that well because if she did she would have never wanted me to live with him, or at least that I what I tell myself to get through the days of my sad existence.
Each time Uncle Calvin came home she showed or told me something knew. It was the third week living with him that I found the grave yard. The one where my parents where buried in but also the one that held the oldest secrets.
Time pasted slowly the next ten years. We moved from house to house, Calvin was afraid that neighbors could hear my screams, and my cries for help. If they heard then they never answered just another sign that God is punishing me. Teachers could see my bruised face, my broken arms and the limping do to hard thrusts committed in the early morning. Other kids could see the scabbed knees from trying to escape being raped, the rug burns from being dragged into my bedroom.
Younger when I didn’t know much I asked a question that I thought might settle my mind, “When will we stop moving, Uncle Calvin?”
Grinning at me he looked me in the eyes, “When you learn not to scream.” Those few words changed me form an abused child to an abused man. I was eleven and I had immediately lost a childhood. My crayon pictures became nightmares in my bedroom, my comfort zone became the cemetery. I learned to never open my mouth unless instructed too, I learned to be quiet but I apparently wasn’t quiet enough.
It was my first year in high school that I got to stay in one place for the longest. We moved close to the high school in which I would be attending the next year. It was a nice neighborhood. There were a lot of picked fences, there were happy families, dogs and cats and kids that actually play football in the street. Calvin seemed to enjoy this place more then the others, that’s probably why we have stayed here the longest.
I’m holding my jacket close to my body. It’s the beginning of September but the cold air has come early. This is the last day of summer vacation, and the last night that I have of freedom. I’ll have to go to school tomorrow. I get to see all the faces that will torture me, laugh when I trip, pick on me because my clothes are old and worn. By the end of the day I’m estimating that I will have made no friends and my classes will be shitty. I feel myself fall asleep but that’s not good because every time I fall asleep I get the shit beaten for not being home to get fucked my Calvin.
I wake as the sun is rising trying to get home as quick as possible. Praying to God that Calvin didn’t come into my room last night, hoping that I won’t find him on my bed out cold because he had to sleep with out me.
I climb the trellis that leads to my window and find that know one is there. I climb in my window and get dresses as soon as possible. I rush down to the kitchen to find that know one was there. I feel a wave of relief and I grab some breakfast and head for school. I was eating my apple and entering school at the same time. I was new the only information I had was that I needed to be in room 205 but 8:45. It was already 8:41 and I had no idea where the hell I was supposed to be.
Looking at my sheet that held my schedule and trying to look at the numbers above the class room doors I bumped into someone, “Shit! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you, I’m sorry.”
“No, no it’s ok. I should have been watching out.” He collected himself, standing up he brushed on the dirt that might have touched him. He then looked down at me and held out his hand. “You’re a freshmen aren’t you?”
Blushing I nod my head, “Yeah is it that obvious?” I took his hand and he helped me to stand up. Copying his earlier actions I brushed myself off.
“Well yeah, you looked kinda of lost. Plus I know everyone and I have never seen you before. One could never forget a face like yours, especially with those eyes.” He was bringing his had close to my face. I thought he was going to brush his had on my check but he ended up picking lint out or my hair, “You have soft hair…” He was about to say something else but the bell rang indicating that he and I were both late for our first class. “Do you need to know where your first class is?”
“Hell yeah, could you tell me where 205 is?”
He grinned and laughed, “I’m a sophomore, I technically don’t have to tell you anything but since you have a…” He looked me up and down, I felt really awkward. No one really gives me the time of day; they just pass me by like a ghost. “Beautiful character I guess I could share the knowledge. Follow me I’m just across the hall.” We turned the corner and two doors down on the right we entered a small corridor and we were there.
The first part of the day went pretty smoothly. I managed to find my first three classes easily thanks to the stranger from this morning. I was right so far with my classes were shitty. The teachers were all the same very where I go, so I’m not expecting much from the ones that I have now. I was happy when the lunch bell rang. Even though I have no lunch and no lunch money, Calvin says that I should only eat when he is present. He makes sure that I don’t eat too much. I weight 145lbs. and I’m 5’6”. I never get to eat chips or anything like that. In fact I haven’t tasted any type of junk food for the whole time I have been living with him. I eat one meal a day. And I have a piece of fruit for breakfast. Some would say that I don’t eat enough.
Most of my lunch periods are spent by shaded trees, someplace that I can hide and not be seen. I like to spend my time alone, thinking about life, pondering death, trying to work out why I still exist. Being new to school I don’t know where everything is yet so I just head out side and find any shaded place. This place will become my lunch spot. It will be where I sit alone for the next four years, it’s truly depressing.
The area isn’t that bad, sure it’s not totally secluded but its better then nothing. I can hear people go by, friends talking about classes, teachers talking about students, jocks talking about the knew girls that they think they have a chance with and then I hear it. The guy that helped me out this morning was talking to one of his friends. “He… you should have seen him. His eyes were so sad, and yet he had a fire that was burning. He was gorgeous. I didn’t ask him his name but I will. There was something about him that told me he was different.”
“Come on Frankie don’t you think you’re over reacting? First of all he is a freshman and second of all, I thought you were over the guy thing?”
Frankie was his name, wow. With the way he dresses and the type of person he was Frankie as a great name for him. “Come on David, you haven’t seen him…” Frankie’s voice trailed off. Even though I couldn’t see him I knew he was looking to the sky.
“Come on Frank; let’s get going before the whole school knows that you’re in love with a freshmen.” The sound of the foot steps became softer as Frankie and his friend walked away.
Dinner was a really awkward time. It was the only time that Calvin and I sat down together and discussed normal things. Well almost. Dinner was the first time he told me about my parents, dinner was just the time to discuss.
“How was school today? Did you find all your classes?” He asked while filling my plate with one slice of bread, some peas and some corn.
“School was okay. My first class was hard to find but it all got easier later on.” I didn’t tell him about Frankie because I want sure how he would take it. “The rest of the day went smoothly as well.”
“You didn’t eat anything for lunch did you? You need to lose weight; in fact you really should finish what you are eating.” I looked down at my plate; I have about two spoonfuls of peas and two spoonfuls of corn. Keep in mind there small spoons. I took one spoon from each and left the rest. I then ate half of my bread and called it dinner. “That a good boy. I have to go out tonight so don’t expect me tonight.”
He left right after dinner, leaving me to clean as usual. I washed his plate and then I washed mine. I left soon after to say hello to my parents.