Misunderstood (Chp 10)
A/N: Extra long update, just for you guys! ask me if something isn't clear or you don't really understand what I was trying to say. I know this chapter doesn't say much about the vacation or whatever and it's not fluffy at all, but you'll see why as you near the end. WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SELF-MUTILATION AND HEAVY ANGST"
“Vacation?!”
“Yeah..Didn’t manager-hyung tell you guys? I told him that I wanted to leave for a few days and that I wouldn’t take too long to come back. He agreed and said he would tell you guys”
“But he didn’t say anything to that about a vacation! He was the one who told us you were leaving, for good!”
“Why would he say something like that? Are you sure that’s what he said?” Yesung asked, exasperated at their disbelief.
“That’s exactly what he..ohhhh” Kangin broke off and appeared to be deep in thought.
“What? What is it?” Leeteuk demanded, unwilling to be left out of the loop
“Well do you remember that night when manager-hyung called us? And how it was raining really hard outside and the phone connection was bad? Well it’s possible that he actually meant to tell us that Yesung was only on a temporar-”
“So basically we misheard and jumped to conclusions. Whatever.” Heechul intoned, tone dry with sarcasm
“But your stuff! Why was your stuff missing if you were only going for a short time? And Ddangkoma?” Leeteuk asked a bit frantically, as if he wasn’t able to comprehend what was going on.
“You didn’t really expect me to walk around naked, did you hyung? And of course I brought Ddangkoma! Why would I leave my baby by herself? You guys don’t even know how to feed her! Remember that one time that I left Donghae in charge of taking care of her? He fed her fish food, hyung, FISH FOOD!” Yesung said exasperatedly, not understanding what the big deal was. After a few moments of silence, he got up off the armchair, moving to leave the room only to be held back by a hand on his wrist.
“Sit Yesung” He sat obediently “we know what you have been feeling. We need to talk about this before our misunderstanding continues”
“I don’t understand, what are you talking about?” Bewildered, Yesung stared into leeteuk’s composed face, hoping to gleam some sort of insight into what he was thinking.
“It’s a long story, actually.”
“ We have plenty of time”
“True. Okay, so do you remember that journal you keep? The one where you write a lot of stuff in? Private stuff? Emotional stuff? Your diary!” Heechul finally shouted exasperatedly, astonished that Yesung didn’t seem to remember what he was talking about
“Ohh that. Yeah..What about it? Wait..Don’t tell me, you read it? Heechul!”
“You really need to keep private things in a more private place man,” Heechul shrugged, not fazed by the outrage on Yesung’s face.
“That was very wrong of you, Yesung. How could you never come to speak to any one of us about how you were feeling? Do you not understand how much we care about you? You can’t just do that and then just leave without event telling anyone!” Leeteuk rambled, anger and sympathy showing clearly across his face
“It’s not even like you knew I was gone” Yesung mumbled, breaking eye contact by looking at the floor instead of in Leeteuk’s eyes.
“Oh, cut all the crap Yesung. If we didn’t know you were gone, how would we be here now. You think you can act like a martyr because people were harsh to you? Get over it! It’s called life! And you’re just as bad as them!” Heechul broke in, once again growing impatient.
“What? Me? What have I ever done?” he would really like to see how he could be blamed for all of this.
“You made Kyuhyun cry! Do you understand how big of a deal that is? The boy who barely cried at all while he was recovering from his injuries cried like a baby because you, his hyung, his role model, were gone! Ryeowook went crazy! He kept going around bumping into me and yelling his head off! Donghae stopped talking about aliens and trying to rescue the fish from the aquarium in Shindong’s room..” Heechul’s voice cracked, betraying just how much he himself was hurt by seeing his nearest and dearest sad. But being Heechul, he regained his composure within moments and continued
“The rest are just as torn up. How can you go around saying that they don’t care when you’re really the one who didn’t even try to be reasonable! You keep saying that no one understood you, but how many times did you actually try to make someone understand? You said that you didn’t bother trying because you knew we wouldn’t respond, but you should have tried anyway! Just because people weren’t too attentive before doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t have been now!” Instead of going off and leaving, you should have stuck around to support us! You can’t just take a “vacation” whenever you feel like it; life doesn’t work that way. You made us all miserable you stu-“
“That’s not the point here, guys” Leeteuk intervened “Look, Yesung. We all know what you wrote in your diary and for me, the worst part of it all was that I never even knew how bad you were feeling. I knew something was wrong but I never bothered to understand your emotions, and for that I’m sorry. But seriously, I think you’re mistaken about what the rest of the members feel about you. Heechul is right, they’re a mess right now. Today was the first time I saw them smile genuinely since you left. You should have seen how eagerly they sent us off today, and they said that if we didn’t bring you back with us, we wouldn’t be allowed back either..How can you just decide to take a vacation instead of just telling us about what was bothering you?! i -“
“Boys, come on! Dinner is ready” Yesung’s mother called out from the kitchen, effectively silencing what Leeteuk was about to say.
“ Alright, let’s go eat then. But don’t think you’re off the hook, Yesung. There’s still a lot we have to clear up, like this “vacation” of yours.” Kangin stated after a few moments of awkward silence, relieved to have some of the tension in the room dissipate at the thought of food. They had been so busy and nervous all morning, wondering whether Yesung would return with them or not, that they hadn’t had a chance to eat a proper meal. He grasped Leeteuk’s hand and walked alongside him to the door, only turning back when he didn’t feel the presence of either Heechul or Yesung behind him. They were still standing by the sofas, immersed in what seemed to be a very intense conversation.
“You two go ahead”, Heechul called, answering Kangin’s questioning gaze. “We’ll be right there” he waited until the other two had left the room before he turned back to Yesung.
“You may have been able to fool them, but don’t think you’ll get away from me that easily.” Heechul stated coolly, staring Yesung straight in the eyes. His eyes seemed to pierce right through his soul and the feeling of being completely exposed grew so strong in Yesung that he uncomfortably broke eye contact, looking down at the floor sheepishly.
“Look”, Heechul sighed, “I’m not accusing you of lying or anything and I’m not trying to blame you either. If anyone deserves that it’s that bastard Eunhyuk”
“Don’t say that hyung. We were both to blame for what happened..”
“Oh? How were you to blame for him raping you?”
Yesung winced. “Rape is a really strong word… but how do you even know? I don’t remember writing much about that in the diary..”
“You mentioned something but I skimmed over that. Couldn’t read much; your handwriting sucks. But no, the reason I know is because Eunhyuk …well, Eunhyuk told me.”
“He told you? What do you mean he told you? When?”
“Yes, he told me. And I mean he looked me in the eyes and basically said that he forced you to have sex with him repeatedly over the course of the past 3 years. When? Last night”
“So that’s why Leeteuk hyung was saying something about you arguing with Eunhyuk. Do he and Kangin know too?”
“Know what? That you’re gay? Or that you’re gay for a fellow band member. Or better yet, that you had sex with said band member?” Heechul sighed, wondering why he didn’t feel the slightest bit of satisfaction as he saw Yesung look ashamed. “No, they don’t know. I didn’t see a point in having them hate Eunhyuk too”
“ You know, he didn’t really force me. I was willing”
“He says he forced you, you say you were willing…what really happened? why don’t you tell me what really happened then? So I can be sure that you’re not just saying this all to protect Eunhyuk”
“I don’t see what good that would do, I mea---“ Yesung faltered under Heechul’s unnerving stare. “I mean, okay. Where should I start?”
“Start where everyone starts.” He rolled his eyes at the other’s clueless expression “The beginning, Yesung”
Yesung thought for a few moments “Alright then, here goes”
**FLASHBACK: MAY 2007**
“Eunhyuk? Eunhyuk, NO! Stop! What are you doing?!” Yesung protested loudly as he grabbed the razor blade out of the other man’s hand, wincing as it cut into the skin of his forefinger and thumb, spilling a few tiny drops of dark red liquid that looked gruesome on the white porcelain floor. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his hand, he quickly grabbed a bottle of peroxide and a large wad of cotton before turning back to the dejected man that was leaning against the sink, his eyes closed and his head touching the cool tile of the wall behind him. He sat down across Eunhyuk and proceeded to disinfect his wound, wincing at the look of pain that came across Eunhyuk’s face as he dabbed the peroxide-soaked cotton across the self-inflicted wound on his forearm. At a particularly painful stroke, Eunhyuk’s eyes snapped open and he yanked his arm out of Yesung’s firm grip.
“What the hell are you doing?! It hurts!”
“I’m sorry, but if we don’t do something about those cuts, the scarring will be even more obvious” Yesung stated calmly, ignoring the other’s heated glare.
“I have plenty of scars already. What are a few more going to do?” he scowled, and the bitter hurt in his voice made Yesung’s heart go out to him. He was, of course, referring to the near-fatal accident that had hospitalized four and wreaked havoc in the lives of the rest of Super Junior. Eunhyuk and Shindong had been discharged a few weeks ago but had been noticeably subdued and withdrawn from the rest of the members. No one had been able to elicit more than a yes, no, or a frown from the two for a week or so, but as both, Shindong in particular, showed signs of recovery, the others had backed off.
Yesung had noticed that neither was as O.K. as they claimed to be and wished he had pointed it out to the rest, especially after he had seen Eunhyuk hurt himself for the first time. He had foregone explaining to the rest what had happened because Eunhyuk had reassured him that it would not happen again. He would never have seen Eunhyuk’s continual self mutilation if he hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night, craving a glass of water. On his way to the kitchen, he had seen a sliver of light from underneath the bathroom door and thought nothing of it, as he knew how hard it was to ignore the call of nature. On the way back to his room, however, he had heard faint gasps and sobs being emitted from the bathroom, muffled by the partially closed door. Unable to help himself, he peaked in through the gap between the door and the doorframe and gasped loudly as he saw the reflection of Eunhyuk staring at his cut, bloody hand, and crying softly, as if unable to help himself.
“The scars will fade, Eunhyuk” : Yesung whispered, gently running his fingers over the marks that served as a reminder that Eunhyuk was alive, that he was here before him. His gentle motions did little to assuage the hurting man though, and his pain was evident in the words he spoke next
“What do you know anyway? You weren’t there! You didn’t know what it was like, to be happy and laughing with them and then…seeing them lying on the floor. Do you know what the first thing I thought was? That it was a secret camera, I wished, I called out to them to stop playing around, that it wasn’t funny anymore. But they wouldn’t move. At all. And then I heard him crying. Kyuhyun crying, and I ran, and when I got to him, I smelled the blood.. And I knew, and all I could think was that should have been me, instead of Kyuhyun, because that was where I was supposed to sit! But I told him I wanted more room and I sat in the back, in his seat. And that’s why I’m here, with these tiny scratches while he’s there, fighting for his life! It should have been me” he sobbed, seeming unable to go on anymore.
Yesung stepped closer and wrapped his arms around the other man, ignoring the way his heartbeat picked up when he came close. Now was not the time to be thinking about his feelings, or about the way Eunhyuk’s body stiffened within his embrace.
“What are you doing?”
“Comforting you”
He was wrenched back, and he opened his mouth to say something comforting, but his feeble attempt was silenced as Eunhyuk chose that moment to lean over and silence the older man with his own lips. Yesung sat frozen for a few minutes, just letting the other do as he pleased, until he felt more tears slide out of Eunhyuk’s eyes. He tentatively moved his lips, tasting the saltiness of the other’s emotions and feeling his own heart breaking.
He didn’t know how long he sat there for, holding the younger man close, just kissing him gently and trying to get his lips to do what his words could not; it seemed to be working until suddenly, Eunhyuk started pushing him back slowly. When his back hit the soft pillows on the bed, he realized that things were about to get out of hand, and fast.
“Eunhyuk, what are you doing? Stop!” Yesung exclaimed, wrenching his lips away from Eunhyuk’s and wriggling out of his tight grasp. He stood up shakily and straightened his clothes, ignoring the heated gaze he could feel digging into his back.
“I thought you loved me hyung” the honorific cut into him, as if it wasn’t a sign of respect but rather contempt. Contempt toward him, toward the confession he had made not long before the accident only to be laughed at and ignored. He had no idea Eunhyuk had even remembered, or taken him seriously.
“I’m not doing this. Not when you aren’t thinking straight. I know you’re going to regret this in the morning, and I wouldn’t be able to take that” Yesung made his way toward the door, but Eunhyuk’s next words made him stop cold.
“Don’t give me that crap. You are such a superficial bastard, hyung” the disgust in his voice kept Yesung frozen long enough for the other to walk up to him. He walked closer, getting a sick sense of pleasure from seeing Yesung do his best to avoid any physical contact by taking a step back toward the bed for every step he took forward.
“W-what do you mean?” Yesung whispered, licking his suddenly dry lips
“You claimed to love me, but you just lusted for my body, didn’t you? When it was perfectly unscarred you were interested, and now that I don’t look flawless anymore, you “feel” nothing for me” Eunhyuk continued to walk towards Yesung, who was still moving backward. Just a little further and they’d be at the bed.
“Is that what you think?” Yesung breathed shakily
“It’s what I know”
“Stop! You know that’s not true! I’m doing this all for you...I-I love you Eunhy-OOF” Eunhyuk smirked as Yesung’s knees knocked against the edge of the bed and he fell backwards
“Oh yeah?” Almost immediately, his small frame was covered by Eunhyuk’s longer one. Using Yesung’s confusion to his advantage; he leaned down and slammed his lips on top of Yesung’s. He ran his tongue across the seam of the other’s lips, mentally frowning at the lack of access. To remedy the situation, he ground his hips against the older man’, using the resulting moan to plunge his tongue into Yesung’s warm and wet mouth. He took his time exploring thoroughly, running his tongue across the others, using his hand to tilt Yesung’s head up to get a better angle. Using his lips and tongue, and occasionally his teeth, he made sure to completely destroy any and all resolve Yesung had.
Once he was sure of it, he reluctantly pulled back and whispered: “Why don’t you prove it”
And Yesung, even though he knew it was wrong, and stupid and something that would only hurt himself, proceeded to do just that.
A/N: Sorry for any and all typos! I was trying my best to update soon, so...yeah. Also, I hope no one was too shocked by this sudden influx of angst! and yeah, the drama isn't over yet. there's still another big chunk of the Yehyuk drama missing, so...look forward to that?
“Vacation?!”
“Yeah..Didn’t manager-hyung tell you guys? I told him that I wanted to leave for a few days and that I wouldn’t take too long to come back. He agreed and said he would tell you guys”
“But he didn’t say anything to that about a vacation! He was the one who told us you were leaving, for good!”
“Why would he say something like that? Are you sure that’s what he said?” Yesung asked, exasperated at their disbelief.
“That’s exactly what he..ohhhh” Kangin broke off and appeared to be deep in thought.
“What? What is it?” Leeteuk demanded, unwilling to be left out of the loop
“Well do you remember that night when manager-hyung called us? And how it was raining really hard outside and the phone connection was bad? Well it’s possible that he actually meant to tell us that Yesung was only on a temporar-”
“So basically we misheard and jumped to conclusions. Whatever.” Heechul intoned, tone dry with sarcasm
“But your stuff! Why was your stuff missing if you were only going for a short time? And Ddangkoma?” Leeteuk asked a bit frantically, as if he wasn’t able to comprehend what was going on.
“You didn’t really expect me to walk around naked, did you hyung? And of course I brought Ddangkoma! Why would I leave my baby by herself? You guys don’t even know how to feed her! Remember that one time that I left Donghae in charge of taking care of her? He fed her fish food, hyung, FISH FOOD!” Yesung said exasperatedly, not understanding what the big deal was. After a few moments of silence, he got up off the armchair, moving to leave the room only to be held back by a hand on his wrist.
“Sit Yesung” He sat obediently “we know what you have been feeling. We need to talk about this before our misunderstanding continues”
“I don’t understand, what are you talking about?” Bewildered, Yesung stared into leeteuk’s composed face, hoping to gleam some sort of insight into what he was thinking.
“It’s a long story, actually.”
“ We have plenty of time”
“True. Okay, so do you remember that journal you keep? The one where you write a lot of stuff in? Private stuff? Emotional stuff? Your diary!” Heechul finally shouted exasperatedly, astonished that Yesung didn’t seem to remember what he was talking about
“Ohh that. Yeah..What about it? Wait..Don’t tell me, you read it? Heechul!”
“You really need to keep private things in a more private place man,” Heechul shrugged, not fazed by the outrage on Yesung’s face.
“That was very wrong of you, Yesung. How could you never come to speak to any one of us about how you were feeling? Do you not understand how much we care about you? You can’t just do that and then just leave without event telling anyone!” Leeteuk rambled, anger and sympathy showing clearly across his face
“It’s not even like you knew I was gone” Yesung mumbled, breaking eye contact by looking at the floor instead of in Leeteuk’s eyes.
“Oh, cut all the crap Yesung. If we didn’t know you were gone, how would we be here now. You think you can act like a martyr because people were harsh to you? Get over it! It’s called life! And you’re just as bad as them!” Heechul broke in, once again growing impatient.
“What? Me? What have I ever done?” he would really like to see how he could be blamed for all of this.
“You made Kyuhyun cry! Do you understand how big of a deal that is? The boy who barely cried at all while he was recovering from his injuries cried like a baby because you, his hyung, his role model, were gone! Ryeowook went crazy! He kept going around bumping into me and yelling his head off! Donghae stopped talking about aliens and trying to rescue the fish from the aquarium in Shindong’s room..” Heechul’s voice cracked, betraying just how much he himself was hurt by seeing his nearest and dearest sad. But being Heechul, he regained his composure within moments and continued
“The rest are just as torn up. How can you go around saying that they don’t care when you’re really the one who didn’t even try to be reasonable! You keep saying that no one understood you, but how many times did you actually try to make someone understand? You said that you didn’t bother trying because you knew we wouldn’t respond, but you should have tried anyway! Just because people weren’t too attentive before doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t have been now!” Instead of going off and leaving, you should have stuck around to support us! You can’t just take a “vacation” whenever you feel like it; life doesn’t work that way. You made us all miserable you stu-“
“That’s not the point here, guys” Leeteuk intervened “Look, Yesung. We all know what you wrote in your diary and for me, the worst part of it all was that I never even knew how bad you were feeling. I knew something was wrong but I never bothered to understand your emotions, and for that I’m sorry. But seriously, I think you’re mistaken about what the rest of the members feel about you. Heechul is right, they’re a mess right now. Today was the first time I saw them smile genuinely since you left. You should have seen how eagerly they sent us off today, and they said that if we didn’t bring you back with us, we wouldn’t be allowed back either..How can you just decide to take a vacation instead of just telling us about what was bothering you?! i -“
“Boys, come on! Dinner is ready” Yesung’s mother called out from the kitchen, effectively silencing what Leeteuk was about to say.
“ Alright, let’s go eat then. But don’t think you’re off the hook, Yesung. There’s still a lot we have to clear up, like this “vacation” of yours.” Kangin stated after a few moments of awkward silence, relieved to have some of the tension in the room dissipate at the thought of food. They had been so busy and nervous all morning, wondering whether Yesung would return with them or not, that they hadn’t had a chance to eat a proper meal. He grasped Leeteuk’s hand and walked alongside him to the door, only turning back when he didn’t feel the presence of either Heechul or Yesung behind him. They were still standing by the sofas, immersed in what seemed to be a very intense conversation.
“You two go ahead”, Heechul called, answering Kangin’s questioning gaze. “We’ll be right there” he waited until the other two had left the room before he turned back to Yesung.
“You may have been able to fool them, but don’t think you’ll get away from me that easily.” Heechul stated coolly, staring Yesung straight in the eyes. His eyes seemed to pierce right through his soul and the feeling of being completely exposed grew so strong in Yesung that he uncomfortably broke eye contact, looking down at the floor sheepishly.
“Look”, Heechul sighed, “I’m not accusing you of lying or anything and I’m not trying to blame you either. If anyone deserves that it’s that bastard Eunhyuk”
“Don’t say that hyung. We were both to blame for what happened..”
“Oh? How were you to blame for him raping you?”
Yesung winced. “Rape is a really strong word… but how do you even know? I don’t remember writing much about that in the diary..”
“You mentioned something but I skimmed over that. Couldn’t read much; your handwriting sucks. But no, the reason I know is because Eunhyuk …well, Eunhyuk told me.”
“He told you? What do you mean he told you? When?”
“Yes, he told me. And I mean he looked me in the eyes and basically said that he forced you to have sex with him repeatedly over the course of the past 3 years. When? Last night”
“So that’s why Leeteuk hyung was saying something about you arguing with Eunhyuk. Do he and Kangin know too?”
“Know what? That you’re gay? Or that you’re gay for a fellow band member. Or better yet, that you had sex with said band member?” Heechul sighed, wondering why he didn’t feel the slightest bit of satisfaction as he saw Yesung look ashamed. “No, they don’t know. I didn’t see a point in having them hate Eunhyuk too”
“ You know, he didn’t really force me. I was willing”
“He says he forced you, you say you were willing…what really happened? why don’t you tell me what really happened then? So I can be sure that you’re not just saying this all to protect Eunhyuk”
“I don’t see what good that would do, I mea---“ Yesung faltered under Heechul’s unnerving stare. “I mean, okay. Where should I start?”
“Start where everyone starts.” He rolled his eyes at the other’s clueless expression “The beginning, Yesung”
Yesung thought for a few moments “Alright then, here goes”
**FLASHBACK: MAY 2007**
“Eunhyuk? Eunhyuk, NO! Stop! What are you doing?!” Yesung protested loudly as he grabbed the razor blade out of the other man’s hand, wincing as it cut into the skin of his forefinger and thumb, spilling a few tiny drops of dark red liquid that looked gruesome on the white porcelain floor. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his hand, he quickly grabbed a bottle of peroxide and a large wad of cotton before turning back to the dejected man that was leaning against the sink, his eyes closed and his head touching the cool tile of the wall behind him. He sat down across Eunhyuk and proceeded to disinfect his wound, wincing at the look of pain that came across Eunhyuk’s face as he dabbed the peroxide-soaked cotton across the self-inflicted wound on his forearm. At a particularly painful stroke, Eunhyuk’s eyes snapped open and he yanked his arm out of Yesung’s firm grip.
“What the hell are you doing?! It hurts!”
“I’m sorry, but if we don’t do something about those cuts, the scarring will be even more obvious” Yesung stated calmly, ignoring the other’s heated glare.
“I have plenty of scars already. What are a few more going to do?” he scowled, and the bitter hurt in his voice made Yesung’s heart go out to him. He was, of course, referring to the near-fatal accident that had hospitalized four and wreaked havoc in the lives of the rest of Super Junior. Eunhyuk and Shindong had been discharged a few weeks ago but had been noticeably subdued and withdrawn from the rest of the members. No one had been able to elicit more than a yes, no, or a frown from the two for a week or so, but as both, Shindong in particular, showed signs of recovery, the others had backed off.
Yesung had noticed that neither was as O.K. as they claimed to be and wished he had pointed it out to the rest, especially after he had seen Eunhyuk hurt himself for the first time. He had foregone explaining to the rest what had happened because Eunhyuk had reassured him that it would not happen again. He would never have seen Eunhyuk’s continual self mutilation if he hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night, craving a glass of water. On his way to the kitchen, he had seen a sliver of light from underneath the bathroom door and thought nothing of it, as he knew how hard it was to ignore the call of nature. On the way back to his room, however, he had heard faint gasps and sobs being emitted from the bathroom, muffled by the partially closed door. Unable to help himself, he peaked in through the gap between the door and the doorframe and gasped loudly as he saw the reflection of Eunhyuk staring at his cut, bloody hand, and crying softly, as if unable to help himself.
“The scars will fade, Eunhyuk” : Yesung whispered, gently running his fingers over the marks that served as a reminder that Eunhyuk was alive, that he was here before him. His gentle motions did little to assuage the hurting man though, and his pain was evident in the words he spoke next
“What do you know anyway? You weren’t there! You didn’t know what it was like, to be happy and laughing with them and then…seeing them lying on the floor. Do you know what the first thing I thought was? That it was a secret camera, I wished, I called out to them to stop playing around, that it wasn’t funny anymore. But they wouldn’t move. At all. And then I heard him crying. Kyuhyun crying, and I ran, and when I got to him, I smelled the blood.. And I knew, and all I could think was that should have been me, instead of Kyuhyun, because that was where I was supposed to sit! But I told him I wanted more room and I sat in the back, in his seat. And that’s why I’m here, with these tiny scratches while he’s there, fighting for his life! It should have been me” he sobbed, seeming unable to go on anymore.
Yesung stepped closer and wrapped his arms around the other man, ignoring the way his heartbeat picked up when he came close. Now was not the time to be thinking about his feelings, or about the way Eunhyuk’s body stiffened within his embrace.
“What are you doing?”
“Comforting you”
He was wrenched back, and he opened his mouth to say something comforting, but his feeble attempt was silenced as Eunhyuk chose that moment to lean over and silence the older man with his own lips. Yesung sat frozen for a few minutes, just letting the other do as he pleased, until he felt more tears slide out of Eunhyuk’s eyes. He tentatively moved his lips, tasting the saltiness of the other’s emotions and feeling his own heart breaking.
He didn’t know how long he sat there for, holding the younger man close, just kissing him gently and trying to get his lips to do what his words could not; it seemed to be working until suddenly, Eunhyuk started pushing him back slowly. When his back hit the soft pillows on the bed, he realized that things were about to get out of hand, and fast.
“Eunhyuk, what are you doing? Stop!” Yesung exclaimed, wrenching his lips away from Eunhyuk’s and wriggling out of his tight grasp. He stood up shakily and straightened his clothes, ignoring the heated gaze he could feel digging into his back.
“I thought you loved me hyung” the honorific cut into him, as if it wasn’t a sign of respect but rather contempt. Contempt toward him, toward the confession he had made not long before the accident only to be laughed at and ignored. He had no idea Eunhyuk had even remembered, or taken him seriously.
“I’m not doing this. Not when you aren’t thinking straight. I know you’re going to regret this in the morning, and I wouldn’t be able to take that” Yesung made his way toward the door, but Eunhyuk’s next words made him stop cold.
“Don’t give me that crap. You are such a superficial bastard, hyung” the disgust in his voice kept Yesung frozen long enough for the other to walk up to him. He walked closer, getting a sick sense of pleasure from seeing Yesung do his best to avoid any physical contact by taking a step back toward the bed for every step he took forward.
“W-what do you mean?” Yesung whispered, licking his suddenly dry lips
“You claimed to love me, but you just lusted for my body, didn’t you? When it was perfectly unscarred you were interested, and now that I don’t look flawless anymore, you “feel” nothing for me” Eunhyuk continued to walk towards Yesung, who was still moving backward. Just a little further and they’d be at the bed.
“Is that what you think?” Yesung breathed shakily
“It’s what I know”
“Stop! You know that’s not true! I’m doing this all for you...I-I love you Eunhy-OOF” Eunhyuk smirked as Yesung’s knees knocked against the edge of the bed and he fell backwards
“Oh yeah?” Almost immediately, his small frame was covered by Eunhyuk’s longer one. Using Yesung’s confusion to his advantage; he leaned down and slammed his lips on top of Yesung’s. He ran his tongue across the seam of the other’s lips, mentally frowning at the lack of access. To remedy the situation, he ground his hips against the older man’, using the resulting moan to plunge his tongue into Yesung’s warm and wet mouth. He took his time exploring thoroughly, running his tongue across the others, using his hand to tilt Yesung’s head up to get a better angle. Using his lips and tongue, and occasionally his teeth, he made sure to completely destroy any and all resolve Yesung had.
Once he was sure of it, he reluctantly pulled back and whispered: “Why don’t you prove it”
And Yesung, even though he knew it was wrong, and stupid and something that would only hurt himself, proceeded to do just that.
A/N: Sorry for any and all typos! I was trying my best to update soon, so...yeah. Also, I hope no one was too shocked by this sudden influx of angst! and yeah, the drama isn't over yet. there's still another big chunk of the Yehyuk drama missing, so...look forward to that?