advice please?

[pjxb]

While I haven't discussed it much here on the interwebs, currently I'm in the midst of applying to law school. (whoda thunk?) I've finally slapped together a fair resemblance of a personal statement, and I'd love any comments/critiques. Right now it's about 850 words, and I'm trying to tighten it up, so any suggestions on cutting it down in

Comments

[turandot]

As someone who has had to write law school admission statements, scholarship essays, and all sorts of "write to impress" pieces over the past few years, I think the only area that I would be really concerned about is the opening paragraph. It's a little too stylized, and not very direct. The opening statement usually is reserved for making an impact by telling what you plan to accomplish, and why.

Most of the latter half looks pretty good.