I live!

Jun 08, 2003 13:07

I haven't been avoiding. I can't access emails from anyone here. I didn't even know they were there because, when I logged in, it showed two default email ID's. I went to delete one and it wouldn't take. This morning, I went into that duplicate ID and saw all of the emails that were sent, but went right into archive.

I see Darkyuna and Birdbrainmommy in there, but I don't know what you guys said. You were probably checking up on me--sorry this took so long. The emails and notes were going directly into that archive file.

Things are like a rollercoaster here, but they are also looking up. T. and I have had some very severe problems, but I have finally accepted the end of this marriage. I won't try any further. I will let him go and move on. All I care about is that he sees his kids. It took some doing, since he is so far into depression, to make him decide on seeing the kids. He was taking his issues out on all of us. I can take it. I am an adult. They are innocent and have no idea what his problems are. After a long talk, he has decided to come and see the kids. He comes on Saturdays, stays overnight in the spare bedroom and goes home on Sunday.

Until he gets his own place, this is how visitation will have to be. He also needs psychological help. I am bringing up some issue to the court that disturb me about him being with the kids alone. No, he wouldn't hurt them. He just has an issue with pornography--it isn't regular pornography. It is something the counselor told me, is an addiction for those that are deep in depression, and also have no self-esteem. She described T. exactly when she talked about the types that get hooked into this addiction. Her friend is writing a book on it, and she has found it to be harder to give up than any other 'non-chemical' addiction there is.

Without help, he will not get over it. I must protect the children from being exposed. Until he can deal with this addiction, it will have to stay the way it is, with him seeing the kids under my supervision.

I love my freedom, however. I love having the house to myself with no pressure or arguments. It is hard. I am now doing everything around the house--I just learned how to start up the lawn mower for the very first time! (I grew up in the city--we had pavement everywhere. Who needed a lawn mower?) I am tired, and some days I am overwhelmed.

When it comes to night time, I feel so much more relief--more than I have in years. That, to me makes all of this stress worth it.

In other news--The kids are doing good. Molly is being tested for extra help in her failing subjects. It is about time! I finally got a good contact that made it happen. Next year, she will probably be in a smaller classroom with supervised instruction. She needs the help, for some subjects just don't click. She ends up so frustrated now that, she goes into a daydreaming state and ends up not doing any of the work at all.

Sean is doing excellent. Since I got him into the LD classroom for all of his subjects, he has gone from C'S & D's, to A's and B's. He is doing remarkable.

Taylor and Colin are also flying along in the 'milestones' sense. Colin is now repeating full sentences--with intense speech instruction, he should begin talking much better.

Taylor is communicating wonderfully. She is also accepting larger groups of kids at the same time. She has a long way to go, but she has come so far. Even though I am listening to her screaming above me (T. is here and she is 'yelling' at him), she gets her point across very well. With this new interaction, it gives me hope that she can communicate in school next year. I just hope they understand it--they are not autism specialists as the school like the school she is in now.

I have work. It isn't much but it will help pay some backed-up bills. Between work, taking care of the house, IEP meetings and life in general, I don't have much time. Thank you to those that cared enough to check in on me. It is greatly appreciated.

I will try to update once a week--and I will try to catch up with my fav's here as well.

Thanks much!
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