8/27/02
I am just very thankful we didn't buy that house on the slab, instead of this one with the basement. Where would I hide?
The weather was beautiful yesterday and I knew I needed some sunshine so I went out on the deck for a little bit. Molly was at the beach and the boys were next door at the neighbors all day. I put the babies upstairs for their 'regroup' time (and mine) and took my coffee outside to my bar-stool-style chair, put up the umbrella on the table and just gazed out at the lake.
When we have no humidity the lake is gorgeous. The water seems to dance with these little light-fairies as the sun hits it. You can see the reflections of all the trees on the 'Tynsborough' side of the lake, which resembles a rippled mirror. I watch as an occasional boat floats by, or a speed boat zooms by with either a water-skier or someone tubing.
I noticed how much the high heat this year has ruined many of my trees. I have these huge Poplars that I planed 9 years ago. They were about 2 feet tall then, and must span over 50 ft. high now. Most of the leaves have fallen off of them, making our yard look more like fall than it does like summer. I am someone that really hates autumn. I know it is beautiful, but it also resembles change. After the change comes death--Winter. I don't like being able to see the two things that haunt my soul.
It was very depressing to see autumn being mocked so early.
I held off on my housework until today because I really wanted to enjoy the tranquillity I was feeling to the highest degree. I am about to pay for that now, because my neighbor next door just asked if I could do her a favor and watch her son for a few hours. He is the boys best friends and isn't a bother, except he is ALL BOY and a bit on the hyper side. When you mix ALL BOY with a BOYISH IMP (Ryan), it tends to be one of those days when you are doing everything but what you need to do.
Speaking of my neighbor, it still amazes me how small our world really is. When I stupidly married Ralph, he was from an area in Mass. that I never heard of. That is probably because it is a wealthy area, and I was white trash from the hood. When his Uncle came over to my Mother's house one day, he noticed the house across the street from us as being 'familiar'. Come to find out, the woman that lived there, and one of my Grandmother's dearest friends were a cousin of theirs! Here we were from two different worlds, and over an hour away from each other, yet their cousin lives directly across the street from me.
While my girlfriend and her husband here, her husband brought up that he use to run errands as a child for a Mrs. Berrigan. Come to find out, he use to run errands for Tom's Grandmother in Jamaica Plain as a child. It just seems so ironic to me that people coming from so many different places, never meeting at all during their early lives, all find something in common.
As for neighbor, when she moved here I noticed that she looked familiar. That isn't unusual for me, since I know so many people, and that was the butt of many jokes during my marriage from dickhead. I know he was jealous of it, but he would always bring up that it seemed I knew someone whenever we went out.
After speaking with her for a few minutes when she first came over to introduce herself, she mentioned that she worked at a nursing home. I asked her which one, and it was the nursing home that my Grandfather had been living in when he died. She was his NURSE. She is the one that found his Red Sox baseball cap for me so I could have the ONLY CHERISHED TREASURE that I had wanted, after the scavenger 'relatives' had come in and cleaned his room out, moments after he died.
I guess when they say it is a small world they mean it. Or it is for me, anyway.
My child support checks came yesterday, so I was extremely happy to see the mail when it came! I was going to go deposit them this afternoon while Molly baby-sat for me, but neighbor's son just walked in so that is out of the question.
I added some funds to my Paypal Debit Card from my small savings account, just so I could go grocery shopping. It cleared yesterday afternoon, so when everyone was in bed, I asked Molly to watch the house while I ran out and got a few things that we needed. I grabbed a card that said PAYPAL and something told me to bring the 20 dollars in cash that I had 'hidden' down here in the dungeon.
I had the basket full of items and finally got into line. At that moment it clicked to me that I took the wrong card with me. I took the CREDIT CARD and not the DEBIT card with me! Since the credit card is no longer at the 1.9% interest, as well as it being at the limit because of the latest rash of car repairs, I couldn't use it.
I then became the person I really hate to be. I went into aisles that no one was in, and began just putting back things that didn't belong there, just to rid them from my carriage. I had to get home, because I only go out for a 1/2 hour when Molly is watching the house. I didn't have time to go up and down the aisles to return the items that I really didn't need, but wanted to get in order to have it out of the way.
I was probably on some hidden video camera in the store. If you see some fat woman putting boxed items in the produce aisle on some TV video show, just know it was out of desperation on time and I wasn't being lazy.
Well I was, but we will keep that a secret.
I have a few things on my mind that I would like to air out (hold noses) today, so I might make a couple of entries. One is a closet that I have kept closed for many years and I still don't know if I can open it.
Another is something I read in a note somewhere that pertained to parental guilt and child anger. I think I will start with that one in a little while, once I feel 'safe' leaving 6 children alone upstairs for a little while.
