[Fic] Ryohei - Conquering the Mundane
Title: Conquering the Mundane
Author/Artist: Placidmage
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Prompt: Ryohei - Chores "extreme cases call for extreme measures"
Word count: 829
“Brother, are you sure you’ll be okay alone in the house today? I had so many chores…” Lips pursed, Kyoko wrinkled her brow with the worry of someone who has seen her house catch on fire one too many times.
“Leave it extremely to me!” Ryohei’s eyes sparkled with kindness and extremely dangerous ignorance. Unfortunately, her brother was never one to back down from a challenge. “You wanted to go to Haru’s party, yeah? I can handle a couple of chores.”
The raucous laughter that followed as her brother put his hands on his hips made Kyoko want to cry. She knew he meant well, but that’s what made it so sad. She handed him a small sheet of paper.
“I wrote out directions. Please don’t hurt yourself.” As Kyoko shut the door, worrying silently about their parents’ insurance coverage, Ryohei felt cold pressing into the back of his shirt. Everything was still as the weight of the gun tilted forward.
“Don’t move, soldier.”
Ryohei’s eyes widened as he turned “Master!?”
“Don’t turn, soldier!” The arcobaleno’s voice sounded sharply, “Listen up. You have four hours today to do what takes most women a lifetime to perfect.”
“You mean chores?” Ryohei furrowed his eyebrows, “But chores aren’t extreme.”
“Wrong!” Colonello lowered the gun and allowed Ryohei to turn around, revealing that what he was holding wasn’t really his usual military weapon at all, but the end of a broom, still extended towards him. “Now show me how you sweep.”
Ryohei took the broom handle, not really sure what his master had in mind. However, the power of holding a broom in your hand is something that not many men have experienced, and he savored the grip of his palm to the wood as he thrust it to the floor.
In a flurry of dust and papers that were swept up from the surrounding desks and tables, Ryoehi swung his broom around like a hurricane. All surfaces bowed in submission, and the carpet ran away into a corner as Ryoehi circled back to his starting place. The room in a cloud of dust, he grinned back at Colonello.
“Ah, you were right. Chores are extre--- OW!” The bump on his head throbbed where his master had struck him.
“Disgraceful. And you call yourself a man.”
Ryohei surveyed the mess, and agreed it was indeed disgraceful, but he couldn’t think how else to do it. If he made it any less extreme, he wasn’t sure he would be able to get it done in time. Besides, it looked better than last time.
“Let’s try vacuuming, soldier.” Colonello pointed to the machine. “Slower this time.”
Vacuuming was slightly easier. Because the machine was already pretty extreme all by itself, Ryohei didn’t feel much need to compensate. A couple times he vacuumed up something he wasn’t supposed to, but he always fished it out, and every once and awhile Colonello would nod approvingly. When he’d finally shut off the noise, he was handed a plunger.
“You’ve graduated to the toilet.” Colonello pronounced proudly.
“Master, I don’t deserve this.” Plunger in hand, Ryohei felt like Hermes receiving the winged sandals of the Gods. With this, he would go forth and save the household from the filth and grime of stagnant toilet water and subsequent staining!
Truly, this was a task that was handed down to him for a reason, Ryohei thought as he worked. Boxing was certainly an extreme sport, and most boxers he knew would pale at the sight of this muck. In the ring he often told himself that he was invincible, and no man could get him down. He adopted a new mantra, now: “No gloves, no mercy, NO SURRENDER.”
“I NEVER KNEW WOMEN WERE SO EXTREME!” One foot on the toilet seat, Ryohei raised his plunger like a sword of victory to the skies. The nod that came back from his teacher was coupled with a smile.
“That’s right, soldier. It takes a man’s courage to look a dirty toilet in the eye and tell it who’s boss.”
As Ryohei ripped off his shirt in a fit of anger and adrenaline, he moved onto the bedroom like a bare-chested Spartan on an unarmed Persian, tearing it apart with his spear-like duster and his unbridled rage.
At the end of it all, Ryohei collapsed on the ground in a mountain of dust, and fell promptly asleep. Through the growling snores, Colonello stood over his student with a proud smile on his face.
“And now, I have nothing left to teach you.”
As the Arcobaleno turned to walk out the door, he cocked his gun over his shoulder. The light from the doorframe shone over him like a beacon of glory and manliness. Today Ryohei had conquered one of his greater hurdles: the mundane. Once even the most daily of activities became extreme, it was only a matter of time. Through his mastery of the extreme, Ryohei would become a truly fearsome opponent.
Author/Artist: Placidmage
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Prompt: Ryohei - Chores "extreme cases call for extreme measures"
Word count: 829
“Brother, are you sure you’ll be okay alone in the house today? I had so many chores…” Lips pursed, Kyoko wrinkled her brow with the worry of someone who has seen her house catch on fire one too many times.
“Leave it extremely to me!” Ryohei’s eyes sparkled with kindness and extremely dangerous ignorance. Unfortunately, her brother was never one to back down from a challenge. “You wanted to go to Haru’s party, yeah? I can handle a couple of chores.”
The raucous laughter that followed as her brother put his hands on his hips made Kyoko want to cry. She knew he meant well, but that’s what made it so sad. She handed him a small sheet of paper.
“I wrote out directions. Please don’t hurt yourself.” As Kyoko shut the door, worrying silently about their parents’ insurance coverage, Ryohei felt cold pressing into the back of his shirt. Everything was still as the weight of the gun tilted forward.
“Don’t move, soldier.”
Ryohei’s eyes widened as he turned “Master!?”
“Don’t turn, soldier!” The arcobaleno’s voice sounded sharply, “Listen up. You have four hours today to do what takes most women a lifetime to perfect.”
“You mean chores?” Ryohei furrowed his eyebrows, “But chores aren’t extreme.”
“Wrong!” Colonello lowered the gun and allowed Ryohei to turn around, revealing that what he was holding wasn’t really his usual military weapon at all, but the end of a broom, still extended towards him. “Now show me how you sweep.”
Ryohei took the broom handle, not really sure what his master had in mind. However, the power of holding a broom in your hand is something that not many men have experienced, and he savored the grip of his palm to the wood as he thrust it to the floor.
In a flurry of dust and papers that were swept up from the surrounding desks and tables, Ryoehi swung his broom around like a hurricane. All surfaces bowed in submission, and the carpet ran away into a corner as Ryoehi circled back to his starting place. The room in a cloud of dust, he grinned back at Colonello.
“Ah, you were right. Chores are extre--- OW!” The bump on his head throbbed where his master had struck him.
“Disgraceful. And you call yourself a man.”
Ryohei surveyed the mess, and agreed it was indeed disgraceful, but he couldn’t think how else to do it. If he made it any less extreme, he wasn’t sure he would be able to get it done in time. Besides, it looked better than last time.
“Let’s try vacuuming, soldier.” Colonello pointed to the machine. “Slower this time.”
Vacuuming was slightly easier. Because the machine was already pretty extreme all by itself, Ryohei didn’t feel much need to compensate. A couple times he vacuumed up something he wasn’t supposed to, but he always fished it out, and every once and awhile Colonello would nod approvingly. When he’d finally shut off the noise, he was handed a plunger.
“You’ve graduated to the toilet.” Colonello pronounced proudly.
“Master, I don’t deserve this.” Plunger in hand, Ryohei felt like Hermes receiving the winged sandals of the Gods. With this, he would go forth and save the household from the filth and grime of stagnant toilet water and subsequent staining!
Truly, this was a task that was handed down to him for a reason, Ryohei thought as he worked. Boxing was certainly an extreme sport, and most boxers he knew would pale at the sight of this muck. In the ring he often told himself that he was invincible, and no man could get him down. He adopted a new mantra, now: “No gloves, no mercy, NO SURRENDER.”
“I NEVER KNEW WOMEN WERE SO EXTREME!” One foot on the toilet seat, Ryohei raised his plunger like a sword of victory to the skies. The nod that came back from his teacher was coupled with a smile.
“That’s right, soldier. It takes a man’s courage to look a dirty toilet in the eye and tell it who’s boss.”
As Ryohei ripped off his shirt in a fit of anger and adrenaline, he moved onto the bedroom like a bare-chested Spartan on an unarmed Persian, tearing it apart with his spear-like duster and his unbridled rage.
At the end of it all, Ryohei collapsed on the ground in a mountain of dust, and fell promptly asleep. Through the growling snores, Colonello stood over his student with a proud smile on his face.
“And now, I have nothing left to teach you.”
As the Arcobaleno turned to walk out the door, he cocked his gun over his shoulder. The light from the doorframe shone over him like a beacon of glory and manliness. Today Ryohei had conquered one of his greater hurdles: the mundane. Once even the most daily of activities became extreme, it was only a matter of time. Through his mastery of the extreme, Ryohei would become a truly fearsome opponent.