History--
In a paraphrase, fun version! \o/
THE ABRIDGED PARAPHRASE VERSION :
I typed this up for easy reference.
Romans invaded Scotland cause they think they’re something (43 A.D)
Romans gave up too easily; Scotland, or Alba at the time, didn’t like them.
Huge freakin’ wall - it got built to keep peeps on their rightful sides.
Some traveling dude converted a dying Pict king guy Jesus was awesome and everyone was all: Jesus is pretty chill. A religion was born.. (early 500’s)
Awesome Gael guy appeared and was like: Pictish stuff sucks. Here’s some Gaelic, homeslices. Everybody here kind of speaks it anyway.
Royal ugly dudes died. This happened a lot.
Scottish people were all: Who the crap is our heir and got passed around like a sack of potatoes for awhile.
The first of many Margarets thought she was pretty gangster and taught Scotland English which was pretty much do not want, leave us alone. (1124)
Then Norway thought he was boss and tried to take some of Scotland’s Western Islands but were kind of like screw it in the end. (Battle of Largs, 1263)
Scotland and France got gay for each other just to irritate England. (Auld Alliance, 1295)
England was on his period and invaded Scotland. (1296, aka the battle that is shown in the movie Braveheart)
William Wallace was all: SMD. And kicked some English ass. (Battle of Stirling Bridge, 1297)
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM.
Then he got executed.
Scottish Independence obtained after England was being a jerk!
Catholicism = not in style anymore at this point, man. People were getting burned.
Mary was getting marriage raped, (Rough Wooing), she ran to France at age five and chilled out there for her life, then her French mommy died.
Auld Alliance ended, and the Treaty of Edinburgh replaced this.
France took his troops out of Scotland since the alliance exploded, and with that took his Catholic influence too. (1550)
Scotland and England brofisted for Protestant religion, but then squabbled over Puritan vs. Angelican beliefs. (Bishops War, 1631) Ireland tried to get dragged into it by England, and meanwhile Wales is just kind of sittin’ back all ‘laxed and drinking his tea and watching them all have a riot. He was probably facepalming.
Republican Commonwealth = Scotland being England’s bitch.
Early 1700’s = Act of Union with England.
Scotland rode around on a few horses behind England, partying hard with a Seven Years War victory.
Got a bit more civilized and closer to England at this point.
Helped England in WWI and WWII and got bombed by Germany.
Got pissed at America showing off and shooting missiles in his waters from Cold War stuff.
Margaret Thatcher = skank that messed with Scotland’s suffering economy and became his hated historical figure.
1997 = Little, insignificant Scottish Parliament achieved! But b’aww, Tories are being forced on him to rule and he doesn’t like this and it’s freaking him out since it’s borderline dictatorship to him.
THE DETAILED VERSION:
I got my sources from various places. If something important is terribly wrong, please inform me via PM!
Okay, so. There were some dudes that hung around Scotland soon after the Ice Age. They were all chill there for awhile with their rocks to play with and stuff, until-Roman Empire!
Recorded history starts at 43 A.D when the Roman Empire invaded the Great Britain (which is made up of England, Wales and Scotland). The Romans kind of inhabited England, Wales and the Scottish Lowlands with their Britannia govern, but had left the section up north alone - that part is known as Caledonia. The fierce Caledonians were kind of like, “No way, bro” when the Romans invaded, and epic fighting ensued. Eventually, the Roman were kind of like: Hey man. The rest of Scotland isn’t worth it, and kind of left them alone, and built this cool wall. From then, they all kind of chilled there on their own as England developed a bit more. The people who lived there at the time were called Picts, and they were pretty ‘laxed, but fierce.
In the early 500’s, a Pictish king named Bridei was converted to Christianity, and this is the basis of Barclay’s soon to grow religion.
Scotland was really was established when a Gael named Cináed mac Ailpín conquered the Picts, but really, Alba is a creation of Constantine II. People were all like: Hooray for Gaelic over Pictish stuff! Mainly because Irish people were moving rapidly to Scotland and they already spoke Gaelic. How all of this really happened is unknown, but whatever works, bro.
In 1066, the Kind of Scotland, Máel Coluim married William the Conquerer’s (who came from Normandy) sister, Margaret. Through this, Scotland was becoming more civilized, and English was being taught. This is the basis for Barclay learning English through these people.
Several years a handful of royal, ugly, dead dudes later, Scotland was soon getting handed around here and there and getting fleshed out with all sorts of ordeals involving historical figures as it was up in the air with who should be taking the throne and when. So they were like: Okay man, you get a few years, I get a few years, and the heir was passed around.
A pretty confusing time, fo’sho’.
Eventually, Margaret’s fourth son, David I took the throne in 1124. Norman influences was totally happenin’ here and this pleased David I greatly.
In 1263, Norway came out of nowhere and was all like up in Scotland’s grill and was kind of like: Hey man. Gimmie some of yo’ Western islands.
And Scotland was like: Fuck no. Suck my balls.
And they had the Battle of Largs. It ended with a treaty and Norway was just kind of like: Oh well, whatever, man. And they left the Western isles alone.
And that is the insignificant interactions with Scotland and Norway.
After this, some other royal guys died and stuff happened.
OKAY.
So, Scotland and France developed this rad bromance called the Auld Alliance in 1295 in which to where they kind of like teamed up against England. England would be all: Hey guys, I’m going to invade Scotland today, and France was like: No way bro.
And France would sneak up and totally smack England upside the head.
And vice versa.
This alliance ended 1560 reluctantly with the Treaty of Edinburgh which basically had to do with Catholic France influencing Protestant Scotland. Scotland pursued an Anglo-Scottish alliance because they both were Protestant. Characterizing here, Barclay very much misses his alliance with Francis, and had a do not want attitude towards joining with Arthur who hauled his butt around for awhile.
Getting back on track, here’s where Braveheart comes in!
England, totally ticked off with this faggotry of the Auld Alliance game, thought he could be pretty cool and invade Scotland.
In 1296 Edward I of England invaded Scotland, deposing King John. William Wallace was kind of like: Dude, bro. Not cool. I’m sick if your crap. We’re gonna rebel against the Englishmen and kick them out.
At the same time, some other dude named Robert the Bruce was also like: Dude, bro. Not cool. I’m sick of your crap. We’re going to /vote/ you out, and it was a pretty tough time for Barclay here.
William Wallace lead a bunch of PMSing Scots against the English army in order to gain independence from their rule. They had an epically awesome battle, the Battle of Stirling Bridge, with a Scottish victory. Aw yeah. They rocked hard with party hats and stuff until William Wallace was captured and put to death and it was sad times. Barclay looked up to William, and even to this day he doesn’t like to talk about his death.
It didn’t stop there-this War of Independence went on until 1328 when England was like: You know what, kay whatever thanks bye.
And signed Treaty of Northampton. Barclay was pretty much all hooray at that point until..
England was a douche as usual and was all: PSYCHE.
And invaded again.
Then he was like: Okay, you know what. Just kidding. I’m bored and France is being a brat and starting the Hundred Years War.
So then Scotland was all: Yay and stuff! \o/
And got his independence.
The time of the Stuarts happened around 1371 with Robert II at the throne, which was a chilled time for Scotland. He also was like: Hey Denmark. Gimmie some of yo’ islands, and ended up with them. Then, in 1512, France got in Scotland’s pants in order to sway him to invade England. Scotland invaded England with France’s interest, but lost a lot of troops here, and even his King. Smooth going there, Scottie.
More royal marriages later, Mary, Queen of the Scots and daughter of a French woman, finally got the heir of Scotland. Something kind of like marriage rape occurred when Henry VIII of England's military attempt to force a marriage between Mary and his son, Edward. Mary, at age five was kind of like: Screw you guys, I’m running to France.
Later, at the climax of the Rough Wooing, the English were finally like: Oh right. Mary isn’t even here.
And the French military in Scotland that were helping with resistance were kind of like: You guys are lame and gtfo of Scotland.
Eventually, Mary was put to death by her rival, Elizabeth I, because Mary was plotting to assassinate Elizabeth .
So in 1550, the English troops went back home, and Barclay enjoyed a bit of peace.
Though, tragically, after Mary’s French mother died, the Auld Alliance faded as mentioned, and French troops were sent out of Scotland.
Without France’s influence, the Scottish Reformation broke out and abolished most of the Roman Catholic religion.
So then the Scots were all like: Hooray for Protestant Puritan beliefs!
And England was like: Wtf, Anglican for the win!
And Scotland was all: Screw you! Let’s have a fight. And this was the Bishop’s War. England tried to be all awesome and get Ireland on his side to gang up on Scotland, but this just sort of ended with everybody having a riot.
Meanwhile, Wales is just kind of ‘laxing on the sidelines with his tea and watching them fight.
Then England got distracted by his Civil War, and eventually a guy named Cromwell pwned Charles and made England a Republican Commonwealth, and more epic invading of Scotland took place. Scotland became England’s bitch for awhile until Charles II got restored and Scotland became independent again, only with strict rights on trading from England. Not cool, man.
Eventually in 1700, people were schizoing out because the royal line was coming to an end. Anne, the princess at the time, couldn’t have kids, and Scottish law was preventing anybody Catholic taking the throne. The English wanted this chick named Sophia of Hanover, and the Scottish people didn’t. So England gets this genius idea of merging their laws together to fix the problem. Scotland was like: Kiss my arse if you do that, but it happened anyway with The Act of Union. There were these Scottish guys named the Jacobites, and they flipped a table over this and attempted to get the throne again, but with no avail.
In 1745, England was being a jerk here and destroying the Clan system. Many Scots fled to America and Canada to live.
Other than that, Scotland assisted England in numerous of battles now, including a huge victory behind England in the Seven Years War. Though, he still held bitterness towards his brother. He was becoming a bit more civilized through England, and it was something he could ”deal with”, gradually getting closer to England in many ways.
Through WWI and WWII, Scotland stuck with England during these battles, even when he got the snot bombed out of him by Germany.
Though after WWII, he pretty much ended up broke, and got in a little scuffle with America as he was dealing with his Cold War crap since America was trying to be the bees knees and actually sent ballistic missiles and submarines into Scotland’s waters. Really, he just didn’t want to deal with him right now, so this pissed him off greatly.
Then enter Margaret Thatcher in the 1980's! This chick is seriously hated by Scotland and he’ll dance on her grave when she dies. Why? Well, she mainly messed with his economy which was in the crapper as it was when he really didn’t need that
.
Now we’re in more recent times-welcome to 1997! This is when something kind of cool happened. Scotland got his own parliament after years and years of not having a say in anything. Even if it is a sucky parliament, the Scots are just content with it after all the crap they’ve been through.
As of now, the 2010 elections, the Tories are in rule, and Scotland is flipping tables over it because he was forced upon and, and it’s something he is really against.
So that’s where we find Barclay today. With a history like that, no wonder you seem so irritated half the time. Hopefully things will look better for him in the future.
In a nutshell: England’s a jerk.
I hope I got all the important parts in here. He's got a lot, lot, lot of history, so I just added what I thought would be relevant here.