Devil on a Harley (2018) - Chapter 5
"Not Ready"
As for most evenings, Sooyoung was in her usual domain, lounging on the couch in front of the TV, a bag of chips in hand, when Jessica came home from work.
"Thought you might like this," quipped Jessica, dropping a magazine into Sooyoung's lap. "Fresh from the printer's. It's not even out on the newsstands yet."
Her roommate picked it up, gleefully gloating over the glossy magazine cover.
"Oh wow...it's Yoona!" Sooyoung exclaimed, flipping through the pages like an excited kid with a new toy. "She's an angel. I love her. Could you get me her autograph the next time?"
Jessica rolled her eyes and snorted. "I can't believe you're behaving like a fangirl."
"But I AM a fangirl. And you're mean for not bringing me on that shoot." Sooyoung pouted. "So, what's she like?"
"Tall, skinny, great skin that doesn't even need photoshop, very pretty...." At this juncture, Jessica's words trailed off. Heartless, she wanted to add, but didn't.
For the umpteenth time, Kwon Yuri came to mind.
Jessica had not seen her since Jeju. Out of sight, out of mind just didn't hold true. For Jessica, more like absence causing the heart to grow fonder.
She wondered if Yuri's heart was on the mend, and she so longed to see her again.
I did say I would help her get over Yoona, didn't I?
But how was Jessica to help when she wasn't even sure when they would be meeting again?
*
Jessica was quiet all through dinner, lost in her own thoughts.
"Jessica, oh Jessicaaa..." Sooyoung cooed. "Sweetheart, you don't want to be putting your fork into that."
"Putting my fork where?"
"My cucumber salad."
"Yuck." The blonde dropped her fork in fright, jumping out of her chair, gagging. "Stinky cucumber."
"Will you just stop?" Taking the offensive dish away, Sooyoung then pushed her roommate firmly down onto her chair again. "Cucumbers do not stink. They taste great and are beneficial to health. What's wrong with you? I hurled an insult at you just now and you didn't even retaliate. That's so not like you." Saying so, Sooyoung continued to dig into her dinner with great relish.
"You insult me only about a hundred times a day. I got immune, I guess."
Sooyoung stopped eating. She looked hard at Jessica. "Is it about that photographer? The one you're going crooked for?" The glum look on her best friend's face confirmed Soooyoung's suspicion. "Girl, you can't let things fester like this. Either you completely wipe her out of that fat head of yours or you go all out and snag her. Do something. It depresses me, seeing you mope. You're ruining my appetite...sheesh."
"Easier said than done. You don't even like the thought that I might be gay, so, should you even be telling me to go 'snag' her?"
"Honestly, do you like this what's-her-face or not?" Not getting any response from Jessica, Sooyoung continued, "I take silence to mean consent. So, why the heck does what I think about you being gay matter so much? You really don't have to give a flying fuck about what I think or what anyone else might think, for that matter. Follow your heart. For once, let it rule your head. Just for one goddamn minute, shove practical, level-headed Jessica aside and unleash the new, free-spirited and gay Jessica. You'll be a happier person, trust me."
"But I'm not even sure if she likes me 'cause I know she's still hurting over a relationship that ended aeons ago."
Sooyoung sighed. "For someone who's always been so smart and sure of herself, you're actually quite clueless."
"Say what?"
"Use your feminine wiles or something. Like, there must be ways, even if you have to resort to devious means of finding out."
"What devious means are you even talking about? I have my pride, you know."
"Ugh, don't you have a single, scheming bone in you?" Sooyoung groaned. "Just how much is your pride worth? Zilch, I'd say."
"Thanks a fat lot."
"No, seriously. There's no place for pride. Ditch your freakin' useless dignity, find a way to get close to her and go in for the kill."
"But I haven't the slightest notion on how to get close to her."
"Didn't I say you were clueless? Okay, see? There is this contraption..." Sooyoung held up her handphone, "...the greatest invention of the previous century. It is called a CELL PHONE. You take it, you tap her number on this keypad here, and when she picks up on the other end, you ask her out. It's that simple." Sooyoung then thrust her mobile in Jessica's face, urging, "Go on, call what's-her-face."
"What's-her-face has a name. It's Kwon Yuri." Exasperated, Jessica pushed the phone away.
"So now I know. Call KWON YURI before you wilt and die of unrequited love."
"Swell, then you can deliver the eulogy at my funeral."
"Nuh-uh. I'm not coming to your funeral. I hate funerals."
"Choi Sooyoung, you belong in a padded cell. If I sit here and listen further to your shit, chances are I'll end up in one, too."
Dismissing Sooyoung's good intentions, Jessica knew there was a hurdle she had to cross.
That of accepting her sexual orientation for what it really was.
*
In her office the next day, Jessica stared at her phone, Sooyoung's words from the previous day ringing incessantly in her head.
Should I call her or not? But what do I say? Hi, I think about you only about a million times a day. Oh, man...can I possibly get any cheesier? God...someone...anyone...please shoot me and put me out of my fucking misery.
Just when she was still debating on whether to call or not, Taeyeon came in announcing that she would be meeting Yuri for dinner that evening to discuss with her the possibility of a long-term collaboration between the magazine and Fotowerkz.
"I'd like you to come along if you haven't already made prior plans for the evening?" Taeyeon said.
Jessica's heart soared. "Oh, why not. Free food, yay."
Someone up there must've heard me.
*
At 7pm, Yuri strode into the restaurant, clad in black jeans tucked into boots and a crisp, white, linen shirt-its translucency offering unabashed sightings of a black bra.
Jessica's heart skipped, missing several beats.
Be still, heart.
Taeyeon leaned over, whispering to her sidekick, "If I were a man, I'd date her in a heartbeat. She's drop-dead gorgeous."
Red wine was served over dinner while they talked shop, with Taeyeon doing most of the talking.
Jessica's good-natured boss would occasionally tell some of her corny jokes to lighten up an otherwise monotonous business dinner. Jessica, for the most part, remained silent, speaking only when necessary.
Remembering Jeju, she watched with much anxiety when her boss offered to top up Yuri's glass with more wine, and heaved a silent sigh of relief when the photographer politely rejected the offer.
Dinner ended with handshakes all around and everyone saying the politically correct stuff like 'thank you for the opportunity', 'how nice it is to be able to work with you', 'let's work well together', the likes.
Taeyeon left in a cab, leaving Yuri and Jessica standing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant.
"Wanna go get a coffee somewhere?" Jessica suggested.
"If you don't mind giving me a ride home, I'll make you coffee." Yuri winked, flashing the blonde her trademark lopsided smile.
Stop smiling at me like that, you tanned devil....I'm going weak in the knees and it's not due to osteoporosis....I'm melting, and I'm blaming you for the meltdown.
Jessica was suddenly nervous about the prospect of having a nightcap with Yuri.
The 30-minute drive to the photographer's place soon became the longest drive of her entire life.
*
Yuri's living quarters was above the studio, accessible by a flight of stairs behind the building
"Welcome to my humble abode," Yuri said. "Maybe you'd like to sit outside where it's cool? I'll be with you in a bit."
Letting herself out onto the balcony, Jessica took in the surroundings.
In one corner, there was a mini rock garden in the middle of which stood a water feature in the shape of a dolhareubang which had water spurting out of its mouth. The gurgling sound of flowing water gave Jessica a soothing, tranquil, zen-like feel. Potted plants were arranged neatly along the wrought iron railings and the light summer evening breeze brought with it a faint fragance of Gardenias.
Yuri came out with the coffee and they settled down on lounge chairs.
Jessica took a sip of the aromatic brew, then made a face when her taste buds recognised the overpowering taste of liquor-whiskey, to be specific.
"Irish coffee?" she asked, after another sip.
"Yes, whiskey to help you relax," Yuri said. "I noticed you were kind of stiff all through dinner."
"Just how much did you add?"
"Not much, just half a bottle." Yuri laughed when she saw the dismay on Jessica's face. "I'm kidding. Just a jigger. Cross my heart. I know you're driving."
"For a minute there I thought you were trying to get me drunk in an act of vengeance for what happened in Jeju."
An awkward silence ensued as both remembered that night. Jessica could kick herself for bringing up the subject.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked, not able to contain herself any longer, hence, breaking the silence. "It's been on my mind and I might as well get it off my chest."
"Let me guess-you want to ask if I'm out of Yoona-mode?" Yuri said, as if reading Jessica's mind.
"You know, I've been feeling pretty rotten because I persuaded you to take the project. I did say I'd help you get over her but-"
"Nah, not your fault. But of late, I've been doing a lot of soulsearching. Am I still in love with her? I dunno...don't you find this all rather confusing?" Yuri gave her guest an enquiring look.
Jessica shook her head. "I'm all ears."
"A large part of me says I'm over her, but a tiny bit of me still lets her occupy a spot in my heart. After all, Yoona was my first love and we were in a relationship for the longest time. There'll always be bittersweet memories of times spent together that you can't erase all at once. But I'm trying my damnedest."
"Let go, Yuri. Why hold on to a past that's causing you to hurt? She's obviously doing fine, and has moved on. You don't hang on to someone who doesn't love you anymore." Jessica persuaded in a gentle tone of voice. "You need to look forward."
"Tell me something I don't already know. Anyway, she disclosed that there's a man in her life at the moment and that they're announcing their engagement soon."
"Was that why you were so upset the other night?"
"I guess. I mean, I should be happy for her and all, but..." Yuri paused, as if wondering whether to go on.
"Hey, I'm listening," Jessica said, still in that gentle tone.
"What got me upset me was that she wasn't keen to be seen with me-not even for old times' sake- because she was afraid the paparazzi might be lurking around. Apparently, there are rumours circulating that she used to be gay. When I said those aren't rumours, she went ballistic."
"Just like you to go rub it in."
"She didn't want her current squeeze to know about me...about us. I just don't understand-"
"Yuri, which part of Yoona not wanting her man to know about you do you not understand?" Jessica interjected. "She's obviously not proud that she used to be in a gay relationship. Just accept that she has her own reasons for being the way she is. Don't dwell on it. You deserve better...really."
"I do, don't I?"
"Of course, you do. There'll be someone else ...better." Jessica hinted. And you're right this minute looking at her.
Setting down her coffee mug, Yuri leaned in closer to the blonde, a solemn look about her.
"What if I tell you I believe I've already found that someone better?" she whispered, her gaze fixated at Jessica in a manner that her guest found unnerving. "What if I tell you I'm looking at that someone better right this very minute? What if I tell you that I'm really dying to kiss that someone right now?"
Heat generating through her entire being, Jessica's face had turned a shade of crimson.
She stood up in a huff. "Looks like you added more than just a jigger of whiskey to your coffee. You're drunk."
Catching hold of Jessica's arm, Yuri yanked her down, an action which landed the blonde on her lap.
Arms wrapped possesively around her waist, trapping her, Jessica felt her heart pounding wildly, realising her face was only mere centimeters from Yuri's.
How did things escalate this fast?
She was only there for coffee, after all.
"Look, if you're on the rebound, I'm not a substitute for Im Yoona," Jessica said, when she found her voice again.
"You're not, and I'm not drunk. Neither am I on any fucking rebound. I clearly see Jessica Jung before me. Can I kiss you now?"
Not waiting for Jessica's approval, Yuri leaned in, claiming the blonde's lips with her own.
Jessica likened the experience to drowning in a whirlpool, or falling into some bottomless pit, an abyss, as she was consumed-overwhelmed-by both passion and fear. Voluntarily, she opened her mouth when she felt Yuri's lips urgently pressing against hers, tongue desperately seeking to meet hers.
That sensation of tongue on tongue...it feels so good. But why does it also feel so wrong?
Moral issues resurfacing, Jessica forced an attempt to focus her thoughts on the present moment, kissing the photographer back with just as much urgency.
Soon, those soft lips left Jessica's, traversing up her jawline to the soft spot just under her ear, nuzzling her there, while a button on her shirt was expertly being undone.
Then another button. And yet another.
When she felt Yuri's hand worming its way under her shirt, warm against her skin, the issues that had just moments earlier occupied her thoughts finally exploded. Jessica caught that roving hand, stopping it from exploring further.
She pulled away and got off Yuri's lap.
"S-Sorry, I pass...I - I can't do this..." she stammered, doing up her buttons with somewhat shaky hands.
Biting her lower lip, Yuri stood up, her gaze lowered to the floor. "I shouldn't have... when you're so not ready. Sorry... I got carried away."
"It really isn't you. It's me. I have to go."
Yuri walked Jessica to her car. Opening the door for her, she apologised again, "Hey, I'm really sorry, okay? Fuck, I feel like shit."
Jessica pressed a finger to the photographer's lips. "No, it's just me. I have, like, all these weird qualms."
"Listen, I reiterate that I'm not using you as a substitute for Yoona. I believe I've fallen for you. In fact, I've been attracted to you from Day One, if you recall our near-accident?"
It didn't take much for Jessica's head to process that all-important revelation.
Oh God, this is surreal. She's fallen for me? Really?
She stroked Yuri's cheek gently with the back of her hand.
"I have a confession to make, too. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind ever since our first encounter when I thought that you were this annoyingly cocky, girly-looking dude. When I found out that you're actually a girl the second time we met, all the more I fancied you, which was strangely confusing, and at the same time scary. I mean, it's all relatively new to me, you know, same sex relationships? This is a first for me-unprecedented-and I'm kind of overwhelmed by everything. Give me a little time, huh? Meanwhile, you straighten out your thoughts, too. We'll work something out, okay?"
Brightening up, Yuri smiled and nodded. "Yeah, sure."
Jessica gave her another reassuring pat on the face before getting into her car and driving off.
*tbc
Footnote:
*dolharuebang ( 돌하르방) - "grandfather" stone-carved figure you find on Jeju; Jeju's mascot, phallic in shape, symbolizes fertility.