Coming Back to Love - Part 4 of 5
A/N: I'm sorry that this has gotten a little longer than originally intended. I figured if I were to end it with 4 parts, it would seem kind of rushed. This one's kind of long but I hope that doesn't put you guys off.
" Raise the white flag, Head. "
Having helped put Yuri to bed, Taeyeon took her leave to report for her night shift at the radio station where she worked as a DJ, while Sooyoung stayed on for a bit to have a quiet tête-à-tête with Jessica, over cups of green tea.
"Thanks again for the baby's gifts," began Jessica, pouring out tea for Sooyoung. "It was sweet and thoughtful of you guys."
"Aaahh, that was entirely Yuri's idea. Taeng and I just went along with it. No, we didn't. We were dragged into it, actually, " Sooyoung drawled, her eyes narrowing as she recalled with disdain how Yuri had pressed her for payment earlier on, like some loan shark hassling a debtor.
"So, how's she been?" Jessica was beside herself with curiousity to know how life had been for Yuri the two years they were separated as it did seem likely to her that perhaps Yuri hadn't been all there.
"You have no idea what it's been like for her, "Sooyoung said, sighing, while counting with her fingers. "Martial arts, yoga, muay thai, Chinese calligraphy, English lessons, some car maintenance course, capoeira, and of course, her gym workouts - you name it, she's done it. "
"Sounds like she's been pretty busy," Jessica remarked, her brows furrowed.
"Yeah, she's been busy alright," Sooyoung deadpanned, shaking her head. "Busy being in denial, that is."
"I don't get you?" Jessica stared blankly at Sooyoung.
"Chrissakes. Can't you tell? That blockhead's SO not over you!" Sooyoung blurted, rolling her eyes. "Sneak a peek at her phone. YOU, Jessica Jung, are still speed dial No.1. Didn't you hear why she doesn't sleep in that room anymore? And then Tiffany? That redhead she dated very briefly on a half-hearted whim who was supposed to be some kind of rebound? Heck, she couldn't even go through with it! Speaks volumes, doesn't it? If I were you, I'd get off my ass and start working on picking up the pieces again. It's probably not something BaboYul would effusively show, since you know she's never been excessively demonstrative with her feelings, but Jessica, that girl needs you. B.A.D."
*
Seeing as how Yuri was dead to the world, Jessica clambered onto the sofa-bed, taking advantage of her ex's drunken state to lie down next to her for a while, if only to listen to her heavy breathing while observing the rythmic rise and fall of her chest. She absorbed, like a sponge, sopping up every single detail of Yuri's alcohol-flushed face - from the tiny zit protruding from her forehead, to her dark lashes, to the fine, baby hairs lining the side of her face, and then down to her full, lower lip - that very lip she used to tenderly bite and suck whenever they kissed.
"I'm so sorry....I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? Aishhh. The things you do for me, you dope," Jessica whispered, squirming closer to Yuri, gently dabbing at the dimple in her chin with her index finger; something she used to like doing simply to annoy Yuri; taking delight in seeing her get all shy and flustered. Yuri would then retaliate by grabbing her finger, threatening to bite it." It'll be over my dead body...if I ever let anyone hurt you again."
Had Yuri been awake and sober, she wouldn't have been allowed to get this far, for certain, given their current situation. Indeed, Jessica had never felt more like a knave than now for stealing this moment which she had likened to some cheap, pathetic move on her part.
But beggars can't be choosers...I can't help it if I'm desperate, she mused.
Propped up on an elbow, she would have liked to continue lying there close to Yuri, contented just to gaze at her while she slept, had her baby not chosen that moment to wake up, bawling bloody murder. Reluctantly, she swung her legs off the sofa-bed to get up, but not before leaning over to brush her cheek against Yuri's face, feeling the touch of her skin, soft and warm against her own. As her lips inadvertently grazed the corner of Yuri's mouth, Jessica heard her own heart thumping loudly in her ears, almost drowning the baby's cries.
*
7am, Monday morning, and Kwon Yuri had already left for work much earlier than she was supposed to.
Jessica wondered how someone who had been so drunk the previous night - one who was right this moment very likely to be suffering a massive hangover - could rise so early and then, quietly leave for work without making the slightest of sounds. Jessica hadn't even heard her coming into the room to retrieve her work attire from the closet.
Sauntering into the kitchen, she found some W10,000 bills on the counter together with a hastily-written note in Yuri's barely legible scrawl.
"Our guests ate us out of house and home last night. So, if you have to make yourself useful, then please make a trip to the supermarket and replenish the groceries and whatever else you think we may need. You may also want to stop by the drugstore to get a tube of 100% pure lanolin cream. According to reliable Internet sources, it's supposed to work for nipple trauma due to breastfeeding."
It was knowing that Yuri had noticed, and had been concerned enough to take the bother to search the Internet for a reliable remedy to soothe her irritated nipples, that had touched Jessica. And also, after sitting in on last night's brutal question-and-answer session, devised by a well-meaning Kim Taeyeon, and having had that little conversation with Sooyoung, she had come to a whole new realisation about her ex.
*
After a hurriedly-eaten breakfast, Jessica gathered up the money Yuri had left her, before stepping out of the apartment with her daughter in the baby carrier securely fastened to her chest. There was something of utmost importance and it was imperative that she attended to it first before she went shopping for those household essentials.
*
Turning into a narrow lane, the taxi finally pulled up in front of a large, redbrick house.
"Ahjussi, please wait. I won't take long," Jessica told the taxi driver.
She trotted up the gravel driveway to the house, with dogged determination, hesitating for a moment before ringing the doorbell, somewhat apprehensively. An austere Mrs. Jung came to the door to admit her.
15 minutes later, she emerged again, with a dour look about her. She had just been shown the door by her own parents whose prejudiced views on their daughter's past intimate relationship with a woman had remained unchanged, and who were anything but elated to see their prodigal offspring returning with a child born out of wedlock. Forsooth, they'd even hardheartedly suggested that Jessica gave her baby up for adoption.
"First, you mess around with a woman; going as far as to cohabit with her, causing us much embarrassment. And if that wasn't shameful enough, you then run off to God-knows-where with some man without so much as a word, and now, you have the audacity to come home with an illegitimate child who you say bears our family name? Such insolence! " Her incensed father had roared, one hand raised; his palm would have succeeded in striking her hard on the face if she hadn't managed to dodge it in time.
Jessica Jung walked steadily, and stoically, towards where the taxi was waiting, without so much as turning back to look at the place she had grown up in.
Wait. What's that saying again? Oh, right...a house is not a home.
She was not clairvoyant but she had accurately predicted the outcome of the meeting with her parents to be one NOT in her favour. Fully expecting that they would be angry and resentful, bracing herself, she had gone home, not so much to ask for their forgiveness or for their understanding, but to reiterate her stand, to let them know - that she had already chosen.
Getting into the taxi, she said nonchalantly to her daughter, who surprisingly, had slept right through the entire ordeal, "Well, sweetheart, that's the first and last time you'll be seeing your grandparents. Grandpa and Grandma didn't care about Mommy's happiness then and they still don't. They don't want us, but that's okay. We'll always have each other, right? "
AND Yuri, if she'll have us, she thought, wistfully.
As the taxi moved off, Jessica looked straight ahead, heaving a sigh of relief. The issue with her parents had been on her mind for ages, niggling at her, and she was glad for some closure. It wasn't much but it was closure all the same. She didn't want to waste time fretting and lamenting. All she wanted was to put things back into perspective; leave that regrettable part of her life behind her, and move on. The future held so much more, and that was all that mattered to her.
*
8pm, Monday evening, and Kwon Yuri was pushing herself hard on the elliptical trainer at the gym. Working out on a Monday evening was outside of her normal routine of returning home early to space out in front of the TV, but it didn't look as if there was another alternative. She didn't know where else to go and home was the last place she wanted to be. Or rather, it was knowing that Jessica would be there hounding her, haunting her, breathing down her neck, and then being blissfully oblivious about it all - that she was doing all these things to her and yet be utterly ignorant.
She had woken up at 5.30am with a godawful headache and a horrid aftertaste - all pointing to a dreadful hangover. But what had made her feel worse was the fact that she could actually recall the events of the previous evening. Chugging down shot after shot of soju. Taeyeon being an absolute ass, drilling her, asking a lot of impossible questions. Jessica-related questions which, when sober, she would decline to answer. She remembered, with a shudder, puking her guts out; feeling as if a sledgehammer had dropped on her head and severely damaged her brain so that she couldn't think right; couldn't walk straight; her legs turned into jelly. Then, there had been several pairs of arms all over her, dragging her off to bed. Someone helping her change out of her clothes. Someone bending over her while running a wet towel over her face and neck. Someone with a gentle touch. Who smelt nice, of baby powder and some pleasant-smelling body lotion.....
...God, such a turn on even in my aggravated state of drunkenness....
Feeling like her whole being had been dragged through a mangle, she'd left for the office earlier than usual, with the sole intention of avoiding Jessica. And then after work, hardly in top form, she had sought refuge at the gym. Admittedly, she knew it probably bordered on escapism of sorts, and it had bothered her a great deal. But she couldn't help it - she just couldn't face Jessica.
*
At about the same time on Monday evening that Yuri was sweating it out at the gym, a dejected Jessica sat alone in the kitchen. Expressionless, she stared at the food on the table. She had a perfectly edibleslashpalatable dinner all prepared but no one to share it with. Yuri was late and hadn't even bothered to call.
The Jessica Jung of two years ago would have by now thrown a tantrum and would not have hesitated dumping everything into the trash. But now, two years later, she was a far cry from her former self. She had become subdued, and had mellowed down considerably, which, undoubtedly, could have been attributed to her more-than-eventful two years in America.
She'd only just discovered that she was 6 weeks pregnant when it happened. Long suspecting that her boyfriend was seeing someone else on the side, her suspicion was verified when she had come home from work early one day, only to catch him in their bed with that someone else - in a compromising position, of course.
Things had gone south thenceforth, with Jessica adamantly refusing to breathe a word about her pregnancy to him. There was no need for him to know since they had already decided to go their separate ways. But in all honesty, looking back now, their breakup had been imminent, even if she hadn't caught him redhanded. Perhaps it didn't occur to her that right from the beginning, there had always been a third party involved, and it wasn't that voluptuous woman she saw lewdly bouncing on his appendage. It was ironic, to say the least, for she, Jessica Jung, was just as guilty of infidelity; constantly looming prominently in the forefront of her mind, there had always been that one person she'd left behind in Seoul.
Life in New York hadn't exactly been a bed of roses for a young, foreign woman left to fend for herself after splitting with her boyfriend. Things hadn't been smoothsailing; what with juggling work to pay the rent, putting up with near-unbearable bouts of morning sickness during her pregnancy, and then motherhood, caring for a cranky newborn. Understandably, Jessica had no wish to relive those times again. On the plus side, perhaps the only good that could've come out of the experience was that she had matured, and through the adversities, she had become resilient.
Presently, Jessica had a mish-mash of thoughts running amok through her head, although she appeared calm on the exterior. Undeniably, she was mad at Yuri's inconsideration, but still, there was no reason for her to take it out on perfectly good food; food that she had taken effort to lug all the way home from the supermarket and had then painstakingly prepared and cooked.
She waited till 10pm before methodically packing the food in containers and putting them away neatly into the fridge. She had managed to keep her cool and she thought she deserved a pat on the back for that, but still, there was no denying her disappointment.
She pursed her lips into a thin line.
Well, isn't it just like you to first give me renewed hopes and then the very next minute wrench it all away again? Screw you, Kwon Yuri. Screw you x 1million.
She didn't take it out on the food but she didn't think mentally cursing at the person who had raised her hackles, causing her to be miserable, mattered.
That should be allowed, surely, she consoled herself.
*
The solitary figure in the living room was struggling to stay awake; her eyelids fluttering, the white of her eyes showing, as her brain began to slip into a state of semi-consciousness. The rerun she'd barely been watching had become a massive blur of images on the 42-inch LCD screen. One arm dangling off Yuri's sofa-bed, her grasp on the remote control gradually loosened, and the gadget she'd been holding eventually fell to the floor with a soft thud.
Just as she was about to doze off, footsteps emanating from the corridor outside became louder and more evident as they drew nearer to the apartment, and Jessica's eyes fluttered open in an instant to the sound of the door opening and the sudden realisation that Yuri was home.
"Hey, you're late." Rubbing her eyes, Jessica pulled herself up into a sitting position. "You hungry? I could heat up something for you?"
Hoping that Jessica would've already been sleeping by the time she got home, Yuri's heart sank when she saw otherwise.
It's friggin' late, so why's she still up? Was she waiting for me? Oh God....will she never leave me alone?
"Don't bother. It's past midnight. Why aren't you in bed?" Yuri dropped her gym bag, carelessly, on the floor before sinking heavily into the recliner.
"Uh, I was watching TV?" That was a blatant lie, of course. She had only been staring at the screen.
Yuri was wistfully and yearningly eyeing her bed - the sofa that Jessica was at the moment sitting on, but it would be rude to tell her to get off it. She was exhausted after a long day and all she wanted was to get into that bed and sleep. Besides, her shoulders were aching. She had been overzealous with weight training and suspected that she could have pulled something while working on the overhead press at the gym. Kneading her sore shoulders, she yawned, hoping Jessica would get the hint, and maybe get off her sofa and let her have her bed back.
As if reading her mind, Jessica stood up, asking in a concerned voice, "What's wrong with the shoulders?"
"Nothing."
"C'mere."
"Why?"
"Just bring your butt over here and I'll give you a massage." Jessica patted the sofa she had just vacated, wondering if she had to constantly act authoritative and domineering just to get Yuri where she wanted.
"I - I...don't think that's a good idea." Staying away fom Jessica was already hard enough and to have her actually touching her was a definite no-no, bringing to mind past experiences where Jessica's massages had always led to them progressing to other things.
"Why are you always so..." Stubborn. But Jessica didn't wait to finish her own sentence. Actions spoke louder than words anyway. She got hold of Yuri's wrists and before her dumbfounded ex even knew what was happening, she had already pulled her out of the recliner, and was now pushing her down firmly onto the sofa.
"I really don't think that's a good idea." Yuri made to get up but Jessica pressed her down again.
"Didn't you always say I've got the magic touch? Trust me. I worked in a health spa in New York before I got too pregnant with Christel to work and I've picked up some tips along the way."
This bit of information seemed to have ignited a teeny spark of interest in Yuri who had always wanted to know how Jessica had gotten by in America.
Jessica nimbly climbed up behind her, taking up a kneeling position, and the moment Yuri felt those hands on her shoulders, she froze.
Feeling Yuri's body stiffen as she straightened her back, Jessica hooked her chin over her shoulder, softly coaxing, "Relax. You want to slip off your shirt?"
"Jessica, really, I - I ..." Yuri flinched, feeling Jessica's warm breath tickling her neck, her ample bosom pressed against her back.
Oh God, please get away from me before I...before I....THE HELL...?
Sirens immediately went off in her head when she saw Jessica's arms hanging down over her shoulders; hands hovering about her chest; her dainty fingers working dexterously at unbuttoning her shirt.
"You'll thank me after this, believe me." Jessica was about to ease the shirt off her shoulders when Yuri stopped her.
"Jessica, no. Stop -" She caught hold of Jessica's hands, lifting them over her shoulders and off her in one swift motion. Getting up abruptly, she turned around to face her nemesis, dark eyes flashing, saying much too curtly, "Go to bed. It's late." And then, her keen perception once again catching the hurt reflected in Jessica's expressive eyes, seeing her lips quiver as if she was about to cry....oh fuck, if you cry now I'm done for... her tone softening a tad, she added beseechingly, "Please?"
Not bothering to adjust her shirt, she stormed off towards the bathroom; shirt tails flying.
In the sanctuary of the bathroom, she gripped the edge of the sink - shirt unbuttoned, chest heaving, breath hitching - staring in disgust at her disoriented reflection in the mirror.
Why am I such a dumbfuck? All I ever wanted to do was to love her, not hurt her?
Yuri wasn't sure for how long more her head, currently heavily beseiged by her heart, was going to hold out before waving the white flag.
*
The next morning, there was a yellow post-it stuck on the bathroom mirror.
It was 5.30am and Yuri had slept badly; having tossed, turned, and shifted about the entire night.
Grudgingly, she tore the post-it off the mirror, bringing it closer to her sleep-deprived eyes for a better read.
"Auntie Yuri, my Mommy says to please stop avoiding her. Please do not go to the gym again tonight or she'll personally go down there and drag your ass home. She'll create a scene so big, they'll ban you for life. Even if they don't, you'll be too embarrassed to ever go there again. Kindly be home for dinner by 7pm. Have a nice day. I love you. Hugs and kisses, Christel."
Yeah, right. Your kid's a freakin' genius. Nice try, Christel's Mommy.
Kwon Yuri almost went ballistic when she found her gym bag and trainers missing, and only then did she realise that Jessica Jung meant serious business.
*
At 7pm, Yuri dutifully, albeit sulkily, presented herself at the kitchen table. However, she still remembered her manners enough to grunt her thanks when Jessica handed her a bowl of rice.
It had pained Jessica to have to resort to threatening Yuri, but she was at her wits' end. Her skin seemed to have grown several layers to rival that of a rhino's, which was probably not a bad thing, considering her predicament. After the brusque treatment Yuri had dealt her the previous night, her pride and self-esteem had never been as questionably low as now; almost hitting rock bottom, in fact. She was still smarting from the rebuff and had been on the verge of tears, but she'd calmly told herself to pull her act together if she wanted this bad enough.
It totally cramps my style but thick-skinned is the only way to be.
She had asked for Sooyoung's advice on how to break down that seemingly prickly and impenetrable front Yuri was so obstinately hiding behind.
Sooyoung had simply replied with a shrug of her shoulders, "You just stick yourself in her face every so often; no other way. Be relentless. If you want this bad enough, you won't let pride get in the way. I mean, just how much is your pride worth, really?"
Jessica had answered, sighing, "At this point of time, NOT a lot." In fact, zilch, nada.
Her reluctant dinner companion was quietly shovelling rice into her mouth, trying to appear unfazed, very much aware that a pair of eyes was boring into her.
Jessica cleared her throat, sticking her chin in the air. "I think you owe me an apology...for being mean to me last night."
Yuri stuffed a cube of kkakdugi into her mouth, ignoring her.
"I was so hurt. I cried...well, almost."
Munch. Crunch. Swallow. Not a peep out of Yuri.
"It's not like I was going to molest you or anything." She might as well have been talking to a brick wall but yet she persisted. "All I wanted was to give you a massage."
Still no response. The heartbreaker picked up a sliver of kimchi with her fingers and stuffed it into her mouth, feigning disinterest, licking her fingers.
Why you ...you...
Jessica was exasperatedly thinking of a whole slew of names to call her unresponsive ex when she caught sight of Yuri's cell phone lying on the table. Her eyes gleaming with excitement, she reached out her hand, grabbing the contraption, eager to verify what Sooyoung had said.
" Hey! " Indignant at being caught off guard, Yuri made a desperate grab for her phone but Jessica was too fast for her.
After deftly poking about at the touch screen and peering intently at what was being displayed, her curiosity completely satisfied, she waved the phone in Yuri's face, asking innocently, "So, uhm, Loverguurrl, who's this 'My Love Jessica' you have as speed dial No.1?"
"Listen! Your baby's crying! " A red-faced Yuri tried to divert Jessica's attention, embarrassed at being caught; leaning across, making a disconcerted effort at getting her phone back.
"I'm 26, not 86. My hearing is perfect." Jessica scoffed, dodging her, holding the phone high above her head, taking another look at the screen, delight written all over her face. "I must still mean something to you, don't I? "
Yuri had heard enough. Pushing her chair back noisily, she stood up, glowering. "Think whatever you like." She stretched out her hand, indicating that she wanted her phone back. Jessica grudgingly gave it back to her, slapping it into her open palm.
Watching her ex stalk off, Jessica called after her, "Well, the least you can do is thank me for the lovely dinner, you ingrate!"
"Thank you, Christel's Mom, for the lovely dinner which, in my opinion, was only so-so." Yuri obliged without bothering to turn around.
Did she just take a dig at me? Oh well, that's a start at least. And whaddyou know? I'm still HER LOVE... I'm still at No.1!
*
It was the height of summer, and neither of them found it easy falling asleep; each for different reasons, of course.
Flipping and changing positions for a good part of the night, aiming to find that one ideal position that will foster the rest she so desperately needed, Kwon Yuri was quite clearly having difficulty falling asleep. It wasn't just the warm weather that was causing her insomnia; the incident with her phone over dinner earlier had largely contributed to it as well. In brief, she was bitter because her cover had just been blown by the very same person she had put up that cover to hide her feelings from in the first place. She could've kicked herself for keeping Jessica Jung as No.1 on her phone's speed dial, cringing in embarrassment at the cheesiness, although they definitely didn't think it was cheesy back then.
My Love Jessica...Ugh... how am I ever going to live this down?
She turned her body sideways, burrowed her head under her pillow, tucked her hands between her thighs, squeezed her eyes shut, and started counting babies, willing herself to sleep.
*
Jessica Jung, on the other hand, was far from being bitter. If anything, she was bursting with a new found joy that could only be described as sweet. She could hardly contain herself, the way she was smiling into her pillow, never mind that she was suffering from insomnia, which in all honesty, was a rare occurrence anyway. She didn't think that all it took to get her smiling again was something as cheesy as seeing her name still occupying top position in Yuri's phone, although she no longer was contactable at that number.
When her baby woke up crying, she glanced briefly at the clock on the nightstand, sighing as she got out of bed. It was time to feed her yet again.
"Sorry, princess. You go on the bottle tonight. Mommy's really sore there. I hardly think lanolin-laced titties will taste very nice, " she whispered apologetically to her child, as they made their way to the kitchen together to warm up some expressed breastmilk from the fridge.
*
The bright fluorescent light from the kitchen spilled over into the darkened living area, illuminating it just a tad. Padding out with her baby, Jessica could just about make out Yuri's sleeping form on the sofa-bed at the far, dark corner.
"Shall we go look at Auntie Yuri? She's so pretty even when she's asleep. You like her, don't you?" she said in hushed tones to Christel, who was sucking at her bottle of nutrition, à la Mommy's Special Brew.
Jessica carefully sat down on the recliner, while still feeding her daughter, peering over at a sleeping Yuri who had her back to her.
Then, she thought she heard something amidst the quiet and still of the night. Little whimpering noises...soft moans. Something that sounded unmistakably familiar and which she had not heard in a while. Sounds of an intimate - orgasmic? - nature. Her vision now attuned to the dark, she detected some suspicious, if not awkward and sporadic, movements in Yuri's limbs; her eyes widening in shocked amusement when she saw where Yuri's hand was positioned - it was stuffed down the front of her boxers, in between her legs. Apparently, there seemed to be quite a bit of clandestine activity going on down there.
She promptly put a hand over Christel's eyes, instinctively, to protect her daughter's modesty.
You're too young for this, princess. I don't want you scarred for life!
Jessica felt the heat rushing up her neck, a pinkish hue spreading over her face. Which could only mean one thing - she was blushing furiously.
OH. MY. GOD. YURI. ARE. YOU. DOING. WHAT. I. THINK. YOU'RE. DOING?
*tbc
A/N: So, uhm, Yuri has naughty hands? And look, Baby Jung finally has a name! Sorry to disappoint those who wanted it to be Yoona, but Christel's pretty nice. Oh wait...here's a bonus for being such patient readers. Click on spoiler below.
*kkakdugi - radish kimchi
[Spoiler (click to open)]
I kind of imagined Christel Jung to look like this...
" Raise the white flag, Head. "
Having helped put Yuri to bed, Taeyeon took her leave to report for her night shift at the radio station where she worked as a DJ, while Sooyoung stayed on for a bit to have a quiet tête-à-tête with Jessica, over cups of green tea.
"Thanks again for the baby's gifts," began Jessica, pouring out tea for Sooyoung. "It was sweet and thoughtful of you guys."
"Aaahh, that was entirely Yuri's idea. Taeng and I just went along with it. No, we didn't. We were dragged into it, actually, " Sooyoung drawled, her eyes narrowing as she recalled with disdain how Yuri had pressed her for payment earlier on, like some loan shark hassling a debtor.
"So, how's she been?" Jessica was beside herself with curiousity to know how life had been for Yuri the two years they were separated as it did seem likely to her that perhaps Yuri hadn't been all there.
"You have no idea what it's been like for her, "Sooyoung said, sighing, while counting with her fingers. "Martial arts, yoga, muay thai, Chinese calligraphy, English lessons, some car maintenance course, capoeira, and of course, her gym workouts - you name it, she's done it. "
"Sounds like she's been pretty busy," Jessica remarked, her brows furrowed.
"Yeah, she's been busy alright," Sooyoung deadpanned, shaking her head. "Busy being in denial, that is."
"I don't get you?" Jessica stared blankly at Sooyoung.
"Chrissakes. Can't you tell? That blockhead's SO not over you!" Sooyoung blurted, rolling her eyes. "Sneak a peek at her phone. YOU, Jessica Jung, are still speed dial No.1. Didn't you hear why she doesn't sleep in that room anymore? And then Tiffany? That redhead she dated very briefly on a half-hearted whim who was supposed to be some kind of rebound? Heck, she couldn't even go through with it! Speaks volumes, doesn't it? If I were you, I'd get off my ass and start working on picking up the pieces again. It's probably not something BaboYul would effusively show, since you know she's never been excessively demonstrative with her feelings, but Jessica, that girl needs you. B.A.D."
*
Seeing as how Yuri was dead to the world, Jessica clambered onto the sofa-bed, taking advantage of her ex's drunken state to lie down next to her for a while, if only to listen to her heavy breathing while observing the rythmic rise and fall of her chest. She absorbed, like a sponge, sopping up every single detail of Yuri's alcohol-flushed face - from the tiny zit protruding from her forehead, to her dark lashes, to the fine, baby hairs lining the side of her face, and then down to her full, lower lip - that very lip she used to tenderly bite and suck whenever they kissed.
"I'm so sorry....I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? Aishhh. The things you do for me, you dope," Jessica whispered, squirming closer to Yuri, gently dabbing at the dimple in her chin with her index finger; something she used to like doing simply to annoy Yuri; taking delight in seeing her get all shy and flustered. Yuri would then retaliate by grabbing her finger, threatening to bite it." It'll be over my dead body...if I ever let anyone hurt you again."
Had Yuri been awake and sober, she wouldn't have been allowed to get this far, for certain, given their current situation. Indeed, Jessica had never felt more like a knave than now for stealing this moment which she had likened to some cheap, pathetic move on her part.
But beggars can't be choosers...I can't help it if I'm desperate, she mused.
Propped up on an elbow, she would have liked to continue lying there close to Yuri, contented just to gaze at her while she slept, had her baby not chosen that moment to wake up, bawling bloody murder. Reluctantly, she swung her legs off the sofa-bed to get up, but not before leaning over to brush her cheek against Yuri's face, feeling the touch of her skin, soft and warm against her own. As her lips inadvertently grazed the corner of Yuri's mouth, Jessica heard her own heart thumping loudly in her ears, almost drowning the baby's cries.
*
7am, Monday morning, and Kwon Yuri had already left for work much earlier than she was supposed to.
Jessica wondered how someone who had been so drunk the previous night - one who was right this moment very likely to be suffering a massive hangover - could rise so early and then, quietly leave for work without making the slightest of sounds. Jessica hadn't even heard her coming into the room to retrieve her work attire from the closet.
Sauntering into the kitchen, she found some W10,000 bills on the counter together with a hastily-written note in Yuri's barely legible scrawl.
"Our guests ate us out of house and home last night. So, if you have to make yourself useful, then please make a trip to the supermarket and replenish the groceries and whatever else you think we may need. You may also want to stop by the drugstore to get a tube of 100% pure lanolin cream. According to reliable Internet sources, it's supposed to work for nipple trauma due to breastfeeding."
It was knowing that Yuri had noticed, and had been concerned enough to take the bother to search the Internet for a reliable remedy to soothe her irritated nipples, that had touched Jessica. And also, after sitting in on last night's brutal question-and-answer session, devised by a well-meaning Kim Taeyeon, and having had that little conversation with Sooyoung, she had come to a whole new realisation about her ex.
*
After a hurriedly-eaten breakfast, Jessica gathered up the money Yuri had left her, before stepping out of the apartment with her daughter in the baby carrier securely fastened to her chest. There was something of utmost importance and it was imperative that she attended to it first before she went shopping for those household essentials.
*
Turning into a narrow lane, the taxi finally pulled up in front of a large, redbrick house.
"Ahjussi, please wait. I won't take long," Jessica told the taxi driver.
She trotted up the gravel driveway to the house, with dogged determination, hesitating for a moment before ringing the doorbell, somewhat apprehensively. An austere Mrs. Jung came to the door to admit her.
15 minutes later, she emerged again, with a dour look about her. She had just been shown the door by her own parents whose prejudiced views on their daughter's past intimate relationship with a woman had remained unchanged, and who were anything but elated to see their prodigal offspring returning with a child born out of wedlock. Forsooth, they'd even hardheartedly suggested that Jessica gave her baby up for adoption.
"First, you mess around with a woman; going as far as to cohabit with her, causing us much embarrassment. And if that wasn't shameful enough, you then run off to God-knows-where with some man without so much as a word, and now, you have the audacity to come home with an illegitimate child who you say bears our family name? Such insolence! " Her incensed father had roared, one hand raised; his palm would have succeeded in striking her hard on the face if she hadn't managed to dodge it in time.
Jessica Jung walked steadily, and stoically, towards where the taxi was waiting, without so much as turning back to look at the place she had grown up in.
Wait. What's that saying again? Oh, right...a house is not a home.
She was not clairvoyant but she had accurately predicted the outcome of the meeting with her parents to be one NOT in her favour. Fully expecting that they would be angry and resentful, bracing herself, she had gone home, not so much to ask for their forgiveness or for their understanding, but to reiterate her stand, to let them know - that she had already chosen.
Getting into the taxi, she said nonchalantly to her daughter, who surprisingly, had slept right through the entire ordeal, "Well, sweetheart, that's the first and last time you'll be seeing your grandparents. Grandpa and Grandma didn't care about Mommy's happiness then and they still don't. They don't want us, but that's okay. We'll always have each other, right? "
AND Yuri, if she'll have us, she thought, wistfully.
As the taxi moved off, Jessica looked straight ahead, heaving a sigh of relief. The issue with her parents had been on her mind for ages, niggling at her, and she was glad for some closure. It wasn't much but it was closure all the same. She didn't want to waste time fretting and lamenting. All she wanted was to put things back into perspective; leave that regrettable part of her life behind her, and move on. The future held so much more, and that was all that mattered to her.
*
8pm, Monday evening, and Kwon Yuri was pushing herself hard on the elliptical trainer at the gym. Working out on a Monday evening was outside of her normal routine of returning home early to space out in front of the TV, but it didn't look as if there was another alternative. She didn't know where else to go and home was the last place she wanted to be. Or rather, it was knowing that Jessica would be there hounding her, haunting her, breathing down her neck, and then being blissfully oblivious about it all - that she was doing all these things to her and yet be utterly ignorant.
She had woken up at 5.30am with a godawful headache and a horrid aftertaste - all pointing to a dreadful hangover. But what had made her feel worse was the fact that she could actually recall the events of the previous evening. Chugging down shot after shot of soju. Taeyeon being an absolute ass, drilling her, asking a lot of impossible questions. Jessica-related questions which, when sober, she would decline to answer. She remembered, with a shudder, puking her guts out; feeling as if a sledgehammer had dropped on her head and severely damaged her brain so that she couldn't think right; couldn't walk straight; her legs turned into jelly. Then, there had been several pairs of arms all over her, dragging her off to bed. Someone helping her change out of her clothes. Someone bending over her while running a wet towel over her face and neck. Someone with a gentle touch. Who smelt nice, of baby powder and some pleasant-smelling body lotion.....
...God, such a turn on even in my aggravated state of drunkenness....
Feeling like her whole being had been dragged through a mangle, she'd left for the office earlier than usual, with the sole intention of avoiding Jessica. And then after work, hardly in top form, she had sought refuge at the gym. Admittedly, she knew it probably bordered on escapism of sorts, and it had bothered her a great deal. But she couldn't help it - she just couldn't face Jessica.
*
At about the same time on Monday evening that Yuri was sweating it out at the gym, a dejected Jessica sat alone in the kitchen. Expressionless, she stared at the food on the table. She had a perfectly edibleslashpalatable dinner all prepared but no one to share it with. Yuri was late and hadn't even bothered to call.
The Jessica Jung of two years ago would have by now thrown a tantrum and would not have hesitated dumping everything into the trash. But now, two years later, she was a far cry from her former self. She had become subdued, and had mellowed down considerably, which, undoubtedly, could have been attributed to her more-than-eventful two years in America.
She'd only just discovered that she was 6 weeks pregnant when it happened. Long suspecting that her boyfriend was seeing someone else on the side, her suspicion was verified when she had come home from work early one day, only to catch him in their bed with that someone else - in a compromising position, of course.
Things had gone south thenceforth, with Jessica adamantly refusing to breathe a word about her pregnancy to him. There was no need for him to know since they had already decided to go their separate ways. But in all honesty, looking back now, their breakup had been imminent, even if she hadn't caught him redhanded. Perhaps it didn't occur to her that right from the beginning, there had always been a third party involved, and it wasn't that voluptuous woman she saw lewdly bouncing on his appendage. It was ironic, to say the least, for she, Jessica Jung, was just as guilty of infidelity; constantly looming prominently in the forefront of her mind, there had always been that one person she'd left behind in Seoul.
Life in New York hadn't exactly been a bed of roses for a young, foreign woman left to fend for herself after splitting with her boyfriend. Things hadn't been smoothsailing; what with juggling work to pay the rent, putting up with near-unbearable bouts of morning sickness during her pregnancy, and then motherhood, caring for a cranky newborn. Understandably, Jessica had no wish to relive those times again. On the plus side, perhaps the only good that could've come out of the experience was that she had matured, and through the adversities, she had become resilient.
Presently, Jessica had a mish-mash of thoughts running amok through her head, although she appeared calm on the exterior. Undeniably, she was mad at Yuri's inconsideration, but still, there was no reason for her to take it out on perfectly good food; food that she had taken effort to lug all the way home from the supermarket and had then painstakingly prepared and cooked.
She waited till 10pm before methodically packing the food in containers and putting them away neatly into the fridge. She had managed to keep her cool and she thought she deserved a pat on the back for that, but still, there was no denying her disappointment.
She pursed her lips into a thin line.
Well, isn't it just like you to first give me renewed hopes and then the very next minute wrench it all away again? Screw you, Kwon Yuri. Screw you x 1million.
She didn't take it out on the food but she didn't think mentally cursing at the person who had raised her hackles, causing her to be miserable, mattered.
That should be allowed, surely, she consoled herself.
*
The solitary figure in the living room was struggling to stay awake; her eyelids fluttering, the white of her eyes showing, as her brain began to slip into a state of semi-consciousness. The rerun she'd barely been watching had become a massive blur of images on the 42-inch LCD screen. One arm dangling off Yuri's sofa-bed, her grasp on the remote control gradually loosened, and the gadget she'd been holding eventually fell to the floor with a soft thud.
Just as she was about to doze off, footsteps emanating from the corridor outside became louder and more evident as they drew nearer to the apartment, and Jessica's eyes fluttered open in an instant to the sound of the door opening and the sudden realisation that Yuri was home.
"Hey, you're late." Rubbing her eyes, Jessica pulled herself up into a sitting position. "You hungry? I could heat up something for you?"
Hoping that Jessica would've already been sleeping by the time she got home, Yuri's heart sank when she saw otherwise.
It's friggin' late, so why's she still up? Was she waiting for me? Oh God....will she never leave me alone?
"Don't bother. It's past midnight. Why aren't you in bed?" Yuri dropped her gym bag, carelessly, on the floor before sinking heavily into the recliner.
"Uh, I was watching TV?" That was a blatant lie, of course. She had only been staring at the screen.
Yuri was wistfully and yearningly eyeing her bed - the sofa that Jessica was at the moment sitting on, but it would be rude to tell her to get off it. She was exhausted after a long day and all she wanted was to get into that bed and sleep. Besides, her shoulders were aching. She had been overzealous with weight training and suspected that she could have pulled something while working on the overhead press at the gym. Kneading her sore shoulders, she yawned, hoping Jessica would get the hint, and maybe get off her sofa and let her have her bed back.
As if reading her mind, Jessica stood up, asking in a concerned voice, "What's wrong with the shoulders?"
"Nothing."
"C'mere."
"Why?"
"Just bring your butt over here and I'll give you a massage." Jessica patted the sofa she had just vacated, wondering if she had to constantly act authoritative and domineering just to get Yuri where she wanted.
"I - I...don't think that's a good idea." Staying away fom Jessica was already hard enough and to have her actually touching her was a definite no-no, bringing to mind past experiences where Jessica's massages had always led to them progressing to other things.
"Why are you always so..." Stubborn. But Jessica didn't wait to finish her own sentence. Actions spoke louder than words anyway. She got hold of Yuri's wrists and before her dumbfounded ex even knew what was happening, she had already pulled her out of the recliner, and was now pushing her down firmly onto the sofa.
"I really don't think that's a good idea." Yuri made to get up but Jessica pressed her down again.
"Didn't you always say I've got the magic touch? Trust me. I worked in a health spa in New York before I got too pregnant with Christel to work and I've picked up some tips along the way."
This bit of information seemed to have ignited a teeny spark of interest in Yuri who had always wanted to know how Jessica had gotten by in America.
Jessica nimbly climbed up behind her, taking up a kneeling position, and the moment Yuri felt those hands on her shoulders, she froze.
Feeling Yuri's body stiffen as she straightened her back, Jessica hooked her chin over her shoulder, softly coaxing, "Relax. You want to slip off your shirt?"
"Jessica, really, I - I ..." Yuri flinched, feeling Jessica's warm breath tickling her neck, her ample bosom pressed against her back.
Oh God, please get away from me before I...before I....THE HELL...?
Sirens immediately went off in her head when she saw Jessica's arms hanging down over her shoulders; hands hovering about her chest; her dainty fingers working dexterously at unbuttoning her shirt.
"You'll thank me after this, believe me." Jessica was about to ease the shirt off her shoulders when Yuri stopped her.
"Jessica, no. Stop -" She caught hold of Jessica's hands, lifting them over her shoulders and off her in one swift motion. Getting up abruptly, she turned around to face her nemesis, dark eyes flashing, saying much too curtly, "Go to bed. It's late." And then, her keen perception once again catching the hurt reflected in Jessica's expressive eyes, seeing her lips quiver as if she was about to cry....oh fuck, if you cry now I'm done for... her tone softening a tad, she added beseechingly, "Please?"
Not bothering to adjust her shirt, she stormed off towards the bathroom; shirt tails flying.
In the sanctuary of the bathroom, she gripped the edge of the sink - shirt unbuttoned, chest heaving, breath hitching - staring in disgust at her disoriented reflection in the mirror.
Why am I such a dumbfuck? All I ever wanted to do was to love her, not hurt her?
Yuri wasn't sure for how long more her head, currently heavily beseiged by her heart, was going to hold out before waving the white flag.
*
The next morning, there was a yellow post-it stuck on the bathroom mirror.
It was 5.30am and Yuri had slept badly; having tossed, turned, and shifted about the entire night.
Grudgingly, she tore the post-it off the mirror, bringing it closer to her sleep-deprived eyes for a better read.
"Auntie Yuri, my Mommy says to please stop avoiding her. Please do not go to the gym again tonight or she'll personally go down there and drag your ass home. She'll create a scene so big, they'll ban you for life. Even if they don't, you'll be too embarrassed to ever go there again. Kindly be home for dinner by 7pm. Have a nice day. I love you. Hugs and kisses, Christel."
Yeah, right. Your kid's a freakin' genius. Nice try, Christel's Mommy.
Kwon Yuri almost went ballistic when she found her gym bag and trainers missing, and only then did she realise that Jessica Jung meant serious business.
*
At 7pm, Yuri dutifully, albeit sulkily, presented herself at the kitchen table. However, she still remembered her manners enough to grunt her thanks when Jessica handed her a bowl of rice.
It had pained Jessica to have to resort to threatening Yuri, but she was at her wits' end. Her skin seemed to have grown several layers to rival that of a rhino's, which was probably not a bad thing, considering her predicament. After the brusque treatment Yuri had dealt her the previous night, her pride and self-esteem had never been as questionably low as now; almost hitting rock bottom, in fact. She was still smarting from the rebuff and had been on the verge of tears, but she'd calmly told herself to pull her act together if she wanted this bad enough.
It totally cramps my style but thick-skinned is the only way to be.
She had asked for Sooyoung's advice on how to break down that seemingly prickly and impenetrable front Yuri was so obstinately hiding behind.
Sooyoung had simply replied with a shrug of her shoulders, "You just stick yourself in her face every so often; no other way. Be relentless. If you want this bad enough, you won't let pride get in the way. I mean, just how much is your pride worth, really?"
Jessica had answered, sighing, "At this point of time, NOT a lot." In fact, zilch, nada.
Her reluctant dinner companion was quietly shovelling rice into her mouth, trying to appear unfazed, very much aware that a pair of eyes was boring into her.
Jessica cleared her throat, sticking her chin in the air. "I think you owe me an apology...for being mean to me last night."
Yuri stuffed a cube of kkakdugi into her mouth, ignoring her.
"I was so hurt. I cried...well, almost."
Munch. Crunch. Swallow. Not a peep out of Yuri.
"It's not like I was going to molest you or anything." She might as well have been talking to a brick wall but yet she persisted. "All I wanted was to give you a massage."
Still no response. The heartbreaker picked up a sliver of kimchi with her fingers and stuffed it into her mouth, feigning disinterest, licking her fingers.
Why you ...you...
Jessica was exasperatedly thinking of a whole slew of names to call her unresponsive ex when she caught sight of Yuri's cell phone lying on the table. Her eyes gleaming with excitement, she reached out her hand, grabbing the contraption, eager to verify what Sooyoung had said.
" Hey! " Indignant at being caught off guard, Yuri made a desperate grab for her phone but Jessica was too fast for her.
After deftly poking about at the touch screen and peering intently at what was being displayed, her curiosity completely satisfied, she waved the phone in Yuri's face, asking innocently, "So, uhm, Loverguurrl, who's this 'My Love Jessica' you have as speed dial No.1?"
"Listen! Your baby's crying! " A red-faced Yuri tried to divert Jessica's attention, embarrassed at being caught; leaning across, making a disconcerted effort at getting her phone back.
"I'm 26, not 86. My hearing is perfect." Jessica scoffed, dodging her, holding the phone high above her head, taking another look at the screen, delight written all over her face. "I must still mean something to you, don't I? "
Yuri had heard enough. Pushing her chair back noisily, she stood up, glowering. "Think whatever you like." She stretched out her hand, indicating that she wanted her phone back. Jessica grudgingly gave it back to her, slapping it into her open palm.
Watching her ex stalk off, Jessica called after her, "Well, the least you can do is thank me for the lovely dinner, you ingrate!"
"Thank you, Christel's Mom, for the lovely dinner which, in my opinion, was only so-so." Yuri obliged without bothering to turn around.
Did she just take a dig at me? Oh well, that's a start at least. And whaddyou know? I'm still HER LOVE... I'm still at No.1!
*
It was the height of summer, and neither of them found it easy falling asleep; each for different reasons, of course.
Flipping and changing positions for a good part of the night, aiming to find that one ideal position that will foster the rest she so desperately needed, Kwon Yuri was quite clearly having difficulty falling asleep. It wasn't just the warm weather that was causing her insomnia; the incident with her phone over dinner earlier had largely contributed to it as well. In brief, she was bitter because her cover had just been blown by the very same person she had put up that cover to hide her feelings from in the first place. She could've kicked herself for keeping Jessica Jung as No.1 on her phone's speed dial, cringing in embarrassment at the cheesiness, although they definitely didn't think it was cheesy back then.
My Love Jessica...Ugh... how am I ever going to live this down?
She turned her body sideways, burrowed her head under her pillow, tucked her hands between her thighs, squeezed her eyes shut, and started counting babies, willing herself to sleep.
*
Jessica Jung, on the other hand, was far from being bitter. If anything, she was bursting with a new found joy that could only be described as sweet. She could hardly contain herself, the way she was smiling into her pillow, never mind that she was suffering from insomnia, which in all honesty, was a rare occurrence anyway. She didn't think that all it took to get her smiling again was something as cheesy as seeing her name still occupying top position in Yuri's phone, although she no longer was contactable at that number.
When her baby woke up crying, she glanced briefly at the clock on the nightstand, sighing as she got out of bed. It was time to feed her yet again.
"Sorry, princess. You go on the bottle tonight. Mommy's really sore there. I hardly think lanolin-laced titties will taste very nice, " she whispered apologetically to her child, as they made their way to the kitchen together to warm up some expressed breastmilk from the fridge.
*
The bright fluorescent light from the kitchen spilled over into the darkened living area, illuminating it just a tad. Padding out with her baby, Jessica could just about make out Yuri's sleeping form on the sofa-bed at the far, dark corner.
"Shall we go look at Auntie Yuri? She's so pretty even when she's asleep. You like her, don't you?" she said in hushed tones to Christel, who was sucking at her bottle of nutrition, à la Mommy's Special Brew.
Jessica carefully sat down on the recliner, while still feeding her daughter, peering over at a sleeping Yuri who had her back to her.
Then, she thought she heard something amidst the quiet and still of the night. Little whimpering noises...soft moans. Something that sounded unmistakably familiar and which she had not heard in a while. Sounds of an intimate - orgasmic? - nature. Her vision now attuned to the dark, she detected some suspicious, if not awkward and sporadic, movements in Yuri's limbs; her eyes widening in shocked amusement when she saw where Yuri's hand was positioned - it was stuffed down the front of her boxers, in between her legs. Apparently, there seemed to be quite a bit of clandestine activity going on down there.
She promptly put a hand over Christel's eyes, instinctively, to protect her daughter's modesty.
You're too young for this, princess. I don't want you scarred for life!
Jessica felt the heat rushing up her neck, a pinkish hue spreading over her face. Which could only mean one thing - she was blushing furiously.
OH. MY. GOD. YURI. ARE. YOU. DOING. WHAT. I. THINK. YOU'RE. DOING?
*tbc
A/N: So, uhm, Yuri has naughty hands? And look, Baby Jung finally has a name! Sorry to disappoint those who wanted it to be Yoona, but Christel's pretty nice. Oh wait...here's a bonus for being such patient readers. Click on spoiler below.
*kkakdugi - radish kimchi
[Spoiler (click to open)]
I kind of imagined Christel Jung to look like this...