Coming Back to Love - Part 5 of 5
A/N: Here it is - the concluding episode.
" In Conclusion .. "
What on earth?! Ugh, you're shameless, Kwon Yuri! And right in front of my kid, too!
As embarrassed as she was to catch Yuri in the throes of such a questionable act, Jessica would prefer to think that perhaps there was a rational explanation for her indiscriminate behaviour. Like, she could've been driven by stress, maybe? Jessica wasn't about to admit it but she thought she could very well have had a hand in contributing to that. Or maybe it was fueled by deprivation - of a carnal nature, specifically.
When was the last time you got it on with anyone, Yuri? I'll rephrase that - did you or did you not do IT with Redhead? ....she mused.
Then, the one last plausible reason that Jessica could possibly come up with was that Yuri was quite simply just having an erotic dream; something that could happen to even the most prudish of us. But all these were only mere speculation on her part, of course.
Enough already!
Reprimanding herself, Jessica thought she shouldn't be making assumptions or excuses for Yuri's lack of propriety. It was debatable whether Yuri had been celibate all this while, although it did seem likely that she had. Trying to think rationally, and to keep jealousy from rearing its ugly head, she decided she would much rather have Yuri resorting to self-stimulation over her having to seek sexual gratification from some random redhead.
Propping Christel against her shoulder, she inched closer to the sofa-bed, noiselessly. Peering over Yuri's shoulder, a curious and disbelieving Jessica noticed that her eyes were closed, mouth slightly agape, her breathing heavy, somewhat stunted, and she was visibly fast asleep. But still, there was no mistaking those surreptitious movements down the front of her barely there boxers.
Shortly, there was a long-drawn-out moan, "Uuunnnggghh... " and then she heard what came next - most clearly - "....Jessica...Jessica... ", before the frenzied movements gradually came to a halt. She felt the heat rushing to her face again when she saw Yuri arching her back before fully extending her legs, feet digging into the sheets; that amorous hand still stuffed down there, somewhere.
Kwon Yuri! Are you...were you...having a dirty dream about me while frapping in your sleep?! That was clearly my name you called out when you...when you...came!
Jessica was as astonished as she was baffled when she realised that Yuri had been asleep throughout the entire sordid process, totally NOT conscious of what she was doing, and even more unaware that she was being watched by two pairs of eyes - a pair of which belonged to a minor who, thankfully, didn't know any better.
God-oh-God-oh-GOD! I don't know if I'm supposed to be flattered, but you've just managed to embarrass me in front of my kid!
Not knowing what else to think, she then contemplated on whether it would be appropriate - or not - to fish Yuri's hand out of her boxers but eventually decided against it, quite certain that that would wake her up, and which was also absolutely the last thing she wanted. After that fiasco with the speed dial issue earlier, Jessica thought she would spare her ex from further embarrassment - for the time being.
Feeling like some despicable voyeur who sought excitement in spying on other people's sexual escapades, Jessica thought she had spied long enough on an unsuspecting but surely needy Yuri. Christel was also beginning to act up, squirming against her shoulder, threatening to cry. As she turned to go, she chanced upon Yuri's cell phone sticking out from under her pillow, begging to be peeked at. There was something that she needed to affirm. Picking it up and quickly scrolling through the touch screen, she smiled to herself in the dark, getting a kick out of seeing her name still on Yuri's speed dial.
#1 My Love Jessica. Awww....you big, soft, sentimental babo! You haven't deleted it yet!
But all too soon, her smile waned when she noticed that the alarm had been set for 5.30 am. Of course, Jessica understood perfectly. It was all too clear to her that Yuri intended to avoid her by leaving for work early - yet again .
Perplexed and saddened, Jessica equated the experience of being in love with Kwon Yuri to that of taking a ride on a roller coaster through emotional hell.
If I didn't still love you so much, I would've pushed you off that goddamn roller coaster a gazillion years ago, and I would've revelled in watching you die a horrible death, Kwon Yuri.....for putting me through so much shit.
*
"You DO NOT want to remember what you just saw Auntie Yuri do, alright? That was really naughty of her," she said rather sternly to Christel while patting her little bottom, hastening her to sleep.
Jessica was still mulling over Yuri's indiscreet bedtime activity and just about every other little thing that had happened since moving back in with her.
The infant merely stared back innocently, very much awake, gurgling and cooing in her own baby lingo, as if retorting like a precocious teenager would, only she was 13 years too young - What the hell are you talking about, Mom? Masturbating is only normal.
"None of your sass, young lady. Don't you be all cute on me now...I really will spank you. Close your eyes and sleep. Chop-chop," she hissed. "Mommy needs her beauty sleep."
After taking a while to persuade a defiant Christel to go to sleep, exhaustive of all the nursery rhymes she could possibly remember, Jessica was finally able to get into bed, but not before resolutely setting her alarm to a specific time - 5.20 am, to be exact.
Of course, she was literally cutting off her nose to spite her face; chiding herself for being crazy enough to sacrifice something as sacred as sleep, but Jessica Jung was hell-bent on beating Kwon Yuri at her own game.
*
There was the sound of birds chirping repetitiously; incessantly.
Already? But I barely slept. That alarm tone...annoying as fuck...need to shut it off...fast.
Lying prone, face half buried in her pillow, Yuri groaned, cursing under her breath. Impatient to shut off the alarm, she stuck a hand under her pillow, digging around for her phone. Usually, she would need to grope for a bit as she was hardly ever in her right element that early in the morning but -
Strange.....wait.
It was as if the rectangular contraption had been delivered - pushed - right into her hand, all too conveniently, and there was the sensation of something brushing against her fingers.
What...whose hand?!
Shocked at the momentary contact, as if she'd just put it on a hot stove, she immediately withdrew her hand from under her pillow, releasing her grasp on the phone in the process. Then, she felt the mattress dipping heavily, the bed springs squeaking in protest to the extra weight. Whoever it was who had just crawled into her bed had also just switched on her reading lamp.
"What in tar - na - tion! " Yuri squealed, squinting against the bright orange light, as she sat up in a huff. "Seriously, Jessica....?"
There was Jessica Jung lying next to her, propping herself up on an elbow, staring blurry-eyed at her; looking as if she'd only just woken up not too long ago.
"Uhm, don't you think you should shut off that silly alarm? It's terribly annoying. " Jessica quipped, "BIRDS, Yuri?"
"And why not birds? I like birds." Sheepishly, Yuri reached for her phone and quickly deactivated the alarm.
"Only birds of the human, redheaded variety, I'll bet?" chirped Jessica, sardonically.
Eh? What the fuck species of bird is that?!
At 5.30 in the morning, a clueless Yuri wasn't in the right frame of mind to delve into a discussion with her nemesis on "human, redheaded variety of birds". Getting out of bed, dismissing Jessica's double entendre, she queried instead, "Isn't it a bit too early for you to be up?"
"Yeeeah, it definitely is ungodly, but I just really want to be the first thing in your peripheral vision the moment you open your eyes? It's Jessica Jung's ultimate goal - to be the first thing Kwon Yuri sees in the morning."
Yuri swore she could feel herself crumble a little, inwardly, but rolled her eyes instead. "That's so dumb." She formed 'O's with her thumbs and index fingers on both hands, and put them against her eyes like spectacles, peering into Jessica's face. "Okay, I see you, Jessica Jung! There. Happy? You've already achieved your goal, so, shouldn't you just go back to bed? It's early yet."
"Oh, so you, too, think 5.30 is a bit early, hm? Then why do you, yourself, feel the need to wake up at 5.30 when you don't even start work till 9 and the office is only 15 minutes on the Metro? "
There was a certain edge to Jessica's question, and Yuri felt it. I'm sure you know why, she was about to retort, but instead ended up deviating from the subject, "Where did you hide my gym bag and trainers?"
"Can't remember." Jessica shrugged, patting the mattress, tantalizingly. "Here. Come back to bed."
"At least return me my shoes. I have a kickboxing class this evening."
"Fuck kickboxing." Jessica flashed her a cheeky grin, her eyes sparkling with mischief. You hate that you have skin thicker than the elephant's but hang in there, Jessie....you're almost there. "I know what you did last night..."
"What did I do last night?" Yuri eyed her suspiciously, although she did have some rather vague recollection of dreaming about...things. But dreams being dreams, most of the time people could hardly remember their dreams, and Yuri was no exception.
"You were...uhm...uh...never mind."
"Shoes, Jung?"
"Bed, Kwon?"
"Stop it. I'm not in the mood to flirt with you. Where are my - uuummmnnnfff..."
And the bed springs squeaked for all they were worth when 45kg, or thereabouts, of Kwon Yuri fell heavily on top of a smaller Jessica Jung.
Yuri had just been yanked down by a deceivingly frail-looking Jessica, and was now straddled across her body, gazing into her eyes, in a state of total confusion. Their faces were precariously close to each other's. She could hear her heart pounding away, deafeningly, in her ears.
She struggled to straighten herself but Jessica had a hawk-like grasp around the nape of her neck with one hand, while the other was enveloped tightly around her waist, and it didn't look as if she was letting up any time soon. "What the hell, Jessica....let me up!"
The grin Jessica wore only seconds ago was completely wiped off her face. In its place was an expression of solemnity. " No can do."
"I'm warning you, don't push my buttons, or else - " Yuri swallowed hard; the lump in her throat was threathening to choke her.
"Or else what?" Jessica goaded her on.
"Or else...or else...THIS!"
In a flash, Yuri's lips were on Jessica's, their noses bumping clumsily against each other's. Yuri was acting totally out of character and didn't know where she found the courage or where this was leading to. She only knew Jessica was teasing her, pushing her without knowing the consequences, but in any case, it wasn't as if Jessica was at all bothered, the way she was responding so eagerly, and too readily; kissing her back, her tongue already seeking its way into her mouth. It really was pent-up emotional aggression at first, particularly on Yuri's part, but when they both fell into momentum, they eased up on the urgency and began to kiss each other slowly, as if savouring and prolonging that very moment they were caught up in.
For Jessica, it had been far too long. She had missed Yuri's soft lips. It was probably unethical to compare bed partners but she couldn't help it. Kissing him hadn't exactly been pleasurable. His lips had a rubbery feel to them and he perpetually wore a scraggly 5 o'clock shadow. His prickly stubble had scraped and poked unkindly at her sensitive skin, occasionally causing her to break out in rashes. Jessica had almost forgotten what kissing a woman - kissing Yuri - had felt like. She felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, to be kissing Yuri again; feeling her smooth, supple skin brushing against her own delicate one. She was reliving a moment she never thought possible and she could only be near-ecstatic - nothing else came close.
When she felt Yuri's hand fondling her under her pajama shirt, first caressing her stomach, and then darting upwards, Jessica broke away from their kiss to remind her of her physical condition, rather shyly, breath hitching a little, "I'm lactating and my boobs are still feeling a little tender. You might come away with milky hands, so don't - " But she was a little too late with her reminder, "Squeeze...ouch."
Yuri had already withdrawn her hand, looking at the several drops of breastmilk gracing her palm. "Oops. Too late. Sorry...did that hurt?"
Jessica shook her head, taking Yuri's wet hand and wiping it on her shirt.
"I think I just robbed your kid of her nutrition."
"I don't think Christel minds sharing that few drops."
"So, uhm, where can't I touch? I'll be careful."
"I'm alright, really. Just be gentle up here and down there, and...and...uh....my tits should be out of bounds unless you want a mouthful of lanolin, " Jessica replied, bashfully. This is so NOT me. Why the heck am I suddenly feeling so shy and letting my nerves get the better of me in front of this clumsy oaf ?
Yuri was already regretting her act of impulse, wondering what had possessed her for her to act the way she just did with Jessica.
"That's as good as saying I shouldn't be touching you at all. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...we really shouldn't be doing this. It's only been two months since you had Christel and you're probably still recuperating. I - I don't want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable," she said apologetically in that quiet, unassuming manner of hers.
As suddenly as she'd displayed it, the near-animalistic lust she'd exuded only a short while ago when she'd been kissing and groping Jessica, had completely dissipated. In its place, was that gentle disposition of hers and her thoughtful consideration for others - traits of her character that Jessica loved and appreciated. And again making comparisons, perhaps he should've taken a few lessons from Kwon Yuri on how to treat a woman. He had always just slammed his way in without first ensuring if she had been ready. All he had ever cared about was satisfying his own needs.
When Yuri made to get up, Jessica stalled her by clutching on to her elbow.
Get back in your element, Jessica Jung, and fast. This is no time for you to be shy or let pride get in the way
"No, Yuri...don't go. I can always help you to....you do know what I mean, don't you?" Jessica was almost pleading, gazing earnestly into Yuri's eyes.
"Yes....I mean....No! Look, I can't let you do this." Brushing Jessica's hand off of her, Yuri looked away. It was her way of not wanting to let on that she was struggling with her inner self, especially in front of Jessica Jung.
And something in Jessica Jung snapped.
"Why? Have I gotten so flabby and unattractive, what with my nipples being so sore and unsightly that you'd have second thoughts about taking them in your mouth the minute you see them? Or maybe you prefer sucking off Tiffany, hm? Was she a good lay?" Jessica's cheeks were burning. "Did you get off fucking her? " Indeed, hell hath no fury and there was no stopping a woman scorned.
"Stop this lunacy - "
"Or...or is it because I - I've been with a man and...and... had his child that I'm not worth a fuck anymore? Well, excuse me for throwing myself at you, and please look at me when I'm talking to you?"
There was that unmistakable hurt and biting edge in the tone of Jessica's voice that made Yuri turn sharply towards her, flabbergasted.
"How could you even suggest that? You know I didn't mean it that way," Yuri finally said. The pain she was feeling was genuine and she had no way of letting Jessica know.
"Then don't fight this! D'you know you were jilling off in your sleep last night and calling out my name?" Jessica Jung didn't let her pride go just to be rejected.
"I was - WHAT?" Yuri was clearly bewildered by Jessica's sudden revelation of her nocturnal sexcapade, something she had no prior knowledge of, colour starting to tint her cheeks.
"And the way you were kissing me and touching me earlier? You know you want me! I know you do!" Jessica got off the sofa-bed, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes, as she angrily declared, "Until you come to your pathetic senses and stop denying yourself of what you really want, you know I'm not going anywhere. God knows I've got nowhere else to go, so that I'm stuck here with pigheaded YOU!" As she stormed off towards the bedroom, she snapped, "And your precious gym bag and stupid trainers are in the washing machine! Better keep them out of my sight or I swear I'll dump them the next time!"
*
It was a small ramyeon place just around the corner from Yuri's workplace where she was having a lunch date with Sooyoung.
Yuri was lost in her own thoughts as she looked at Sooyoung slurping down her noodles with gusto.
"Penny for your thoughts," Sooyoung asked, in between mouthfuls of noodles and spoonfuls of soup.
"W100 for yours," Yuri replied, snapping out of her thoughts when she heard Sooyoung speaking to her.
"I've only got food on my mind."
"I know, that's why I said W100. It's only worth that much."
"You think that's funny?"
"No."
"Okay, I raise the stake. W1000 for what's on your mind."
"W1000 won't even be able to pay for lunch, Miss Choi."
"Whoa. Sounds like you've got a lot of crap going on up there." Sooyoung pointed at her own head. "Okay, I'll pay for lunch if you tell me what's going on."
"Show me the money first. You might back out after I spill the beans. You're such a cheat."
Sooyoung slapped a W10,000 bill onto the table and Yuri took it, stuffing it into the breast pocket of her blazer.
"I'm waiting, Kwon."
"Hold your horses." Yuri paused for a while, scratching her head. "Uhm...wemadeoutthismorning."
"What's that again?" Sooyoung dropped her chopsticks. She was obviously not ready for such a shocking revelation, and was even more surprised that Yuri would divulge information of such a personal nature. It was indeed a first.
"I'm sure you heard me. I'm not repeating."
"Holy mofo! "
"I know right? "
"You horny devils! So, uhm, who initiated it?"
"Nobody," Yuri replied, untruthfully.
"Kwon, it takes two hands to clap?"
"Alright! I shouldn't have let it start. She wanted to take it to the next level but I just couldn't do it."
"But why ever not? It's Fate bringing you one step closer to that reconciliation - "
"What fate, what reconciliation? I only know it was so awkward afterwards because she took offence and said some things. All the more I can't go home and face her now. What do I do? "
"Oh YuriYuriYuri...please just come out of denial already, I beg you! Accept your fate! Since the deed's already done, just go with the flow!"
"I wish I could. There are a couple of things bugging me - that issue with her parents is one. I really want her to go home. Even if it's just to visit."
"You spoke with her yet?"
"One of the first things we spoke about when she came back. She's not receptive to the idea."
"So be it. If it's not something she wants, then why can't you just accept it as such and respect that? I know for a fact that Jessica's trying very hard to rekindle whatever you guys once had. And what have you done? Precious little except for trampling all over her pride. You should be appreciative that she still wants you back. Can't you sit down nicely, once and for all, and have a heart-to-heart chat? Damn. This soup is goood. " Sooyoung took a final sip of her soup before laying down her spoon, smacking her lips and patting her stomach in satisfaction. "Sorry, I digress. Where was I? Oh, right. Heart-to-heart chat. Stop avoiding the issue. Ask her what she wants, and you tell her what you want. Frankly, Yuri, you're such an ass, even if you're my best friend. So, she's got parents from hell. So what? Ultimately, the decision lies with Jessica, and you, Kwon, have zero faith in her, in your relationship, everything! You tend to keep too much to yourself. Share! It's hard enough being your girlfriend. I feel for Jessica, I really do. You don't ever seem to let her in on anything even if it's clear that you do love and care a lot for her. If it wasn't for you, your stupidity, and your total lack of faith, would she have run off with Beefcake and be saddled with his baby? Your bad, Kwon. Atone for your wrongdoings."
Feeling thirsty after her rather lengthy lecture, Sooyoung decided a nice, soothing cup of citrus tea would be good.
*
After lunch, seated at her desk, Yuri took a bit of time to ruminate on what Sooyoung had said and to recollect the events that had occurred that entire morning.
A bit of colour tinted her face when she recalled the rather torrid bits that involved Jessica Jung, as they flashed vividly before her, like brilliant technicolour film being run through a movie projector at a constant speed of 24 frames/sec. But technicolour soon gave way to dull monochrome when it came to the bits where Jessica got angry with her for spurning her advances. Frame by painful frame, the black-n-white parts seemed to course through the projector, as if someone had deliberately set it to slow speed just to remind her that she needed to make amends.
Yuri shook her head vigorously, as if that would aid in dispelling all thoughts of Jessica. It didn't of course.
That morning at work, she had been rather apprehensive when her boss had asked to see her in his room, but she need not have worried. He had only wanted to talk to her about a job transfer. The company had just opened a sub-branch in New York, and she would be required to help oversee operations there. Mr. Lee had told her she should consider the position as a promotion of sorts. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that many were hankering after, and it had been offered to only her mainly because she was competent enough to handle the challenges that came with the job, and also because she was single and didn't come with the excess baggage of spouse and kids. Of course, the job came with all the usual perks of an overseas posting like free housing, a car, allowances, etc. She need not give a definite answer straight away but he did tell her not to take too long with her decision as she would be required to report to her new post, shortly.
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. This is something I've always wanted but I can't just leave her in the lurch like that. Oh shit...what do I do now?
Yuri proceeded to run some checks over the Internet on American immigration laws and the legality of same-sex marriages in the US.
After work, she attended her kickboxing class at the gym. Then, she hung out at Taeyeon's place, hoping to stay the night but Taeyeon chased her away, telling her to go home and face the music like a (wo)man.
"If you're accepting the post, then tell her, for goodness sake! Don't wait till the day you're flying off before you break the news to her," Taeyeon said, shaking her head, wondering how anyone could be so wishy-washy. She then promptly pushed Yuri out the door.
*
Arriving home slightly past midnight, all was still and quiet.
The night lamp was still on when Yuri came into the room to get some fresh clothes to change into.
Jessica had fallen asleep while reading, her glasses still perched on her nose.
Kneeling down beside the bed, Yuri carefully removed her glasses, placing them on the bedside table.
I would love to always have you in my peripherals the moment I open my eyes each morning, you know that, don't you? But won't you please give me some time? You can't just come barging back into my life without allowing me time to adjust. You know I'm slow like that. I know I've been an absolute douche - Taeng and Sooyoung have been constantly reminding me - but it doesn't mean I don't want you back or that I love you any less. I'll make it up to you. That's a promise.
Yuri kissed the tip of Jessica's nose before ambling over to take a look at her other favourite person.
Christel was very much awake, blowing bubbles with her saliva.
"Yo, little lady. Long time no see." Yuri tickled her tummy. "Eww, that's gross. Stop playing with saliva - WHOA...what did I just see?!"
The baby had just flashed her a gummy smile. Yuri was completely bowled over. She wasn't even sure if babies could smile at age 2 months but Christel had definitely smiled at her. Was she the first to witness her toothless smile? She couldn't wait to tell Jessica but then she remembered that Jessica was angry with her, and anyway, she was too fast asleep to care.
"Some other time. I'll tell Mommy some other time when she's less mad at me," she whispered. "Say, how would you like to sleep outside with me? I could do with a bit of companionship and you're the only friendly face around."
Jessica Jung would probably have a fit if she knew Yuri was playing with her daughter at 1 am in the morning, on her sofa-bed, nuzzling her tummy with her nose and getting up to all kinds of antics, trying to get the baby to smile so she could take a picture.
Yuri took many pictures of a particularly hyper Christel early that morning, foreseeing that there wouldn't be much time left to play with her or help take care of her.
"Kiddo, I hope I'll still be around to celebrate your baek il with you and Mommy," Yuri said to a smiling Christel.
After being fed her milk, and having her diaper changed, Christel Jung duly fell asleep next to the pretty lady, who was as tanned as her mom was fair-skinned, but who gave her a sense of security no less than that given by her mom.
*
In the morning, Jessica knew where to look when she found her baby missing from her cot.
As angry as she was with Yuri, she couldn't help smiling when she saw her little one snuggled up under her armpit, sleeping peacefully.
After her little outburst yesterday morning, Jessica had felt a sense of loss - not to mention, dread - not knowing which step to take next or which direction she should go. All along, she had followed her heart which told her she had unfinished business with Kwon Yuri but all her ex had done was infuriate her. The reconciliation she had been hoping for now seemed as remote as Mars. Sooyoung had told her to be relentless but she was on the verge of giving up.
Yuri resisting her advances was really the last straw and a big blow to her ego. She would literally be insane to pull another stunt like that on Yuri unless she was game for another round of humiliation.
Fuck you, Kwon Yuri, but damn it, you look so good sleeping with my kid that I almost feel compelled to forgive you. Well, I'll think about it...to forgive you or not, but it's 7.30 already, and I need to wake you up -
"Wake up, Yuri."
Yuri stirred to the sound of a melodious voice and gentle pats on her derrière.
"Huuuh? What?"
Opening her sleepy eyes, light streamed in and the image of Jessica Jung was focused on her retina - she was staring down at her, somewhat coldly.
Oh, really now...didn't think you were serious when you said you wanted to be the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning.
"Didn't your alarm go off at 5.30? It's 7.30 now."
"I set it for 7.45. I'm going to work at the normal time today," Yuri explained, stifling a yawn, pleased that Jessica was still talking to her. She had expected a cold war of sorts like those they had whenever they had fought all those years back.
"As you please. But can I have my daughter back before you crush her to smithereens?"
"Not a chance. Unlike you, I'm a light sleeper."
"Says the one who was caught masturbating while sleeping and didn't even know."
"Stop harping on that." Yuri sheepishly moved aside to allow Jessica to pick her baby up, and before Jessica could retort, she quickly changed the subject, "Uhm, I'll be home for dinner by 7. We need to talk?"
"Whatever."
And on that note, Jessica Jung spent the rest of the day wondering what Kwon Yuri was going to tell her. She told herself that perhaps she should brace herself for the worst.
*
Jessica was breastfeeding her baby when Yuri shuffled in after clearing the table and washing the dishes.
"Thank you for dinner, " Yuri began, trying hard to recall what they had just eaten for dinner. "Uhm...what was it anyway?"
"Chinese style spicy spare ribs I learnt how to make watching those afternoon TV shows for housewives, " Jessica replied, not looking up. "And thank you for being such a good sport and eating it all despite it tasting weird - even if I say so myself." And addressing Christel who had had her fill, "There's a good girl! You prefer Mommy's nipple to that nasty, rubber teat of your bottle, don't you? But you'll have to bear with it when Mommy goes back to work, I'm sorry."
"Oh, have you found a job already?" Seeing Jessica struggle with buttoning her shirt with Christel in her arms, she offered, " Here, let me hold her."
"There's an opening for an English language teacher at the hagwon near our place. It's only part-time but it's a start." Jessica watched as Yuri held Christel against her shoulder, patting her back to get her to burp, thinking that Yuri would make an excellent mother.
"When do you start? And what about this kid here?"
"Next month, probably. I'll need your help some evenings and possibly weekends, and I'll get a babysitter or put her in day care at other times. So, can I count on you?"
"You can, but not for long."
"Why? What's with the frown?" Jessica asked, noticing Yuri's furrowed brows, and remembering, "Didn't you say we need to talk? So talk."
"They're promoting me."
"Congrats. You've earned it. I mean, you've worked hard and all, but why the glum look?"
"My new post is in New York."
Silence reigned while Jessica took time to digest this bit of information, her heart sinking fast. But still, she put on a brave front, forcing a smile even.
"You'll love New York. Didn't you always want to work overseas?" Jessica made an attempt to sound positive.
"I did, until recently."
"Be more specific?"
"This is hard for me, but I think you know?"
"Yuri, I won't know until you tell me specifically what's on your mind!" It was hard trying to stay positive and Jessica was getting impatient, not to mention just a tad agitated. This was Kwon Yuri down pat - with all her hems and haws, and vagueness, and it bothered her. " So, tell me properly, even if you have to spell everything out for me, each and every single word. Yes! I'm dense like that! "
"Don't you understand? I don't want to leave YOU and Christel behind! Is that SPECIFIC enough for you?" Yuri blurted out. Then, she felt something of a fluid nature permeating through her silk shirt, wetting her shoulder. Something that smelt vile.
"Oh my God, Christel just puked on your shoulder! " Jessica gushed, as she took her baby from Yuri who was a little slow to catch what had just happened.
*
Yuri was standing in her bra, trying to clean off the mess that Christel had left on her shirt when Jessica sidled into the bathroom.
"Here, let me have that. " Jessica took the garment from her. "That's an expensive silk shirt that you can't simply wash like that. I'll send it to the drycleaner's for you first thing tomorrow. Christel says she's sorry for messing up your nice shirt."
"That's alright. Shit happens," Yuri said in a small voice, embarrassed that she was in a state of undress.
"So, uhm, I get you - what you said just now," Jessica's voice was equally small.
"What did I say?"
"You know...before Christel's little accident?"
"Oh, THAT. Yes, but please don't make me spell things out like that ever again, okay?"
"Oh no, I wouldn't dream of doing that. It's an ego thing. I understand. Perfectly. "
"Good."
"Am I right to assume that you've already accepted the New York post?"
Yuri shook her head. "I haven't, actually."
"I would be upset if you turned them down because of me. Just tell them you'll go. You have to go, Yuri. It's too good an opportunity to pass up."
For the first time since moving back in, Jessica saw Yuri smile. She loved how the corner of her eyes crinkled up, forming little creases, and how the dimple in her chin became more apparent.
"I'll figure it out."
And then Kwon Yuri made a gesture that caught Jessica Jung entirely by surprise. She reached down and held her hand. Just a simple, little gesture like that - allowing her to feel the warmth of her hand - was enough to touch her and regain her confidence.
"So, are you gonna stand here in your bra all night just holding my hand? Very sexy, and such a turn on, but - " Jessica got cut off mid-sentence when Yuri leaned over suddenly to kiss her.
"You're right, you know...about me wanting you," Yuri whispered hoarsely against her lips. "Uhm, do you think we could continue from where we left off the other time?"
*
Making up for lost time, they made love unabashedly, and it really would have been no-holds-barred if not for the fact that Yuri had to be constantly mindful of Jessica's physical condition. Jessica had disclosed that she had only recently recovered from the episiotomy that she had had to allow Christel to be smoothly delivered.
They were lying on Yuri's sofa-bed, naked and spent. Yuri was lying on her tummy with Jessica's head resting on her shoulder.
There was something on Yuri's mind that needed to be addressed - that issue about Jessica's parents. Knowing what Jessica's reaction would be, she could only go about it as tactfully and as diplomatically as she possibly could.
"I was thinking, how would you feel, as a parent, if Christel grew up and fell for a girl?" Yuri began.
"I wouldn't like it at all," Jessica answered, without thinking.
"You see? All parents react that way, so, you can hardly blame your Mom and Dad for objecting to our relationship. "
"I know but I hate that they were mean to you."
"But I really did see where they were coming from. Everything's done out of love and concern for you, ultimately. Anyway, that was ages ago. We shouldn't dwell on it."
"They were hateful, narrow-minded and selfish and only cared about family honour and all that bullshit. I wouldn't like it if Christel really falls for a girl years from now, but I wouldn't stop her. I would still let her choose and pursue her own happiness the way she deems fit." Jessica sat up and smacked Yuri's shoulder. "Why are you suddenly talking about my parents and presumptive shit about Christel being potentially gay?"
"Uhm, I just feel bad that you fell out with your parents over me. How long have you not been home? I just feel you should go home, even if it's just to visit. They're family after all," Yuri reiterated.
"If it's of any interest to you, just the other day I went home all of 15 minutes before they severed all ties with me and drove me out," Jessica said, matter-of-factly.
With this piece of new information, Yuri turned around and sat up. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You were so busy avoiding me, remember? Besides, who in their right mind would want to tell that they've been disowned by their own parents? It isn't exactly something to be proud of...duh."
"Were you rude to them?"
"NO! I merely went there to say, 'Hey, look! It's me. Here's my daughter Christel, who doesn't have a father since I chose for her not to have one, and whether you like it or not, I'm sticking with Kwon Yuri because....because I love her to death, so don't try to stop me.' There! Happy? Oh, I forgot to mention that they wanted me to give Christel up for adoption, if I still wanted to be their daughter. I didn't tell you because I was ashamed to let you know that I have parents like them. Do you still want me to go home, hm?"
Seeing a visibly upset Jessica and noticing the tears sparkling in her eyes, Yuri drew her into her embrace, kissing the top of her head over and over again, tenderly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I - I only wanted you to still be in touch with your parents and not fall out with them over me. I won't bring it up again."
Jessica broke away from their embrace to berate Yuri, getting it all off her chest at one go. "I really fucking hate that you always think you know what's right for me, and then don't tell me what's on your freakin' mind, making me feel that you're pushing me away because you don't love me. I never would've have left with him if you had come to the airport that day. Do you know I waited and waited but you never showed? I hated you so much that - "
She was not allowed to finish when a remorseful Yuri again pulled her close, aggressively this time, silencing her with yet another kiss. It was the only way she knew to make up for all her shortcomings.
*
At work the next morning, Yuri knocked on Mr. Lee's door. She needed to find out a few details before making up her mind about the New York job.
At the end of the day, after much deliberation, her mind all set, she knocked on Mr.Lee's door again - to let him know her decision. When she exited from her superior's room, she had just been appointed Operations Manager of their sub-branch in New York.
Now, she had to think of how to break the news to Jessica.
*
There was a jewellery shop at the exit of the metro station that Yuri always passed by to and from work each day. She had never bothered about its existence until now when she thought it was imperative that she bought a pair of wedding bands. She went in, asked to look at several designs before settling for a pair of simple, yet elegant gold bands which she knew would be to Jessica's taste. Remembering Christel's baek il was only round the corner, she bought her a gold baby ring as a memento to commemorate the important event.
*
"You look thoughtful, " Jessica said as she handed Yuri a bowl of soup. "I bet I know what's on your mind. "
"No prizes for guessing," Yuri replied, nonchalantly. "I was just thinking how I should break the news to you that I've accepted the offer? "
"Okay, so now I know. When do you leave?"
"Next month. Aren't you even going to at least persuade me not to go?"
"Don't be a baby. I would've pushed you off to New York myself, if I have to. Really, you should go."
"I'm glad you're okay about it."
"Why shouldn't I be? I'm not always the close-minded, naggy, complaining, bratty bitch I know you think of me as sometimes."
Grinning, Yuri shrugged her shoulders, then took out the little boxes from her pocket. Opening the first one, she shoved it across the table to Jessica. "That's for little Miss Jung's 100th Day celebration. I think I may still be around for that." The second box was a slightly bigger one and she handed it to Jessica. "Open it and tell me what you think."
Opening the box, and peering at the twin gold bands inside, Jessica smiled, the little laugh lines at the corner of her mouth showing up. Yuri had always found them endearing. "Mmm...good taste, Kwon, if I may say so. But what are these rings for?"
"I want you and Christel to join me in New York as soon as I'm settled in," Yuri revealed." I'm not really supposed to bring anyone but as long as I do my job well and everything else that's expected of me, my personal life is my own. No one needs to know. And, uhm, New York is one of the few states in America where same-sex marriages are legal. We'll make things work."
"You have this all planned, haven't you? What makes you so sure that I'll go along with it? Is that by any chance a marriage proposal?"
"Yes, I had it all thought out. Just take it that I know. And the answer is also yes, to your third question. "
*
Epilogue - " A Real Mom and a Mom Who's Like a Dad "
Six years later...
At a suburban New York neighbourhood playground, two little girls were making sandcastles in the sandbox.
Pointing to two pretty Asian women sitting on a nearby bench, the one with pigtails, named Megan, asked her friend who was of Korean descent, "Which one's your mom?"
"They're both my moms," the Korean-American answered without hesitation.
"Huh? You're a liar, Christel Jung," Megan accused. "Your nose is going to grow like Pinocchio's."
"No, really. They're both my moms, only one is more like a dad."
"Huh? I don't get you?"
"The shorter, fair-skinned one gave birth to me, so she's my real mom. See? I look like her. The taller, tanned one is married to my mom, so she becomes my mom, too, but she's more like a dad. She does all the daddy things with me like playing soccer, teaching me to swim and how to ride a bike, stuff like that. She doesn't like to do housework. She's also less naggy, and she works hard to bring home the money."
"You're lying. How can two women get married? My mom says only a man and a woman can get married." Wide-eyed Megan stared disbelievingly at Christel.
"If you don't believe me, ask my moms." Saying so, she ran towards her two moms, shouting, "Mom! Umma! Megan doesn't believe me! Can you explain to her, please?"
Yuri sighed. "Ugh...again? I think we should just stop her from having too many friends."
Jessica glared at her. "Don't be ridiculous, and stop complaining. Your turn, Kwon. Go."
*
Glossary:
*baek il ( 백일 ) - a Korean tradition whereby a baby's 100th day of life is celebrated.
**hagwon ( 학원 ) - cram-school
***episiotomy - a surgical process whereby an incision is made in the perineum; stitches are required after the baby is delivered - ouch.
A/N: So, uhm, thanks for being such wonderfully, patient readers, especially the silent ones. I appreciate all comments left for the previous chapters. :
Edited 31.10.12 to include a word of thanks to a friend, astrantiapetals , for once mentioning to me that same-sex marriages are legal in New York. I remember her saying, "... the next time YulSic come to New York, they can get married..." Thanks, Astrantia - sorry, I never knew your real name, lol - if ever you're reading this...<3
" In Conclusion .. "
What on earth?! Ugh, you're shameless, Kwon Yuri! And right in front of my kid, too!
As embarrassed as she was to catch Yuri in the throes of such a questionable act, Jessica would prefer to think that perhaps there was a rational explanation for her indiscriminate behaviour. Like, she could've been driven by stress, maybe? Jessica wasn't about to admit it but she thought she could very well have had a hand in contributing to that. Or maybe it was fueled by deprivation - of a carnal nature, specifically.
When was the last time you got it on with anyone, Yuri? I'll rephrase that - did you or did you not do IT with Redhead? ....she mused.
Then, the one last plausible reason that Jessica could possibly come up with was that Yuri was quite simply just having an erotic dream; something that could happen to even the most prudish of us. But all these were only mere speculation on her part, of course.
Enough already!
Reprimanding herself, Jessica thought she shouldn't be making assumptions or excuses for Yuri's lack of propriety. It was debatable whether Yuri had been celibate all this while, although it did seem likely that she had. Trying to think rationally, and to keep jealousy from rearing its ugly head, she decided she would much rather have Yuri resorting to self-stimulation over her having to seek sexual gratification from some random redhead.
Propping Christel against her shoulder, she inched closer to the sofa-bed, noiselessly. Peering over Yuri's shoulder, a curious and disbelieving Jessica noticed that her eyes were closed, mouth slightly agape, her breathing heavy, somewhat stunted, and she was visibly fast asleep. But still, there was no mistaking those surreptitious movements down the front of her barely there boxers.
Shortly, there was a long-drawn-out moan, "Uuunnnggghh... " and then she heard what came next - most clearly - "....Jessica...Jessica... ", before the frenzied movements gradually came to a halt. She felt the heat rushing to her face again when she saw Yuri arching her back before fully extending her legs, feet digging into the sheets; that amorous hand still stuffed down there, somewhere.
Kwon Yuri! Are you...were you...having a dirty dream about me while frapping in your sleep?! That was clearly my name you called out when you...when you...came!
Jessica was as astonished as she was baffled when she realised that Yuri had been asleep throughout the entire sordid process, totally NOT conscious of what she was doing, and even more unaware that she was being watched by two pairs of eyes - a pair of which belonged to a minor who, thankfully, didn't know any better.
God-oh-God-oh-GOD! I don't know if I'm supposed to be flattered, but you've just managed to embarrass me in front of my kid!
Not knowing what else to think, she then contemplated on whether it would be appropriate - or not - to fish Yuri's hand out of her boxers but eventually decided against it, quite certain that that would wake her up, and which was also absolutely the last thing she wanted. After that fiasco with the speed dial issue earlier, Jessica thought she would spare her ex from further embarrassment - for the time being.
Feeling like some despicable voyeur who sought excitement in spying on other people's sexual escapades, Jessica thought she had spied long enough on an unsuspecting but surely needy Yuri. Christel was also beginning to act up, squirming against her shoulder, threatening to cry. As she turned to go, she chanced upon Yuri's cell phone sticking out from under her pillow, begging to be peeked at. There was something that she needed to affirm. Picking it up and quickly scrolling through the touch screen, she smiled to herself in the dark, getting a kick out of seeing her name still on Yuri's speed dial.
#1 My Love Jessica. Awww....you big, soft, sentimental babo! You haven't deleted it yet!
But all too soon, her smile waned when she noticed that the alarm had been set for 5.30 am. Of course, Jessica understood perfectly. It was all too clear to her that Yuri intended to avoid her by leaving for work early - yet again .
Perplexed and saddened, Jessica equated the experience of being in love with Kwon Yuri to that of taking a ride on a roller coaster through emotional hell.
If I didn't still love you so much, I would've pushed you off that goddamn roller coaster a gazillion years ago, and I would've revelled in watching you die a horrible death, Kwon Yuri.....for putting me through so much shit.
*
"You DO NOT want to remember what you just saw Auntie Yuri do, alright? That was really naughty of her," she said rather sternly to Christel while patting her little bottom, hastening her to sleep.
Jessica was still mulling over Yuri's indiscreet bedtime activity and just about every other little thing that had happened since moving back in with her.
The infant merely stared back innocently, very much awake, gurgling and cooing in her own baby lingo, as if retorting like a precocious teenager would, only she was 13 years too young - What the hell are you talking about, Mom? Masturbating is only normal.
"None of your sass, young lady. Don't you be all cute on me now...I really will spank you. Close your eyes and sleep. Chop-chop," she hissed. "Mommy needs her beauty sleep."
After taking a while to persuade a defiant Christel to go to sleep, exhaustive of all the nursery rhymes she could possibly remember, Jessica was finally able to get into bed, but not before resolutely setting her alarm to a specific time - 5.20 am, to be exact.
Of course, she was literally cutting off her nose to spite her face; chiding herself for being crazy enough to sacrifice something as sacred as sleep, but Jessica Jung was hell-bent on beating Kwon Yuri at her own game.
*
There was the sound of birds chirping repetitiously; incessantly.
Already? But I barely slept. That alarm tone...annoying as fuck...need to shut it off...fast.
Lying prone, face half buried in her pillow, Yuri groaned, cursing under her breath. Impatient to shut off the alarm, she stuck a hand under her pillow, digging around for her phone. Usually, she would need to grope for a bit as she was hardly ever in her right element that early in the morning but -
Strange.....wait.
It was as if the rectangular contraption had been delivered - pushed - right into her hand, all too conveniently, and there was the sensation of something brushing against her fingers.
What...whose hand?!
Shocked at the momentary contact, as if she'd just put it on a hot stove, she immediately withdrew her hand from under her pillow, releasing her grasp on the phone in the process. Then, she felt the mattress dipping heavily, the bed springs squeaking in protest to the extra weight. Whoever it was who had just crawled into her bed had also just switched on her reading lamp.
"What in tar - na - tion! " Yuri squealed, squinting against the bright orange light, as she sat up in a huff. "Seriously, Jessica....?"
There was Jessica Jung lying next to her, propping herself up on an elbow, staring blurry-eyed at her; looking as if she'd only just woken up not too long ago.
"Uhm, don't you think you should shut off that silly alarm? It's terribly annoying. " Jessica quipped, "BIRDS, Yuri?"
"And why not birds? I like birds." Sheepishly, Yuri reached for her phone and quickly deactivated the alarm.
"Only birds of the human, redheaded variety, I'll bet?" chirped Jessica, sardonically.
Eh? What the fuck species of bird is that?!
At 5.30 in the morning, a clueless Yuri wasn't in the right frame of mind to delve into a discussion with her nemesis on "human, redheaded variety of birds". Getting out of bed, dismissing Jessica's double entendre, she queried instead, "Isn't it a bit too early for you to be up?"
"Yeeeah, it definitely is ungodly, but I just really want to be the first thing in your peripheral vision the moment you open your eyes? It's Jessica Jung's ultimate goal - to be the first thing Kwon Yuri sees in the morning."
Yuri swore she could feel herself crumble a little, inwardly, but rolled her eyes instead. "That's so dumb." She formed 'O's with her thumbs and index fingers on both hands, and put them against her eyes like spectacles, peering into Jessica's face. "Okay, I see you, Jessica Jung! There. Happy? You've already achieved your goal, so, shouldn't you just go back to bed? It's early yet."
"Oh, so you, too, think 5.30 is a bit early, hm? Then why do you, yourself, feel the need to wake up at 5.30 when you don't even start work till 9 and the office is only 15 minutes on the Metro? "
There was a certain edge to Jessica's question, and Yuri felt it. I'm sure you know why, she was about to retort, but instead ended up deviating from the subject, "Where did you hide my gym bag and trainers?"
"Can't remember." Jessica shrugged, patting the mattress, tantalizingly. "Here. Come back to bed."
"At least return me my shoes. I have a kickboxing class this evening."
"Fuck kickboxing." Jessica flashed her a cheeky grin, her eyes sparkling with mischief. You hate that you have skin thicker than the elephant's but hang in there, Jessie....you're almost there. "I know what you did last night..."
"What did I do last night?" Yuri eyed her suspiciously, although she did have some rather vague recollection of dreaming about...things. But dreams being dreams, most of the time people could hardly remember their dreams, and Yuri was no exception.
"You were...uhm...uh...never mind."
"Shoes, Jung?"
"Bed, Kwon?"
"Stop it. I'm not in the mood to flirt with you. Where are my - uuummmnnnfff..."
And the bed springs squeaked for all they were worth when 45kg, or thereabouts, of Kwon Yuri fell heavily on top of a smaller Jessica Jung.
Yuri had just been yanked down by a deceivingly frail-looking Jessica, and was now straddled across her body, gazing into her eyes, in a state of total confusion. Their faces were precariously close to each other's. She could hear her heart pounding away, deafeningly, in her ears.
She struggled to straighten herself but Jessica had a hawk-like grasp around the nape of her neck with one hand, while the other was enveloped tightly around her waist, and it didn't look as if she was letting up any time soon. "What the hell, Jessica....let me up!"
The grin Jessica wore only seconds ago was completely wiped off her face. In its place was an expression of solemnity. " No can do."
"I'm warning you, don't push my buttons, or else - " Yuri swallowed hard; the lump in her throat was threathening to choke her.
"Or else what?" Jessica goaded her on.
"Or else...or else...THIS!"
In a flash, Yuri's lips were on Jessica's, their noses bumping clumsily against each other's. Yuri was acting totally out of character and didn't know where she found the courage or where this was leading to. She only knew Jessica was teasing her, pushing her without knowing the consequences, but in any case, it wasn't as if Jessica was at all bothered, the way she was responding so eagerly, and too readily; kissing her back, her tongue already seeking its way into her mouth. It really was pent-up emotional aggression at first, particularly on Yuri's part, but when they both fell into momentum, they eased up on the urgency and began to kiss each other slowly, as if savouring and prolonging that very moment they were caught up in.
For Jessica, it had been far too long. She had missed Yuri's soft lips. It was probably unethical to compare bed partners but she couldn't help it. Kissing him hadn't exactly been pleasurable. His lips had a rubbery feel to them and he perpetually wore a scraggly 5 o'clock shadow. His prickly stubble had scraped and poked unkindly at her sensitive skin, occasionally causing her to break out in rashes. Jessica had almost forgotten what kissing a woman - kissing Yuri - had felt like. She felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, to be kissing Yuri again; feeling her smooth, supple skin brushing against her own delicate one. She was reliving a moment she never thought possible and she could only be near-ecstatic - nothing else came close.
When she felt Yuri's hand fondling her under her pajama shirt, first caressing her stomach, and then darting upwards, Jessica broke away from their kiss to remind her of her physical condition, rather shyly, breath hitching a little, "I'm lactating and my boobs are still feeling a little tender. You might come away with milky hands, so don't - " But she was a little too late with her reminder, "Squeeze...ouch."
Yuri had already withdrawn her hand, looking at the several drops of breastmilk gracing her palm. "Oops. Too late. Sorry...did that hurt?"
Jessica shook her head, taking Yuri's wet hand and wiping it on her shirt.
"I think I just robbed your kid of her nutrition."
"I don't think Christel minds sharing that few drops."
"So, uhm, where can't I touch? I'll be careful."
"I'm alright, really. Just be gentle up here and down there, and...and...uh....my tits should be out of bounds unless you want a mouthful of lanolin, " Jessica replied, bashfully. This is so NOT me. Why the heck am I suddenly feeling so shy and letting my nerves get the better of me in front of this clumsy oaf ?
Yuri was already regretting her act of impulse, wondering what had possessed her for her to act the way she just did with Jessica.
"That's as good as saying I shouldn't be touching you at all. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...we really shouldn't be doing this. It's only been two months since you had Christel and you're probably still recuperating. I - I don't want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable," she said apologetically in that quiet, unassuming manner of hers.
As suddenly as she'd displayed it, the near-animalistic lust she'd exuded only a short while ago when she'd been kissing and groping Jessica, had completely dissipated. In its place, was that gentle disposition of hers and her thoughtful consideration for others - traits of her character that Jessica loved and appreciated. And again making comparisons, perhaps he should've taken a few lessons from Kwon Yuri on how to treat a woman. He had always just slammed his way in without first ensuring if she had been ready. All he had ever cared about was satisfying his own needs.
When Yuri made to get up, Jessica stalled her by clutching on to her elbow.
Get back in your element, Jessica Jung, and fast. This is no time for you to be shy or let pride get in the way
"No, Yuri...don't go. I can always help you to....you do know what I mean, don't you?" Jessica was almost pleading, gazing earnestly into Yuri's eyes.
"Yes....I mean....No! Look, I can't let you do this." Brushing Jessica's hand off of her, Yuri looked away. It was her way of not wanting to let on that she was struggling with her inner self, especially in front of Jessica Jung.
And something in Jessica Jung snapped.
"Why? Have I gotten so flabby and unattractive, what with my nipples being so sore and unsightly that you'd have second thoughts about taking them in your mouth the minute you see them? Or maybe you prefer sucking off Tiffany, hm? Was she a good lay?" Jessica's cheeks were burning. "Did you get off fucking her? " Indeed, hell hath no fury and there was no stopping a woman scorned.
"Stop this lunacy - "
"Or...or is it because I - I've been with a man and...and... had his child that I'm not worth a fuck anymore? Well, excuse me for throwing myself at you, and please look at me when I'm talking to you?"
There was that unmistakable hurt and biting edge in the tone of Jessica's voice that made Yuri turn sharply towards her, flabbergasted.
"How could you even suggest that? You know I didn't mean it that way," Yuri finally said. The pain she was feeling was genuine and she had no way of letting Jessica know.
"Then don't fight this! D'you know you were jilling off in your sleep last night and calling out my name?" Jessica Jung didn't let her pride go just to be rejected.
"I was - WHAT?" Yuri was clearly bewildered by Jessica's sudden revelation of her nocturnal sexcapade, something she had no prior knowledge of, colour starting to tint her cheeks.
"And the way you were kissing me and touching me earlier? You know you want me! I know you do!" Jessica got off the sofa-bed, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes, as she angrily declared, "Until you come to your pathetic senses and stop denying yourself of what you really want, you know I'm not going anywhere. God knows I've got nowhere else to go, so that I'm stuck here with pigheaded YOU!" As she stormed off towards the bedroom, she snapped, "And your precious gym bag and stupid trainers are in the washing machine! Better keep them out of my sight or I swear I'll dump them the next time!"
*
It was a small ramyeon place just around the corner from Yuri's workplace where she was having a lunch date with Sooyoung.
Yuri was lost in her own thoughts as she looked at Sooyoung slurping down her noodles with gusto.
"Penny for your thoughts," Sooyoung asked, in between mouthfuls of noodles and spoonfuls of soup.
"W100 for yours," Yuri replied, snapping out of her thoughts when she heard Sooyoung speaking to her.
"I've only got food on my mind."
"I know, that's why I said W100. It's only worth that much."
"You think that's funny?"
"No."
"Okay, I raise the stake. W1000 for what's on your mind."
"W1000 won't even be able to pay for lunch, Miss Choi."
"Whoa. Sounds like you've got a lot of crap going on up there." Sooyoung pointed at her own head. "Okay, I'll pay for lunch if you tell me what's going on."
"Show me the money first. You might back out after I spill the beans. You're such a cheat."
Sooyoung slapped a W10,000 bill onto the table and Yuri took it, stuffing it into the breast pocket of her blazer.
"I'm waiting, Kwon."
"Hold your horses." Yuri paused for a while, scratching her head. "Uhm...wemadeoutthismorning."
"What's that again?" Sooyoung dropped her chopsticks. She was obviously not ready for such a shocking revelation, and was even more surprised that Yuri would divulge information of such a personal nature. It was indeed a first.
"I'm sure you heard me. I'm not repeating."
"Holy mofo! "
"I know right? "
"You horny devils! So, uhm, who initiated it?"
"Nobody," Yuri replied, untruthfully.
"Kwon, it takes two hands to clap?"
"Alright! I shouldn't have let it start. She wanted to take it to the next level but I just couldn't do it."
"But why ever not? It's Fate bringing you one step closer to that reconciliation - "
"What fate, what reconciliation? I only know it was so awkward afterwards because she took offence and said some things. All the more I can't go home and face her now. What do I do? "
"Oh YuriYuriYuri...please just come out of denial already, I beg you! Accept your fate! Since the deed's already done, just go with the flow!"
"I wish I could. There are a couple of things bugging me - that issue with her parents is one. I really want her to go home. Even if it's just to visit."
"You spoke with her yet?"
"One of the first things we spoke about when she came back. She's not receptive to the idea."
"So be it. If it's not something she wants, then why can't you just accept it as such and respect that? I know for a fact that Jessica's trying very hard to rekindle whatever you guys once had. And what have you done? Precious little except for trampling all over her pride. You should be appreciative that she still wants you back. Can't you sit down nicely, once and for all, and have a heart-to-heart chat? Damn. This soup is goood. " Sooyoung took a final sip of her soup before laying down her spoon, smacking her lips and patting her stomach in satisfaction. "Sorry, I digress. Where was I? Oh, right. Heart-to-heart chat. Stop avoiding the issue. Ask her what she wants, and you tell her what you want. Frankly, Yuri, you're such an ass, even if you're my best friend. So, she's got parents from hell. So what? Ultimately, the decision lies with Jessica, and you, Kwon, have zero faith in her, in your relationship, everything! You tend to keep too much to yourself. Share! It's hard enough being your girlfriend. I feel for Jessica, I really do. You don't ever seem to let her in on anything even if it's clear that you do love and care a lot for her. If it wasn't for you, your stupidity, and your total lack of faith, would she have run off with Beefcake and be saddled with his baby? Your bad, Kwon. Atone for your wrongdoings."
Feeling thirsty after her rather lengthy lecture, Sooyoung decided a nice, soothing cup of citrus tea would be good.
*
After lunch, seated at her desk, Yuri took a bit of time to ruminate on what Sooyoung had said and to recollect the events that had occurred that entire morning.
A bit of colour tinted her face when she recalled the rather torrid bits that involved Jessica Jung, as they flashed vividly before her, like brilliant technicolour film being run through a movie projector at a constant speed of 24 frames/sec. But technicolour soon gave way to dull monochrome when it came to the bits where Jessica got angry with her for spurning her advances. Frame by painful frame, the black-n-white parts seemed to course through the projector, as if someone had deliberately set it to slow speed just to remind her that she needed to make amends.
Yuri shook her head vigorously, as if that would aid in dispelling all thoughts of Jessica. It didn't of course.
That morning at work, she had been rather apprehensive when her boss had asked to see her in his room, but she need not have worried. He had only wanted to talk to her about a job transfer. The company had just opened a sub-branch in New York, and she would be required to help oversee operations there. Mr. Lee had told her she should consider the position as a promotion of sorts. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity that many were hankering after, and it had been offered to only her mainly because she was competent enough to handle the challenges that came with the job, and also because she was single and didn't come with the excess baggage of spouse and kids. Of course, the job came with all the usual perks of an overseas posting like free housing, a car, allowances, etc. She need not give a definite answer straight away but he did tell her not to take too long with her decision as she would be required to report to her new post, shortly.
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. This is something I've always wanted but I can't just leave her in the lurch like that. Oh shit...what do I do now?
Yuri proceeded to run some checks over the Internet on American immigration laws and the legality of same-sex marriages in the US.
After work, she attended her kickboxing class at the gym. Then, she hung out at Taeyeon's place, hoping to stay the night but Taeyeon chased her away, telling her to go home and face the music like a (wo)man.
"If you're accepting the post, then tell her, for goodness sake! Don't wait till the day you're flying off before you break the news to her," Taeyeon said, shaking her head, wondering how anyone could be so wishy-washy. She then promptly pushed Yuri out the door.
*
Arriving home slightly past midnight, all was still and quiet.
The night lamp was still on when Yuri came into the room to get some fresh clothes to change into.
Jessica had fallen asleep while reading, her glasses still perched on her nose.
Kneeling down beside the bed, Yuri carefully removed her glasses, placing them on the bedside table.
I would love to always have you in my peripherals the moment I open my eyes each morning, you know that, don't you? But won't you please give me some time? You can't just come barging back into my life without allowing me time to adjust. You know I'm slow like that. I know I've been an absolute douche - Taeng and Sooyoung have been constantly reminding me - but it doesn't mean I don't want you back or that I love you any less. I'll make it up to you. That's a promise.
Yuri kissed the tip of Jessica's nose before ambling over to take a look at her other favourite person.
Christel was very much awake, blowing bubbles with her saliva.
"Yo, little lady. Long time no see." Yuri tickled her tummy. "Eww, that's gross. Stop playing with saliva - WHOA...what did I just see?!"
The baby had just flashed her a gummy smile. Yuri was completely bowled over. She wasn't even sure if babies could smile at age 2 months but Christel had definitely smiled at her. Was she the first to witness her toothless smile? She couldn't wait to tell Jessica but then she remembered that Jessica was angry with her, and anyway, she was too fast asleep to care.
"Some other time. I'll tell Mommy some other time when she's less mad at me," she whispered. "Say, how would you like to sleep outside with me? I could do with a bit of companionship and you're the only friendly face around."
Jessica Jung would probably have a fit if she knew Yuri was playing with her daughter at 1 am in the morning, on her sofa-bed, nuzzling her tummy with her nose and getting up to all kinds of antics, trying to get the baby to smile so she could take a picture.
Yuri took many pictures of a particularly hyper Christel early that morning, foreseeing that there wouldn't be much time left to play with her or help take care of her.
"Kiddo, I hope I'll still be around to celebrate your baek il with you and Mommy," Yuri said to a smiling Christel.
After being fed her milk, and having her diaper changed, Christel Jung duly fell asleep next to the pretty lady, who was as tanned as her mom was fair-skinned, but who gave her a sense of security no less than that given by her mom.
*
In the morning, Jessica knew where to look when she found her baby missing from her cot.
As angry as she was with Yuri, she couldn't help smiling when she saw her little one snuggled up under her armpit, sleeping peacefully.
After her little outburst yesterday morning, Jessica had felt a sense of loss - not to mention, dread - not knowing which step to take next or which direction she should go. All along, she had followed her heart which told her she had unfinished business with Kwon Yuri but all her ex had done was infuriate her. The reconciliation she had been hoping for now seemed as remote as Mars. Sooyoung had told her to be relentless but she was on the verge of giving up.
Yuri resisting her advances was really the last straw and a big blow to her ego. She would literally be insane to pull another stunt like that on Yuri unless she was game for another round of humiliation.
Fuck you, Kwon Yuri, but damn it, you look so good sleeping with my kid that I almost feel compelled to forgive you. Well, I'll think about it...to forgive you or not, but it's 7.30 already, and I need to wake you up -
"Wake up, Yuri."
Yuri stirred to the sound of a melodious voice and gentle pats on her derrière.
"Huuuh? What?"
Opening her sleepy eyes, light streamed in and the image of Jessica Jung was focused on her retina - she was staring down at her, somewhat coldly.
Oh, really now...didn't think you were serious when you said you wanted to be the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning.
"Didn't your alarm go off at 5.30? It's 7.30 now."
"I set it for 7.45. I'm going to work at the normal time today," Yuri explained, stifling a yawn, pleased that Jessica was still talking to her. She had expected a cold war of sorts like those they had whenever they had fought all those years back.
"As you please. But can I have my daughter back before you crush her to smithereens?"
"Not a chance. Unlike you, I'm a light sleeper."
"Says the one who was caught masturbating while sleeping and didn't even know."
"Stop harping on that." Yuri sheepishly moved aside to allow Jessica to pick her baby up, and before Jessica could retort, she quickly changed the subject, "Uhm, I'll be home for dinner by 7. We need to talk?"
"Whatever."
And on that note, Jessica Jung spent the rest of the day wondering what Kwon Yuri was going to tell her. She told herself that perhaps she should brace herself for the worst.
*
Jessica was breastfeeding her baby when Yuri shuffled in after clearing the table and washing the dishes.
"Thank you for dinner, " Yuri began, trying hard to recall what they had just eaten for dinner. "Uhm...what was it anyway?"
"Chinese style spicy spare ribs I learnt how to make watching those afternoon TV shows for housewives, " Jessica replied, not looking up. "And thank you for being such a good sport and eating it all despite it tasting weird - even if I say so myself." And addressing Christel who had had her fill, "There's a good girl! You prefer Mommy's nipple to that nasty, rubber teat of your bottle, don't you? But you'll have to bear with it when Mommy goes back to work, I'm sorry."
"Oh, have you found a job already?" Seeing Jessica struggle with buttoning her shirt with Christel in her arms, she offered, " Here, let me hold her."
"There's an opening for an English language teacher at the hagwon near our place. It's only part-time but it's a start." Jessica watched as Yuri held Christel against her shoulder, patting her back to get her to burp, thinking that Yuri would make an excellent mother.
"When do you start? And what about this kid here?"
"Next month, probably. I'll need your help some evenings and possibly weekends, and I'll get a babysitter or put her in day care at other times. So, can I count on you?"
"You can, but not for long."
"Why? What's with the frown?" Jessica asked, noticing Yuri's furrowed brows, and remembering, "Didn't you say we need to talk? So talk."
"They're promoting me."
"Congrats. You've earned it. I mean, you've worked hard and all, but why the glum look?"
"My new post is in New York."
Silence reigned while Jessica took time to digest this bit of information, her heart sinking fast. But still, she put on a brave front, forcing a smile even.
"You'll love New York. Didn't you always want to work overseas?" Jessica made an attempt to sound positive.
"I did, until recently."
"Be more specific?"
"This is hard for me, but I think you know?"
"Yuri, I won't know until you tell me specifically what's on your mind!" It was hard trying to stay positive and Jessica was getting impatient, not to mention just a tad agitated. This was Kwon Yuri down pat - with all her hems and haws, and vagueness, and it bothered her. " So, tell me properly, even if you have to spell everything out for me, each and every single word. Yes! I'm dense like that! "
"Don't you understand? I don't want to leave YOU and Christel behind! Is that SPECIFIC enough for you?" Yuri blurted out. Then, she felt something of a fluid nature permeating through her silk shirt, wetting her shoulder. Something that smelt vile.
"Oh my God, Christel just puked on your shoulder! " Jessica gushed, as she took her baby from Yuri who was a little slow to catch what had just happened.
*
Yuri was standing in her bra, trying to clean off the mess that Christel had left on her shirt when Jessica sidled into the bathroom.
"Here, let me have that. " Jessica took the garment from her. "That's an expensive silk shirt that you can't simply wash like that. I'll send it to the drycleaner's for you first thing tomorrow. Christel says she's sorry for messing up your nice shirt."
"That's alright. Shit happens," Yuri said in a small voice, embarrassed that she was in a state of undress.
"So, uhm, I get you - what you said just now," Jessica's voice was equally small.
"What did I say?"
"You know...before Christel's little accident?"
"Oh, THAT. Yes, but please don't make me spell things out like that ever again, okay?"
"Oh no, I wouldn't dream of doing that. It's an ego thing. I understand. Perfectly. "
"Good."
"Am I right to assume that you've already accepted the New York post?"
Yuri shook her head. "I haven't, actually."
"I would be upset if you turned them down because of me. Just tell them you'll go. You have to go, Yuri. It's too good an opportunity to pass up."
For the first time since moving back in, Jessica saw Yuri smile. She loved how the corner of her eyes crinkled up, forming little creases, and how the dimple in her chin became more apparent.
"I'll figure it out."
And then Kwon Yuri made a gesture that caught Jessica Jung entirely by surprise. She reached down and held her hand. Just a simple, little gesture like that - allowing her to feel the warmth of her hand - was enough to touch her and regain her confidence.
"So, are you gonna stand here in your bra all night just holding my hand? Very sexy, and such a turn on, but - " Jessica got cut off mid-sentence when Yuri leaned over suddenly to kiss her.
"You're right, you know...about me wanting you," Yuri whispered hoarsely against her lips. "Uhm, do you think we could continue from where we left off the other time?"
*
Making up for lost time, they made love unabashedly, and it really would have been no-holds-barred if not for the fact that Yuri had to be constantly mindful of Jessica's physical condition. Jessica had disclosed that she had only recently recovered from the episiotomy that she had had to allow Christel to be smoothly delivered.
They were lying on Yuri's sofa-bed, naked and spent. Yuri was lying on her tummy with Jessica's head resting on her shoulder.
There was something on Yuri's mind that needed to be addressed - that issue about Jessica's parents. Knowing what Jessica's reaction would be, she could only go about it as tactfully and as diplomatically as she possibly could.
"I was thinking, how would you feel, as a parent, if Christel grew up and fell for a girl?" Yuri began.
"I wouldn't like it at all," Jessica answered, without thinking.
"You see? All parents react that way, so, you can hardly blame your Mom and Dad for objecting to our relationship. "
"I know but I hate that they were mean to you."
"But I really did see where they were coming from. Everything's done out of love and concern for you, ultimately. Anyway, that was ages ago. We shouldn't dwell on it."
"They were hateful, narrow-minded and selfish and only cared about family honour and all that bullshit. I wouldn't like it if Christel really falls for a girl years from now, but I wouldn't stop her. I would still let her choose and pursue her own happiness the way she deems fit." Jessica sat up and smacked Yuri's shoulder. "Why are you suddenly talking about my parents and presumptive shit about Christel being potentially gay?"
"Uhm, I just feel bad that you fell out with your parents over me. How long have you not been home? I just feel you should go home, even if it's just to visit. They're family after all," Yuri reiterated.
"If it's of any interest to you, just the other day I went home all of 15 minutes before they severed all ties with me and drove me out," Jessica said, matter-of-factly.
With this piece of new information, Yuri turned around and sat up. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You were so busy avoiding me, remember? Besides, who in their right mind would want to tell that they've been disowned by their own parents? It isn't exactly something to be proud of...duh."
"Were you rude to them?"
"NO! I merely went there to say, 'Hey, look! It's me. Here's my daughter Christel, who doesn't have a father since I chose for her not to have one, and whether you like it or not, I'm sticking with Kwon Yuri because....because I love her to death, so don't try to stop me.' There! Happy? Oh, I forgot to mention that they wanted me to give Christel up for adoption, if I still wanted to be their daughter. I didn't tell you because I was ashamed to let you know that I have parents like them. Do you still want me to go home, hm?"
Seeing a visibly upset Jessica and noticing the tears sparkling in her eyes, Yuri drew her into her embrace, kissing the top of her head over and over again, tenderly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I - I only wanted you to still be in touch with your parents and not fall out with them over me. I won't bring it up again."
Jessica broke away from their embrace to berate Yuri, getting it all off her chest at one go. "I really fucking hate that you always think you know what's right for me, and then don't tell me what's on your freakin' mind, making me feel that you're pushing me away because you don't love me. I never would've have left with him if you had come to the airport that day. Do you know I waited and waited but you never showed? I hated you so much that - "
She was not allowed to finish when a remorseful Yuri again pulled her close, aggressively this time, silencing her with yet another kiss. It was the only way she knew to make up for all her shortcomings.
*
At work the next morning, Yuri knocked on Mr. Lee's door. She needed to find out a few details before making up her mind about the New York job.
At the end of the day, after much deliberation, her mind all set, she knocked on Mr.Lee's door again - to let him know her decision. When she exited from her superior's room, she had just been appointed Operations Manager of their sub-branch in New York.
Now, she had to think of how to break the news to Jessica.
*
There was a jewellery shop at the exit of the metro station that Yuri always passed by to and from work each day. She had never bothered about its existence until now when she thought it was imperative that she bought a pair of wedding bands. She went in, asked to look at several designs before settling for a pair of simple, yet elegant gold bands which she knew would be to Jessica's taste. Remembering Christel's baek il was only round the corner, she bought her a gold baby ring as a memento to commemorate the important event.
*
"You look thoughtful, " Jessica said as she handed Yuri a bowl of soup. "I bet I know what's on your mind. "
"No prizes for guessing," Yuri replied, nonchalantly. "I was just thinking how I should break the news to you that I've accepted the offer? "
"Okay, so now I know. When do you leave?"
"Next month. Aren't you even going to at least persuade me not to go?"
"Don't be a baby. I would've pushed you off to New York myself, if I have to. Really, you should go."
"I'm glad you're okay about it."
"Why shouldn't I be? I'm not always the close-minded, naggy, complaining, bratty bitch I know you think of me as sometimes."
Grinning, Yuri shrugged her shoulders, then took out the little boxes from her pocket. Opening the first one, she shoved it across the table to Jessica. "That's for little Miss Jung's 100th Day celebration. I think I may still be around for that." The second box was a slightly bigger one and she handed it to Jessica. "Open it and tell me what you think."
Opening the box, and peering at the twin gold bands inside, Jessica smiled, the little laugh lines at the corner of her mouth showing up. Yuri had always found them endearing. "Mmm...good taste, Kwon, if I may say so. But what are these rings for?"
"I want you and Christel to join me in New York as soon as I'm settled in," Yuri revealed." I'm not really supposed to bring anyone but as long as I do my job well and everything else that's expected of me, my personal life is my own. No one needs to know. And, uhm, New York is one of the few states in America where same-sex marriages are legal. We'll make things work."
"You have this all planned, haven't you? What makes you so sure that I'll go along with it? Is that by any chance a marriage proposal?"
"Yes, I had it all thought out. Just take it that I know. And the answer is also yes, to your third question. "
*
Epilogue - " A Real Mom and a Mom Who's Like a Dad "
Six years later...
At a suburban New York neighbourhood playground, two little girls were making sandcastles in the sandbox.
Pointing to two pretty Asian women sitting on a nearby bench, the one with pigtails, named Megan, asked her friend who was of Korean descent, "Which one's your mom?"
"They're both my moms," the Korean-American answered without hesitation.
"Huh? You're a liar, Christel Jung," Megan accused. "Your nose is going to grow like Pinocchio's."
"No, really. They're both my moms, only one is more like a dad."
"Huh? I don't get you?"
"The shorter, fair-skinned one gave birth to me, so she's my real mom. See? I look like her. The taller, tanned one is married to my mom, so she becomes my mom, too, but she's more like a dad. She does all the daddy things with me like playing soccer, teaching me to swim and how to ride a bike, stuff like that. She doesn't like to do housework. She's also less naggy, and she works hard to bring home the money."
"You're lying. How can two women get married? My mom says only a man and a woman can get married." Wide-eyed Megan stared disbelievingly at Christel.
"If you don't believe me, ask my moms." Saying so, she ran towards her two moms, shouting, "Mom! Umma! Megan doesn't believe me! Can you explain to her, please?"
Yuri sighed. "Ugh...again? I think we should just stop her from having too many friends."
Jessica glared at her. "Don't be ridiculous, and stop complaining. Your turn, Kwon. Go."
*
Glossary:
*baek il ( 백일 ) - a Korean tradition whereby a baby's 100th day of life is celebrated.
**hagwon ( 학원 ) - cram-school
***episiotomy - a surgical process whereby an incision is made in the perineum; stitches are required after the baby is delivered - ouch.
A/N: So, uhm, thanks for being such wonderfully, patient readers, especially the silent ones. I appreciate all comments left for the previous chapters. :
Edited 31.10.12 to include a word of thanks to a friend, astrantiapetals , for once mentioning to me that same-sex marriages are legal in New York. I remember her saying, "... the next time YulSic come to New York, they can get married..." Thanks, Astrantia - sorry, I never knew your real name, lol - if ever you're reading this...<3