Comments | planethitthesun: (без темы)

planethitthesun

(Untitled)

Feb 11, 2007 22:36

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCLFUCKFUCKFUCLFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Have a rant.
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Comments 14

engor February 11 2007, 23:13:41 UTC

Why is it that you explode at him when you talk?.. Is it that you're angry that he seems to have moved on even though you're meant to be the one with the closure cuz you did the closing? Or is it because of something else ( ... )

planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:30:39 UTC

Its just... that he moved on so quickly... I get the guilt for doing the dumping but for some reason I feel like I was the one who GOT dumped somehow. He got with Catherine so soon, before I got with Dave, he doesn't seem to care about me beyond the gratuitous being-nice-to-the-ex stuff... I mean we were best friends for years, I used to have sex with him, doesn't it count for anything . But he probably does care and just doesn't show it. I'd be grateful if he did though, I'd feel less like a big horrible mess. Which is currently what I am for many many reasons. But its mostly not all the time, I remain happy and upbeat mostly, then suddenly seem to crumple and collapse and cave it at random provocations. Maybe it is all hormonal. Thank you btw.

piste_off February 12 2007, 15:05:48 UTC

Make a voodoo doll and stab it lots!

A slightly less psychotic thing to do would be to think of all the people who love you as you are now, all the people who think you're a wonderful, friendly, caring, warm person (and these are not gratuitous adjectives!) Even if you don't feel warm, caring, friendly and wondeful, you certainly come across as that, and not many people do. You're something special Ali and you don't seem to realise it. I've always had so much admiration and respect for you because you're so bubbly and enthusiastic and almost never have a bad word to say against anyone, and I've never heard a bad word ever being said against you either (and in a group where loads of people secretly and not-so-secretly dislike each other that's no mean feat!) and I'm definitely not the only one who thinks this. You don't have low self esteem because you're not all of things, you have low self esteem DESPITE being all of these not-gratuitous adjectives things. I don't know if me saying this will help you change your mind about yourself ( ... )

planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:36:51 UTC

Are you crazy??!! People say terrible things to me all the time!Though I don't THINK they're serious. Thing is about being warm and caring and friendly, is that it makes for a very boring person. You think too much, do the right thing as opposed to the fun thing and are hyper sensitive, and generally silly about unimportant things. But I guess its not technically a bad way to be. Just infers a whole lot of responsibilty and worry that otherwise I woulnd't have to deal with. Being normal would rock. Arg... you also get horribly self pitying on livejournal which is just frankly embarassing :-P Thanks hun, it means a lot though. I shall remember this.

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planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:43:28 UTC

Thanks Jen. I dunno, I don't think Darran needed my help exactly, or me, and that was what got to me. He didn't need me at all, he had this new way of living and having fun and I knew I could never fit onto that new life and enjoy myself. Which is pretty pathetic considering when I say "new life" I mean the life most people have at some stage, their drink and drugs and being an idiot phase. I never got one and don't know if I will at this stage. Just felt awful that he could stop needing me, that I became pretty much useless to him.
Sorry about the Dave thing. Its probably for the best he dumped me, for everyone's sake, I'm sorry anything ever happened, it wasn't fair on you or him or anyone. Bleh. No more boys.

philippenis February 12 2007, 22:30:02 UTC

i agree with jen and liz ^^

planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:44:27 UTC

Thanks Phil!

carlottakiss February 13 2007, 01:15:07 UTC

You are amazing sweetie, and this situation sucks ass. as do men actually. you have so many things going for you, and like Plunky said, your first love is the hardest to get over, it's like that story of the little boy who got a shard of ice in his eye and it travelled down to his heart, and even though the love of his sister saved him, he carried that fragment around with him wherever he went...he never forgot it...that kinda the way love is...you will never forget and you won't stop caring but it will get easier in time as sucky as that is to say ( ... )

piste_off February 13 2007, 19:27:35 UTC

I've never heard this story about the boy with the ice- please tell it to me!

planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:58:50 UTC

I think it was the one about the Snow Queen? A boy got a piece of ice in his eye and started becoming cold and unloving and the Snow Queen stole him. HIs sister went after him to save him and he was turned to ice. But her tears of love melted the ice and he was set free, but he always had the ice in his heart forever after that. That story used to freak me out no end. I think thats the one anyway, was it by Oscar Wilde? Or the Brothers Grimm? One of those stories that children really shouldn't be told because its a little too close to realisty for comfort.

planethitthesun February 13 2007, 23:53:58 UTC

thanks Carly. Miss you too, Friday was really fun, we should try to do that more often, I feel so much better when I just go out and forget about all that. Like I'm typing this about a meter from the spot where we started going out for the second time, and everything just reeks of memories. Ooozes and seeps memories from every pore. So yeah it would be cool to see you all more often, I do try and its hard so it would be great, it really helps ( ... )