Day Twenty-Nine: "Skinned Deep"
Skinned Deep is...well, it's something else. To say the least.
Tina and her family are on vacation when there van has its tires punctured. The father goes to the nearest grocery store to find Granny. She very creepily informs him that it's too late in the day for a mechanic (despite the clock behind her reading one o'clock), but her grandson can fix cars. Despite this, the family still goes back with her to her house. There they meet her grandsons, the Surgeon General who is wearing a very unconvincing mask, Plates who is Warwick Davis with white face paint, and Brain who has a sack on his head. Surgeon General pulls off his mask to reveal that he has metal teeth, and the family kills everybody but Tina.
Brain decides to keep Tina as his wife. Tina's so upset by this that she basically refuses every opportunity to escape. But she does rip the bricks off the walls with her bare hands, so kudos. Eventually, Tina finally gets around to leaving. And she runs to the grocery store. There she finds really old bikers. Surgeon General kills a couple and takes Tina back. Brain has a hallucination/flashback/acid trip where he runs naked through Times Square during Rush Hour. And then he and Plates put Tina in a wedding dress and tell her that the entire family was created by a man called The Creator.
The grandsons strap Tina to the front of their truck and drive it down the centre of the highway because... Nothing happens for a reason in this movie, just go with it. Eventually, they come across a truck. Plates and the Surgeon General (who never does anything surgery related *or* general-y) kill all the people in the truck except one. Brain forces Tina to poor sand down the last guy's throat which kills him instantly. They take Tina back to the house now that she's one of them. Then she kills Brain. Good job, guys!
Finally, Tina tries to escape again but is distracted by the bikers' friends coming for revenge. Granny gives most of them explosive peace signs, though, so that doesn't last long. One of the bikers kills Plates and then walks off into the sunset with his girlfriend. Plates didn't even kill the first biker! And Granny is right there! Suddenly, Tina remembers that she's been standing at the window for fifteen minutes without moving so she breaks it to escape. Wait. Nothing makes any sense in this movie, so what she really does is head into the house's basement. There she meets the Creator.
This film was recommended to me with the words, "The killer is a headless bodybuilder in a pair of 'Dy-no-mite!' booty shorts." This is not true. It's a crotch flap, not booty shorts.
Tina kills Granny by...I actually have no idea. As far as I can tell, Tina green gunks her to death. Then a monster baby rips its way out of the Creator and tries to kill her. Meanwhile, the Creator flexes in the background. A fierce three-way battle between Tina, the Surgeon General, and Monster Baby occurs. By which I mean, they kinda slap at each other for a bit.
Tina electrocutes the Surgeon General. Since that doesn't kill him, she decides to lift the Creator's crotch flap (because that makes sense?) where she finds...dynamite. Huh. She puts some on the Surgeon General and some on the Creator. The explosion doesn't kill the Surgeon General, but it does blow up the house. Then Tina runs him over on a motorbike. Which kills him. SENSE! This movie has it!
Yeah, so...that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of weird here. And it's really creepy. The only person who can even remotely act is Warwick Davis, and he's obviously in this for the paycheck. (Was it really so bad in 2004? Surely, he still had hobbit money left over.) None of the special effects are good. None of the lighting is good. None of the movie makes sense. And the credits music is bad. Since it's nonexistent and it's just Tina yelling, "NO!" for the entire ten minutes they run.
However, I do recommend this. It's one of those things that you can't believe exists until you actually see it for yourself. And even then, you're like, "Wait. What? I hallucinated that. Right?" Full disclosure, though: the opening credits shows someone being scarred with a "SD" that then morphs into the title. That's a real person, actually being scarred. For this piece of crap. Also, the film was shot with no permits, so when Brain has his hallucination/flashback/acid trip, the actor is actually running naked through Times Square at rush hour wearing nothing but a prosthetic brain on his head. So he served some jail time. For this piece of crap.
Tina and her family are on vacation when there van has its tires punctured. The father goes to the nearest grocery store to find Granny. She very creepily informs him that it's too late in the day for a mechanic (despite the clock behind her reading one o'clock), but her grandson can fix cars. Despite this, the family still goes back with her to her house. There they meet her grandsons, the Surgeon General who is wearing a very unconvincing mask, Plates who is Warwick Davis with white face paint, and Brain who has a sack on his head. Surgeon General pulls off his mask to reveal that he has metal teeth, and the family kills everybody but Tina.
Brain decides to keep Tina as his wife. Tina's so upset by this that she basically refuses every opportunity to escape. But she does rip the bricks off the walls with her bare hands, so kudos. Eventually, Tina finally gets around to leaving. And she runs to the grocery store. There she finds really old bikers. Surgeon General kills a couple and takes Tina back. Brain has a hallucination/flashback/acid trip where he runs naked through Times Square during Rush Hour. And then he and Plates put Tina in a wedding dress and tell her that the entire family was created by a man called The Creator.
The grandsons strap Tina to the front of their truck and drive it down the centre of the highway because... Nothing happens for a reason in this movie, just go with it. Eventually, they come across a truck. Plates and the Surgeon General (who never does anything surgery related *or* general-y) kill all the people in the truck except one. Brain forces Tina to poor sand down the last guy's throat which kills him instantly. They take Tina back to the house now that she's one of them. Then she kills Brain. Good job, guys!
Finally, Tina tries to escape again but is distracted by the bikers' friends coming for revenge. Granny gives most of them explosive peace signs, though, so that doesn't last long. One of the bikers kills Plates and then walks off into the sunset with his girlfriend. Plates didn't even kill the first biker! And Granny is right there! Suddenly, Tina remembers that she's been standing at the window for fifteen minutes without moving so she breaks it to escape. Wait. Nothing makes any sense in this movie, so what she really does is head into the house's basement. There she meets the Creator.
This film was recommended to me with the words, "The killer is a headless bodybuilder in a pair of 'Dy-no-mite!' booty shorts." This is not true. It's a crotch flap, not booty shorts.
Tina kills Granny by...I actually have no idea. As far as I can tell, Tina green gunks her to death. Then a monster baby rips its way out of the Creator and tries to kill her. Meanwhile, the Creator flexes in the background. A fierce three-way battle between Tina, the Surgeon General, and Monster Baby occurs. By which I mean, they kinda slap at each other for a bit.
Tina electrocutes the Surgeon General. Since that doesn't kill him, she decides to lift the Creator's crotch flap (because that makes sense?) where she finds...dynamite. Huh. She puts some on the Surgeon General and some on the Creator. The explosion doesn't kill the Surgeon General, but it does blow up the house. Then Tina runs him over on a motorbike. Which kills him. SENSE! This movie has it!
Yeah, so...that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of weird here. And it's really creepy. The only person who can even remotely act is Warwick Davis, and he's obviously in this for the paycheck. (Was it really so bad in 2004? Surely, he still had hobbit money left over.) None of the special effects are good. None of the lighting is good. None of the movie makes sense. And the credits music is bad. Since it's nonexistent and it's just Tina yelling, "NO!" for the entire ten minutes they run.
However, I do recommend this. It's one of those things that you can't believe exists until you actually see it for yourself. And even then, you're like, "Wait. What? I hallucinated that. Right?" Full disclosure, though: the opening credits shows someone being scarred with a "SD" that then morphs into the title. That's a real person, actually being scarred. For this piece of crap. Also, the film was shot with no permits, so when Brain has his hallucination/flashback/acid trip, the actor is actually running naked through Times Square at rush hour wearing nothing but a prosthetic brain on his head. So he served some jail time. For this piece of crap.