(no subject)
the whole damn correspondance.. make of it what you well. My "bullshit" detector still goes off..
Greetings Brett!
Wow... after a long time wondering how or if I would ever manage to get ahold of you again I somehow stumbled upon a forum you posted on (enemy.com i believe) which led me here..
its been over four years since we last spoke, and as you must know i was heading into a downward spiral that would eventually strip me of all i thought important in those days. Where I am now is hard to say, but after fleeing full speed from any spiritual practice for a time, I recently have been feeling a calling to become a seeker once more. Whether or not I have the will or dedication to heed that call will remain to be seen.. self discipline was never easy for me, much to my dismay.
i was hoping perhaps to talk with you.. as old friends, as perhaps former student and teacher, once Master and Apprentice.
I see that things have evolved once more, yet remain the same in your focus on gnosticism and kabbalah (once again). Do you still work with thelema?
The left hand path is still what calls to me and i've been re-exploring the works of K. Grant and the Typhonion OTO and also the ideas of Nema and the current of MAAT.
Anyway, I don't really know what to say in this introduction to re-establishing communication.. I just wanted to perhaps talk to you again. If you do not wish to communicate with me I would understand, I know I was not a good student at times, in particular my final year or so in the circle. I hope you can accept my sincere apologies for my decieving you (in regards to my behaviour in my marriage) and the way I left the circle.. (kinda slinking away like a guilty criminal)..
However, if you would like to talk again.. I would be very happy. my email address is j_facile@yahoo.com and I will check back here to see if perhaps you have replied in this format.
~jonathan
(akashadeva, akashasuti, akashaasar)
my (old.. ex) master wrote me back..
although i wish it was different it seems he still rewrites history to establish what he is currently into.. he is getting published by lellewyn now.. thats cool, good for him.. yet he seems to also deny the validity of anything he ever taught me (b/c perhaps it contradicts what he's teaching now?)
i wonder if he can really talk to me as a human being, old friend, ex lover..
b/c i know i am not a boy any longer (as i was when i first became his student)
and i will not be able to go very long at all without questioning all these things i question.. all these things that seem to contradict one another...
he actually told me he has no use for thelema anymore.. when once he was trying to preach that he had recieved the next word of the aeon "skhau" (egyptian for "remember")
anyway.. here's his reply..
Greetings Jonathan -
Yes, indeed, it has been some time.
Your apology is accepted, though your feeling of deception is only partly correct. In those moments of life I believe we only deceive ourselves.
For many years I never really taught the Tradition as I received it from Tau Elijah, the Old Man, but used the veil of many other things to speak through. These days I teach and initiate the Sophian Tradition as I received it quite openly. Gnostic Christianity has the White, Red and Black Path, so I do not have much need for Thelema and such. The magic of the Tradition is founded upon mystical attainment, and those forms which are not founded upon mystical attainment lack the greater power of our art of divine magic. Pop-occultism is really more like a role playing game than anything that generates actual Presence and Power. The Force in our Continuum has always come from the ways of the Tradition within and behind the veils. I deeply enjoy teachings the Tradition as I received it without veils. But veils were once necessary to guard the teachings and Continuum of the Light-Transmission.
I imagine our Circle will be growing again and the work will change a bit once Llewellyn begins to publish my series of books - writing books on the tradition has become a large part of what I do and the first book of the series will be released in June this year. Also taking on a disciples who runs a Gnostic Circle in Colorado has brought change, hence our shared website on the Sophian Tradition. So this year should be interesting..........we shall see what transpires.
I do not mind talking with you. I'm glad your mind is turning towards the spiritual quest once again. Hopefully you will follow the path in a form that leads to some degree of actual realization and not get stuck in pop-occultism, which truly will lead one nowhere.
You can write or you can call. My email is: xxxxxxx and my phone number is: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Good to hear from you.
Blessings & shalom!
Ad Lux,
Tau xxxxxxx
Greetings Tau xxxxxx,
Thank you for accepting my apology - and yes.. I
pretty much knew that you knew and such.. matter of
fact one of the reasons I felt the need to leave the
Circle was precisely that...
I felt like I could not look you in the eye anymore.
For some reason, when I was just having physical
affairs with people I could easily compartmentalise
it, when I actually fell in love with someone (a love
that I would later realise to be completely bi-polar
and bordered on obsession) I could not hide it.. and
for a time it honestly became what I found divine in
my life.While prior to that self realization was my
purpose and meaning to living.. for some reason she
inspired that love to be my purpose and meaning. Yet
being that it was founded in deception, jealousy and
lies it ultimately ended.. leaving me ultimately
feeling that I had lost ever dream I ever had.
To be quite honest though, there where other reasons I
had for leaving.. one of the main reasons was how the
Order changed so much over the years.. from an
independant thelemic order with a heavy focus on Nox
magicks, to an order with a huge tibetan focus, to a
gnostic christian order.. not to mention focus's on
crystals, "lords of the seven rays", trapezoid
mysteries, etc..
I've since come to the understanding that whatever
divine spark exists within me, whatever essence I have
resonates with certain teachings and symbol systems.
Those of thelema speak to me, the left hand path,
typhonion focus's. If I am ever going to achieve any
degree of true attainment I need to be pursuing
studies and practices that capture my heart and
imagination.. that hold my interest.. at times in the
Order it became very hard to do that, as I never
really had much interest in many of the things that
you would get into.. I still had only a small
knowledge of the things I wanted to learn! As I once
heard another former student of yours say "I couldn't
keep up!"
These where all things I knew you already had done,
already had learned and if nothing else was higly
adept at doing... but seemed like after a phase had
little interest in teaching to others after something
else caught your interest.
I hesitate to go into the next point and reason I felt
the reason to leave.. b/c although at many times you
encourage me to question, to doubt and to seek
experiential gnosis.. it also seemed you got rather
offended and angry if I ever questioned you
personally... that somehow b/c of your knowledge and
power I should accept everything you said about your
personal life without question.. yet I feel if I don't
bring this up it will be akin to leaving the elephant
in the room if we continue speaking.
That is, I have a hard time believing a lot of things
you have told me about your past.. it just seemed that
you seemed to tell us a new part of your life (and at
times new teachers) that had to do with whatever new
form of spirituality we were into at that time.
(diakini, Laughs-a-Lot comes to mind) .. and usually
these stories and such were things I never heard an
inkling of.. even while I was living with you as your
lover. It became a bit hard to swallow honestly. You
once taught about the living myth.. the living
mythology. It seemed part of your history was part of
that mythology.. at least I had a hard time discerning
between the two..
In your email you say you never really taught the
Tradition as you recieved it from the Old Man. I guess
what comes to mind and I wonder is why? Why did you
feel the need to veil the Tradition? If something like
Thelema was something you now have little use for why
did you spend so much time teaching it to myself and
other seekers like me? For that matter, what about
Skhau? Was that not a magickal word given to you by
your HDA? Was it not an aeonic word? What about the
Sacred books of Skhau? Are they no longer valid? If
these where all viels how is that any different than
lies? What was necessary to guard the continuum from?
It leaves me feeling like I have to believe something,
either what I was once taught was not the truth, or
this phase in your teachings is no different than the
many other phases I have witnessed you teach.
These are questions that I have been wondering about
for years honestly. I don't know if you will answer
them, but it is something that has weighed on me over
the years. These things cast the seeds of doubt that I
believe eventually engendered an apathy in me for the
path. While I take full responsibility for allowing
that to happen it is how I felt. Also, I was always to
scared to actually question you on the subject..
I have never doubted your ability as a Magician you
have more than proved that to me, nor do I doubt the
validity of your teachings as I myself have at times
used them to become more than I was before. The more
magickal aspect of your teachings were something I
could more relate to for I was able to achieve direct
experience in my practices.
All that being said you have been the most intelligent
and intuitive man I've ever met. At times you would
actually make me feel like my intellect was inferior,
something no other person has managed to do ;) I also
highly just enjoyed your company many times, even if
at others the nature of the iniatory relationship
caused me to just want to get away. I have at times
missed your friendship.
These are just things that have been in my mind..
perhaps I feel as if I owe you an honest explanation
to it all.. perhaps I feel a need to be able to
express to you the thoughts I never had the courage to
before. Perhaps I feel before I embark seriously on
any new journeys I should achieve closure with you. I
have at many times in the past few years started to
attempt to practice something or another and found
what I felt to be certain internal blockages in doing
it. Perhaps this will help to disolve those.
Understand that while you may not have wanted to be,
you were a father figure to me. I met you when I was
18.. barely six months away from my own father. You
were my authority figure ultimately.. I felt I always
had to answer to you, I felt I had to hide things from
you, I felt guilty for doing so.. I know that was not
how I was supposed to view you and our relationship,
but perhaps because of my age and relatively emotional
immaturity thats pretty much how it was. I am older
now, and perhaps a bit more wiser.. if nothing else I
might think a bit more clearly..
Well after all that rambling I think I should get to
closing this.. I hope I didn't offend you, for that is
not my desire. These where just things I have been
thinking about.
Perhaps after all this is said and done and the
elephant is no longer in the room you could tell me
how one tells the difference between pop-occultism and
"true" occultism.
In Respect,
Jonathan
p.s. i'd love to hear how my old companions are doing
and if they are still with you. xxxx, xxxx, xxxxxx ,xxxxxxx
.. I've thought about them often over
the years.
Greetings Jonathan -
Blessings...
No, I'm not offended by your views or comments, praise
or blame does not
matter very much.
It is ironic that students around me in the old circle
should be surprised
that I might veil the Tradition, considering the many
deceptions that my
"companions" were enacting at the time. I have always
said that a mentor's
role is to actively serve as a mirror to reflect the
student - and I always
apply that method. As those who are still with me
today would swiftly tell
you, the essence of my teachings has always remained
the same, only for some
years the forms through which I spoke were changed in
cycles. Prior to the
period of the lodge, I taught Kabbalah, and I have
returned to teaching the
Kabbalah, only in the context of the Sophian Tradition
of Gnosticism; hence
the name Ordo Sanctus Gnosis. It was easy to do
because my beloved Teacher
introduced me to several adepts and masters of other
wisdom traditions,
primarily so that I would learn something about our
own inmost secret
teachings (the Melchizedek Teachings), specifically
that there was a
universal truth or objective truth to be realized, one
that could be found
on the inner level a several different traditions.
Those who have passed
through the cycles to receive the Tradition in the
form I originally
received it have now also had a taste of that
exposure, which is essential
for the core group and the work with others they will
soon be doing. So it
was not a matter of whatever caught my interest as
much as a process with a
twofold purpose.
But the process involved something more. Always, as a
circle develops, there
is an admixture among those who gather around the
Light-Presence, and not
all have a true connection to a given Tzaddik or to
the Light-Transmission.
Those who have a soul connection with the Tzaddik must
be sorted out from
those who do not, for until there is an authentic core
group there is no
full guardianship in a circle. Once a core group is
established there is a
natural balance and guardianship on an energy level -
newcomers with the
wrong kind of energy don't effect the circle and,
generally speaking, don't
stick around all that long. At the same time I have
been seeking one true
apprentice, much like the Old Man did, and have tested
many. How do I test
such individuals? I present them with various currents
and ideas, and I push
this way and that, and then observe what attracts them
and the choices they
make from within their own hearts; and, of course, I
watch the developments
in their continuum of spiritual practice and daily
living. It is a common
tactic employed by Elders and Tau of our Tradition - a
Tradition that
survived during periods of extreme tribulation, hence
a tactic quite
perfected among our initiates, akin to our capacity to
shape-shift
teachings. The Old Man certainly put some interesting
things out there in
front of me to see what I would do with them - it has
always been that way.
As for Thelema and the Left-hand Path, that was a
vehicle of seeking a heart
companion who had strayed towards the Dark Side of
things - hence a
shape-shifting to go where I needed to go in order to
find him and call him
out of the darkness into which he had fallen. In fact,
it worked quite well.
This companion is with me to this day and has brought
another heart
companion to me. When dealing with sorcerers,
appearing as a sorcerer is
often the best method, which is the primary purpose of
what we call the
"Black Path" or "Way of the Wrathful Guardians."
Remember, it is all about a
magical art and one becomes fully immersed in the
continuum of the magical
act - in this case it required a very elaborate
continuum and talisman. It
could not have been accomplished any other way - so I
trusted and followed
the Spirit.
I do not know that you understand what transpired in
the desert, nor
understand Aeonic Words as meant in our Tradition.
Remembrance plays a key
role in what I'm doing, and has proved rather
prophetic. A current was,
indeed, initiated, but more important is the Supernal
or Supramental
realization - the Light-Presence and Light-Continuum
embodied; this is the
essential meaning of Remembrance, whether spoken in
English, Egyptian or
Hebrew, or another other tongue. The Word is a Living
Presence and Power,
Jonathan, which remains in place to this very day. It
is how our Tau come
into being, and they are the Presence and Power of the
Word. This experience
and how it has developed, however, is beyond the scope
of this email. I can
say, because of that experience that I remember
perfectly all teachings I
received from the Old Man and his circle, and am able
to remember teachings
of the Tradition that I did not receive in this life -
I remembered my Holy
Neshamah, as would be said in the Tradition.
I have to chuckle at your disbelief of my past - it is
rather dream-like and
fanciful to me, so I don't know that it would make a
lot of sense to someone
outside of my experience. It is rather odd to be
around an old Gnostic who
is both mystic and magician - a true Mage of Light.
Especially one like Tau
Elijah - reality becomes very fluid, and many
dimensions intersect in one's
experience. What transpires in the inner planes and
what transpires in the
material plane is always a good question - one that is
not so easily
answered. As one sojourns the path one finds the
distinction vanishes almost
completely - one comes to live fully in a mystical and
magical universe,
which you glimpsed on several occasions, and if
considered more deeply you
might understand from your glimpses.
Were teachings ever a lie? No, the same essence has
always been taught, only
many were too preoccupied with themselves and the
mundane world to listen
and hear that heart essence. Folks tend to hear only
what they want to hear,
and to see only what they want to see, and all are not
necessarily looking
and seeing with their heart and soul, but only with
the mental being which
is quite deceptive. I imagine it can become quite easy
to critique one's
teacher when bound up in one's own admixture - funny
how that all goes.
Like yourself, XXXXX is no longer part of the circle,
but XXXXXXXXXXX, XXXX,
XXXXXX and others remain with the circle. As a matter
of fact, XXXX and
XXXXXX built their house up here and had a baby at the
same time, who will
be two years old next month. Life sure sails along!
If it is the left-hand path that calls to you, then
truly our journeys in
this life are very different and, actually, quite
opposite to one another.
To be quite honest, it was observing such inclinations
in students around me
that reinforced my need to veil the Tradition to allow
time for a change of
heart and direction in life or for individuals to
depart on their own and go
their own way. I do not hold any ill-will towards
anyone who departed, it
was part of the process initiated in the desert as I
dropped the talismatic
vehicle I used to seek out one of my heart companions
- we have all gone the
way we have chosen.
More than this I'm not inclined to explain, as it
would be too involved and
require more time and energy than is necessary.
I'm glad that you wrote and were able to say what you
wished, perhaps it
will give you some comfort and the closure you desire.
I certainly hope so.
Given your desire to sojourn the left-hand path I do
not know that we share
much in common or that there is much for us to talk
about...........it is
kind of one of those Star Wars things - individuals
working from two
different sides of the Force with two very different
aims. Thus, here we
must part company, though I do, indeed, wish you well
in the journey of this
life.
Farewell, my friend!
Ad Lux,
Tau XXXXX
I'd could go into a long rebuttal about all this.. but basically I don't buy a lot of it. After all, it seems in conclusion I questioned him and what he has said, he kinda tried to justify it all (by basically saying he knew what he was doing all along and had some sort of grand plan since his early twenties until now), and used something he himself told me was my affinity and path to no longer talk to me.
to sumarise "i knew what i was doing all along and it was all a big test which you and many others failed. your evil for pursuing something i am no longer intrested in and since you dared to question my authority i'm not talking with you anymore. god bless!"
Greetings Brett!
Wow... after a long time wondering how or if I would ever manage to get ahold of you again I somehow stumbled upon a forum you posted on (enemy.com i believe) which led me here..
its been over four years since we last spoke, and as you must know i was heading into a downward spiral that would eventually strip me of all i thought important in those days. Where I am now is hard to say, but after fleeing full speed from any spiritual practice for a time, I recently have been feeling a calling to become a seeker once more. Whether or not I have the will or dedication to heed that call will remain to be seen.. self discipline was never easy for me, much to my dismay.
i was hoping perhaps to talk with you.. as old friends, as perhaps former student and teacher, once Master and Apprentice.
I see that things have evolved once more, yet remain the same in your focus on gnosticism and kabbalah (once again). Do you still work with thelema?
The left hand path is still what calls to me and i've been re-exploring the works of K. Grant and the Typhonion OTO and also the ideas of Nema and the current of MAAT.
Anyway, I don't really know what to say in this introduction to re-establishing communication.. I just wanted to perhaps talk to you again. If you do not wish to communicate with me I would understand, I know I was not a good student at times, in particular my final year or so in the circle. I hope you can accept my sincere apologies for my decieving you (in regards to my behaviour in my marriage) and the way I left the circle.. (kinda slinking away like a guilty criminal)..
However, if you would like to talk again.. I would be very happy. my email address is j_facile@yahoo.com and I will check back here to see if perhaps you have replied in this format.
~jonathan
(akashadeva, akashasuti, akashaasar)
my (old.. ex) master wrote me back..
although i wish it was different it seems he still rewrites history to establish what he is currently into.. he is getting published by lellewyn now.. thats cool, good for him.. yet he seems to also deny the validity of anything he ever taught me (b/c perhaps it contradicts what he's teaching now?)
i wonder if he can really talk to me as a human being, old friend, ex lover..
b/c i know i am not a boy any longer (as i was when i first became his student)
and i will not be able to go very long at all without questioning all these things i question.. all these things that seem to contradict one another...
he actually told me he has no use for thelema anymore.. when once he was trying to preach that he had recieved the next word of the aeon "skhau" (egyptian for "remember")
anyway.. here's his reply..
Greetings Jonathan -
Yes, indeed, it has been some time.
Your apology is accepted, though your feeling of deception is only partly correct. In those moments of life I believe we only deceive ourselves.
For many years I never really taught the Tradition as I received it from Tau Elijah, the Old Man, but used the veil of many other things to speak through. These days I teach and initiate the Sophian Tradition as I received it quite openly. Gnostic Christianity has the White, Red and Black Path, so I do not have much need for Thelema and such. The magic of the Tradition is founded upon mystical attainment, and those forms which are not founded upon mystical attainment lack the greater power of our art of divine magic. Pop-occultism is really more like a role playing game than anything that generates actual Presence and Power. The Force in our Continuum has always come from the ways of the Tradition within and behind the veils. I deeply enjoy teachings the Tradition as I received it without veils. But veils were once necessary to guard the teachings and Continuum of the Light-Transmission.
I imagine our Circle will be growing again and the work will change a bit once Llewellyn begins to publish my series of books - writing books on the tradition has become a large part of what I do and the first book of the series will be released in June this year. Also taking on a disciples who runs a Gnostic Circle in Colorado has brought change, hence our shared website on the Sophian Tradition. So this year should be interesting..........we shall see what transpires.
I do not mind talking with you. I'm glad your mind is turning towards the spiritual quest once again. Hopefully you will follow the path in a form that leads to some degree of actual realization and not get stuck in pop-occultism, which truly will lead one nowhere.
You can write or you can call. My email is: xxxxxxx and my phone number is: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Good to hear from you.
Blessings & shalom!
Ad Lux,
Tau xxxxxxx
Greetings Tau xxxxxx,
Thank you for accepting my apology - and yes.. I
pretty much knew that you knew and such.. matter of
fact one of the reasons I felt the need to leave the
Circle was precisely that...
I felt like I could not look you in the eye anymore.
For some reason, when I was just having physical
affairs with people I could easily compartmentalise
it, when I actually fell in love with someone (a love
that I would later realise to be completely bi-polar
and bordered on obsession) I could not hide it.. and
for a time it honestly became what I found divine in
my life.While prior to that self realization was my
purpose and meaning to living.. for some reason she
inspired that love to be my purpose and meaning. Yet
being that it was founded in deception, jealousy and
lies it ultimately ended.. leaving me ultimately
feeling that I had lost ever dream I ever had.
To be quite honest though, there where other reasons I
had for leaving.. one of the main reasons was how the
Order changed so much over the years.. from an
independant thelemic order with a heavy focus on Nox
magicks, to an order with a huge tibetan focus, to a
gnostic christian order.. not to mention focus's on
crystals, "lords of the seven rays", trapezoid
mysteries, etc..
I've since come to the understanding that whatever
divine spark exists within me, whatever essence I have
resonates with certain teachings and symbol systems.
Those of thelema speak to me, the left hand path,
typhonion focus's. If I am ever going to achieve any
degree of true attainment I need to be pursuing
studies and practices that capture my heart and
imagination.. that hold my interest.. at times in the
Order it became very hard to do that, as I never
really had much interest in many of the things that
you would get into.. I still had only a small
knowledge of the things I wanted to learn! As I once
heard another former student of yours say "I couldn't
keep up!"
These where all things I knew you already had done,
already had learned and if nothing else was higly
adept at doing... but seemed like after a phase had
little interest in teaching to others after something
else caught your interest.
I hesitate to go into the next point and reason I felt
the reason to leave.. b/c although at many times you
encourage me to question, to doubt and to seek
experiential gnosis.. it also seemed you got rather
offended and angry if I ever questioned you
personally... that somehow b/c of your knowledge and
power I should accept everything you said about your
personal life without question.. yet I feel if I don't
bring this up it will be akin to leaving the elephant
in the room if we continue speaking.
That is, I have a hard time believing a lot of things
you have told me about your past.. it just seemed that
you seemed to tell us a new part of your life (and at
times new teachers) that had to do with whatever new
form of spirituality we were into at that time.
(diakini, Laughs-a-Lot comes to mind) .. and usually
these stories and such were things I never heard an
inkling of.. even while I was living with you as your
lover. It became a bit hard to swallow honestly. You
once taught about the living myth.. the living
mythology. It seemed part of your history was part of
that mythology.. at least I had a hard time discerning
between the two..
In your email you say you never really taught the
Tradition as you recieved it from the Old Man. I guess
what comes to mind and I wonder is why? Why did you
feel the need to veil the Tradition? If something like
Thelema was something you now have little use for why
did you spend so much time teaching it to myself and
other seekers like me? For that matter, what about
Skhau? Was that not a magickal word given to you by
your HDA? Was it not an aeonic word? What about the
Sacred books of Skhau? Are they no longer valid? If
these where all viels how is that any different than
lies? What was necessary to guard the continuum from?
It leaves me feeling like I have to believe something,
either what I was once taught was not the truth, or
this phase in your teachings is no different than the
many other phases I have witnessed you teach.
These are questions that I have been wondering about
for years honestly. I don't know if you will answer
them, but it is something that has weighed on me over
the years. These things cast the seeds of doubt that I
believe eventually engendered an apathy in me for the
path. While I take full responsibility for allowing
that to happen it is how I felt. Also, I was always to
scared to actually question you on the subject..
I have never doubted your ability as a Magician you
have more than proved that to me, nor do I doubt the
validity of your teachings as I myself have at times
used them to become more than I was before. The more
magickal aspect of your teachings were something I
could more relate to for I was able to achieve direct
experience in my practices.
All that being said you have been the most intelligent
and intuitive man I've ever met. At times you would
actually make me feel like my intellect was inferior,
something no other person has managed to do ;) I also
highly just enjoyed your company many times, even if
at others the nature of the iniatory relationship
caused me to just want to get away. I have at times
missed your friendship.
These are just things that have been in my mind..
perhaps I feel as if I owe you an honest explanation
to it all.. perhaps I feel a need to be able to
express to you the thoughts I never had the courage to
before. Perhaps I feel before I embark seriously on
any new journeys I should achieve closure with you. I
have at many times in the past few years started to
attempt to practice something or another and found
what I felt to be certain internal blockages in doing
it. Perhaps this will help to disolve those.
Understand that while you may not have wanted to be,
you were a father figure to me. I met you when I was
18.. barely six months away from my own father. You
were my authority figure ultimately.. I felt I always
had to answer to you, I felt I had to hide things from
you, I felt guilty for doing so.. I know that was not
how I was supposed to view you and our relationship,
but perhaps because of my age and relatively emotional
immaturity thats pretty much how it was. I am older
now, and perhaps a bit more wiser.. if nothing else I
might think a bit more clearly..
Well after all that rambling I think I should get to
closing this.. I hope I didn't offend you, for that is
not my desire. These where just things I have been
thinking about.
Perhaps after all this is said and done and the
elephant is no longer in the room you could tell me
how one tells the difference between pop-occultism and
"true" occultism.
In Respect,
Jonathan
p.s. i'd love to hear how my old companions are doing
and if they are still with you. xxxx, xxxx, xxxxxx ,xxxxxxx
.. I've thought about them often over
the years.
Greetings Jonathan -
Blessings...
No, I'm not offended by your views or comments, praise
or blame does not
matter very much.
It is ironic that students around me in the old circle
should be surprised
that I might veil the Tradition, considering the many
deceptions that my
"companions" were enacting at the time. I have always
said that a mentor's
role is to actively serve as a mirror to reflect the
student - and I always
apply that method. As those who are still with me
today would swiftly tell
you, the essence of my teachings has always remained
the same, only for some
years the forms through which I spoke were changed in
cycles. Prior to the
period of the lodge, I taught Kabbalah, and I have
returned to teaching the
Kabbalah, only in the context of the Sophian Tradition
of Gnosticism; hence
the name Ordo Sanctus Gnosis. It was easy to do
because my beloved Teacher
introduced me to several adepts and masters of other
wisdom traditions,
primarily so that I would learn something about our
own inmost secret
teachings (the Melchizedek Teachings), specifically
that there was a
universal truth or objective truth to be realized, one
that could be found
on the inner level a several different traditions.
Those who have passed
through the cycles to receive the Tradition in the
form I originally
received it have now also had a taste of that
exposure, which is essential
for the core group and the work with others they will
soon be doing. So it
was not a matter of whatever caught my interest as
much as a process with a
twofold purpose.
But the process involved something more. Always, as a
circle develops, there
is an admixture among those who gather around the
Light-Presence, and not
all have a true connection to a given Tzaddik or to
the Light-Transmission.
Those who have a soul connection with the Tzaddik must
be sorted out from
those who do not, for until there is an authentic core
group there is no
full guardianship in a circle. Once a core group is
established there is a
natural balance and guardianship on an energy level -
newcomers with the
wrong kind of energy don't effect the circle and,
generally speaking, don't
stick around all that long. At the same time I have
been seeking one true
apprentice, much like the Old Man did, and have tested
many. How do I test
such individuals? I present them with various currents
and ideas, and I push
this way and that, and then observe what attracts them
and the choices they
make from within their own hearts; and, of course, I
watch the developments
in their continuum of spiritual practice and daily
living. It is a common
tactic employed by Elders and Tau of our Tradition - a
Tradition that
survived during periods of extreme tribulation, hence
a tactic quite
perfected among our initiates, akin to our capacity to
shape-shift
teachings. The Old Man certainly put some interesting
things out there in
front of me to see what I would do with them - it has
always been that way.
As for Thelema and the Left-hand Path, that was a
vehicle of seeking a heart
companion who had strayed towards the Dark Side of
things - hence a
shape-shifting to go where I needed to go in order to
find him and call him
out of the darkness into which he had fallen. In fact,
it worked quite well.
This companion is with me to this day and has brought
another heart
companion to me. When dealing with sorcerers,
appearing as a sorcerer is
often the best method, which is the primary purpose of
what we call the
"Black Path" or "Way of the Wrathful Guardians."
Remember, it is all about a
magical art and one becomes fully immersed in the
continuum of the magical
act - in this case it required a very elaborate
continuum and talisman. It
could not have been accomplished any other way - so I
trusted and followed
the Spirit.
I do not know that you understand what transpired in
the desert, nor
understand Aeonic Words as meant in our Tradition.
Remembrance plays a key
role in what I'm doing, and has proved rather
prophetic. A current was,
indeed, initiated, but more important is the Supernal
or Supramental
realization - the Light-Presence and Light-Continuum
embodied; this is the
essential meaning of Remembrance, whether spoken in
English, Egyptian or
Hebrew, or another other tongue. The Word is a Living
Presence and Power,
Jonathan, which remains in place to this very day. It
is how our Tau come
into being, and they are the Presence and Power of the
Word. This experience
and how it has developed, however, is beyond the scope
of this email. I can
say, because of that experience that I remember
perfectly all teachings I
received from the Old Man and his circle, and am able
to remember teachings
of the Tradition that I did not receive in this life -
I remembered my Holy
Neshamah, as would be said in the Tradition.
I have to chuckle at your disbelief of my past - it is
rather dream-like and
fanciful to me, so I don't know that it would make a
lot of sense to someone
outside of my experience. It is rather odd to be
around an old Gnostic who
is both mystic and magician - a true Mage of Light.
Especially one like Tau
Elijah - reality becomes very fluid, and many
dimensions intersect in one's
experience. What transpires in the inner planes and
what transpires in the
material plane is always a good question - one that is
not so easily
answered. As one sojourns the path one finds the
distinction vanishes almost
completely - one comes to live fully in a mystical and
magical universe,
which you glimpsed on several occasions, and if
considered more deeply you
might understand from your glimpses.
Were teachings ever a lie? No, the same essence has
always been taught, only
many were too preoccupied with themselves and the
mundane world to listen
and hear that heart essence. Folks tend to hear only
what they want to hear,
and to see only what they want to see, and all are not
necessarily looking
and seeing with their heart and soul, but only with
the mental being which
is quite deceptive. I imagine it can become quite easy
to critique one's
teacher when bound up in one's own admixture - funny
how that all goes.
Like yourself, XXXXX is no longer part of the circle,
but XXXXXXXXXXX, XXXX,
XXXXXX and others remain with the circle. As a matter
of fact, XXXX and
XXXXXX built their house up here and had a baby at the
same time, who will
be two years old next month. Life sure sails along!
If it is the left-hand path that calls to you, then
truly our journeys in
this life are very different and, actually, quite
opposite to one another.
To be quite honest, it was observing such inclinations
in students around me
that reinforced my need to veil the Tradition to allow
time for a change of
heart and direction in life or for individuals to
depart on their own and go
their own way. I do not hold any ill-will towards
anyone who departed, it
was part of the process initiated in the desert as I
dropped the talismatic
vehicle I used to seek out one of my heart companions
- we have all gone the
way we have chosen.
More than this I'm not inclined to explain, as it
would be too involved and
require more time and energy than is necessary.
I'm glad that you wrote and were able to say what you
wished, perhaps it
will give you some comfort and the closure you desire.
I certainly hope so.
Given your desire to sojourn the left-hand path I do
not know that we share
much in common or that there is much for us to talk
about...........it is
kind of one of those Star Wars things - individuals
working from two
different sides of the Force with two very different
aims. Thus, here we
must part company, though I do, indeed, wish you well
in the journey of this
life.
Farewell, my friend!
Ad Lux,
Tau XXXXX
I'd could go into a long rebuttal about all this.. but basically I don't buy a lot of it. After all, it seems in conclusion I questioned him and what he has said, he kinda tried to justify it all (by basically saying he knew what he was doing all along and had some sort of grand plan since his early twenties until now), and used something he himself told me was my affinity and path to no longer talk to me.
to sumarise "i knew what i was doing all along and it was all a big test which you and many others failed. your evil for pursuing something i am no longer intrested in and since you dared to question my authority i'm not talking with you anymore. god bless!"