Nothing Like The Legend- Chapter 11: CSI Camelot's Servant Investigator
Merlin: So...after that ‘Shocking Cliff-hanger ending’ what exactly should I expect from this chapter?
Platinumgal: You’ll see.
Merlin: Come on, Plat! I need to prepare for the worst!
Platinumgal: You’ll see!
Chapter 11- CSI: Camelot’s Servant Investigator.
Platinumgal: Really gives a sense of the tragedy of what’s going on, doesn’t it?
Merlin shut his eyes, ready for the worst. Arthur was breathing with sweat trickling down his cheek. I took a step forward. The prince wasn't paying any attention to anything but his anger at Merlin.
Merlin: Yeah, no shit. *Rolls eyes*
The warlock was breathing heavily, trying to keep the sword tip from piercing his skin.
Platinumgal: *coughs* Freud, Freud, Freud!
I could see him almost giving up on his hope that he and Arthur would still be friends.
Platinumgal: Uh, if my friend had a sword at my throat, yelling that I, by my very nature, am evil, I think that ‘I hope we’ll still be friends after this’ would be the least of my worries...
Merlin: Well, I’ve never denied that you’re evil...
Platinumgal: Eh, I’ve always felt that I’m less evil more...grumpy.
Merlin: You can be grumpy AND evil you know.
I, on the other hand, wouldn't give up, couldn't give up.
Merlin: Oh shut up.
"Arthur," I said calmly. He glanced at me for a fraction of a second, but then turned back to his manservant.
Platinumgal: (Arthur) Do you mind? I’m working through four series worth of UST here!
Merlin: *sighs*
"Arthur, I know that you feel angry that he didn't tell you, but you know now."
Platinumgal: OK, take that to a more familiar extreme: Merlin, say Freya was cheating on you with....I don’t know....Gwaine. How would you react to that?
Merlin: Well, I’d be ticked off to say the least. No matter when or how I was told.
Platinumgal: Exactly! You’d be just as angry if you knew at the time than if you knew...now.
I said trying to knock some sense into him. "What other time could he have told you? This was as good of time as ever.
Platinumgal: Well, maybe several chapters ago when he accepted you being from the future. Or perhaps when you were accused of magic?
He saved your life, remember? Just put the sword down."
Merlin: This isn’t happening. Tell me this isn’t happening!
"I can't." He panted.
Merlin: *alarmed* Oh Jesus Christ!
Platinumgal: WORDS HAVE CONNOTATIONS SUETHOR! Yeesh.
"Please tell me why not?" I challenged.
"He has magic." Arthur said bluntly.
I sighed, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Merlin: YOU’RE TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE FUCKING ATMOSPHERE!? I AM ABOUT TO DIE, HERE!
"Have I taught you nothing?"
Platinumgal: Suits are the sartorial equivalent of a babies smile!
I asked with a nervous smile. "Not all magic is evil."
Merlin: This is what I’m supposed to convince him of!
Unfortunately, this didn't bring Arthur around. He didn't even say a thing, only closed his eyes.
Suddenly, after he was done thinking things over, his eyes shot open. He turned to look at me with hatred in his eyes. "How do I know that you aren't evil?" I gasped.
Platinumgal: Wait, what?
Merlin: I think Arthur is accusing her of being evil.
Platinumgal: And for once he’s not far off the mark.
"What?" I asked astonished.
"Arthur, are you crazy?" Merlin protested.
"You will be quiet." Arthur ordered, turning back to the trapped warlock. "How am I supposed to trust either of you again?" he yelled.
Platinumgal: A very good question, Arthur. I belive the answer is the magic of the Sue’s Healing Vajayjay.
"Look Arthur," I said quietly. "You're getting paranoid. You know that I'm not evil and that Merlin isn't either." The prince looked from me to Merlin to Lancelot. The knight took a step back, giving Arthur more room. Lancelot seemed nice enough, but I still know what he's going to do.
Platinumgal: As mentioned in the previous chapter, judging Lancelot based on what he might do considering that most of what you know about Camelot appears to be inaccurate is pretty asshole-ish.
Merlin: At this point, Jen hasn’t seen any evidence to suggest that Lancelot has any interest in Gwen! Also, I find it amusing that she’s technically seducing Arthur away from Gwen in spite of her future knowledge!
"Do I?"
Merlin: Plat....Please tell me I’m imagining this.
"You should know. Think about it. When has Merlin ever attempted to kill you?
Merlin: No...
When has he ever not been loyal to you or not done one of your ridiculous orders?"
Merlin: No
Arthur lowered his head
Merlin: No!
and his sword slowly dropped to the ground.
Merlin: NO!
Merlin sighed and sat down, breathing heavily. I walked over to him.
"Thanks," Merlin said with his dorky smile.
"Of course, it was my pleasure to help out the famous Merlin." I teased. He laughed and laid down on the ground.
Platinumgal: If you need to get it out of your system...go right ahead.
Merlin: THANK YOU! *spends the next half hour screaming incoherently, although a few complete sentences come out, including:
THE BIGGEST FUCKING ‘PLOT POINT’ OF MY LIFE AND YOU SOLVE IT IN ABOUT A PAGE JUST SO YOUR SUE CAN LOOK GOOD?!
ARTHUR AND I WERE BARELY FRIENDS AT THIS POINT! BY ALL RIGHTS I SHOULD BE DEAD NOW!
WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING CASUAL ABOUT THIS?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!
FUCK! THIS! FIC!*
Platinumgal: All better?
Merlin: No. I will never, ever be better.
"Is he ever going to forgive me?" he asked me, sorrow in his voice. "He's the best friend I've had… besides you, Jen."
Platinumgal: *covers Merlin’s mouth* Allow me.
Click to view"Yes, he is most definitely going to forgive you. I don't know when, I don't know where, but he is going to forgive you."
I reassured him. He nodded and looked up at the sky. I laid down next to Merlin.
I got lost in the stars, staring at the Milky Way. The sky was so clear. It looked nothing like it does when you have city lights lighting up the streets and houses.
Platinumgal: Yes, yes, the past is soooo much better than the...future. Get the Bella Swanning out the way, Sue. I don’t mind.
I closed my eyes and found that I couldn't get back to sleep. I curled into a ball to warm my legs. Merlin got up and I heard footsteps on the ground. I opened my eyes when I heard talking.
"Is she asleep?" Arthur asked someone.
Merlin: Because that’s all anyone FUCKING CARES ABOUT IN THIS FIC.
Platinumgal: Please calm down, Merlin. I don’t you to go back into hospital. That was awkward to say the least.
"Yeah," Merlin said quietly to not wake me up. I wondered if I should tell them that I wasn't sleeping at all, but I decided not to. I had a feeling that this conversation would be more interesting than the back of my eyelids.
Merlin: Uh...what?
Someone poked the fire and the flames grew higher.
Platinumgal: That....has never happened before. If you threw a stick on the fire, then maybe- but poking it?
"Why didn't you tell me?" the prince asked bluntly. There was hurt in his voice.
Merlin: Can’t imagine why. Jen and I appear to have gotten over it. *sighs*
"I just- Gaius didn't want me to, plus
Platinumgal: That should be a new sentence, I think.
I didn't want you to have to pick between your father and your fr… servant." Merlin explained. One of the boys sighed. "I'm really sorry."
Merlin: If this was really me, I would practically be on my knees...
Platinumgal: Oh I bet you would.
"Who's to say that I would've been on your side?" Arthur's cold voice asked. Silence fell. I was about to drift off to sleep when they started talking again. "You didn't tell me because I'm a prince." It wasn't a question.
"You have to understand, Arthur, I didn't know when I should tell you. It's not because you're a prince, it's just that your father hates magic."
Platinumgal: (Merlin) It’s totally your fault! *runs off*
Merlin said. "I was going to tell you, honestly, I just didn't know how to." He finished.
Platinumgal: Well...it’s been four seasons...
"I suppose you're right."
"So… Are you okay with it?" Merlin asked a smile in his voice. There was a long pause. "I'm not evil. You said it yourself, Arthur, I can't even use a sword all that good!"
Merlin: Uh...what does that have to do with anything? It’s not the sword he’s worries about!
He teased.
Arthur chuckled and threw a twig into the fire. "
Platinumgal: That was significant...somehow.
I'm not sure yet. I just got used to the idea that Jen came here from her home that's thousands of years ahead of us, and now I find out that my manservant is a sorcerer."
"Yeah, I understand, sort of." He smiled at Arthur. "But I prefer 'warlock' rather than 'sorcerer'." He explained.
Merlin: Sooooooo, I’ve just been spared for a crime which Arthur thought was -and I quote- ‘Pure Evil’ until about five seconds ago and I’m being picky over what he refers to me as?
"Why?"
"It makes me feel a little less like Emrys, and more like Merlin."
Both: WHAT?!
Platinumgal: (Merlin) Oh btw Arthur, I’m like totes destined to be by your side for like forever, lol, at least until you’re killed by that little druid boy we rescued. Also, I’m revered by the druids, crazy! LOl. They call me Emrys for reasons no one appears to know yet :D
Merlin: And then Merlin was killed. There was much rejoicing.
He explained more to himself than to Arthur.
Platinumgal: *headdesks*
"Who's Emrys?"
"One thing at a time, Arthur," Merlin laughed. Arthur agreed and it was silent again.
Both: *headdesk again*
"We will be going back to Camelot in the morning." Arthur said getting back into his prince façade. They stood up and went to their makeshift beds.
Platinumgal: Also known as Bedrolls or sleeping bags.
I felt Merlin come
Platinumgal: *giggles*
back beside me, but this time he kept his distance. Quietly, I let out a yawn and was sent to the strange world of dreams.
When I woke up Arthur was already packing up while Merlin put out the fire. Lancelot was cleaning his sword.
Platinumgal: (Lancelot) Know what I do to relieve tension?
Merlin: (Arthur) I hesitate to wonder.
Platinumgal: (Lancelot) I polish the ol' weapon. With a dry rag, then with a little grease.
Merlin: (Arthur) That's disgusting!
Platinumgal: (Lancelot) You're telling me you never gave your blade the old spit-shine?
Merlin: (Arthur) Wait....what are you talking about?
Platinumgal: (Lancelot) What are you talking about?!
I sat up and stretched out my arms. They noticed me and Merlin came over to help me up, offering me a hand. I took it with a smile, hoping that last night's conversation wasn't a dream or just my imagination. Merlin gave me a small smile back and went to help out Arthur. They seemed to be keeping a close distance from each other and no one was talking. This was going to be an awkward trip home… er, I mean Camelot.
Merlin: Plat, WAKE UP!
Platinumgal: Sorry...Sorry.
It was only five minutes later when I noticed that we had our horses. I thought that we had left them back at the druid's camp. Arthur saw my confused look and nodded his head towards Merlin. I nodded, understanding perfectly.
Merlin: The reader, meanwhile, has no idea what’s going on!
Arthur got up on his horse after us then began leading the way. I was in the middle of Merlin and Lancelot while Arthur was in the front, making a triangle. It felt like it had been hours of riding instead of minutes, but the sun had barely moved. The quietness of the trip was overwhelming! The birds weren't chirping and the horses weren't making any noise besides their stomping.
Platinumgal: How can you go from hideously frustrating to gut-wrenchingly boring in one chapter!? HOW?!
Finally, two hours past noon, the Camelot castle
Merlin: Citadel. It’s a citadel.
came into sight. We sped up our horses eager to get back to a warm bed and decent food. It was beautiful against the clouds and crystal blue sky. It was just how I imagined it when my mom read me the stories.
Platinumgal: It’s only a model!
We were almost to the gates when Lancelot spoke up. "I can't go in there."
"Why not?" I asked harshly.
"It's a long story, My Lady." He said. I rolled my eyes.
Platinumgal: You utter Bitch! He has done absolutely nothing to hurt you!
Arthur got into his pack and got out a light blue cloak.
Merlin: Truly, we are observing a true wordsmith at work.
He tossed it to the knight. Lancelot slipped it on and we continued riding.
Platinumgal: *Cough*
We reached the gates and the guards let us through. More guards on the inside took the horses from us after we got off.
"Merlin, may I go to your chambers before anyone recognizes me?" Lancelot asked. Merlin nodded and he and I followed Arthur into the castle and into the throne room. Uther stood up just as his son entered. The warlock and I went to stand in the corner.
Merlin: I almost wish this was as annoying as at the start. At least then there’d be something INTERESTING GOING ON!
"Arthur, I was getting worried." Uther said. "Where are the other knights?"
"The druids attacked us and they were killed." Arthur explained, not mentioning how we escaped.
Merlin: Thank you for holding my hand suethor.
"I'm so grateful that you made it. I'm sorry about your knights. They were brave men." Uther paused. "We had a battle of our own here."
"Sire?" his son stood up straight. He is always so formal with his father, I noticed.
Merlin: Only in public!
Then again, his father was the king.
"We captured a sorcerer yesterday, but he escaped." The king said solemnly.
"How did this happen?" Arthur asked.
"Come, I shall show you." The king led us all into the courtyard and all of the peasants bowed to the royal family. Uther brought us to a little gate that was blown off of its hinges. There were scorch marks on the bricks around it. The gate was leaning against the castle now.
Merlin: I repeat. Wordsmith.
"He used the tunnels." Arthur stated, examining it closer.
"As you can see, he was a powerful sorcerer. He must be found immediately." Uther boomed.
I took a step closer when I felt something underneath my left foot. I took my foot off of it to reveal a medieval version of a burnt out flare.
Merlin: WHAT?!
Platinumgal: The history fail! It burns!
The grass was concealing it up mostly. I picked it up to see the tip of it burnt black. A few feet from the flare, there was a piece of rope about a foot long. Next to the rope were horse tracks, hidden in by mud and grass.
Platinumgal: Grass wouldn’t grow back in a day!
I walked back to where Uther and everyone else were standing. "There will be no sorcery in my kingdom!" Uther declared. Arthur glanced at Merlin, but luckily Uther didn't see.
Merlin: How many more times could she have fit ‘Uther’ into that paragraph?
"I don't think there was." I said a little too loud. He turned to look at me as if I was crazy.
Merlin: Weeeeeeeell....
"What did you say?" he demanded.
"I said that I don't think this was caused by sorcery." I said with more confidence.
"Why you insolent girl!" he yelled. "You dare say that your king is wrong?"
Platinumgal: Throw her in the dungeon! Put her in the stocks! Heck, execute her for her cheek!
"Yes," I said calmly. Our group gasped at my comment. "I found this right here. Its tip is burnt. This could be the item that turned the stone around the gate black. There is a piece of rope over there." I pointed to said spot. "In the same place there are horse tracks in the mud." I explained, ignoring Uther's harsh looks. "I think that that your prisoner had an accomplice. They used a rope to rip the gate off and rode off on the horse. They made it look like he escaped using magic, but I doubt that the prisoner was a real sorcerer. He just knew your hate for magic, so made it appear that he had magic."
Merlin: (Sue) PRAISE MY MAGNIFICENCE!
Platinumgal: I wish Sherlock was still here.
"Please, enlighten me. Why would he try to prove himself guilty if he was innocent?" Uther asked challenging my theory. I knew that he didn't like a peasant,
Platinumgal: You. Are. Thought. To. Be. A. Noblewoman.
or a woman at that, questioning him, but I had evidence and I was going to prove myself right.
Merlin: (Sue) So there! *stamps foot*
"He wanted to distract you from some bigger picture or he just wanted you to fear him, so he made himself look all powerful." I stated.
"I don't fear sorcerers." He sneered.
"Well, then he wants you to or something." I said shrugging. "That's just the evidence with an added opinion. Do with it what you want."
Uther began to consider this new theory. "How did you find out all of this?" he asked.
"I'm observant." I smiled.
Merlin: Go fuck the devil in hell.
Platinumgal: Eat shit and die.
Uther nodded and walked away without another word. Arthur walked over to me. "You know he could have had you thrown in the dungeons for speaking out like that. You're not noble and a woman no less." He reminded me.
Platinumgal: *Sighs*
I twirled around to face him. "Why does Arthur give me a room in the castle to stay in with first-class treatment?"
Merlin pondered over that for a minute before answering.
"You haven't heard?" he asked. I shook my head. "He doesn't really think that we're related. He thinks that you're some noble woman on the run from bandits or something." He laughed. "Or at least that's what I've heard."
Look suethor- as far as we are aware, you are still getting this preferential treatment. So either you are still thought of as a noblewoman by Uther, or you are a COMPLETE entitlement whore.
Merlin: Why not both?
"I know!" I smiled. Both boys laughed at me. We walked to Gaius, knowing he would be worried. I knocked on the door before coming in. "Hey, Gaius." I said as the physician came over to Merlin and me and pulled us into a hug.
Merlin: Gaius Bear Hugs are my thing!
"I was getting worried. I asked Lancelot where you were." He smiled. When he saw Arthur he stepped back. "Sire," he bowed his head. Arthur stepped into the room with his arms crossed and sat down next to Lancelot.
"It is fine, Gaius, I know." Arthur said staring at the man. Gaius looked at Merlin and me before Arthur continued. "I know about them both. Merlin's a sorc… warlock," Arthur teased Merlin. "And Jen's from the future." The physician's eyes widened. Lancelot looked at me skeptically.
Merlin: Again with the Lancelot bashing!
Platinumgal: Again with the Sceptically!
I shrugged.
"He was going to find out anyway." Merlin said to Gaius.
Merlin: He hasn’t yet!
"Of course I was! You're lies were getting too unbelievable." Arthur laughed. "Plus, Jen was too cocky for a normal peasant girl."
Platinumgal: FUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
Lancelot chuckled.
"That's true." I said smiling.
"And she said that Uther was wrong to his face." Merlin said to Gaius.
Merlin: We’re scheduling the execution for tomorrow
"She did what?" he asked, then turned to me. "You did what?" Arthur chuckled at Gaius' reaction.
Merlin: You did who?
"What? He was wrong and I had the evidence to prove it."
Merlin: Yeah, and you were stupidly insolent about it. It’s a wonder you’re not currently evocative of Saint Agatha right now.
I said as I shrugged it off. He shook his head and turned back to his work. I sat down next to Arthur and he put his arm around me. When Gaius turned to ask something he saw the prince and me. He glanced at Merlin for an answer to why Prince Arthur had me in his embrace. The warlock smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
Merlin: I hate this fic.
"You did amazing back there with my father." Arthur whispered.
Platinumgal: NO YOU FUCKING DIDN’T!
"Thanks. Maybe I should become a CSI." I said pondering over the idea. I saw that he had no idea what I was talking about. "It stands for Crime Scene Investigator." I explained. He still looked confused. I laughed. "Never mind,"
Platinumgal: Now Suethor, I thought we’d grown out of random pointless references?
Gaius left to go and run some medicine to someone and Merlin went with him after giving us a wink. I giggled. Lancelot excused himself into Merlin's room.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper last night." He said even quieter, even though no one was around.
Merlin: *explodes*
Platinumgal: * zaps him back* You’re not getting out of this so easily!
"Don't worry about it." I said. "Are you still mad at Merlin?"
"A bit, yes," he admitted. "What is it with you and Lancelot." He asked changing the subject.
I rolled my eyes again. "I told you, I can't tell you! I've always had issues with him." I said darkly. "Sir Lancelot is just… Ugh!" I continued.
Merlin: *Explodes again*
Platinumgal: *sighs and zaps him back again* Can you stop doing that?
Merlin:...Sorry.
"Wait, Sir Lancelot? You mean he's one of my knights, or will be, that is?" he asked, almost hopeful.
"I'm not saying." I smiled. "But he is in the legend and he's just never been my favorite character."
Merlin: (Sue) Or even my favourite for that matter.
Platinumgal: And you, dear Sue, are my least favourite character of all time, and I include in that statement Zoey Redbird and Kate of Locksley.
"So who all is in your legend?" he asked.
Merlin: (Arthur) How I speak correct grammatically?
"Well, there is King Arthur, Merlin, Lancelot, Morgana, Gwen…"
"You say Guinevere is in it?" he asked disbelieving. Even though I was extremely jealous of Gwen, it really was cute how he said her name, even if he doesn't know that he loves her yet.
Platinumgal: Prepare for the wrath of a thousand shippers.
"Yes, Gwen is in it!" I said laughing at his shock.
"Hmm, odd," he said.
The two of us got up and walked hand-in-hand to my room. He came in and shut the door. He held my hands and we just stood there. Looked around my room and saw the parchment that I had written on before. I had a sudden urge to write more about my recent adventures in Camelot.
Platinumgal: Adding in a few lemons for effect.
"I am kicking you out now, because I have things to do." I said tapping his chest with my finger.
"You're ordering the prince around now?" he smiled.
Both: Yes. We all hate it.
"You bet I am." I said pushing him out. "See you tomorrow." I said closing the door watching him walk away. "Oh, Arthur," he turned to face me from halfway down the hall. "Don't be too hard on Merlin."
Platinumgal: Once more with feeling?
Merlin: With pleasure *explodes*
Platinumgal: *zaps him back*
He nodded and walked away. I closed the door and sighed.
I went over to my bed and grabbed the quill and paper to begin the second chapter of the real legend of Camelot.
Merlin: What a twist!
Platinumgal: I swear to God, I will write a critique as soon as we are finished with this.
Merlin: I need to go lie down now. ‘Scuse me.
Back to...Chapter 10
Onwards to... Chapter 12