(no subject)
so the winter formal was last night... extremely fun! it all went by so fast though! yeah but i took many
my date lol
i got cut out of this one, lol
*AND THIS PUTS THE HOTT IS HOTTNESS!*
. they kinda lost my nice american eagle coat when i checked it in, so yeah i was kinda mad but i got it back. what's with everyone losing my shit this week?! lol well at least i got my cellie back too. *phew*
yeah so we went to the pub after and we were all supposed to sleep at kimmy's... and my parents were acting all fucking shady telling me that they had to talk to her mother + blah, blah. they NEVER friggin do that anymore! they just tell me i can't go, they dont usually wanna talk to everyones friggin parents. i told them they were sleeping and they can't call cuz it was too late. [which was the complete, utter TRUTH] so my dad gets on the phone + starts screaming at me at the top of his lungs saying, "you're fucking lying to me, i KNOW her parents aren't sleeping, and i know you're not really sleeping there!" wtf? oh yeah, cuz i forgot how we had to make that pit stop down K & A and sell ourselves for some fucking heroin! what the hell do they think we're gonna be doing?! ummm maybe SLEEPING! not to mention that we just danced for 3 hours straight, nobody got ANY sleep this week cuz of shopping and such...but he wouldn't know that, cuz even if he DID ever take the time of day to actually listen to me, my word still wouldn't ever be good enough. i'm not freaking out just because of the sleepover thing either, but over 17 years of putting up with sooo much shit.
SO FUCK YOU, DAD... AND YOU WONDER WHY I WANNA MOVE OUT?! I HOPE SOMEHOW YOU FIND THIS AND READ IT. YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU UPSET ME... I ALWAYS HIDE IT AND TRY TO AVOID CONFLICT. MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL REALIZE HOW YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART IN SO MANY WAYS. THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO ME CAN'T BE FIXED BY THE PRESENTS YOU BUY ME, OR ANYTHING ELSE. MY LOVE FOR YOU CANNOT BE BOUGHT. I WISH YOU WOULD JUST TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN TO ME, INSTEAD OF ALWAYS CRITICIZING EVERTHING I DO AND SAY. YOUR NEGATIVE ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING HAS RUBBED OFF ON ME... SO DONT WONDER WHERE I GET IT FROM BECAUSE I GOT IT FROM YOU-AND NO ONE ELSE. I THINK IT'S AMAZING HOW YOU CLAIM HOW YOU LOVE ME, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE TIME WHEN I'M SO SICK... SOMETIMES EVEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, OR EVEN STAY IN THE HOSPITAL SOMETIMES FOR UP TO A WEEK... I DON'T EVEN HEAR FROM YOU. IF MY HOSPITAL ROOM DOESN'T HAVE A TV, I DON'T EVEN SEE YOU THE WHOLE TIME I'M THERE. IT'S ALWAYS MOMMY WHO STAYS WITH ME, AND I ADMIRE HER FOR THAT. AND I HATE HOW IT MAKES YOU MAD THAT I'M SICK; YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT I'M NOT HEALTHY- I WASN'T BORN HEALTHY, AND I'LL NEVER BE COMPLETELY HEALTHY. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER SICK, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M A FUCKING HYPOCHONDRIAC. SO GET OVER YOURSELF.. I KNOW YOU WORK HARD, BUT SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY, YOU'RE NOT FUCKING GOD- AND YOU DON'T OWN ME. NOBODY DOES. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT I'M MY OWN PERSON... AND AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE TO HOLD ME BACK FROM EVERYTHING I'D LIKE TO DO, AND WISH THAT I WAS THE PERFECT DAUGHTER IN YOUR EYES... THE TRUTH IS I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE. I'M FAR FROM PERFECT, BUT I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM. I KNOW PLENTY OF PEOPLE I'M LOVED BY AND APPRECIATED BY, AND YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM. I LOVE YOU, DAD... THERE'S JUST SO MUCH I WISH YOU KNEW.
"Back Home" by Yellowcard
Don't know what I was looking for when I went back home.
I found me alone.
Sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be alright" , "What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here, and I am full of fear.
And empty handed after 2 long years.
Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it.
my date lol
i got cut out of this one, lol
*AND THIS PUTS THE HOTT IS HOTTNESS!*
. they kinda lost my nice american eagle coat when i checked it in, so yeah i was kinda mad but i got it back. what's with everyone losing my shit this week?! lol well at least i got my cellie back too. *phew*
yeah so we went to the pub after and we were all supposed to sleep at kimmy's... and my parents were acting all fucking shady telling me that they had to talk to her mother + blah, blah. they NEVER friggin do that anymore! they just tell me i can't go, they dont usually wanna talk to everyones friggin parents. i told them they were sleeping and they can't call cuz it was too late. [which was the complete, utter TRUTH] so my dad gets on the phone + starts screaming at me at the top of his lungs saying, "you're fucking lying to me, i KNOW her parents aren't sleeping, and i know you're not really sleeping there!" wtf? oh yeah, cuz i forgot how we had to make that pit stop down K & A and sell ourselves for some fucking heroin! what the hell do they think we're gonna be doing?! ummm maybe SLEEPING! not to mention that we just danced for 3 hours straight, nobody got ANY sleep this week cuz of shopping and such...but he wouldn't know that, cuz even if he DID ever take the time of day to actually listen to me, my word still wouldn't ever be good enough. i'm not freaking out just because of the sleepover thing either, but over 17 years of putting up with sooo much shit.
SO FUCK YOU, DAD... AND YOU WONDER WHY I WANNA MOVE OUT?! I HOPE SOMEHOW YOU FIND THIS AND READ IT. YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU UPSET ME... I ALWAYS HIDE IT AND TRY TO AVOID CONFLICT. MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL REALIZE HOW YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART IN SO MANY WAYS. THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO ME CAN'T BE FIXED BY THE PRESENTS YOU BUY ME, OR ANYTHING ELSE. MY LOVE FOR YOU CANNOT BE BOUGHT. I WISH YOU WOULD JUST TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN TO ME, INSTEAD OF ALWAYS CRITICIZING EVERTHING I DO AND SAY. YOUR NEGATIVE ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING HAS RUBBED OFF ON ME... SO DONT WONDER WHERE I GET IT FROM BECAUSE I GOT IT FROM YOU-AND NO ONE ELSE. I THINK IT'S AMAZING HOW YOU CLAIM HOW YOU LOVE ME, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE TIME WHEN I'M SO SICK... SOMETIMES EVEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, OR EVEN STAY IN THE HOSPITAL SOMETIMES FOR UP TO A WEEK... I DON'T EVEN HEAR FROM YOU. IF MY HOSPITAL ROOM DOESN'T HAVE A TV, I DON'T EVEN SEE YOU THE WHOLE TIME I'M THERE. IT'S ALWAYS MOMMY WHO STAYS WITH ME, AND I ADMIRE HER FOR THAT. AND I HATE HOW IT MAKES YOU MAD THAT I'M SICK; YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT I'M NOT HEALTHY- I WASN'T BORN HEALTHY, AND I'LL NEVER BE COMPLETELY HEALTHY. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER SICK, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M A FUCKING HYPOCHONDRIAC. SO GET OVER YOURSELF.. I KNOW YOU WORK HARD, BUT SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY, YOU'RE NOT FUCKING GOD- AND YOU DON'T OWN ME. NOBODY DOES. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT I'M MY OWN PERSON... AND AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE TO HOLD ME BACK FROM EVERYTHING I'D LIKE TO DO, AND WISH THAT I WAS THE PERFECT DAUGHTER IN YOUR EYES... THE TRUTH IS I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE. I'M FAR FROM PERFECT, BUT I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM. I KNOW PLENTY OF PEOPLE I'M LOVED BY AND APPRECIATED BY, AND YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM. I LOVE YOU, DAD... THERE'S JUST SO MUCH I WISH YOU KNEW.
"Back Home" by Yellowcard
Don't know what I was looking for when I went back home.
I found me alone.
Sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be alright" , "What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here, and I am full of fear.
And empty handed after 2 long years.
Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it.