well i'm not perfect just all messed up.

[playgroundlight]

Not really sure how to start this, but I just feel like writing about it. it's just cause of ericka's comment about me kissing at parties & how she must've taught me well. that's when I really realised that I changed. because it's definite that I wouldn't of done anything like before. I would've been uncomfortable, sure it still makes me uncomfortable, but before it would have so much so that I would've just sat back and watched. Not saying my change was a bad thing, just that it has happened. & today at the picnic julie, jake, perryn, josh and I were talking about relationships and jake had said he's never been in one and I told him neither have I. & they all wanted to know why because I'm so outgoing and julie said that I'm so much fun. Well who knows why? I sure don't and I'm trying not to dwell on it as much anymore, whatever happens happens. & who knows who I'll meet and what will happen with who I know? *shrugs* but I do know this, I'm never gonna change to please someone, I like who I am. even if other people don't. it doesn't matter to me what other people think. What good does that do anyone? but there is the fact that I really hate it how I think I'll never be or I'm not pretty enough for someone to want to date me. cause yesterday julia&shelagh were talking about their perfect girl or what they like in a person or whatever & I'm just like .....
& I know that's not everybody & that everyone is different, but still. I can't shake that. I just feel (&felt) so very awkward & odd & out of place. & I wish that I didn't have to feel this way.

This is kinda random, but sometimes it seems like it's so easy for some to forget.

so I guess that's it.
today was a nice day.