6。sometimes love comes around
Sometimes Love Comes Around
Yoochun/Junsu
G ; 1900 w.
hey, now I'm crashing, don't know how it happened
but I know it feels so damn good
said if I could go back and make it happen faster
don't you know I would baby if I could
"Well, you don't have to pretend anymore," Yoochun says, casual and all as he sighs tiredly and plops down on the sofa beside Junsu. He smells of bitter dark coffee and nicotine. An aura of exhaustion surrounds him and permeates his dry, ivory skin, reaching deep in his bones in a way that is so unmistakably him.
Junsu is determined to keep a straight face, holding his concentrated gaze on the small bright screen of his Nintendo DS, ears piqued as he continues jabbing down its buttons. Even still, he couldn't ignore how his chest trembled and felt like hitting rock bottom after falling off a steep cliff hearing those words come out from Yoochun's mouth.
It comes out like an afterthought, "You make it seem like it's so easy," a drained whisper ellicited by the deep tones of Yoochun's husky voice. It sends shivers down Junsu's spine just like that time in a radiostation interview a few years back where Yoochun was asked to demonstrate how he'd call his girlfriend, a pet name, and Junsu remembers it all, remembers how Yoochun's prominent adam's apple bobbed up and down, remembers that sly, sinful smirk gracing his lips as his deep, low voice echoed through the mic he held with his pale, pretty, slender fingers.
Junsu will never admit it - he's not exactly like Jaejoong who particularly notices beautiful hands when he sees them - but he has a special fondness for Yoochun's ever since.
Those intricate details are memorable, but the thing that still strikes Junsu the most was how he couldn't stop the hot heat from rising to his cheeks. He hated Yoochun at that moment, thinking of all the things he did with his numerous ex-girlfriends that he would never have the guts to do, all the things he would never have the guts to say that Yoochun could simply do in a blink of an eye.
Junsu thinks it's kind of amazing how his thoughts play so quickly in his head like a movie on fast forward because he absorbs what Yoochun had just said and an uneasy feeling settles in his gut; now he feels like he's caught doing a terrible crime. The non-existent wrinkles on his forehead relax and straighten out even though Super Mario had just unnoticedly fallen into an infinite dark whole and it's a very pathetic game over for him. Junsu turns his face to the side and glances at Yoochun, bags under his eyes, staring down at the cup of coffee nursed between his palms.
Yoochun lazily reaches his arm out to place the warm mug on the table in front of them and sinks himself back on the sofa, eyes cloudy and vague and looking straight ahead into a distant place Junsu wishes he could go to
( because Yoochun opens his mouth and
says, ever so quietly,
"You don't fool me, Kim Junsu."
making Junsu freeze
and forget how to breathe.
"You're hurting, and you think no one knows," Yoochun says,
thoughtful
and gentle, and
so matter of factly
that Junsu's face stiffens
and his hollow chest trembles, when
Yoochun says
with so much meaning
"But I know you." )
Junsu can't help but look away, feeling immensely overwhelmed because he suddenly feels like crying now; all of his memories are crashing down on him: the smile of his mother when he got his first girlfriend, the quiet yet extremely painful jealousy he feels when things seem to be working out fine for Yoochun and his (ex)girlfriend and another and another while he always seems to have a difficult time with his, how Yoochun takes it so damn easy and how he can effortlessly move onto the next after another - they're all a dime a dozen, Junsu thinks silently - because Junsu thinks it's not right having too many girlfriends and maybe he's just jealous, all the times the confusion of figuring out and trying to pinpoint what the specific reason of him being so upset during these occasions frustrated him and it still does, not because he doesn't know why but because he finally does and he's torn and unsure with what to do.
"What's wrong?" Yoochun starts. Tentatively, he lightly rests his fingers on Junsu's thigh and there's an undeniable hurt vainly concealed in the slight trembling of his voice, "It's as if you're not telling me anything, I mean, you've been avoiding me. You're mad at me and don't even try denying it because it's pretty obvious that you are but as far as I know, I'm not doing anything wrong."
Junsu wants to punch himself for even letting any of this start, for being so utterly pathetic and idiotic for deciding to act distant and cold towards Yoochun thinking it would make everything stop: the lingering touches here there fucking everywhere, the too affectionate teasing, the longing - supposedly stealthy - looks Yoochun never fails to give him. There's a heavy lump stuck in Junsu's throat so he stays silent like a stubborn child because the clock won't stop ticking and he feels completely lost and there's no way out now.
Yoochun tries to wait for an answer but he's tired of doing so, so he withdraws his hand from Junsu's thigh in a way that he wish would sting because it's not like he's the one who's ruthlessly been given the cold shoulder to so unexpectedly for the past few weeks. Yoochun looks at Junsu and maybe it's strange how Junsu has this effect on him, how he has control of his emotions making him do a complete one hundred eighty degrees because his anger and frustration cease, a bit slowly this time like a clearing fog when he looks at Junsu whose lips aren't hanging the right way whose eyes are hopelessly helplessly troubled whose face seems so broken.
( "What's wrong?" Yoochun starts
hurt, rejected
there's care in his eyes
and it comes out quite desperate
too genuine
that it hurts
"What's wrong?"
Yoochun reaches out,
"I can help you,"
reaches his heart out
saying,
"You can tell me." )
Junsu feels like he's falling falling falling and he has a parachute on his back available to be opened and if he pulls it he'll land slowly, safely, surely to the bottom but what's the point of stalling and stalling when it's inevitable nothing will stop him from landing at the bottom because it's unavoidable, predetermined, bound to happen so he ignores it and takes a deep breath, makes sure his heart is in it's right place and feels as if he just might die anytime soon because his heart's about to explode forcing pushing and forcing himself to muster up all the courage in the whole entire universe because
( when he holds his breath
and his eyebrows furrow
shutting his eyes tight
everything's happening too fast
cupping yoochun's cheek
face tilted and
...do we fit together?
lips barely touching
please tell me this is right
slight and lacking
and everything freezes
it dawns on him
feeling yoochun's breath against his skin
he abruptly breaks away
clumsy
heart crashing
tumbling and
falling
doing somersaults
...what am i doing?
and
oh -
is that
no
Yoochun
leaning forward
and
...do you want this
wanting more
-too?
Yoochun )
They break away, their faces a foot apart. Yoochun's stares at him looking vague and unreadable, Junsu's terrified, dying to know if he's angry and fortunately without the slightest hint of anger, Yoochun asks quietly, head still a little bit high up in the clouds, "What just happened?" and spares him from incessantly rambling I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so so so sorry I didn't mean to.
Yoochun glances at Junsu and sees him appearing to look even more shocked and flustered than he is, endearingly primping his hair like he always does when he's nervous or faced with an awkward situation. Yoochun watches him blink incessantly as he scrambles for words to say so he feels bad all of a sudden and wants to laugh at the same time for unnecesarily asking what just happened because really, it doesn't take a genius to figure this all out.
"You told me to tell you," Junsu softly says and he stutters, wearing his heart on his sleeve, "I... I thought that, I mean-"
"Don't," Yoochun whispers, careful and calm, fingers encircling Junsu's wrist, intoxicated, dizzy, everything's happening too fast so tangible yet surreal but he needs more, wants more, needs so much more. Junsu's eyes are wide, scared and brave, lips full like they've always been and Yoochun realizes just how long he's been wanting to kiss them, cheeks tinged the slightest flushed red that gives Yoochun the strongest urge to make love to him but no, no, not yet.
"Kiss me like you mean it," Yoochun says because he needs to know wants to know if this is real wants to if this is all just a dream wants to know if Junsu wants him just as much as he does and all this time all this fucking time why didn't he say anything why didn't any of them say anything how could he not have noticed anything?
Junsu doesn't have much experience with kissing - not as much as Yoochun, he's sure, and for the slightest moment he thinks of all the lips Yoochun has kissed and it makes him sick in his stomach - but he leans forward and gives it his all because he wants to let Yoochun know this is real and just how badly he wants this.
Their lips collide, hands not fierce but gentle and careful like they might break each other and Junsu shuts his eyes as tight as he can. He wants to feel Yoochun, wants to feel him deep in his bones and it's a little too wet and a little too rushed but it's imperfect and earnest and Yoochun's kissing him with patience and god it's no wonder why he's known to make people weak in the knees because Yoochun's hands are caressing his neck caressing his face kissing him slow and languid like he has all the time in the world while he's a little too messy a little too forced but it's so flawed and so heartfelt that Junsu couldn't ask for anything better.
They pull away; Junsu brings his fingers to his now moistened lips as he looks at Yoochun, who is trying to stop himself from wearing that grin plastered on his face as he sheepishly wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Idiot," Yoochun pokes Junsu's side and rests his head on his shoulder, "Don't ever do that again. When you want to say something, just say it," so Junsu rests his head on Yoochun's and looks down at their entwined fingers, thinking maybe they're taking this way too fast but Junsu won't restrain himself now because maybe this is what would fill up the empty part of themselves that they've been missing, the empty part of themselves that they've been unknowingly searching for, "I want to kiss you now," he blurts out, bashful, the same nostalgic heat rising to his cheeks.
Yoochun's eyes widen and he blurts out laughing so Junsu laughs along with him, feeling a huge weight lifted off his shoulders being able to laugh together like this again, his heart in Yoochun's hands, his fingers interlaced with his, content and satisfied smiles reflecting on each other's face.
Junsu sighs
eyes deep and tender,
warmth
thinking,
hey... isn't this easy?
sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down
Yoochun/Junsu
G ; 1900 w.
hey, now I'm crashing, don't know how it happened
but I know it feels so damn good
said if I could go back and make it happen faster
don't you know I would baby if I could
"Well, you don't have to pretend anymore," Yoochun says, casual and all as he sighs tiredly and plops down on the sofa beside Junsu. He smells of bitter dark coffee and nicotine. An aura of exhaustion surrounds him and permeates his dry, ivory skin, reaching deep in his bones in a way that is so unmistakably him.
Junsu is determined to keep a straight face, holding his concentrated gaze on the small bright screen of his Nintendo DS, ears piqued as he continues jabbing down its buttons. Even still, he couldn't ignore how his chest trembled and felt like hitting rock bottom after falling off a steep cliff hearing those words come out from Yoochun's mouth.
It comes out like an afterthought, "You make it seem like it's so easy," a drained whisper ellicited by the deep tones of Yoochun's husky voice. It sends shivers down Junsu's spine just like that time in a radiostation interview a few years back where Yoochun was asked to demonstrate how he'd call his girlfriend, a pet name, and Junsu remembers it all, remembers how Yoochun's prominent adam's apple bobbed up and down, remembers that sly, sinful smirk gracing his lips as his deep, low voice echoed through the mic he held with his pale, pretty, slender fingers.
Junsu will never admit it - he's not exactly like Jaejoong who particularly notices beautiful hands when he sees them - but he has a special fondness for Yoochun's ever since.
Those intricate details are memorable, but the thing that still strikes Junsu the most was how he couldn't stop the hot heat from rising to his cheeks. He hated Yoochun at that moment, thinking of all the things he did with his numerous ex-girlfriends that he would never have the guts to do, all the things he would never have the guts to say that Yoochun could simply do in a blink of an eye.
Junsu thinks it's kind of amazing how his thoughts play so quickly in his head like a movie on fast forward because he absorbs what Yoochun had just said and an uneasy feeling settles in his gut; now he feels like he's caught doing a terrible crime. The non-existent wrinkles on his forehead relax and straighten out even though Super Mario had just unnoticedly fallen into an infinite dark whole and it's a very pathetic game over for him. Junsu turns his face to the side and glances at Yoochun, bags under his eyes, staring down at the cup of coffee nursed between his palms.
Yoochun lazily reaches his arm out to place the warm mug on the table in front of them and sinks himself back on the sofa, eyes cloudy and vague and looking straight ahead into a distant place Junsu wishes he could go to
( because Yoochun opens his mouth and
says, ever so quietly,
"You don't fool me, Kim Junsu."
making Junsu freeze
and forget how to breathe.
"You're hurting, and you think no one knows," Yoochun says,
thoughtful
and gentle, and
so matter of factly
that Junsu's face stiffens
and his hollow chest trembles, when
Yoochun says
with so much meaning
"But I know you." )
Junsu can't help but look away, feeling immensely overwhelmed because he suddenly feels like crying now; all of his memories are crashing down on him: the smile of his mother when he got his first girlfriend, the quiet yet extremely painful jealousy he feels when things seem to be working out fine for Yoochun and his (ex)girlfriend and another and another while he always seems to have a difficult time with his, how Yoochun takes it so damn easy and how he can effortlessly move onto the next after another - they're all a dime a dozen, Junsu thinks silently - because Junsu thinks it's not right having too many girlfriends and maybe he's just jealous, all the times the confusion of figuring out and trying to pinpoint what the specific reason of him being so upset during these occasions frustrated him and it still does, not because he doesn't know why but because he finally does and he's torn and unsure with what to do.
"What's wrong?" Yoochun starts. Tentatively, he lightly rests his fingers on Junsu's thigh and there's an undeniable hurt vainly concealed in the slight trembling of his voice, "It's as if you're not telling me anything, I mean, you've been avoiding me. You're mad at me and don't even try denying it because it's pretty obvious that you are but as far as I know, I'm not doing anything wrong."
Junsu wants to punch himself for even letting any of this start, for being so utterly pathetic and idiotic for deciding to act distant and cold towards Yoochun thinking it would make everything stop: the lingering touches here there fucking everywhere, the too affectionate teasing, the longing - supposedly stealthy - looks Yoochun never fails to give him. There's a heavy lump stuck in Junsu's throat so he stays silent like a stubborn child because the clock won't stop ticking and he feels completely lost and there's no way out now.
Yoochun tries to wait for an answer but he's tired of doing so, so he withdraws his hand from Junsu's thigh in a way that he wish would sting because it's not like he's the one who's ruthlessly been given the cold shoulder to so unexpectedly for the past few weeks. Yoochun looks at Junsu and maybe it's strange how Junsu has this effect on him, how he has control of his emotions making him do a complete one hundred eighty degrees because his anger and frustration cease, a bit slowly this time like a clearing fog when he looks at Junsu whose lips aren't hanging the right way whose eyes are hopelessly helplessly troubled whose face seems so broken.
( "What's wrong?" Yoochun starts
hurt, rejected
there's care in his eyes
and it comes out quite desperate
too genuine
that it hurts
"What's wrong?"
Yoochun reaches out,
"I can help you,"
reaches his heart out
saying,
"You can tell me." )
Junsu feels like he's falling falling falling and he has a parachute on his back available to be opened and if he pulls it he'll land slowly, safely, surely to the bottom but what's the point of stalling and stalling when it's inevitable nothing will stop him from landing at the bottom because it's unavoidable, predetermined, bound to happen so he ignores it and takes a deep breath, makes sure his heart is in it's right place and feels as if he just might die anytime soon because his heart's about to explode forcing pushing and forcing himself to muster up all the courage in the whole entire universe because
( when he holds his breath
and his eyebrows furrow
shutting his eyes tight
everything's happening too fast
cupping yoochun's cheek
face tilted and
...do we fit together?
lips barely touching
please tell me this is right
slight and lacking
and everything freezes
it dawns on him
feeling yoochun's breath against his skin
he abruptly breaks away
clumsy
heart crashing
tumbling and
falling
doing somersaults
...what am i doing?
and
oh -
is that
no
Yoochun
leaning forward
and
...do you want this
wanting more
-too?
Yoochun )
They break away, their faces a foot apart. Yoochun's stares at him looking vague and unreadable, Junsu's terrified, dying to know if he's angry and fortunately without the slightest hint of anger, Yoochun asks quietly, head still a little bit high up in the clouds, "What just happened?" and spares him from incessantly rambling I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so so so sorry I didn't mean to.
Yoochun glances at Junsu and sees him appearing to look even more shocked and flustered than he is, endearingly primping his hair like he always does when he's nervous or faced with an awkward situation. Yoochun watches him blink incessantly as he scrambles for words to say so he feels bad all of a sudden and wants to laugh at the same time for unnecesarily asking what just happened because really, it doesn't take a genius to figure this all out.
"You told me to tell you," Junsu softly says and he stutters, wearing his heart on his sleeve, "I... I thought that, I mean-"
"Don't," Yoochun whispers, careful and calm, fingers encircling Junsu's wrist, intoxicated, dizzy, everything's happening too fast so tangible yet surreal but he needs more, wants more, needs so much more. Junsu's eyes are wide, scared and brave, lips full like they've always been and Yoochun realizes just how long he's been wanting to kiss them, cheeks tinged the slightest flushed red that gives Yoochun the strongest urge to make love to him but no, no, not yet.
"Kiss me like you mean it," Yoochun says because he needs to know wants to know if this is real wants to if this is all just a dream wants to know if Junsu wants him just as much as he does and all this time all this fucking time why didn't he say anything why didn't any of them say anything how could he not have noticed anything?
Junsu doesn't have much experience with kissing - not as much as Yoochun, he's sure, and for the slightest moment he thinks of all the lips Yoochun has kissed and it makes him sick in his stomach - but he leans forward and gives it his all because he wants to let Yoochun know this is real and just how badly he wants this.
Their lips collide, hands not fierce but gentle and careful like they might break each other and Junsu shuts his eyes as tight as he can. He wants to feel Yoochun, wants to feel him deep in his bones and it's a little too wet and a little too rushed but it's imperfect and earnest and Yoochun's kissing him with patience and god it's no wonder why he's known to make people weak in the knees because Yoochun's hands are caressing his neck caressing his face kissing him slow and languid like he has all the time in the world while he's a little too messy a little too forced but it's so flawed and so heartfelt that Junsu couldn't ask for anything better.
They pull away; Junsu brings his fingers to his now moistened lips as he looks at Yoochun, who is trying to stop himself from wearing that grin plastered on his face as he sheepishly wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Idiot," Yoochun pokes Junsu's side and rests his head on his shoulder, "Don't ever do that again. When you want to say something, just say it," so Junsu rests his head on Yoochun's and looks down at their entwined fingers, thinking maybe they're taking this way too fast but Junsu won't restrain himself now because maybe this is what would fill up the empty part of themselves that they've been missing, the empty part of themselves that they've been unknowingly searching for, "I want to kiss you now," he blurts out, bashful, the same nostalgic heat rising to his cheeks.
Yoochun's eyes widen and he blurts out laughing so Junsu laughs along with him, feeling a huge weight lifted off his shoulders being able to laugh together like this again, his heart in Yoochun's hands, his fingers interlaced with his, content and satisfied smiles reflecting on each other's face.
Junsu sighs
eyes deep and tender,
warmth
thinking,
hey... isn't this easy?
sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down