Old Habits are Hard to Break - Oneshot
Title: Old Habits are Hard to Break
Chapters: Oneshot
Pairing: Minho/Jonghyun
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fluff, Romance
Summary: What Minho really does every night.
A/N: this happy Jongho was written for shineeafterscho to make up for the sad fic i wrote yesterday xD enjoy!
The sound reaching Minho’s ears was ten times louder than what it really was. In his mind it was the only sound on earth at that moment, the only sound that mattered.
They were sleeping on the double bed in their shared room, Minho on the left side; Jonghyun on the right.
Minho knew the little puppy was sleeping. Him; not so much. He was busy listening and counting…
In. out.
.
His roommate was breathing heavily against the fluffy pillow signaling that he was fast asleep.
In. out.
Rhythmic and recurring breaths. Each one coming exactly 3 seconds after the other.
In…
1
2
3
…out.
Exactly that amount of time, no more, no less.
If he squinted over to watch Jonghyun's chest, he could see it rising in rhythm with the breathing, exactly 3 seconds between each movement.
He had been counting for half an hour now. 570 in’s and out’s total. Half an hour of bliss. It made him happy to count Jonghyun’s inhales and exhales of oxygen, he could listen to his breathing at night without being disturbed; without anyone thinking he was crazy. It was his secret obsession. A habit of some kind.
Every night he would count the singer’s breaths, and when he couldn’t resist any longer; he would open his eyes to watch him. Observe every part of his perfect living nature, to capture it all firmly in his memory.
The real thing was of course, always better than memories; therefore Minho would lie there and enjoy watching him sleep in pure reality, with nothing lost in translation.
Watching his chest rise and fall to the sound of his breathing. Watching his naturally pouted lips open slightly every now and then at random times. Watching the locks of his matted brown hair fall past his face when he shifted or changed position. Watching his facial expression, his eyes, his body, his everything. He was Minho’s everything. And only thing.
That’s why he kept counting his continuous breaths, because if they stopped, Minho’s would stop too. He made sure each one of Jonghyun’s exhale’s and inhale’s came when they were supposed to, just to make sure he was alive.
Just don’t wake up… Minho prayed. What would he think if he woke up to Minho staring at him in this possessive manner? He would think he was a freak (more than he already was), and maybe even hate him. Miho didn’t want Jonghyun to hate him, so he could never tell Jonghyun about his hidden feelings for him.
It was cowardly, but it would be only him who suffered, so the circumstances really didn’t matter. It sufficed. Minho was too afraid to reveal how he felt for the precious boy, how he loved him way too much for his own good.
And what if Jonghyun felt the same? No…that would never happen, it would be too good to be true. He dreamed of it all the time, but he couldn’t mix dreams with reality, it would make him delirious and make him seem ludacris.
Minho could probably never have him. But oh how much he wanted him. For Jonghyun to be his and no-one else’s. To stop lurking, and express his love to the fullest.
Minho would be so good to him, and make sure his needs always were fulfilled.
Tears started to form in the depths of his eyes, rushing close to the brim. He would do anything for Jonghyun, if only he got the chance.
One after one his thoughts disappeared from his head, and vanished into the air. He couldn’t continue his hopeless dreaming forever; it would just leave him depressed.
After five more minutes of staring, Minho felt like he would burst. Jonghyun was like the forbidden fruit, and it was so god damned hard to resist him. He just wanted to know what it would feel like to be his lover. The person who got to, would be the luckiest human on the face of the earth.
He glanced over to Jonghyun again, his body laying limply to his side; facing Minho. He looked so inviting…so…fucking adorable.
His sleeping form was like a seven year old trapped in a gorgeous angel’s body, making Minho remember them when they were young, naively training to become singers.
His milky white skin faintly reflected the moonlight from the open window, his full lips slightly parted.
Suddenly a thought struck Minho.
What would it feel like to kiss those lips?
It had to be amazing…
Now that Minho thought about it, he couldn’t remember anyone ever having kissed Jonghyun. He had never had any girlfriends, or boyfriends for that matter. There had never been anyone. He was pure. Completely un-touchable. Minho’s insides squirmed at the thought.
Yet he was still in reach…a few centimeters and Minho could touch his clothed chest, if he just simply stretched his hand-
-And touched it.
His shaky hand was resting a few inches under his Jonghyun’s collarbone, softly stroking the spot with his fingers. He could feel Jonghyun’s warm breath hit his hand lightly, sending a shiver down his spine; making his toes curl.
It was like touching an illegal drug; strictly forbidden, yet so exciting it made his heart pound at an overwhelmingly fast rate against his rib cage.
Minho dragged his finger lazily up the side of Jonghyun’s exposed neck, making the singer’s eye lids flutter faintly at the motion. It was so hard to stop. Once he had touched the boy’s irresistible milky skin, he kept drawing soft trails with his finger from Jonghyun’s ear down to his collar bones and back again. The friction with his hot skin felt so amazing against his fingertips, he couldn’t stop. He had wanted to touch him like this since forever.
His hand reached Jonghyun’s sleeping face, and he cupped it ever so gently in his palm, bringing forward his other hand to support it. He scooted a bit closer so that he could get a better grip.
Jonghyun bit his lower lip absentmindedly, only letting it go to trace a moist trail across it with his wet tongue. Minho felt himself being drawn closer to Jonghyun by an unexplainable force, feeling the lust for the smaller’s lips pull at him like a magnetic field.
He had gone too far to stop this time. He usually stopped after planting a few innocent touches somewhere on Jonghyun’s sleeping body, and then retreated back to being lulled into drowsiness from his rhythmic breaths; falling asleep eventually. This time Jonghyun’s toxic beauty had stolen his feeling of right and wrong including the guilt that followed, the only thing that mattered to him was claiming Jonghyun while he was still in-reach.
Claim him. How do you claim someone when they’re not even aware of anything?
Minho’s eyes darted straight back to his Jonghyun’s still moist lips, his mind thinking fast. kiss him… there was something telling him to do it. Claim Jonghyun while he still could. kiss him…
Could he do that? Was it safe if he just kissed him lightly, and he would never know? He wouldn’t hate him then, surely…what he doesn’t know won’t kill him, right?
Minho hesitated and crawled closer to Jonghyun, his hands automatically finding their way to his hips and pushing them down carefully to straddle him.
Jonghyun stirred but did not wake; instead he rubbed his eyes sleepily with a free hand and let it fall back down again past his face when he was done.
If Minho was counting breaths at that point, he would have lost track of whatever number he had reached. It was just the breath-taking sensation of the vision before him that could have made his mind go numb.
The taller now had a knee on each side of Jonghyun’s lower waist; the blanket that had covered his body a few seconds before, was thrown away and abandoned by Minho. He couldn’t stop now; he had pushed it too far.
“I love you.” The barely audible whisper escaped Minho’s lips automatically when his hands re-took their place in cupping Jonghyun’s face. He brought his own face closer, feeling heat emitting from his body as he neared. He wasn’t stupid enough to expect an ‘I love you too’ back, he just had to say it. It sort of confessed his feelings…though Jonghyun didn’t know, and probably never would.
Minho took a moment to admire his perfect dinosaur, the way he looked impeccable no matter if he was styled up or not, and the way he was just always…perfect. No matter what day it was, or how he looked; Jonghyun was always perfect in Minho’s eyes. Minho got a wacky amount of adrenalin from watching him, like when you’re in line to take one of the big super-fast roller coasters in Disney world, and it just happens to be you up next.
I was his turn now, and no-one would ever know it was the biggest moment in his life.
He took a hold of a few of Jonghyun’s dark locks and twisted them around his fingers. As he did, Jonghyun turned towards the side Minho rested his hand and Minho could feel the skin being brushed lightly by the puppy’s little nose. The breathing…oh god…
He could feel the heat of Jonghyun’s flowing stream of oxygen running down the side of his hand. How it made every hair on his body rise in ecstasy. It was enough to send him over the edge…
He shoved his hand further into the mound of matted brown hair, and held his breath when Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered at his touch, but it would take a lot more to wake him than a few tugs of his hair; he was a really deep sleeper.
Minho just hoped he wasn’t going to wake up. If he did, he would be in really, really deep shit.
He brought his face closer to Jonghyun’s and stopped only to listen to his heart beat in the rhythm of his peaceful breathing. It was still deep and slow, indicating he was sleeping as deeply as he always did. Like a princess.
It was hard to restrain himself now, with each of Jonghyun’s breaths the seconds just slipped by, and if he didn’t do anything soon; the time would tick towards morning.
Closer…closer…
Their lips were only inches apart, barely any molecules separating them.
With one on last deep inhale of air, Minho dived forwards those few inches and captured Jonghyun’s lips with his own in a sweet and urgent kiss. The dreams he had had were nothing compared to the reality…nothing at all.
Minho cautiously pushed his tongue past Jonghyun’s pouted lips and was glad he was sleeping, because he could gain entrance to the forbidden pleasure. It was sloppy, but better then Minho had ever had.
When his tongue found its way to Jonghyun’s he could feel his toes curl in delight. Though immobile, Minho prodded it gently with his own, dragging out his motions.
He enjoyed it for a few seconds and then Minho reluctantly pulled away from the sweetest piece of reality he had ever experienced, to catch his breath. A faint hint of triumph was stuck in his chest; he had been the first ever to kiss Jonghyun. He had been the first to feel his lips’ incredible softness and unique flavor.
He had been the one to claim him.
He took a few minutes to sit by Jonghyun’s side and let it all sink in. He had just…he had really…kissed him. Kissed his unconscious friend.
No matter how wrong it was, the only thing Minho felt now, was pure satisfaction. He grinned to himself and stroked Jonghyun’s flushed cheeks. Had he taken advantage of him? No…he didn’t even know about it, so there was really no harm done. The only one who would ever know was Minho and Minho only. It was his dirty secret to bear, and may the guilt come forth to try and tear up his insides.
He grinned to himself once more because this was the best night of his life and flopped his body over to rest close beside Jonghyun’s, careful not to wake him. The rapper had never been one to take risks, they usually screwed him over, but this was the best thing he'd ever done.
If only Minho had known that he wasn’t the only one who had been present during the kiss. If only he had known that the person he had “taken advantage of” had been conscious and alert every millisecond of the time Minho had spent surveying him.
Jonghyun had felt everything. The kiss. The touches. The breathing.
He'd laid in silence as he sensed Minho's restless nature around him, willing each muscle to be still during every touch.
He had enjoying it as much as Minho had, but he would never let Minho know that. Maybe one day when he was ready, Jonghyun would surprise Minho by kissing him back.
After all, Jonghyun knew it would happen again. Because old habits are hard to break