[June 2]

[plntfood]

Sam wakes him up, which is strange, crawling into the bed he and Veronica share, her stuffed squirrel tucked carefully under one arm. When he opens his eyes, he registers the early morning sunlight slanting through the windows first, then the fact that the empty place beside him in bed is cold and, finally, that Sam is looking at him with something

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[crazyspacegirl]

Before she'd had Zoe, River had come and gone from Serenity with no fanfare or great burden. Life with a small child required a lot more preparation, and it often took most of the morning before they were ready to head out into the world.

At first, she was happy to see Mathias and Samantha approaching, since it meant she got to see them sooner than she had expected. Zoe clearly agreed, since she started hollering "Ni hao!" and bouncing in her stroller the second she saw them. Also clear was that she knew the group was incomplete, because after a moment, she calmed down and had a question. "Vee?"

River could see by Mathias' face that she wasn't going to like the answer to the baby's query, but she really hoped that for once she could just be wrong.

[plntfood]

Faced with River, Mathias finds he still doesn't know what to say and when Zoe asks for Veronica, his gaze drifts down toward the boardwalk, as if he expects her to come out of the wood and assure everyone that it's fine. She's still here. She hasn't gone anywhere.

Wordlessly, he forces himself to look up and he shakes his head at River. It's all he can do at the moment, because for the first time in a very long time, he feels completely out of control of his emotions. If he opens his mouth, he doesn't know what will come out, whether it will be the right words or the wrong ones or sounds that aren't even words at all.

"We've looked everywhere," he says finally, his voice coming out in a strange sort of croak.

[crazyspacegirl]

River knew what he was going to say before he said it, but she let herself imagine a number of other options before she heard the words. Veronica was off bathing Taser, or visiting her dad, or maybe she was sick or just sleeping late.

She shook her head, and wanted to tell Mathias that he was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong, but she couldn't form even that one simple word. She couldn't even say that Veronica would never leave them, wouldn't leave Sammy or her, when they'd lost so much already. It wasn't something that people were wrong about, ever.

Still, she had to ask. Veronica Mars deserved at least one well-formed question, even if River could only manage to ask it in one word.

"Everywhere?"

[plntfood]

"Everywhere," he echoes, wishing River could be right. Maybe there's some place he hasn't checked yet, some strange hiding place she's gone just to be alone for a little while, but he knows that isn't right, as much as he wants it to be. Even if she needed time away, she would never leave Sam alone without telling him first.

In his arms, Sam drops her head to his shoulder and he knows she understands what they're talking about. It's awful, because he loves this little girl, would never have imagined his life this way, but loves her anyway, and he has no idea what to say to her now.

"I... don't know what to do."

[with_diamonds]

Somehow, she knew.

Lucy wouldn't claim that prescience or any kind of island magic could give her such foresight, but looking at Mathias and Sam as they caught sight of each other, she knew, a cold sense of inevitability settling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't that she was psychic; it was just that three and a half years of living in this place had trained her to be used to it, to recognize the signs, to not be too hopeful for an alternative. She had to ask, had to be sure, but there wasn't really a doubt in her mind that Veronica was gone. In a way, it made sense. The calm was going to have to break eventually. She just, however naïvely, had never really expected this.

"Hey, you two," she said lightly, as evenly as she could. To her credit, she managed to keep her expression mostly schooled (an impressive feat for her), but her eyes were wide, serious, inquiring without her wanting to ask outright. There was no need to make it worse.

[plntfood]

In Mathias's arms, Sam looks up at the sound of Lucy's voice and she waves, but it's half-hearted, not as enthusiastic as it usually would have been. Mathias meets Lucy's gaze and he can see the question there. It's a question he doesn't really know how to answer and he falters for a moment, almost lifting his shoulders in a shrug.

"Hi," he answers finally, looking back down at the boardwalk for a moment. It's much easier than looking at Lucy.

"We've been looking for Veronica all morning," he says, knowing it might be enough to answer her question.

[with_diamonds]

Teeth pressed to her lower lip, solemn, Lucy nodded. It proved her suspicion at least partly right, anyway, and that was all she needed, not the sort to hold on fruitlessly to whatever chance was left that Veronica wasn't gone. Of all people, she was a strange one to consider gone - constant, in a way that most people hadn't been, her oldest friend here, and steadiest - but it was probably inevitable. These things happened.

It didn't make it any less fucking difficult.

"No sign of her?" she guessed, quiet, resolute, and didn't wait for an answer before she continued. "Does anyone else know yet?"

[plntfood]

"No," Mathias answers, then has to swallow hard, steeling himself against the task of having to tell others. "I was looking for you, River and her father." There are others that need to know, he's sure of that. Veronica has been a constant on the island for so long that he's sure she knows almost everyone. But he can't stomach the idea of telling more people than he absolutely has to. There is a limit on what he can take.

"I think Sam knew first," he says, hitching her a little higher on his hip. "She woke me up this morning. She always wakes Veronica first."

As much as he wants to keep looking and keep hoping, he's weary already. He can't let himself continue to hope, not when he knows the disappointment following will be completely crushing.