Love, Sooyoungie
Love, Sooyoungie
Sooyoung-centric; G
April 2004
Dear Diary,
Today I saw the oppa I like with her girlfriend. You know, the one I always told you about. The one who when he walks, the leaves fall down gracefully around him. That oppa who is the reason why mom doesn't need to go up my room to wake me up anymore. I saw him today. The sun was shining brightly. I saw a sparrow in the yard, and I said it was a good sign that I will see him today.
I did see him. He was smiling as usual. His bright smile which made me like him in the first place. He was walking with that unnie. Her hair is long and really pretty --- and oh, I want my hair to be like that. She's really fair too. I feel so ugly now. Why am I born with this color? The unnie looks so innocent and pure... everything that I am not. They were holding hands. They were holding hands... and they're walking... and they look so happy together.
I always said that oppa looks best when he is smiling. His smile today is the brightest smile I have ever seen on him. He looks so happy. But my heart feels like it was falling off my chest. It hurts. It hurts so much... I don't know what else to do. So here I am, writing this to you. Crying my heart out. It was always you and me in the first place. It was only you and me.
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February 2008
Dear Diary,
Today was my last day at Chunji. I will miss Sungmin-oppa so much. I gave him my letter and with it the letter of confession that I want him to give to Kyuhyun-oppa. That letter I wrote two years ago. I saw it last night while looking for the paper where my schedule was written for the coming weeks. It's about time I give it don't you think? The weird thing is, I don't care what Kyuhyun-oppa will think about what I wrote anymore.
I don't really want to talk about how I'm leaving Chunji right now. I feel confused. It hurts my heart the more I think about it. I'd just stick this note I wrote for Sungmin-oppa. It's too messy so I rewrote it and gave him the tidier one.
I'm so sad today. I just want to cry myself to sleep.
Sungmin-oppa,
Thank you for taking care of me as your dongsaeng. I have always appreciated every thing that you have done. Working with you has always been a pleasure and it will be one of my most precious memories that I'm sure I will never forget. I wish you more blessings. Be healthy and always live a good life.
I love I like I love you oppa.
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June 2009
Dear Diary,
There's a problem with TVXQ now. I'm getting worried. I hope everything will be well. I'm really worried towards Yoochun-oppa. He has always been the most sensitive one in the group. It pains me to see him looking so down and I can't do anything about it.
The other oppas are showing a brave face but I know that they're only doing that so that we younger ones will not worry for them. What they're doing is not effective. We are still bothered.
Especially me.
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October 2009
Dear Diary,
As if things can't get any worse, Kangin-oppa got into a big controversy.
What is happening? I am confused.
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December 2009
Dear Diary,
Hankyung-oppa left.
:'(
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August 2010
Dear Diary,
Siwon-oppa talked to me today. He hugged me and whispered how much he misses me. I don't understand it at first because why would he say it when we always see each other? I asked him backstage and we talked. He said he misses my old cheerful self. Do I look sad and lonely now? I have been sad and lonely since forever. Maybe it's about time I don't hide it from the people around me.
I love Siwon-oppa and I understand how much he takes care of me as a dongsaeng. Stella-unnie is really lucky to have him. I'm happy to know too that I have a brother that I can always lean on. He might not be my real brother, but he has been the best brother that I never had.
I am thinking about what he said. About going back to my happy days. But you understand me diary when I say I don't want to anymore, right? Because there weren't really any happy days. They just thought there are.
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April 2011
Dear Diary,
I think I am too busy (and too old to be keeping you). I don't think I will write other things anymore. This will be the last day for me to write to you. Don't worry, I won't throw you away. You are always precious to me. When I get old, and have gray hairs on my own, I would love to read you again.
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September 2026
Dear Diary,
Sunkyu-unnie got married today. Would you guess to whom? No, not Sungmin-oppa. Sungmin-oppa's already married to his girlfriend of ten years five years ago. Lee Sunny got married to Ryeowook-oppa. Isn't it funny how things go?
Sigh, you wonder why I'm writing to you after all these years right? Everyone in our group got married already. Even the SuJu and DBSK oppas. Well, most of them. I haven't contacted with some of the other oppas after SNSD disbanded. Almost everyone during our time in SM has tied the knot now. Except for the younger ones. Though Jonghyun did end up with Krystal and they're expecting their first baby by the end of this month.
Everyone has settled down now. Except me. I am really happy for all of them. Though I still can't help asking, where is the person for me? Did he got lost on his way here? Or maybe there was really nobody intended for me from the start.
So here I am, writing this to you. Crying my heart out. It was always you and me in the first place. It was only you and me.