My 10 cents worthsoft_stepsSeptember 5 2009, 09:58:18 UTC
"I am most disturbed that some part of me is still desperately seeking Charlotte."
The young man that lives in you will always miss your first true love that was taken from you too soon. I don't believe you should be disturbed. Without presuming too much about you my friend, aching for her, and pining for her after these years, may be your way of not wanting to forget her. Of ensuring she stays close to your heart.
When you meet the woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with, hopefully the love you have with her, can relieve your pain. We also must hope that the woman is not a selfish bitch and can understand your past.
I leave you with this- which I believe I have said to you before: Your heart is like a house. You are forever adding more to this house to make room for all the love you have for the people in your life. The house is never full and the long lost loves of the past will always be there burning just as brightly and soothingly as the loves of the present. *hugs*
Re: My 10 cents worthpluralSeptember 6 2009, 23:19:33 UTC
As usual, you make excellent points my dear.
I hadn't exactly thought of it that way. The house analogy is long how I've felt about things, and I definitely do not wish to forget her.
What disturbs me is not that I miss her but that I might seek to be near someone not because of their charms but because they remind me of her. It seems quite unfair to all involved.
Re: My 10 cents worthsoft_stepsSeptember 7 2009, 04:31:59 UTC
It this any different to other people who are attracted to a certain type of person? Like me for example. I am attracted to guys 6ft+ with dimples. Is this because I once fell for someone who looked like this? Or just because I find it endearing?
Am I "using" these guys for their height and dimples?
Avoiding the women who have the same characteristics as Charlie may be stopping you from being with women who you are most attracted to. Of course these women must have a shining factor that is solely theirs as opposed to 'just' being like Charlie. If you can see that in them, then you are attracted to them, not only because you can see Charlie characteristics in them, but because of their own little spark.
Re: My 10 cents worthpluralSeptember 7 2009, 05:07:26 UTC
Indeed you are, and quite frankly, I'm perfectly ok with that.
I'm not say avoiding blondes or dancers, more avoiding women who remind me heavily of her because I think it would be too easy to fall in love with them because they remind me of her instead of for who they are, for as you say their own shining factor.
I am desperately seeking a person who doesn't (yet) exist. I've collected all of these pieces of him from men I've dated or am friends with, but no one of them is the person I miss and long for. Sure, there have been a few who've come close, and as a result I project a lot onto them. (Really unfair of me!)
Anyway, I can kinda, sorta relate. I'm always left wondering if anyone will be good enough.
HMM. I don't know if I can pare my qualifiers down to three. I guess the most important would be:
1. Can't take himself or me too seriously. 2. Has to provide me with a safe place, no matter what (emotionally/mentally speaking). 3. Has to to challenge me. This is broad, and I mean it in all of the ways it can be interpreted.
And yeah, physical attraction is always implied.
I don't know if these have shifted over time; likely. And just reading them makes me feel rather discouraged.
Those seem like good criteria to me, and not overly demanding either.
Assuming you are not overly demanding with the last, after all, having a partner who challenges you is important but having other people in your life who challenge is also necessary.
I find that a lot of people (not saying you are or aren't one of them) tend to try to get all of their needs met through one person and it generally will end badly when you do.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think it is more than that, I think we all need to have our "village", a group of friends and acquaintances, in order to get our human needs met.
this is long... and I still can't say all I want!moderndayhippieSeptember 19 2009, 16:15:27 UTC
I don't think you should be disturbed by this. Though, I have never been in your position (an ex of mine was murdered, but we had lost touch shortly before he passed), I feel like I can relate to bits of this
( ... )
Comments 11
"I am most disturbed
that some part of me
is still desperately seeking Charlotte."
The young man that lives in you will always miss your first true love that was taken from you too soon. I don't believe you should be disturbed.
Without presuming too much about you my friend, aching for her, and pining for her after these years, may be your way of not wanting to forget her. Of ensuring she stays close to your heart.
When you meet the woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with, hopefully the love you have with her, can relieve your pain. We also must hope that the woman is not a selfish bitch and can understand your past.
I leave you with this- which I believe I have said to you before:
Your heart is like a house. You are forever adding more to this house to make room for all the love you have for the people in your life. The house is never full and the long lost loves of the past will always be there burning just as brightly and soothingly as the loves of the present.
*hugs*
Reply
I hadn't exactly thought of it that way. The house analogy is long how I've felt about things, and I definitely do not wish to forget her.
What disturbs me is not that I miss her but that I might seek to be near someone not because of their charms but because they remind me of her. It seems quite unfair to all involved.
Reply
Like me for example. I am attracted to guys 6ft+ with dimples. Is this because I once fell for someone who looked like this? Or just because I find it endearing?
Am I "using" these guys for their height and dimples?
Avoiding the women who have the same characteristics as Charlie may be stopping you from being with women who you are most attracted to.
Of course these women must have a shining factor that is solely theirs as opposed to 'just' being like Charlie.
If you can see that in them, then you are attracted to them, not only because you can see Charlie characteristics in them, but because of their own little spark.
Reply
I'm not say avoiding blondes or dancers, more avoiding women who remind me heavily of her because I think it would be too easy to fall in love with them because they remind me of her instead of for who they are, for as you say their own shining factor.
Reply
Anyway, I can kinda, sorta relate. I'm always left wondering if anyone will be good enough.
Reply
I can also relate to that, which is why I make a point of resetting my expectations every couple of years.
As I have found from time to time that I was seeking something because I had been seeking it before not because it was actually that important for me.
As I've changed I had to make a point of changing what I looked for, and it isn't as easy as it sounds.
right now my criteria are as follows:
1) Find my mischievous ways endearing
2) Disarm my stubbornness with a smile
3) Get me out of a third world prison
and of course, be easy on the eyes, but thats pretty much a given for me.
Reply
1. Can't take himself or me too seriously.
2. Has to provide me with a safe place, no matter what (emotionally/mentally speaking).
3. Has to to challenge me. This is broad, and I mean it in all of the ways it can be interpreted.
And yeah, physical attraction is always implied.
I don't know if these have shifted over time; likely. And just reading them makes me feel rather discouraged.
Reply
Assuming you are not overly demanding with the last, after all, having a partner who challenges you is important but having other people in your life who challenge is also necessary.
I find that a lot of people (not saying you are or aren't one of them) tend to try to get all of their needs met through one person and it generally will end badly when you do.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think it is more than that, I think we all need to have our "village", a group of friends and acquaintances, in order to get our human needs met.
Reply
Reply
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