All I can say is time. My father passed last year, and like you i was caught off guard that it would affect me the way it did. i found myself drunk and hysterical on more occasions that i'd like to admit.
eventually it dulls....for me, my father didn't deserve my tribute. your situation may be very different.
i'm sad to hear that 3 day date girl wasn't the woman of your dreams waltzing into your life. i liked the idea of that. :)
we all know sex is like a drug. just don't let it be the wall that stand between you an intimacy.
Yeah, I don't really do hysterical (but I'm quite good at drunk), honestly about the most expressive I get is posts like this, which is why I suppose I need this journal.
That said, I completely understand about your father. My mother was the epitome of a kind, generous and incredible person, as long as you weren't me.
I am as well but for all my many faults and vices, I try to keep the self-delusion to a minimum. It was a lovely idea and I am sure I will always have fond memories of the time she and I spent together, as I desperately needed to feel renewed and excited, even if it was an illusion, it was an illusion I needed and one I'm quite grateful for.
Indeed, and actually, perhaps I'm strange but my issue is using sex to get intimacy in my life, rather than using sex to avoid it. I've often said that while I may be alone, I am not lonely. Lately that statement has been less true.
I really appreciate your thoughts, thank you for sharing them.
I don't normally do hysterical either which was what was so weird. i think the drinking had something to do with that too, like right now :)
My mom is the same way, generally, of course i can't say without knowing you or her, but i remember people in public constantly telling me how great my mom was, and how much she loved me....and i was so suprised that she even told people about me considering how she treated me. is that what you are talking about too?
you are not strange in using sex to obtain intimacy, we all do that. even in our long term relationships. a lot of us say we're not alone, but we're lonely..which is worse?
no matter what the case may be...i'm glad you're not lonely. i know i was glad to not be lonely (or alone, whatever) in that time.
those two get confused a lot.
maybe our loved ones dont always know how to show us they care...it doesn't really matter in the end. how you feel is what matters. i'm rambling from too much vodka! ouch
For some sex is a cheap substitute for intimacy, for desire, for love, for kindness,... for others its a cheap distraction from those things...
Lately I've wanted comfort. Friends have comforted me, but even from my closest friends I dont want to be held, I don't want to be quiet in their arms and soak in the peace they have to offer through my skin touching theirs... but that is what I needed.
But, like lots of pathetic pop songs and pulp books.. that comfort does come in the form of just ANY skin, ANY person who is willing to try to give it.. Its something else... something hard to find,... part of the love equation... part of why loneliness doesnt have anything to do with how much time you do or don't spend alone.
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Let's hope you do better than I.
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although, I have to say, that isn't the most inspiring bar to have set.
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How are you holding up?
Thinking of you.
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eventually it dulls....for me, my father didn't deserve my tribute. your situation may be very different.
i'm sad to hear that 3 day date girl wasn't the woman of your dreams waltzing into your life. i liked the idea of that. :)
we all know sex is like a drug. just don't let it be the wall that stand between you an intimacy.
I hope your pain eases soon.
Reply
That said, I completely understand about your father. My mother was the epitome of a kind, generous and incredible person, as long as you weren't me.
I am as well but for all my many faults and vices, I try to keep the self-delusion to a minimum. It was a lovely idea and I am sure I will always have fond memories of the time she and I spent together, as I desperately needed to feel renewed and excited, even if it was an illusion, it was an illusion I needed and one I'm quite grateful for.
Indeed, and actually, perhaps I'm strange but my issue is using sex to get intimacy in my life, rather than using sex to avoid it. I've often said that while I may be alone, I am not lonely. Lately that statement has been less true.
I really appreciate your thoughts, thank you for sharing them.
Reply
My mom is the same way, generally, of course i can't say without knowing you or her, but i remember people in public constantly telling me how great my mom was, and how much she loved me....and i was so suprised that she even told people about me considering how she treated me. is that what you are talking about too?
you are not strange in using sex to obtain intimacy, we all do that. even in our long term relationships. a lot of us say we're not alone, but we're lonely..which is worse?
no matter what the case may be...i'm glad you're not lonely. i know i was glad to not be lonely (or alone, whatever) in that time.
those two get confused a lot.
maybe our loved ones dont always know how to show us they care...it doesn't really matter in the end. how you feel is what matters. i'm rambling from too much vodka! ouch
Reply
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Lately I've wanted comfort.
Friends have comforted me, but even from my closest friends I dont want to be held, I don't want to be quiet in their arms and soak in the peace they have to offer through my skin touching theirs... but that is what I needed.
But, like lots of pathetic pop songs and pulp books.. that comfort does come in the form of just ANY skin, ANY person who is willing to try to give it..
Its something else... something hard to find,... part of the love equation... part of why loneliness doesnt have anything to do with how much time you do or don't spend alone.
Reply
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