(no subject)
Hi everyone, I just joined out of exasperation. I'm recovering from a particularly bad PMDD spell and I feel like I have nobody to go to, so I decided I should join this community and get my feelings out.
I can tell when my period is coming. My face breaks out, I have intense anxiety, and am generally more emotional than usual. I tend to mull over my past. I get sad because I became sexually active at a really young age, I hung out with a group of bad kids who made fun of me relentlessly, I gave up on a career when I had the chance, and am still trying to get my bachelor's degree amongst a generation of kids I don't identify with -- all while I live with my parents. I feel like a failure. I can't even log into Facebook anymore because everybody else seems so much more successful and happy.
So when my period rolls around, feeling like I have nothing to show for my life makes me want to cry and cry. So tonight I did and it made me feel so exhausted. I decided the only way "out" is to sleep. I'm terrified of becoming suicidal over this. I feel like the only thread of hope I have to hold on to are people who care about me, but at the same time I feel so much guilt for hurting them because of my stupid mistakes.
It really hurts. Sometimes I think the PMDD would be easier if I made better decisions in my life and am generally happy with where I am. But it pushes me back and makes it harder for me to live the life I want. The cycle makes it so difficult for me to function. The worst part is I suffer from trich, and I've been trying so hard to be in recovery but I always ruin my progress because of the PMDD. All my beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows have been gone for years. I feel like the only way I can survive is by working at home because I can barely make it through school when I have an episode -- I'm so depleted, so tired, so depressed, I'd do anything to stay in bed.
Anyway, now that I got all that out (phew!), here's my list of bizarre PMDD symptoms I get along with the bout of depression, moodiness and exhaustion:
I can tell when my period is coming. My face breaks out, I have intense anxiety, and am generally more emotional than usual. I tend to mull over my past. I get sad because I became sexually active at a really young age, I hung out with a group of bad kids who made fun of me relentlessly, I gave up on a career when I had the chance, and am still trying to get my bachelor's degree amongst a generation of kids I don't identify with -- all while I live with my parents. I feel like a failure. I can't even log into Facebook anymore because everybody else seems so much more successful and happy.
So when my period rolls around, feeling like I have nothing to show for my life makes me want to cry and cry. So tonight I did and it made me feel so exhausted. I decided the only way "out" is to sleep. I'm terrified of becoming suicidal over this. I feel like the only thread of hope I have to hold on to are people who care about me, but at the same time I feel so much guilt for hurting them because of my stupid mistakes.
It really hurts. Sometimes I think the PMDD would be easier if I made better decisions in my life and am generally happy with where I am. But it pushes me back and makes it harder for me to live the life I want. The cycle makes it so difficult for me to function. The worst part is I suffer from trich, and I've been trying so hard to be in recovery but I always ruin my progress because of the PMDD. All my beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows have been gone for years. I feel like the only way I can survive is by working at home because I can barely make it through school when I have an episode -- I'm so depleted, so tired, so depressed, I'd do anything to stay in bed.
Anyway, now that I got all that out (phew!), here's my list of bizarre PMDD symptoms I get along with the bout of depression, moodiness and exhaustion:
- Super itchy. I have a tattoo on my back that raises during this time, not because of scratching it but my skin just feels like it's really sensitive. I get really terrible, noticeable rashes if anything my skin doesn't like touches it.
- Spaciness and disassociation. I don't feel like I'm in touch with reality, I feel like I'm floating through life and have no connection to myself. I am very forgetful as well. I don't touch recreational drugs because I'm scared of making these symptoms worse.
- Cold sores. They come out along with the acne, and no makeup will help me hide it. I do have a Zovirax prescription though, which is a godsend.
- Complete lack of motivation. I don't want to do anything. The only "chore" I like is being massaged by a hot shower until the warm water runs out.