English

[pmf_1]

For English, I have Mr. Renaud. I think he is a good teacher. But with my essays, he wants me to rewrite them before I turn them in. He also said that different people reading them was a good idea to give more perspective. So, if you see anything that I should change, tell me. Here is the essay

Comments

[chiaki777]

Try not to make it repeat what you're saying over and over again.

Unless you planned on that.

I also think a few adjectives describing Willie might be nice.

[califleek]

this is Carrie (I found your link through Harminder's journal)
....WOW that was a depressing essay. Poor Poor Willy. Maybe you could say more about Biff- it might give Willy more of a background if you talk about his family more. Is he married?
Small grammar thing- should "use to" be "Used to" ?
I really like the "breathing poison from a pipe" part.. 'tis creepy! :/

[pmf_1]

thanks Carrie. That does really help. Anything can help (cough cough, Duy)

[yud1988]

Okay I suppose that I can attempt to make some suggestions. I don't want to seem patronizing or condescending in any way though, so please pardon me if I do. The major thing that I think you can improve on is to make the essay more fluid. I know that isn't much help but, I think that some of the sentences are a bit stiff. And try not to be redundant, you don't have to repeat certain phrases so many times, it seems kind of well, like what high school students do. And transitional sentences could probably help. Sometimes it seems as if you leap from one subject to another without really tying everything back up with the thesis. Remember that you have to relate everything back up to the thesis (I know that I'm guilty of rambling in my essays and going off topic as well...). I guess that's pretty much it. I'm sorry I can't help you with specifics. I hope that I helped you!