Fanfiction - I Can't Go Back (Chapter 3)
Title: I Can't Go Back. (Chapter 3)
Author: Ritsu (crazy_otaku911)
Pairing: Takaki Yuya X OC (Suzuki Ryouhei), Takaki Yuya X Yabu Kouta
Rating: Overall: NC-17 - Current: PG
Summary: Upon returning to the hospital, Yuya finds things out. And he can't handle what's going on~
Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction.
Warnings: Slash, AU, ANGST!
A/N: Beta'd by dritree <3
I feel like I didn't do Takaki's emotions justice in this chapter. *SIGH*
The rest of the day swirled around Yuya. Discoveries about the first victim, breaking to his family about his death...it was painful. The kid had a very sweet mother. And it was sad to think that his life had ended at age 18. So young, so young, what had he been doing? And why?
It was a long day before Yuya found himself back at the hospital, trudging his way behind Arioka Daiki, his usual partner. Daiki looked over his shoulder, flipping black hair out of his warm eyes. “You okay, Takaki?” He asked quietly. “You look dead...why don't you just head home? Yabu's usually home by now, right?”
Takaki managed a grin at his friend. “I'm fine. Promised the boss I'd check on the guy and take Yuuri home safely.” Hah, like he was really worried about Yuuri. Right or wrong, Yuuri knew how to take care of himself...but it was Ryouhei he wanted to see. He knew he should just stay away, but all of this background on Ryouhei and the other dead body had proven that, while they didn't know why the shooter had decided to take Ryouhei out, Ryouhei had been the intended victim. It was plain logic, as Inoo had pointed out. One bullet at the other victim. Four bullets aimed at Ryouhei. So why was someone shooting at Ryouhei?
Yuya had heard through a few other random comments that Yuuri had spent the entire day in Ryouhei's room and that Ryouhei had been awake several times, talking nearly non-stop. Yuya couldn't tell if he wanted Ryouhei to be awake or not. What would he do if he actually was awake?
The knot in his stomach just kept on twisting as the two men headed to the ICU, where Ryouhei still was. There was still no real proof if he was going to survive or not, despite how apparently lucid he was. Yuya nervously rubbed fingers against his wrist, feeling his faint, slightly hurried pulse. He was nervous. Shit! Why was he nervous?
“Dai-chan! Takaki-chan!” Yuuri's cheerful chirp brought Yuya back to earth again. It was so funny how childish Yuuri was, despite his bratty, punk front. Yuya didn't answer until he'd peeked at Ryouhei, finding him out cold again. There was a heavy weight of disappointed settled on his chest and that just added to his confusion. Yuuri slid over to them with a apologetic smile. “You just missed...He was awake for nearly an hour~”
Daiki walked over and glanced at the man. “Mmm....He looks pretty okay to me...”
Shrugging, Yuuri sat back down on the chair right next to the head of the bed. “The nurses don't exactly tell me much when they're in here. He's pretty tired when he's awake but...well, bullets don't seem like they'd let you feel much energy.”
The two men both nodded. “You should talk to Hikaru about that...He'll have plenty of stories to tell you about that sort of thing.” Daiki snickered, eyes dancing.
“Eeeeh?” Yuuri's eyes grew. “Hika's been shot before?”
“Not just shot.” Yuya merrily joined in. “If we ever do a takedown, you can bet that Hikaru's going to be injured before we cuff someone.”
“Like when he ran into the door while we were chasing the religious nut...” Yuya shuddered slightly. That hadn't been the most pleasant case...the man had 'sacrificed' his own wife. But Hikaru's swelled head and broken nose had been pretty amusing.
“Did you learn anything, Yuuri?” Yuya glanced at Ryouhei again. He didn't know what he was hoping for, but he wanted him to wake up so badly. He wanted to know what his voice sounded like now. Did it still caress over you like silk? Did his eyes still look at your own and see into your soul?
“A lot of stuff. Sort of. We just chatted about anything, really...” Yuuri suddenly looked a bit abashed, which caught Yuya's attention “I just let him talk about anything...just to keep his mind of the pain.” He was so curious as to know what Yuuri had heard, but was definitely going to wait until Daiki wasn't around. Yuuri didn't look like he was going to talk much.
Daiki was only dropping him off at the hospital because Yuya had said he'd pick up the boss's car and get Yuuri home anyways. Yuya was such a nursemaid, it was sad.
Yuuri didn't go into any details, instead just chatting about how often Ryouhei had been waking up and sleeping. Soon enough, Daiki was waving and saying his goodbyes. “See you two, drive safe.” And then it was just Ryouhei, Yuuri, and Yuya.
“What did he talk about?” Yuya prompted, with what he hoped appeared as innocent, professional interest.
“Well...a lot of stuff.” Yuuri's blush was something surprising. “I mean...personal stuff. Stuff from when he was really young, like how he was scared of heights.” Yuya could remember how Ryouhei never went on roller coasters and high things because of that phobia. Back then, it had shocked him that anything could scare his beloved senpai. Yuuri continued on, “And I don't know how he got started on it...but he started telling me about how he wished this wasn't happening, because it made him see what he'd done wrong.”
Yuuri looked down at his hands, looking slightly uncomfortable. “How he wished he hadn't beentoo scared to admit some things...Like...how he didn't say he loved the person most important to him...how they slowly drifted apart...How much he missed that person...” Looking up, Yuuri met Yuya's eyes. “How do you do this over and over again.” He asked in awe. “It's so sad....watching him like this...How do you manage it? It was so sad, listening about him and that girl...”
Yuya just sat there, his emotions mixing all over the place, not really listening to Yuuri's last few words. That girl. That had been him. They'd always had that something for each other, something they'd denied for whatever reasons. It wasn't right. They weren't right....Hadn't that been it?
Or had they had a chance but were too scared to take it?
Did it matter anymore? ….No, it didn't. It was too late.
But they'd loved each other!
Just then, Yuya's phone vibrated. “Hold on, Yuuri.” Yuya smiled an apology as he slipped out of the room. “Hello?” He answered, forgetting to even look at the Caller ID.
“Yuyan?” A very familiar voice filled his ear. Kouta. Freezing, Yuya felt his heart thud, though he had no idea why. He was still struggling with Ryouhei's confession and now his lover....Oh god, what was going on.
“K-kouta?” He tried to smooth his voice out as he replied.
“Yuyan~” The cheerful voice came again and Yuya felt himself die a little more inside. “I was just calling to see if you knew when you'd be home today. I was going to make something like lasagna.”
There was a long pause, Yuya simply trying to figure out why he felt so wrong right now. Ryouhei lay in a hospital and Kouta would be waiting at home for him. For some reason he just felt so....wrong. Why was that? This shouldn't be making a difference at all.
“Yuyan?”
That soft, caring voice. Yuya felt a pain spread through his chest. He still couldn't answer.
“Yuyan...Are you okay? What's wrong?” Kouta's concern was so easy to hear, nearly tangible. Tears sprang to his eyes and there was a shaky intake of breath before Yuya could even speak.
“I-I'm sorry, K-kouta.” Yuya tried to wipe the tears away from his eyes. “I...I'm not coming home tonight.” It broke him to say it, but he could just feel it. He couldn't go home to Kouta right now...
“What? Yuyan, what's wrong? Is it a late night...? Should I come drop you off dinner?”
“N-no!” Yuya was sobbing now. He didn't even understand the sudden flood of emotions. He just couldn't stop the tears from falling down his cheeks, or the pain that tightened around his chest. “I...I just c-can't....”
“Yuyan...” Kouta's voice was soothing. “Yuyan, just talk to me...what's wrong.”
He couldn't say it. Couldn't tell him. It just seemed so wrong...all wrong. Always wrong? No...No, he loved Kouta! But....Ryouhei's pale face was now haunting his mind. He couldn't escape it. Couldn't stop hearing him call him. 'Yuya. Yuuuuya~!'
“Yuya?” But it was Kouta calling him now and Yuya just felt himself break even more inside. “Talk to me, sweetie...”
“I'm...I'm so-sorry, Kouta.” Crying softly, Yuya ended the call, turning the phone off as well. He knew Yabu would call him back until he spilled and right now he was crying without admitting to the truth...whatever it was.
Sitting on a secluded couch, Yuya just let the tears fall as he buried his face in his hands. God, what was going on. Why did he feel so torn apart. The pain threatened to eat him alive. Kouta. Ryouhei. Yuya. He loved Kouta. Ryouhei was possibly dying.
Why did he feel like he was falling apart...He'd lost loved ones before, he'd lost Ryouhei before...
Why did it feel like he'd break if he saw Kouta's loving smile?
Author: Ritsu (crazy_otaku911)
Pairing: Takaki Yuya X OC (Suzuki Ryouhei), Takaki Yuya X Yabu Kouta
Rating: Overall: NC-17 - Current: PG
Summary: Upon returning to the hospital, Yuya finds things out. And he can't handle what's going on~
Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction.
Warnings: Slash, AU, ANGST!
A/N: Beta'd by dritree <3
I feel like I didn't do Takaki's emotions justice in this chapter. *SIGH*
The rest of the day swirled around Yuya. Discoveries about the first victim, breaking to his family about his death...it was painful. The kid had a very sweet mother. And it was sad to think that his life had ended at age 18. So young, so young, what had he been doing? And why?
It was a long day before Yuya found himself back at the hospital, trudging his way behind Arioka Daiki, his usual partner. Daiki looked over his shoulder, flipping black hair out of his warm eyes. “You okay, Takaki?” He asked quietly. “You look dead...why don't you just head home? Yabu's usually home by now, right?”
Takaki managed a grin at his friend. “I'm fine. Promised the boss I'd check on the guy and take Yuuri home safely.” Hah, like he was really worried about Yuuri. Right or wrong, Yuuri knew how to take care of himself...but it was Ryouhei he wanted to see. He knew he should just stay away, but all of this background on Ryouhei and the other dead body had proven that, while they didn't know why the shooter had decided to take Ryouhei out, Ryouhei had been the intended victim. It was plain logic, as Inoo had pointed out. One bullet at the other victim. Four bullets aimed at Ryouhei. So why was someone shooting at Ryouhei?
Yuya had heard through a few other random comments that Yuuri had spent the entire day in Ryouhei's room and that Ryouhei had been awake several times, talking nearly non-stop. Yuya couldn't tell if he wanted Ryouhei to be awake or not. What would he do if he actually was awake?
The knot in his stomach just kept on twisting as the two men headed to the ICU, where Ryouhei still was. There was still no real proof if he was going to survive or not, despite how apparently lucid he was. Yuya nervously rubbed fingers against his wrist, feeling his faint, slightly hurried pulse. He was nervous. Shit! Why was he nervous?
“Dai-chan! Takaki-chan!” Yuuri's cheerful chirp brought Yuya back to earth again. It was so funny how childish Yuuri was, despite his bratty, punk front. Yuya didn't answer until he'd peeked at Ryouhei, finding him out cold again. There was a heavy weight of disappointed settled on his chest and that just added to his confusion. Yuuri slid over to them with a apologetic smile. “You just missed...He was awake for nearly an hour~”
Daiki walked over and glanced at the man. “Mmm....He looks pretty okay to me...”
Shrugging, Yuuri sat back down on the chair right next to the head of the bed. “The nurses don't exactly tell me much when they're in here. He's pretty tired when he's awake but...well, bullets don't seem like they'd let you feel much energy.”
The two men both nodded. “You should talk to Hikaru about that...He'll have plenty of stories to tell you about that sort of thing.” Daiki snickered, eyes dancing.
“Eeeeh?” Yuuri's eyes grew. “Hika's been shot before?”
“Not just shot.” Yuya merrily joined in. “If we ever do a takedown, you can bet that Hikaru's going to be injured before we cuff someone.”
“Like when he ran into the door while we were chasing the religious nut...” Yuya shuddered slightly. That hadn't been the most pleasant case...the man had 'sacrificed' his own wife. But Hikaru's swelled head and broken nose had been pretty amusing.
“Did you learn anything, Yuuri?” Yuya glanced at Ryouhei again. He didn't know what he was hoping for, but he wanted him to wake up so badly. He wanted to know what his voice sounded like now. Did it still caress over you like silk? Did his eyes still look at your own and see into your soul?
“A lot of stuff. Sort of. We just chatted about anything, really...” Yuuri suddenly looked a bit abashed, which caught Yuya's attention “I just let him talk about anything...just to keep his mind of the pain.” He was so curious as to know what Yuuri had heard, but was definitely going to wait until Daiki wasn't around. Yuuri didn't look like he was going to talk much.
Daiki was only dropping him off at the hospital because Yuya had said he'd pick up the boss's car and get Yuuri home anyways. Yuya was such a nursemaid, it was sad.
Yuuri didn't go into any details, instead just chatting about how often Ryouhei had been waking up and sleeping. Soon enough, Daiki was waving and saying his goodbyes. “See you two, drive safe.” And then it was just Ryouhei, Yuuri, and Yuya.
“What did he talk about?” Yuya prompted, with what he hoped appeared as innocent, professional interest.
“Well...a lot of stuff.” Yuuri's blush was something surprising. “I mean...personal stuff. Stuff from when he was really young, like how he was scared of heights.” Yuya could remember how Ryouhei never went on roller coasters and high things because of that phobia. Back then, it had shocked him that anything could scare his beloved senpai. Yuuri continued on, “And I don't know how he got started on it...but he started telling me about how he wished this wasn't happening, because it made him see what he'd done wrong.”
Yuuri looked down at his hands, looking slightly uncomfortable. “How he wished he hadn't beentoo scared to admit some things...Like...how he didn't say he loved the person most important to him...how they slowly drifted apart...How much he missed that person...” Looking up, Yuuri met Yuya's eyes. “How do you do this over and over again.” He asked in awe. “It's so sad....watching him like this...How do you manage it? It was so sad, listening about him and that girl...”
Yuya just sat there, his emotions mixing all over the place, not really listening to Yuuri's last few words. That girl. That had been him. They'd always had that something for each other, something they'd denied for whatever reasons. It wasn't right. They weren't right....Hadn't that been it?
Or had they had a chance but were too scared to take it?
Did it matter anymore? ….No, it didn't. It was too late.
But they'd loved each other!
Just then, Yuya's phone vibrated. “Hold on, Yuuri.” Yuya smiled an apology as he slipped out of the room. “Hello?” He answered, forgetting to even look at the Caller ID.
“Yuyan?” A very familiar voice filled his ear. Kouta. Freezing, Yuya felt his heart thud, though he had no idea why. He was still struggling with Ryouhei's confession and now his lover....Oh god, what was going on.
“K-kouta?” He tried to smooth his voice out as he replied.
“Yuyan~” The cheerful voice came again and Yuya felt himself die a little more inside. “I was just calling to see if you knew when you'd be home today. I was going to make something like lasagna.”
There was a long pause, Yuya simply trying to figure out why he felt so wrong right now. Ryouhei lay in a hospital and Kouta would be waiting at home for him. For some reason he just felt so....wrong. Why was that? This shouldn't be making a difference at all.
“Yuyan?”
That soft, caring voice. Yuya felt a pain spread through his chest. He still couldn't answer.
“Yuyan...Are you okay? What's wrong?” Kouta's concern was so easy to hear, nearly tangible. Tears sprang to his eyes and there was a shaky intake of breath before Yuya could even speak.
“I-I'm sorry, K-kouta.” Yuya tried to wipe the tears away from his eyes. “I...I'm not coming home tonight.” It broke him to say it, but he could just feel it. He couldn't go home to Kouta right now...
“What? Yuyan, what's wrong? Is it a late night...? Should I come drop you off dinner?”
“N-no!” Yuya was sobbing now. He didn't even understand the sudden flood of emotions. He just couldn't stop the tears from falling down his cheeks, or the pain that tightened around his chest. “I...I just c-can't....”
“Yuyan...” Kouta's voice was soothing. “Yuyan, just talk to me...what's wrong.”
He couldn't say it. Couldn't tell him. It just seemed so wrong...all wrong. Always wrong? No...No, he loved Kouta! But....Ryouhei's pale face was now haunting his mind. He couldn't escape it. Couldn't stop hearing him call him. 'Yuya. Yuuuuya~!'
“Yuya?” But it was Kouta calling him now and Yuya just felt himself break even more inside. “Talk to me, sweetie...”
“I'm...I'm so-sorry, Kouta.” Crying softly, Yuya ended the call, turning the phone off as well. He knew Yabu would call him back until he spilled and right now he was crying without admitting to the truth...whatever it was.
Sitting on a secluded couch, Yuya just let the tears fall as he buried his face in his hands. God, what was going on. Why did he feel so torn apart. The pain threatened to eat him alive. Kouta. Ryouhei. Yuya. He loved Kouta. Ryouhei was possibly dying.
Why did he feel like he was falling apart...He'd lost loved ones before, he'd lost Ryouhei before...
Why did it feel like he'd break if he saw Kouta's loving smile?