Fanfiction - I'm so sorry, I still love you...

Dec 31, 2009 15:55

Title: I'm so sorry, I still love you. (Aka - 5 times Takaki cheated on Daiki)
Author: Ritsu (crazy_otaku911)
Pairing: Takaki Yuya X Arioka Daiki // Hashimoto Ryousuke X Takaki Yuya
Rating: R
Summary: Boys are stupid, love is stupid, hearts wander, and they break.
Disclaimer: This work is purely fiction.
Warnings: Cheating, slash, implied/vague smut.
A/N: Beta'd by shimizumiki <3
Written for tadaiki_ai's love-a-thon. Yes, I am a TakaHasshi bitch, go away.
I don't know if you'd actually call this a drabble set...it sort of is, but it's more like a oneshot too? Uhm.


I.

“Yuya, you are so not helping!” Daiki shouted before stomping out of the dressing room and slamming the door, leaving the room empty except for his stunned boyfriend.

Yuya's mouth was open in disbelief at the shut door. What was he supposed to do about people calling Daiki 'short'? Everybody did that! He did that! Daiki was short!

He sank down onto the couch and buried his face in his hands, feeling tired and worn out. He'd been dating Daiki for a few months now and he loved Daiki...but this was frustrating. Daiki got mad at him so easily and would act all hurt over every mistake that Yuya made....which, since he was Takaki Yuya, he made a lot of them. Yuya swore that they spent more time fighting and making up then they did actually just being together.

It hurt, to be honest. Daiki was too jealous for Yuya's overly friendly personality and though he tried to reign it in, he hated not letting Chinen sit on his lap or hanging on Keito and Yamada, just because Daiki didn't like it. It wasn't like Daiki didn't have friends he hung out with and he still let Chinen sit on his own lap...just not Takaki's.

Takaki felt tears sliding down his cheeks and soaking his hands, his heart aching and feeling oddly empty. He loved Daiki, didn't he?

“Oh, Yuuyan...” The soft voice startled the boy and he jerked upright, eyes blinking away tears at the familiar voice, the last voice he'd been expecting to hear. He had been so drowned in his thoughts, he hadn't heard his ex-boyfriend walk in the room. Hashimoto Ryousuke was crouched next to him, concern in his eyes. “Don't cry.”

Yuya just stared at him for a few moments, too confused to stop crying. “Don't cry~.” Hasshi repeated, reaching out and pulling the older boy against him. Had things been different, Yuya would have complained about Hasshi growing bigger when he wasn't looking, but right now all he could do was burying himself in the relief of a warm embrace.

He was so hurt, so needy, he didn't give a word of protest as Hasshi slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his head upwards slightly. Didn't move away as Hasshi covered his mouth with his own. Didn't protest and say he had a boyfriend.

In fact, all he could do was lean in, desperate for the warmth Hasshi gave him.

II.

“Yuya!” The older boy turned around, excited to hear Daiki's voice, a bright smile on his face that instantly evaporated as his boyfriend moved closer. Daiki was nearly in tears. He latched onto Yuya who let out a murmur of concern as he hugged back. “Today was terrible!” Daiki wailed. “I overslept and was late to school and Chii ate half my lunch while Yuto was telling me this lame joke, I forgot my homework, and Keito is just being a JERK!”

Yuya sighed and made all the right sounds of sympathy, wondering if Daiki was on a period or something. What had gotten into him? Daiki used to be nice, kind and calm...but lately this was all that happened. He was so sensitive!

He bit his lip, petting Daiki's hair as Daiki went off on a little rant, feeling bad. He was being selfish, really, getting all upset over Daiki's being upset. Daiki had just gone through a bad day, he was allowed to be upset...

“How was Yuya's day?” Daiki was looking up at him, expectant and Yuya was at a loss for words. He'd been waiting all day to tell Daiki about something he'd seen, something that had felt so special, but now it just felt wrong to tell him.

He managed a smile, feeling strained. “Nothing special.”

Daiki seemed perfectly content with that and curled up, just hanging on Yuya, which Yuya didn't mind much. Eventually, they got to talking and joking and the earlier discomfort Yuya had felt vanished. But he still didn't tell Daiki about his special little moment.

Hours later, while Yuya was alone, his phone rang. “When you are the one, the one that lies close to me, whispers 'Hello, I missed you quite terribly'” Recognizing the ringtone, he picked, answering eagerly to a caller who hadn't called since their breakup. “Hi!”

Hasshi's chuckle met his ears and his smile grew several inches. “Hi, gorgeous.” The younger boy said. “How was your day today~?”

Yuya smiled, curling up, the phone tucked against his ear. “I saw the most beautiful sunrise today!” He chirped happily, finally voicing something that had been on his mind all day. “It was so pretty, all these pinks and oranges and purples mixing together and the sun just peeking up over the horizon.” He blushed, thinking it was silly for an almost twenty year old to get so excited over such a silly thing, but Hasshi was listening and seemed to enjoy it.

“Guess what?” Hasshi told him. “I saw that sunrise too~.”

Yuya sighed a little. “Wasn't it pretty?” He asked childishly.

“It was very stunning.” Hasshi replied, a smile in his voice. “But I know something that was even more stunning and all I have to do is think about that and nothing else compares.”

“Wh-what's that?” Yuya wondered why he suddenly felt all shy and blushy.

“It's you, Yuuyan~” And Yuya felt himself fall in love all over again.

III.

He knew it was wrong, knew it was so completely wrong, but right now...Yuya didn't care. He didn't care that he was cheating on his boyfriend, didn't care that his ex, the boy who had broken his heart so completely, was back without apologizing and all Yuya could do was fall more in love with him.

Daiki. Hasshi. Daiki. Hasshi.

There was pain associated with both of them, and yet Yuya was finding it harder to forgive the boy he professed to love. Daiki constantly needed reassurance that Yuya loved him, clung to him, demanded attention, and left Yuya feeling...empty. What used to feel special to Yuya was now exhausting.

Hasshi was different. Sometime between their breakup and now, Hasshi had grown into a stunningly good-looking and mature man and Yuya tried to think back as to why they'd left each other, but it had been over two years, he wasn't sure anymore. Hasshi offered him everything he wanted. A smile, a hug, an interested expression. While he wouldn't admit to it, Yuya had a feeling that the case of his favorite soda that had been left in their dressing room had been from him.

Daiki made him feel unnatural, like he was trying to be someone else just for him...Hasshi made him feel special the way he was.

Yuya knew cheating was wrong, but right now, he just didn't care.

He watched his phone buzz and ignored another text from Daiki. The last three had been about the same thing and Yuya honestly didn't care about any of it. He could just say he'd gone to bed early and hadn't heard his phone, which would make Daiki pout but get off his back.

With a yawn, he was about to climb into bed and do just that, tired as he was. He stripped off all his clothes, since he slept best naked, and curled up, reaching over to flick his bedside lamp off...but there was that ringtone, the one that now sent his heart racing. Hasshi

He flipped his phone open. “Aren't you a little late?” He asked playfully. They'd called each other several times already today and had texted each other since waking. “I was just about to sleep!”

“Oooooh~?” Hasshi's voice was warm and teasing. “I called just in time. In bed already?”

“Yeah~?” Yuya pretended his voice was innocent and completely failed. “What about it.”

“Mmmmmm, I happen to know that this really sexy thang sleeps naked, baby.” Hasshi was saying, which brought a flush to Yuya's cheeks and it wasn't out of embarrassment. “Sorry for being a guy, but my mind just can't help but wander about that.”

“Perv.” Yuya shot at him.

“You could help complete my mental image.” Hasshi replied mildly. “It's been a while since I've seen you naked. You were all ribs and legs last time...”

“Well, you see....got these abs...” And Yuya kept on going, not a care in the world.

IV.

“Hasshi...”

“Shhhh~.”

“H-hasshi, we shouldn't...”

“Don't worry, baby...”

“But Hasshi! What about D--” Yuya's voice was cut off by a kiss, one that didn't end until he'd stopped resisting, falling silent except for a soft sort of purr. Then Hasshi moved away from his lips, kissing down his jawline and then his neck, licking and nipping as he went, seeing what other little noises Yuya would make without speaking. Yuya's shirt was gone already, he wasn't sure where or when, he was too busy pretending he was protesting while trying to claw Hasshi's clothes off, his actions a contradiction in themselves.

“Babe.” Hasshi sounded amused as he pulled away, receiving a rather adorable pout. He became serious for a moment when Yuya tried to wriggle out from under him. “Yuuyan...” He made Yuya meet his eyes and Yuya felt another wave of butterflies in his stomach, loving and hating the feeling in an instant. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me.” Yuya had been trying to avoid his gaze and now snapped up to look at him for real, confusion in his eyes. “Tell me you don't want it and I'll stop. I'll leave you alone. I swear, I will. Just tell me you don't want me.”

Yuya stared at him for a few moments, just amazed at how easily Hasshi could see though him. Did he really want to let Hasshi go? Did he really want him to stop? Yuya didn't even have to think about it, he already knew the answer.

Damn him to hell for this but... “I need you so much, Hasshi.”

It was all he needed to say. Hasshi smiled softly and leaned forward to recapture Yuya's lips, lovingly caressing his skin. Clothes were shed, no longer hasty, but in a slow dance, both intent on rediscovering each other and finding out what had changed over the last two years. Yuya felt somewhat embarrassed, exposed like this. Hasshi had always been larger then him but now he was not only taller but more muscular.

But Hasshi kissed away his every fear and doubt. Their dance was an old familiar one, one that Hassh quickly reminded Yuya of, bumbling at first at then smoothing out into a heated perfection which left Yuya mindless, voiceless, boneless...but Hasshi left him feeling beautiful and warm and wanted...

He'd forgotten how it was to feel like that. And maybe that was the only reason he found the courage to speak. “Hasshi...?” He whispered, ones he could breath again. Hasshi nuzzled him, making him smile affectionately.

“Yeah?”

“....I love you.” Yuya admitted, hiding his face in the other's shoulder. Because it was true. He loved Hasshi...and he didn't love Daiki. Not like that...not anymore. When had that changed?

“Yuya...I have always loved you.”

V.

“Yuya, where are you going~?” Daiki looked up from where he was playing cards with Yuto, Hikaru, and Ryutaro. Yuya froze, his hand resting on the doorknob. He hadn't thought anyone would notice, but as he turned around, everyone's eyes were on him.

He managed a smile. “I forgot something in Kisumai's dressing room.” He answered quickly, glad that his slightly stronger friendship with Tamamori came to mind on the spot. “I'll be back!” With that, everyone went back to their playing and Yuya slipped out the door, breathing a sigh of relief when the door shut.

Yuya didn't know how to break up with Daiki yet. He didn't know how to do it without messing up group activities, which didn't need to happen. He knew sneaking behind Daiki's back was wrong, but he didn't know how to end it.

All of those worries vanished when Hasshi slid onto the couch next to him, handing Yuya a soda. They were in one of the dimly lit costume rooms, on one of the couches shoved in a corner.

Yuya gratefully accepted the soda, popping the tab as he slid onto the younger boy's lap. “Hi there...” He murmured, grateful for the cool taste of the drink as well as the firm strength of Hasshi.

“Long day?” Hasshi asked, working on his iced coffee.

“Just happy to see you.” Yuya answered with a smile, leaning to kiss Hasshi's cheek. The drinks were downed quickly enough and soon lead to more enjoyable activities. Kissing while hands eagerly groped at each other. Not enough time for anything much, but Yuya tried to make every little moment count. Having to sneak was hard, but he didn't know how to change that yet. Hasshi was willing to sneak around with him, so...

The thing about making out was that time went all weird when you did it. It flew past without you noticing. Yuya quickly lost track of time as he lost himself in Hasshi's kisses, needing more and more, giving in to the demands of Hasshi's mouth and fingers. His mouth would be bruised by the end of it, but it was better then risking marks in other places.

“Takaki Yuya, what are you doing!” The sudden shout startled both of them apart as their eyes flew towards the doorway. It had opened and a small amount of people were standing in the doorway, Yabu in the center, arms folded, mouth in a deep frown.

But it wasn't Yabu's glare, or Tsukada's glee, or Shintaro's horrified face that had Yuya's heart pounding.

It was the hurt, the tears in Daiki's eyes as he quickly flitted away from the door, fleeing the scene of Yuya's crime.

Hasshi's arms tightened protectively around him and while the touch was comforting, Yuya felt so disgusting. He had hurt Daiki in a way no one should be hurt. Somehow, it was a relief...but it made him feel horrible.

Yet Hasshi was still here, holding him, not moving despite the fact that Yuya's leader was bearing down on them both...It made Yuya fall just a bit more hopelessly in love with him. Not even Daiki's heartbreak could make it stop.

VI.

When Hasshi picked him up from JUMP's dressing room, Daiki ran out of the room, probably crying. Yuya sighed, wishing things were different, but knowing it was selfish to want Daiki to be okay with his hooking up with Hasshi officially now.

Surprisingly though, Daiki seemed to be the only one truly unhappy about the cheating thing. When Yuya had tentatively asked the others about it, Yuto and Yamada had merely shrugged in reply before saying that it was life and life happened. (“Just like shit happens.” Yamada had said, matter of factly.)

Ryutaroh was more angry about Shintaroh's seeing the costume room incident then about the incident itself. (“He's just a kid, Takaki-chan, seriously, he didn't need to see you and Hasshi-kun doing ANYTHING!”)

Keito, Hikaru, and Inoo all had similar answers. “You weren't making each other happy.” Keito said sympathetically. “The fighting was awful...” Inoo agreed. “I thought it was okay...but honestly, in the end, you two were driving me insane.” Hikaru added. They all agreed that what he'd done wasn't right...but the end result was probably for the best. “Daiki will heal...you just have to give him time and understand that the two of you are probably never going to be the same.” Inoo told him after a quick hug.

When asked, Chinen just curled up on the older boy's lap, pressing his cheek against Yuya's. “That wasn't nice, Yuuyan....but you weren't happy. Yuuri would rather you were happy...”

Yabu's answer was perhaps the most painful for Yuya. “Truly, Yuya...I'm not surprised.” Yuya glanced down, avoiding his leader's serious gaze. “Not just the break up, but the cheating as well.You two are far too impulsive.” Yabu went on, not being harsh, just honest. “Especially you. You don't think about things, you just do what first comes to you.”

Yuya mumbled a soft apology, squirming as Yabu continued. “I also knew Hasshi still had feelings for you...and why he broke up with you in the first place. That got Yuya peeking up at him in curiosity but Yabu shook his head. “That's for Hasshi to tell you...I am glad that at least he's a few years older, he can handle you better.” A brief smile before the reprimand continued.

“This isn't me saying what you did was right, because it wasn't, Yuya. You did something very wrong and while I can understand why, I expected more of you.” The words stung and Yuya felt he was going to cry, though he tried his best not to. He deserved this, anyways. “Daiki may never forgive you for what you did and maybe he will. In any case, you've hurt JUMP in more way then one...I hope you think things through better the next time something happens.” This was why Yabu was a leader, Yuya decided. Despite only being just a bit older then Yuya, he knew what to say and how to say it make it the most effective. Yuya was crying, but he knew, he prayed, that he would do better then he had done.

He accepted this reality, he decided, as he dashed to hug Hasshi. It hurt to know that he'd lost Daiki's friendship. He also felt bad for missing that and not the relationship, but that was something else he accepted. He'd made mistakes, he'd done something wrong, he'd hurt people. But he was only human. He would never be perfect, but he knew he'd try to be better. Someday, maybe, Daiki would forgive him and they could be friends again.

For now, he'd try hard to stand on his own, not relying on anyone too much, not even Hasshi, the boy twirling him around, whispering a few sweet nothings that had Yuya blushing and falling harder.

________________________
A/N: Aiyaaaa! I'm not sure what to think of this fic....What do you guys think?

r: r, #one-shot, c: arioka daiki, c: takaki yuya, c: hashimoto ryousuke, !fanfiction

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