(no subject)
Well, I spent a good part of the day out looking for a car. Didn't find
anything, but I kinda enjoyed the time to talk to my dad. Don't get so
many chances for that. Might be going to the beach tomorrow too, and
that I look forward to. The rest of my day so far has been spent..
well....
I sat on the couch.. stirring my cup of noodles. Lost in my own thoughts. Nobody else was home, my parents were out shopping and what not. My brother, he was out at an open house for a classmate. A girl, which he had an unrequited love for. But happened to be engaged to one of his best friends. I just stared at my cup noodles, as the steam rose from it.
One thought..
Flowed to the next...
And then they changed to...
Him.
Why haven't I heard from you?
Are you okay?
Have you... forgotten me?
I silently poked at the noodles, and a tear slid down my cheek. I was pretty much ignoring the anime I had playing in the background. Something that I usually enjoyed, but my mind was pre-occupied.
Do you miss me?
Are you thinking of me too..?
Why do I have to miss you so much?
Why do I let myself get caught up in this?
I told myself... I'd never let myself fall in love.. again.
I'm stupid.
STUPID.
Now I'm vulnerable.. at the mercy of every word.. thought... move of someone.
Someone I may never even see again.
My very emotion and happiness wrapped around the finger of a guy I've never really even met. Like the red thread of fate, that binds two people together. Enishi.
Why.. why... WHY?
Why do I keep chasing after you...
Am I that obsessed.. wrapped up in you.. that I can't...
I can't go on without?
I feel like an idiot...
IDIOT
I'm so sick of it
SICK OF IT ALL
But...
I love you.
I love you...
I nibble at my noodles as the thoughts continue. My dogs bark.. beg, but I ignore them--for the most part atleast.
I wish...
You were here..
No.
More than that...
More than anything...
I just wanna know you're okay, that everything's okay.
Do you love me..
Do you still love me...
It doesn't matter if we're only friends
It doesn't really matter..
Does it?
No, I just don't wanna..
I couldn't stand it if I lost you.
I finish my noodles, scraping up the last bit and then toss the cup down to my dogs. I can hear the rain falling outside.. My mind is in a jumble. One side of me, arguing with the next. The side of me that cares so much about you, that I put my happiness below that of yours. The side of me that wants to always see you happy, and wants to know you are okay. Versus the other side of me, the one that doesnt want to get hurt. The selfish side, that wants to make sure that I am happy. I hate that side, but that doesn't make it go away.
I hope you are okay.. happy.
(But what if he's happy, but that means he's happy with another girl. And has forgotten you?)
But.. I'm happy, if he's happy. It's all that matters.
(Is it? Could you really be happy.. knowing you aren't the one that made him happy? You lost, he picked someone else.)
No. That's all that matters. Stop this!
(You know it's getting to you.. so admit it, you're selfish.)
I love him I do. YOU'RE WRONG.
Just shut up...
...
Silence...
And then...
Flowing.. like
My thoughts..
My tears..
My words.. out to you.
In hopes that somehow they could reach you.
I shouldn't have put this anime on. One about distance in a relationship.. and the pain and hurt that comes with it.
Please come back to me..
Please, tell me it's alright
Please, tell me you still care
Please, tell me you love me.. once more.
I wiped away a tear, and patted my dog. Who was now leaning against me, looking up as though worried about me.
"If one thought.. one thought could reach you.. what would it be..."
"I'm here."
The words flow from the screen, sinking deep into my heart.
I'm here...
But where are you?
......
*sigh*
If only thoughts, could be responded to.
But it's not that simple
I know.
I'll be here... waiting...
If you come look..
You'll find me here.
I'll be waiting.. for you...
Heh, how very FF VIII. But I'm not in a field of flowers, surrounded in sunlight.. like a movie scene. But I'm here just the same..
I wont give up
Because I love you..
But...
Don't give me a reason to give up hope, when it's all I have?
I continued to sit as the credits rolled, and it reverted to the menu screen. Looping the same music, over.. and over... like a broken record.
The same way that..
The same thoughts kept repeating again and again inside my head.
Don't forget me..
I won't forget you.
I promise..
Because I love you.
I love you.
Later all....
Jen
I sat on the couch.. stirring my cup of noodles. Lost in my own thoughts. Nobody else was home, my parents were out shopping and what not. My brother, he was out at an open house for a classmate. A girl, which he had an unrequited love for. But happened to be engaged to one of his best friends. I just stared at my cup noodles, as the steam rose from it.
One thought..
Flowed to the next...
And then they changed to...
Him.
Why haven't I heard from you?
Are you okay?
Have you... forgotten me?
I silently poked at the noodles, and a tear slid down my cheek. I was pretty much ignoring the anime I had playing in the background. Something that I usually enjoyed, but my mind was pre-occupied.
Do you miss me?
Are you thinking of me too..?
Why do I have to miss you so much?
Why do I let myself get caught up in this?
I told myself... I'd never let myself fall in love.. again.
I'm stupid.
STUPID.
Now I'm vulnerable.. at the mercy of every word.. thought... move of someone.
Someone I may never even see again.
My very emotion and happiness wrapped around the finger of a guy I've never really even met. Like the red thread of fate, that binds two people together. Enishi.
Why.. why... WHY?
Why do I keep chasing after you...
Am I that obsessed.. wrapped up in you.. that I can't...
I can't go on without?
I feel like an idiot...
IDIOT
I'm so sick of it
SICK OF IT ALL
But...
I love you.
I love you...
I nibble at my noodles as the thoughts continue. My dogs bark.. beg, but I ignore them--for the most part atleast.
I wish...
You were here..
No.
More than that...
More than anything...
I just wanna know you're okay, that everything's okay.
Do you love me..
Do you still love me...
It doesn't matter if we're only friends
It doesn't really matter..
Does it?
No, I just don't wanna..
I couldn't stand it if I lost you.
I finish my noodles, scraping up the last bit and then toss the cup down to my dogs. I can hear the rain falling outside.. My mind is in a jumble. One side of me, arguing with the next. The side of me that cares so much about you, that I put my happiness below that of yours. The side of me that wants to always see you happy, and wants to know you are okay. Versus the other side of me, the one that doesnt want to get hurt. The selfish side, that wants to make sure that I am happy. I hate that side, but that doesn't make it go away.
I hope you are okay.. happy.
(But what if he's happy, but that means he's happy with another girl. And has forgotten you?)
But.. I'm happy, if he's happy. It's all that matters.
(Is it? Could you really be happy.. knowing you aren't the one that made him happy? You lost, he picked someone else.)
No. That's all that matters. Stop this!
(You know it's getting to you.. so admit it, you're selfish.)
I love him I do. YOU'RE WRONG.
Just shut up...
...
Silence...
And then...
Flowing.. like
My thoughts..
My tears..
My words.. out to you.
In hopes that somehow they could reach you.
I shouldn't have put this anime on. One about distance in a relationship.. and the pain and hurt that comes with it.
Please come back to me..
Please, tell me it's alright
Please, tell me you still care
Please, tell me you love me.. once more.
I wiped away a tear, and patted my dog. Who was now leaning against me, looking up as though worried about me.
"If one thought.. one thought could reach you.. what would it be..."
"I'm here."
The words flow from the screen, sinking deep into my heart.
I'm here...
But where are you?
......
*sigh*
If only thoughts, could be responded to.
But it's not that simple
I know.
I'll be here... waiting...
If you come look..
You'll find me here.
I'll be waiting.. for you...
Heh, how very FF VIII. But I'm not in a field of flowers, surrounded in sunlight.. like a movie scene. But I'm here just the same..
I wont give up
Because I love you..
But...
Don't give me a reason to give up hope, when it's all I have?
I continued to sit as the credits rolled, and it reverted to the menu screen. Looping the same music, over.. and over... like a broken record.
The same way that..
The same thoughts kept repeating again and again inside my head.
Don't forget me..
I won't forget you.
I promise..
Because I love you.
I love you.
Later all....
Jen