spn 5x1-5x4
Y’all, Sam Winchester is a life-ruiner. He ruins people’s lives. And by “people,” I mostly mean “me.” I was about as motherfucking useless as a useless motherfucker throughout RL all day today because I was fretting over my dear doomed boy. (That, and I was having a particularly good rack day, which is always a little distracting. I can’t really pin that bit on Sammy, though.)
Because he’s fucked. He’s just boned. And it’s definitely enough his fault that he really doesn’t deserve my sympathy, which naturally means he has it EVEN MORE. For lo, on that day, a type was had, and though the skeptics did look, they found not a single fuck, for none were given.
I’m really stoked at how the show looks like it’s going to follow through on his flawless tragic flaw. He’s tempted by the demon blood; he’s tempted to put some of the regret on his demon blood dependence; he resists doing both of those things, but only just. He understands that it’s not the blood itself that’s the problem - it’s not even the power - it’s that he has no idea how to use it. He’s right that hunting’s not the problem but he’s in no shape to be doing it, but at the same time, what, the ANTICHRIST is just going to go AVOID DEMONS during the APOCALYPSE? No pitfalls in that genius plan, Sammy.
The episode with War is brilliantly done for him, how he goes straight for the hardass dramatic solution - ARM ALL THE FREAKED-OUT CIVILIANS - and it’s probably the least bad course of action, and those people do deserve the chance to depend themselves, but even after everything he’s so sure he’s right he doesn’t think through the pitfalls. If he and Dean knew how to communicate they could be brilliant, because Dean could put the brakes on him and he could push Dean into acting before it’s too late, but they don’t trust each other. And it’s all set against the backdrop of mistrust and misunderstanding having the worst of consequences.
He’s so lonely. He’s so fucking lonely. He doesn’t deny needing people in the way I think Dean denies it, and I think he’s learning his lesson about dividing every human experience into strengths and liabilities, but he’s just got nothing except the voices in his head. All he’s got is Dean, who never knew him and never will and doesn’t even want him anymore and deservedly so. So when Lucifer comes, he doesn’t know what it is, but he knows it’s not Jess, and he doesn’t even care, because he needs someone, even if it’s not real.
And OH FUCK, Sammy, you thought things were bad before. I could not even deal with Dean meeting Lucifer!Sam. Because - you won’t die. You won’t age. You will be with me - Sam will say yes and become the devil, because it’ll be the only choice Lucifer will leave him, because he tried to Screw Destiny once and look how that turned out, because on some level he wants to let Dean end him, because he’s a freak and monster anyway so fuck it.
(Presumably that’s what the Bobby thing was about, that people can fight off possession a little bit? I don’t like how that changes the worldbuilding, because I’m really leery of implicating people who’ve been possessed in the crimes the monster exploiting them committed, I don’t trust the show to handle that well. But it’d fit into Sam’s arc, if he has to take Lucifer into himself to fight him. NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS DOLLHOUSE, WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS WAS DOLLHOUSE.)
I found Dean’s parts throughout these episodes a lot more sympathetic and a lot more cohesive than I did throughout S4, so that’s a positive sign. He’s regaining his confidence in the persona, in the hard edges and delightful quips, but there’s a coldness and brutality to it that he’s never had before. (Though, poor boo, scared of planes and then he gets THROWN INTO A CRASHING PLANE by THE DEVIL. That’s gotta smart.)
I was sympathetic even to his bullshit rationalizations with Sam, because I could tell exactly where they were coming from. “We should stay apart, because that will stop our adversaries who can TELEPORT ANYONE ANYWHERE.” Dean clearly needs some time alone to deal with his ish. That’s OKAY. But he needs to be honest with Sam and with himself, if not because he should then at least because he shouldn’t let THE ANTICHRIST go off the edge AGAIN. He’s not better off alone forever, obviously, as he finds out - he needs people to bond with and protect. But he needs a little time from Sam right now, and that’s okay. But even that shakes his worldview, because if the protector gig isn’t all or nothing, then OH FUCK, what has he even been doing, trying to obliterate himself in it?
I’m not sure I should take Dean’s whole vision on face value, though he certainly seems to take it as the future. I don’t know if I want to shake him for not listening to maybe-future-self and still turning down Zachariah? Because he’s right not to trust the angels, of course, and I especially can’t blame him for it given - everything, but still, he has every reason to understand the potential consequences now and he still is too fucking stubborn and blinkered to deal with it. Let the world collapse, just BACK UP OUT HIS GRILL.
The part I did believe, though? WE KINDA LIKED IT. Dean, please have some legit non-douchebaggy sexuality going on this season? Please?
Preferably with CAS. I take back every bad thing I ever said about rom-coms. I want Dean and Cas to have the big swelling music as they run at each other in front of a bursting fountain and make stupid quips. I’m not even kidding. Okay, I’m a little bit kidding, I actually want it to be some Sound of Music shit where they’re twirling in the fields. They make each other happy! They go all COME AT ME BRO to archangels! BERT AND ERNIE ARE GAY AND YOU’RE NOT DYING A VIRGIN ON MY WATCH. LALALALA, I love shows that love my ships.
I can’t even bring myself to try to explain my FLAIL over Castiel. Angels are super-literal, THAT’S JUST HOW THEY ROLL, and now Cas has to navigate that as a double agent among humans, until he becomes human. I just. I can’t. I figured I was going to love him but. JOY. MY WHOLE HEART.
Time for one episode before bed. ONE. I would just spend that time fretting anyway, and whatever, I COULD TOTALLY STOP I JUST DON’T WANT TO.