Funny mX "Overheard" Tidbits
All the following tidbits were taken from various issues of mX in Brisbane. Enjoy - I sure did! :)
Girl: "Besides inventing cricket, what good did Hitler do?"
Guy: "Hitler didn't invent cricket, Mahatma Gandhi did."
Girl: "I didn't know Michael Jackson was adopted."
Friend: "He isn't."
Girl: "Yeah he is, his family are black."
At the baptismal font at St Paul's Cathedral in Melbourne: "So is this where Jesus was baptised?"
Boy: "The price of Pepsi Max went up because of the economy. Apparently it's to do with the price of sugar."
Girl: "Did it really?"
Mum (boasting about her son to another mum): "He's 14 in August this year, then turns 15 next year in August."
Train driver: "Attention passengers. Train doors, unlike lift doors, will not reopen if you get stuck between them."
Girl: "Once, when the train doors were closing, I thought my foot was sticking out, so I leant forward to check and the door closed on my head."
Girl: "What's haemophilia?"
Friend: "Someone who has sex with dead people."
Friend 1: "What's your favourite Michael Jackson song?"
Friend 2: "Moonwalk by Billie Jean."
Girl: "So, who wears the relationship in your pants?"
Guy: "What's the capital of India?"
Girl: "Bangladesh? Wait, that's the capital of Sri Lanka."
Woman: "Mosquitoes are so perverted. They bite you in the weirdest spots. Then you think, how on earth did they get there?"
Computer girl: "Do Macs hide their 'on' buttons just to make PC people feel inadequate? I thought it might be sound-activated, so I even tried clapping."
Boyfriend to girlfriend: "Is your sister hot or does she look like you?"
Girlfriend: "No, she looks like me."
Serious boy: "I'm nearly 20, and 20 is nearly 40 and 40 is nearly 80 and 80 is nearly dead. I'm nearly dead!"
Gen Y guy wearing facemask to girl: "Swine flu is like so overrated."
Girl: "So is Jeff short for Stephen?"
Asian boy to friends: "I'm not a slut. I'm just slutty."
Guy: "The only reason to have a kid is for slavery."
Girlfriend: "Yeah! Let's call our kids minions. Minion One and Minion Two, go clean the kitchen."
Woman: "Is this Bruno guy Sonny and Cher's son?"
Man: "Yeah, from when they were married, Sonny Bruno, that's his surname."
Woman: "Didn't he used to be a woman?"
Guy: "What's the value of pi?"
Friend: "About $2.50?"
Train driver arriving at station: "We've just overshot the platform by about one carriage, so anyone who wants to get off should move to the second carriage."
Girl: "How was your night out on the boat?"
Friend: "Good, except I got really bad travel and emotion sickness."
Girl: "Do you reckon Iceland is really cold?"
Friend: "Yeah, like Greenland is green, stupid."
Girl: "Look at the hot guy that just walked past us. He seems to know you."
Friend: "Yeah, he should. He's my father."
Girl studying wars: "What's socialism?"
Friend: "Paris Hilton is a socialist, but that's got nothing to do with war. Maybe socialism is someone who's socially involved in war."
Boy: "Pfft, this person thinks Martin Luther King is Michael Jackson?"
Girl: "Huh! Everyone knows he's that 'sting like a bee' boxer."
Guy: "What's that movie called where Denzel plays a black man?"
Boy: "Sorry, what was Pythagoras's surname?"
Girl: "Isn't it Theorem? Pythagoras Theorem, right?"
Guy: "You're gettina blood transfusion? What if you get blood from a smart person? Do you think you will start talking French and shit?"
Girl on the phone: "My name is spelt L-A-U-R-A. Wait, that's not how you spell it."
Boy: "He is really quite intelligent, but not in an intellectual way."
Girl: "I love the way whenever my partner speaks to me he start with 'fair lady'."
Man: "I'm sure he used to be a bus driver."
Woman: "Help me. I have sunglasses anorexia."
Guy: "So why do you eat so much rice?"
Asian girl: (rolling eyes) "Cause like in the olden days Ireland was too far away to import potatoes."
Girl: "They say a sneeze is an eighth of an orgasm, you know."
Friend: "Yeah? That must be why he's always sneezing. He's such a horndog."
Girl running on to train: "Phew, if I was any bigger, I would've missed that."
Boy on mobile: "I said I loved her. And she said: 'Which head is that coming from?'"
Girl: "When I was small, I thought testicles were like octopus tentacles. They just whoosh!"
Girl: "I always remember things, but then I forget."
Guy: "My friend quit on a Thursday and got Friday off. I'm gonna quit early in the week so I get the whole rest of the week off."
Girl: "I know so many people whose names end with E."
Friend: "Yeah, I know, like Felicity, Britney, Shelly."
Train announcer: "Next station Valley, Chinatown."
Girl: "Chinatown? Isn't China in, like, Japan?"
Friend: "China is in China."
Train announcer: "Please note that this is a train station, not a play station."
Girl 1: "Hey did you watch Eurovision last week?"
Girl 2: "Nah. How did Japan go?"
Girl: "Excuse me, are you even listening to me?"
Boy: "Sorry, I was checking myself out in the window."
Girl: "Why are you always doing that?"
Boy: "I dunno. I just catch a glimpse of myself and I can't stop staring."
Guy on mobile: "Don't forget, we are not salt. You can play in the rain."
Girl: "If you have herpes can you donate blood?"
Friend: "Well you can still get laser hair remova, so I don't see why not."
Girl: "OK. Good. (Silence) Oh, I don't have herpes. I was just curious."
"Isn't Nelson Mandela the boxer?"
"Is it true that a blonde has more chance of getting electrocuted from touching an electric fence than a brunette?"
Hungover guy: "I've got a massive hungover today."
Friend: "You know it's not the alcohol that gives you a hangover, it's all the cola you drink with it."
Guy: "lima, echo golf, sierra 11 at 10 o'clock."
Friend: "Aaaafirm."
Girl on train: "You know that boy band?"
Friend: "Which one?"
Girl: "You know, U2"
Girl: "I hope that chick gets pulled over by the ambulance for speeding."
Girl to friends: "I was just thinking how all together we're like the perfect woman. Haylz is just hot all over, Mel's got the eawesome legs, I've got the great boobs. What have you got to offer, Meagan?"
Meagan: (obviously offended) "Um, the face?"
Girl: (Pauses to think) "No, you don't have that."
Guy: "What should I say to my girlfriend?"
Friend: "A year without you is a year without pain?"
Girl to friend: "If practice makes man perfect and nobody is perfect, then why practise?"
Boy on phone: "So what time is your curfew? Oh, OK, so it's 11pm. Maybe we can stretch it out to 10.30pm."
Boss: "Ooh, pre-cut cake."
Worker: "Yes, it was perforated."
Guy: "I sold my iPhone because 50 per cent of people have one."
Friend: "Well, maybe you should sell your genitals, too."
Girl: "If you do heaps of pilates will you look like Madonna?"
Friend: "I bloody hope not."
Schoolgirl: "This time I actually knew what I was doing. I, like, totally flunked the test, but I really knew what I was doing."
Girl 1: "What is marijuana?"
Girl 2: "It's a drug, but it's legal. You use it when your men don't get an erection."
Girl 1: "Oh shit."
Girl to friend: "It's freezing. I have four layers covering my chest and my nipples are still hard."
Schoolboy: "I do maths and chemistry. Does that make me a Scientologist?"
Girl 1 on bus: "Oh my God, I hate buses. I like had this dream once where I was like on a bus and it couldn't slow down or it would explode."
Girl 2: "Oh my God, how freaky. That would make an awesome movie."
Girl: "Does Hawaii use the same notes as the US? They share a border, but they're still a different country."
Girl to friend: "You go exactly the way you would go to get to my house, but the opposite."
Girl 1: "You know men are like a box of chocolates."
Girl 2: "You never know what you are going to get?"
Girl 1: "No. I always choose the shit ones."
Girl 2: "So true."
Girl: "Is the Pink Panther a dog or a cat?"
Girl 1: "What's another world for thesaurus?"
Girl 2: "I don't know. Use your dictionary."
On a recent trip to Melbourne, a tram driver: "Attention passengers, we will be sitting here for a minute or two." (Then a few seconds later as passengers are about to get off). "Cancel that. We are leaving now."
Guy: "I am half Cantonese, half Chinese and half Thai, so I guess that makes me a quarter Chinese."
Guy to girl: "What's your boyfriend's surname?"
Girl: "Bostani."
Guy: "So he's some kind of nationality then?"
Girl: "I'm hungry."
Guy: "I'm on the menu."
Girl: "But you're only a snack. I want a meal not a snack."
Girl 1: "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died?:
Girl 2: "Yeah, I did. I used to love that song Thriller Jean."
Girl: "Do fish get colds?"
Guy: "No, they don't have eyelids."
Girl: "What's that got to do with it?"
Guy: "Well, if they sneezed, their eyes would pop out, and you don't see many eyeless fish do you?"
Guy: "So, the Y chromosome? Is that why we're called Gen Y?"
Guy on packed train to guy trying to get in door: "You can get on, but your backpack can't."
Blonde girl: "I think I'd make a good air hostess because I'm tall and that's why they hire people because they can reach the overhead lockers."
Girl: "The train is so packed that I feel like a sardine in a vacuum-sealed bag."
Girl: "I cried during the Harry Potter trailer...It was emotional, OK?"
Guy running late to friend on the phone: "Do you think if I run inside a moving train I would get there faster?"
Girl to friend: "You're perfect for each other. You're like Jack and Jill. Oh wait, they're brother and sister."
Girl on phone: "She's like, such a loser. I can't believe she forgot your birthday. OK, so it wasn't actually your birthday that day, but still."
Girl: "Who was the first person to walk on the moon?"
Friend: "I can't believe you don't know it was Sir Donald Bradman."
Guy on bus to friend: "Don't listen to him, he's a telepathical liar."
Girl: "Is Marco Polo the guy who made those shirts?"
Girl: "So what nationality is your boyfriend?"
Friend: "He's brown, so yeah."
Girl: "I mean half the world has read Twilight, haven't they? Because half the world is teenagers."
Guy: "Isn't that procrastinating?"
Friend: "What's procrastinating?"
Guy: "I dunno, but it sounds like masturbating."
Girl: "I'm sure. I'd bet my life on it. But I'm not 100 per cent, so I wouldn't bet anyone else's life."
Girl to redheaded boy: "Is your hair red or orange?"
Boy: "Orange."
Girl: "Why are you called red?"
Boy: "I don't know, but my hairdresser says it's auburn."
Trainee 1: "I think I did it wrong."
Trainee 2: "Ha! Hectic fail."
Trainee 3: "You idiot. It's not hectic; it's epic fail."
Trainer: "It's not an epic fail. It happens all the time."