Pondering on ritual
Okay, so this is cut because to the religious and strange nature of the post.
I have had an interesting relationship with the Navajo for a while now. It is all dapkagelek 's fault but that's okay. Because of him I started getting interested in pretty much everything about them. Now... the interesting thing for me is that around late 97 early 98 I started feeling the NEED to do a Blessingway ceremony. And the need was pretty intense.
What was a bit hard to deal with, in terms of getting over it, was that I am very, very aware that I am not Navajo, have no Navajo blood in me, can only say a few words in the language which I am probably pronouncing wrong, and don't even really live their faith. So I really didn't want to do one because I didn't want to offend. Yes, sometimes I do think of things like that. :P
Finally, things got too much and Jan 08 I had my first one. The last thing I expected it to have was power and impact. Needless to say I was quite wrong. There were several amazing responses andharmonylsc 's was perhaps the strongest. She was so into it I was using her to pace the Emergence story. That was really moving for me.
I just did my third poor white girl's version of the Blessingway and it was really strong. In addition to the usual Destination misfits, Magda was there with her squish and harmonylsc 's coven was there as well, since it was her house. I kind of figured that with six third degrees there and a couple of second's that this one would have some oomph. Of course, my having been liminal for half the day probably didn't help much either. Even the food I ate did little to bring me down.
So I did my usual thing of explaining to the new people what was going to occur and then got to it. Amazingly the explanation was not as long as the ritual (like it had been at the first one). Some of the changes I made to the ritual seemed to have a good deal of oomph. First off I had thomaswoof and wintermoon3 drumming a simple pulse beat throughout the ritual. My reasoning there is that between that and the rhythm of my voice I could lull people into a trance state and they would be able to waking dream the story. Apparently I was successful there.
The other change was writing a few more things to go at the end, to make the ending clearer and stronger. The opening was much stronger and I felt things settle with a very tangible whumph. Apparently that worked as well as kadollan began to cry at that point. She said she had been fine up until then and all of a sudden it hit her. That makes me feel good and weird at the same time.
The thing that has me pondernating is this, This ritual is perhaps one of the strongest things I have ever done and yet it isn't my faith. This is something I feel called to do but I also feel a bit dirty, like I am stealing someones culture. So I am at a loss on this. I feel great that they seem to just be getting better but I am also a bit worried about spiritual fallout because of using a living faith like this. I feel like the Holy Ones are okay with this but I still feel odd. I am certainly going to do this again but it does bother me that I came t this through such a different way and no yatalli has taught me anything. Sometimes I feel like a fraud.
Le sigh. I guess I will just see how the wheel turns on this one.
I have had an interesting relationship with the Navajo for a while now. It is all dapkagelek 's fault but that's okay. Because of him I started getting interested in pretty much everything about them. Now... the interesting thing for me is that around late 97 early 98 I started feeling the NEED to do a Blessingway ceremony. And the need was pretty intense.
What was a bit hard to deal with, in terms of getting over it, was that I am very, very aware that I am not Navajo, have no Navajo blood in me, can only say a few words in the language which I am probably pronouncing wrong, and don't even really live their faith. So I really didn't want to do one because I didn't want to offend. Yes, sometimes I do think of things like that. :P
Finally, things got too much and Jan 08 I had my first one. The last thing I expected it to have was power and impact. Needless to say I was quite wrong. There were several amazing responses andharmonylsc 's was perhaps the strongest. She was so into it I was using her to pace the Emergence story. That was really moving for me.
I just did my third poor white girl's version of the Blessingway and it was really strong. In addition to the usual Destination misfits, Magda was there with her squish and harmonylsc 's coven was there as well, since it was her house. I kind of figured that with six third degrees there and a couple of second's that this one would have some oomph. Of course, my having been liminal for half the day probably didn't help much either. Even the food I ate did little to bring me down.
So I did my usual thing of explaining to the new people what was going to occur and then got to it. Amazingly the explanation was not as long as the ritual (like it had been at the first one). Some of the changes I made to the ritual seemed to have a good deal of oomph. First off I had thomaswoof and wintermoon3 drumming a simple pulse beat throughout the ritual. My reasoning there is that between that and the rhythm of my voice I could lull people into a trance state and they would be able to waking dream the story. Apparently I was successful there.
The other change was writing a few more things to go at the end, to make the ending clearer and stronger. The opening was much stronger and I felt things settle with a very tangible whumph. Apparently that worked as well as kadollan began to cry at that point. She said she had been fine up until then and all of a sudden it hit her. That makes me feel good and weird at the same time.
The thing that has me pondernating is this, This ritual is perhaps one of the strongest things I have ever done and yet it isn't my faith. This is something I feel called to do but I also feel a bit dirty, like I am stealing someones culture. So I am at a loss on this. I feel great that they seem to just be getting better but I am also a bit worried about spiritual fallout because of using a living faith like this. I feel like the Holy Ones are okay with this but I still feel odd. I am certainly going to do this again but it does bother me that I came t this through such a different way and no yatalli has taught me anything. Sometimes I feel like a fraud.
Le sigh. I guess I will just see how the wheel turns on this one.